Hey it’s me, Chanyeol, this is a message... a message to you, my beloved Byun Baekhyun.

We have been through so much together, remember when we were kids? It was just you and me, "Chanyeol and Baekhyun," they would say... "The inseparable couple." We truly were weren't we? I'd steal your toy trucks and you'd eat my lunch, "Equivalent Exchange" you'd call it. Heh... then stage 3 rolled in so quickly and suddenly we were undergoing puberty. Remember when you asked out Jinah but she wouldn't even touch you because of that large pimple on your forehead? You would whine about it every day since I was in charge of not letting you pop it. Then around the first year of high school I shot up like a tree, you wouldn't talk to me because my voice dropped and yours didn't. It was sad, but you wouldn’t even look me in the eye for the rest of the year, and so I made some new friends… but I knew how antisocial you were and it hurt seeing you sit alone during lunches. You took up choir the second year of junior high, your voice only dropped two octaves, but still you burst through the music room's door during my guitar practice to laugh at me with that broken and nasally voice, rubbing it in my face chanting "My voice broke~ My voice broke~". Then Mr Zhang had to literally drag you out by the ear after you refused to leave. Everyone in the class was confused and silent as I laughed by myself, it felt good to have you talking to me again. Third year of junior high, you still didn’t have any friends so I dragged you over to meet my friends. It was awkward and I saw everyone struggling to smile as you let your stoic stare do the answering to their questions, but thank god they didn’t give up. The day you finally started talking was when Kris introduced his new girlfriend.

“Dump her.”

That was the first thing you said when he said her name, all you did was give her a mere glance and open your mouth. Kris was confused and the girl looked offended, you clicked your tongue and leaned over the table.

“She is very infamous around school, haven’t you heard of “The Lust Witch”? She goes around sleeping with guys, girls, teachers, basically everyone. If you still think it’s not true, then believe me when I say she offered to me off right after doing so with Jongin here.” You added and the girl went pale, Kris looked at Jongin, who sighed and admitted to it. Kris was infuriated as she pleaded it not true, he looked back us and you just said “Bros before hos” Kris dumped her on the spot and she ran away. While everyone else apologised to him, you laughed which triggered me to do so too. First year of senior high, you came out and said you were gay, I was excited for some reason that I didn’t know at the time, like hope had filled me for something I didn’t know I wished for. We talked about it to our friends and Jongin introduced you to his cousin, that’s how we met Kyungsoo. I saw the way you two clicked and it kind of hurt… a couple months later… you told me how you loved him. That was when I noticed my feelings for you. Every time you asked Kyungsoo out, you’d drag me along. As I watched you two hold hands or laugh together… I felt like I was suffocating, you must have noticed the pained look on my face one day that you actually stopped and offered to take me home. I said yes and we were on our way. When we got home I pretended to be sick just so you would stay longer and pamper me, yeah… I know I was being selfish but… I just couldn’t stand seeing you next to Kyungsoo. You guys dated through senior high… but when we were graduating you broke up with him and we were all so confused… you sat alone at our formal so I asked you to dance. It was a slow dance of course, why wouldn’t I waste the opportunity? You gave me this smile that I still can’t figure out now as I think back on it… and you held my hand to the dance floor. You wrapped your arms around my neck and swayed to the music, your addictive scent tingled my nose and my heart sored as you closed your eyes… that was the last time I saw you.

I graduated uni and opened my Ent Treats shop, day by day, teenagers, young adults, college students and such would come in and sit down for a slice of cake while I play them a song on my old guitar. Suddenly, a certain gold haired angel walked right in to order two servings of strawberry shortcake and two iced chocolates. I was shocked to see you again in so long, my heart leaped once again as you gave me that certain smile. Before I knew it we sat together and caught up quickly, snickering tasteless puns here and there while lacing our fingers together. Alas, our time together was up when two senior high girls walked in and to the counter. I stood and took there order while you happily escorted them to their seats. I gave them their order and sat on that wooden stool in front of them, my guitar on my knee and my pick between my fingers. I played the song we danced to at our formal, then suddenly you stood beside me and began to sing. It was so beautiful, I too was enchanted as you sung. We finished the song and the girls clapped, you blushed and bent down to hide your face in my neck. The next day you came back, and then the next, and the next. You dropped by my shop daily and I enjoyed it greatly.

But then there was the incident. There was a certain man that married my dear sister… I never trusted him from the start. The bastard cheated on her with seven other girls… seven. When she found out… she hung herself… but he just shrugged and said “She wasn’t all that great anyway.” I was so ing pissed. I drank, and drank, and drank. But the alcohol didn’t take my mind off the grief of my dead sister and his dastardly words, it only made me more aggressive. I stopped answering your calls once I was drunk and asked the bastard to come over for a “talk”. When he did I yelled at him, an empty bottle in one hand and words a slur. But what he said made the situation even worse.

“You should stop thinking about her, it will only bring you down.” He said and I snapped. I smashed the bottle over his head and swung the broken bottle his way, knocking him to the ground. If only I had locked the door… you walked into the room as I plunged the broken bottle into his chest, slashing and ing as his blood oozed from deep ugly gashes. Even as he was far from dead, I kept attacking his face. You tried to pull me away… but then I lashed out at you… spitting incoherent sentences mindlessly… I didn’t drop the bottle until I actually cut your arm. Your cries seemed to snap me back into reality. I realised that I killed a man… I ing killed a man… and I… I hurt you. I reached out to you with a bloody hand and my heart shattered as you flinched back. You ran away and I dropped to my knees… crying until I passed out on the filthy floor.

I woke up and the body was gone… the mess was gone… the smell of thick alcohol and metallic crimson was replaced with the sweet scent of you… but the guilt was still there. Weeks went on and I had not heard a word from you… until today… you sent me a letter this morning… I did not dare to open it. I do not deserve to read it... to pleasure myself in reading your messy and childish handwriting… to act like I never hurt you… so I will pay for my sin… I’m sorry I’ll never be able to read that letter Baek… but hopefully they will find this recorded message and give it to you, in hopes that you could forgive me. Can you hear it? The screaming… they are trying to get me to get down… but I won’t, not after everything.

I’m sorry I’ll never get to say this to your face but… Byun Baekhyun… I love you, and I’ll love you forever…

Goodbye.

End

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Thanks for reading~

((\( >3< )/))~ ~ ~ ~ <3