the start that meant the end.

‘Pleaaaase, oppa~? When do I ever ask you for a favor?!’

“How about yesterday, when you asked me to pick you up because you wanted to go shopping? Or last week when you asked me to bring you a souvenir from Thailand? Or—”

‘Aish, that’s enough!! That stuff is different, oppa! It’s not fair to compare them~! And I… aigoo I don’t have anyone else to ask, oppa… Unnie is going through a hard time right now and needs some help… plus you two know each other! See? You’re the best choice, oppa! My onlychoice’

Junhyung curses inwardly. Damn, Hyuna was good. Too good when she wanted to, in fact. Knowing she would get him if she put it like that, that little brat.

‘Oppa, pleaaase? It’s just a little favor!’

To Junhyung it was anything but little. In fact it was just about the last thing he would have expected to hear when he picked up Hyuna’s phone-call a few minutes ago. He had maybe expected to hear some random and endearing rambling about her own day, or maybe some whining about one thing or another—and if it was just about the last thing he would have expected to hear, then it was definitely the opposite of what he would have hoped to hear.

I mean—the girl he likes asking him to go out with another girl? Really? How unlucky must one be? He must have done something to piss the universe off today, no doubt.

It was just downright unbelievable. So Junhyung had voiced as much. Hyuna had then proceed to explain (in between her aegyo-filled begging, of course) that she was supposed to meet up with Goo Hara but an unexpected schedule put a stop to her plans, so it would be impossible for her to make it. That would have been okay any other day, but she had been looking forward to this outing to try and cheer Hara up, so she would feel terrible to dump her like this.

That still didn’t explain why she was calling Junhyung, though. And he would have loved to bug her about it until she caved in and confessed to what the two of them knew only too well, but Hyuna had been faster than his wit and had singlehandedly driven him up against a wall with her whining.

‘Oppa?’

She sounded so desperate. Ugh he could feel his will caving in already and mentally reprimands himself for his ever-present weakness to Hyuna. For better or for worse, he really couldn’t say no to her, could he?

He sighs, resigned and thoroughly defeated.

“Alright, Hyuna. You win. I’ll go and meet with Hara in your stead—”

‘Kya! You’re the best, oppa!!’

“—But this is not for free. You will have to make it up to me later, got it?” Junhyung adds, determined not to let Hyuna easily walk away from this while he did her bribing. Even so, there was already a smile trying to curve his lips as he issued his warning. If there was something as hard as saying no to Hyuna that was not being happy when she was. 

‘Anything you want, oppa!’

-

Despite Hyuna’s entirely too tempting promise, a few minutes after the call has ended Junhyung finds himself entertaining the thought of asking Doojoon to fill in for him. He knew Hara better than Junhyung, didn’t he? Plus he was friendlier and more articulate with words when it came to cheering someone up. His presence would without a doubt be more useful than Junhyung’s, and that was ultimately what Hyuna wanted, wasn’t it? Someone to make Hara enjoy herself and forget her problems for a while.

Doojoon fit that bill better than Junhyung, no doubt.

But then again Doojoon was trying to woo Gayoon, so pushing him to act as another girl’s emotional support (and Hara’s, at that) would probably do more harm than good in that regard.

… And Hyuna had entrusted him—not Doojoon, or anyone else for that matter—with the job. Which meant she thought he could fill in her shoes and help Hara out.

The idea of disappointing Hyuna is, as far as Junhyung is concerned, almost as loathsome as his soft-spot for her was.

So seeing no way out, Beast’s resident rapper goes to fetch a hoodie, a scarf and a pair of sunglasses for good measure (god forbid any fan or the media recognized him out there) and heads out to the place where Hyuna was supposed to meet up with Hara.

-

When he gets there almost an hour later he finds her already waiting. She is easy to recognize even with her hoodie on, and as he makes his way towards her he feels, well… utterly awkward. It was the first time he went out alone with Hara (whenever they had an outing there was always the whole of Beast and Kara involved) and if they got caught by anyone the kind of rumor it would entice is exactly the type Junhyung could do without. Plus, he wasn’t even the person Hara wanted to meet, anyway—hell, was she expecting him at all? He sure as hell hoped Hyuna had at least warned Hara about the change of plans, or else he would feel even sillier than he did right then as their eyes meet and he gingerly waves to her.

To his surprise Hara enthusiastically waves back and runs to meet him halfway. There are dark rings under her eyes but a bright smile on her face and while he thinks nothing of it, Junhyung can’t help but notice that she doesn’t look too disappointed to see him.

-

They take a walk around the mall as they talk about various things, mostly catching up onto what the other was up to. Hara asks question after question and Junhyung does his best to reply to as many as he can, despite his reserved nature. He understood what she was trying to do; angle the conversation away from her own troubles. And while he wouldn’t call her out on it (he had no right to do so) he made sure his own charade of playing along was obvious enough.

When the subject takes a sharp turn towards Beast’s own schedules and future projects Junhyung watches as Hara’s smile begins to stiffen and crumble before his eyes. The mood turns sour then, and Junhyung makes no effort to fix it. Hara obviously needed this—her behavior and Hyuna’s own eagerness over the phone indicated it—and so Junhyung sipped his coca-cola and waited.

The inevitable moment comes up as Hara munches on her ice-cream and mentions how it was Nicole’s favorite savor. Her eyes water and her fingers tremble, but her lips don’t stop moving as she talks and talks and lets it all out. The reason behind the dispute with the company, her feelings, her stand, Gyuri’s and Nicole’s own stands—Junhyung listens to everything without saying a single word, simply nodding at the right times and offering reassuring smiles and understanding looks whenever Hara looked for them.

It is only when she is done talking that Junhyung finally voices his own thoughts about the matter. He is blunt but tactful—doesn’t hold anything back but makes sure to not hurt her, even when pointing out the things that to him seemed like a mistake on her end. He hasn’t had a dispute like the one Kara was undergoing but he has separated himself from a group before, and while Heechul was even more reserved than Junhyung himself (specially about this, since it was still a touchy subject for the older man) whatever small comment he has made has helped Junhyung realize the emotional impact a dispute like this can have on the members of a group.

Somewhere through it all Hara stops looking at him and lowers her eyes instead, thoughtful. 

“… You’re right, oppa. I hadn’t really… looked at things like this.” She smiles, then. And the Hara that meets his eyes is different from the one he had seen up to that moment. For the first time since he had come to meet her, it seemed like her smile was truly genuine. “Thank you, oppa. Hearing that really helped… I feel a lot better now”

Junhyung can easily feel the weight of her thank you, so he smiles back and nods in acknowledgement, modestly adds a nothing to thank for, Hara, that’s what friends are for, right? for good measure, and while he would not dare to admit it aloud, he was honestly glad to have been of help to the younger girl. Not only because she obviously had been in need of someone to put things into perspective for her, but also because seeing the girl in higher spirits would make Hyuna happy. And a happy Hyuna was always a good thing in Junhyung’s book.

Hell, maybe she would even feel proud of him for managing to achieve this. Junhyung certainly wouldn’t mind that one bit. Especially not if it made her want to make up to him even more.

As if reading Hyuna’s name across his eyes, Hara brings her up in that very moment, smiling still.

“You know… I’m actually glad you came”

Junhyung arches one eyebrow, intrigued. “How so?”

“I mean, had Jing Jing Hyuna come we would have just… hung out. And laughed and laughed until I didn’t remember what I was sad about in the first place. But… well, you know… things would still be just as bad once I went back to being all by myself”

“Yeah, I get what you mean.” He acknowledges, nodding. And it’s kind of sad how he can’t help the smile that lightens up his features as he adds, “It’s hard to feel down when Hyuna’s around”

“Yup!”

Hara agrees with a small grin of her own before going back to sipping her soda. And Junhyung feels utterly pathetic for what he is about to do, but he can’t exactly help it. 

“Say, Hara…” He begins, clearing his throat in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Has Hyuna ever… talked to you about me?”

Hara’s reply comes so quickly that Junhyung is almost taken aback.

“Yeah, she talks about you a lot!”

Junhyung brightens up but tries to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible to save-face. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah! Like, oh I went shopping with Junhyung oppa the other day~! Or oh Junhyung oppa suggested I should rap like this, or I practiced today with Junhyung oppa~! You know, that kind of thing~” Hara smiles, oblivious to the change in Junhyung’s expression. “She appreciates you a lot.”

“Oh. I see.”

He was having a hard time keeping the disappointment from showing up in his features. That was not the kind of reply he was hoping for when he threw his pride aside and asked Hara about it; to make matters worse, the girl seemed to be honest. It really didn’t look like she was holding anything back to protect Hyuna’s privacy, instead it seemed like… she had really said all there was to say.

The thought makes something bitter fall and settle heavily on his gut. Even his unfinished second can of coca-cola didn’t taste as good anymore. Hyuna and Hara were close, weren’t they? He had heard Hyuna call her one of her best friends more than once, and she was the kind to gossip about guys.

So how come she hadn’t talked to Hara about him?

The possibilities are endless—and Junhyung downright hates more than half of them. So he forces himself to push the thoughts aside and concentrate on the girl sitting across from him, still looking at him with a cheerful smile on her pretty face.

-

That night Hara texts him to thank him for his company and for his help (thanks for hearing me out and giving me advice, oppa. I really did mean it when I said it made me feel a lot better), and two days later she calls him and invites him to grab a cup of coffee together.

Junhyung is no fan of coffee, but he has nothing better to do (and she did sound a bit down on the phone) so he agrees.

As things turns out they end up talking a little about everything. Her life, his life, her problems, his problems—and while some of his reserved nature still comes into play, Junhyung finds himself being considerably honest for a change.

He actually enjoys himself.

-

They agree to meet again the next day—this time on Junhyung’s request.

-

From then onward it becomes kind of a tradition to get together for some coffee at least once per week. It all happens so naturally that Junhyung himself doesn’t quite realize the routine he has fallen into—until he runs into Hyuna by mere chance as they make their way into Cube’s building almost two months later.

“Oppa!” She greets with a grin as big as the sunglasses she was sporting. “I haven’t seen you around lately, wanna hang out today?”

“Today?” Junhyung hesitates. Had it been any other day he would have agreed without a second thought—this was Hyuna, after all. But today was Thursday and he was supposed to meet up with Hara.

He tells Hyuna as much and helplessly watches the way her shoulders slouch.

“Oh.” Is all she says, and Junhyung clears his throat and offers her a smile.

“You can come along if you want, Hyuna”

Hyuna visibly cheers up. “Really?!”

His own smile widens and he finds that no matter how much time he spent without seeing her, the effect she had on him always remained the same.

It feels entirely too good to say, I’ll pick you up at 6 and the way Hyuna utters her I’ll see you then and casually brushes her hand against his as she walks by him feels even better.

As far as Junhyung was concerned, it was shaping up to be a great day.

-

As far as Hyuna was concerned, the day downright .

This was just… not what she had in mind when she agreed to go out with Junhyung and one of her best friends.

She never imagined she would feel so… left-out.

It had been okay, at first. Everything had been alright in the car, and everything had been alright when they finally met up with Hara. I’m glad you came, Hyuna-yah! It’ll be a lot of fun! Hara had said, and Hyuna had believed her—because this was Hara and Junhyung she was talking about, and when did she not have fun when she was with either of them?—The people she was with were a total receipt for an amazing day.

Except it was not.

Participating in their conversations gradually became increasingly harder, to the point where she had simply given up altogether and wasn’t even bothering to pretend she was listening anymore.

Instead she witnesses how Hara playfully punches Junhyung in the shoulder in a way that was too reminiscing of Junhyung and herself, and how she suddenly clings to Junhyung’s arm as if they were the best of friends (when had she become so familiar with him? Where had Hyuna been while it happened?) and Junhyung—he doesn’t seem to even mind.

Her heart feels heavy as do her footsteps, which eventually stop. But the older two don’t even seem to take any notice of it until she calls out to them.

“I think I feel sick… I want to go back to the dorm”

She feels childish but she doesn’t care. All she knows is that she wants to get away from them, and soon. already felt like it was starting to burn and she would be damned if she started crying in front of Junhyung for such stupid reasons.

For his part, Junhyung was giving her a concerned look. He gives a step in her direction out of reflex, but Hara’s absentminded hold on his arm doesn’t bulge as she asks worriedly, “Sick? Did you catch the flu, Hyuna? Are you feeling too unwell?”

The younger girl shakes her head, softly but resolutely. “It’s not that bad unnie, don’t worry. But… I really want to go back home just in case”

“I’ll take you home, Hyuna-yah”

“You don’t have to, oppa… I can just take a cab”

“Nonsense” He says as he comes to stand before her and gives her one of those pretty smiles of his. “If I were to let you leave on your own like this, I’d be worried”

Despite her guilt (crashing his plans hadn’t been her intention, but she would be a liar if she said she wasn’t happy with his offer), Hyuna finds herself returning his smile. “Alright, oppa… Thank you~”

“Idiot, what have I told you about thanking me for trivial things like these?” Nags Junhyung, and for a moment Hyuna allows herself to think that things were back to normal. Maybe they had been normal all along. Maybe she had just overreacted.

… And then Hara calls Junhyung back, pouting.

“So that means no midnight coffee today, huh?”

He turns towards her with an apologetic smile. “I guess not. Sorry, Hara-yah. I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better! And you better get Hyuna home in one piece, or I’ll kick your , oppa~!”

Her friend warns with a wide grin, and the chuckle it elicits on Junhyung makes Hyuna feel like crying.

-

“Are you sure you’re okay, Hyuna? You haven’t been working yourself sick again, have you?”

She reaches out and gives his hand a reassuring squeeze, smiling tightly. “No~ we actually haven’t had to practice much this week. It’s kind of boring”

“Heh, you should make the best of it, though. Once your promotion in Japan kicks off again, you’ll be busy as hell”

“Yeah… maybe you’re right, oppa”

“When am I not?”

A smile draws itself across Hyuna’s lips. Her shoulders relax.

"Aigoo I wish you guys would promote in Japan at the same time as us~ not having you guys around gets kind of boring, too” She looks at him from the corner of her eye, her lips pursed in one of her classic Jing Jing gestures,

“Well, someone has to take care of Korea while you girls are gone, right?” Junhyung smoothly replies as he opens the door of his car for her, and Hyuna has to resist the urge to smack him as she gets in. Said urge vanishes however with Junhyung’s next words, uttered right before he closes the door of the passenger’s seat.

“But I miss you, too”

That Junhyung. He was quite something.

The way he could make Hyuna’s eyes light up like bonfires attested to that.

-

Fifteen minutes later—as Junhyung makes her listen to his favorite tracks of the new CD he had bought and they drive past Seoul’s streets, Hyuna makes a single question. A single request.

“Ne, oppa… can we drive around like this for a while?”

Junhyung arches one eyebrow, confused but pleased all the same. “I thought you felt sick?”

“I… feel a lot better now.”

The rapper blinks, feeling like there was something quite there for him to grasp in Hyuna’s wistful smile if he would only dare to outstretch his hand.

He doesn’t, though. Lets its meaning and any thought about it slide like water down a glass.

-

The road that would have usually amounted to a mere 30 minutes lasts almost 3 hours, and while he is somewhat sleepy when he gets to Beast’s dorm, the placid feeling of fulfillment lingering upon him was much stronger.

When his phone vibrates he expects it to be the girl he had just dropped at her dorm—she had forgotten her hoodie in his car, after all (no that she wouldn’t have found another excuse to call him even if she hadn’t, that Hyuna)—and is rather surprised when he sees another name flashing on the screen.

“Yo, oppa~ How’s my dear dongsaeng doing?”

Somewhere inside of him there’s a part that wonders why wasn’t Hara calling Hyuna herself instead. But as he fumbles with the keys of the apartment, the intuitive part of him is all too easy to ignore. “She’s good, don’t worry, Hara-yah! I actually dropped her at her dorm just now”

“Oh. Is that so…?”

Hara asks, quietly, and for the second time that night Junhyung feels like there was something he was missing.

-

A month goes by between that day and the next time they meet. They go out to an amusement park in Hara’s request, and while he spends a good chunk of their outing stressing over making sure no one could recognize them, he ends up having a good time either way.

He was just thinking about that when Hara reminds him that he still has to make up for her, for that coffee night they had missed a month ago.

Junhyung frowns.

“I thought this was me making up for that?”

“Sorry, but nope~! You have to do something else, I’m afraid~”

She teases.

(and looking back to this moment, Junhyung things he should have seen what was coming in the way she smiled up at him)

“Like what?”

He asks, curious—and his reply comes in the most unexpected of fashions.

It is so unexpected that he remains frozen even as her lips begin to move against his own.

When the kiss ends a puzzled Junhyung can do nothing but be cliché, because really—

“What was that for?”

“Oh, it was a lot of things, really! Like, my thanks for everything you’ve done for me. And my payback for dumping me the other night. Oh, and also—!”

For a moment Junhyung thinks she’s going to kiss him again, but Hara just leans in to whisper something in his ear—something that makes his mind go blank.

“I like you, Junhyung oppa”

-

I like you, Junhyung oppa.

The words he has been waiting for and longing to hear for the best part of two years were stated simply, bluntly—just like that.

But they weren’t said by the pair of lips he has been yearning for.

Junhyung has that fact clear as day. Hell, it’s the only thing he has clear as he hears her words.

He should tell Hara just as much. He should.

But instead of doing that he finds his lips curving into a coy smile as he looks down at her, and wonders why she doesn’t look half as confused as he felt by his own silence.

-

He feels stupid. Retarded, even. How had he managed to miss all the signs? Had he really been that dead-set on playing dumb to Hara’s developing feelings? Had it been because he doesn’t like her that way and was trying to preserve a friendship he had come to appreciate? Or was it—?

Was it because he did like her back?

He wasn’t going to lie. He did find Hara attractive—who didn’t? And they obviously got along well. If he were to accept her confession, then things may actually work out between them.

It sounded so easy. It would have been that easy, weren’t it for a glaring fact.

She wasn’t the girl he wanted.

The girl he wanted was Hyuna.

The girl he has been pining after for what feels like forever was named Kim Hyuna, and despite her silence, Junhyung was sure as hell that Hyuna liked him back.

Because he knew her. He knew her inside and out, like the back of his hand.

… And that was the reason why he was not sure if things between them would work out. He knows Hyuna just as good as he knows himself—and as things are right now, there were many things playing against them if only they were to take things one step further. Too many things.

Junhyung has always been aware of them, always. But they had always seemed like obstacles they would be able to overcome with time. Wanting means being able to, right? And Junhyung wanted to. He sure as hell did. He always has.

His will had always seemed so powerful to him. Capable of overcoming anything. But after today—after those words, after that kiss—somehow, it didn’t feel so strong anymore. It felt entirely too… human.

For the first time in a long while Junhyung felt like his eyes were open again. He felt like he could think things thoroughly; put things into perspective without his feelings for Hyuna interfering.

He needs to—needs to see Hyuna. Needs to talk to her. Needs to weight whether she was ready for the hardships they would be enduring.

Needs to decide whether going the extra mile was truly worth taking the risk.

-

He doesn’t get to.

Doesn’t get to see her, doesn’t get to talk to her. She isn’t responding his messages and neither is she picking up his calls. Every attempt he makes is met with resounding silence, and just like that his search for Hyuna ends at an empty dead-end.

So he ends up making the decision by himself.

He backtracks, takes a sharp turn and begins to walk down the opposite side of the crossroad he had unknowingly positioned himself at.

Hara is waiting for him on the other side. A smile on her pretty face, her wide eyes warm with affection—and Junhyung doesn’t hesitate this time as he leans down and kisses her for all he is worth.

-

It is the very next day that Hyuna finally makes her reappearance. The fact that she chose to talk to him now out of all times felt like a cruel slap in the face to Junhyung, who can barely make himself look at her in the eyes.

“How are things going with Hara unnie?” She asks with a small smile, and Junhyung can only blink, flabbergasted.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Hara unnie likes you” Hyuna states with no space left for doubt, and Junhyung blinks again.

“How do you know?”

“She told me.” Her tight-lipped smile staggers. “… She also told me you like her back.”

It didn’t happen too often—but Junhyung was rendered at a complete loss of words.

She also told me you like her back

Whencould that have possibly happened? He had barely decided to give Hara a chance yesterday night, and Hyuna already knew about it? How could his luck be so ing rotten? He hadn’t even gotten the chance to talk to Hyuna about it! She will feel betrayed, hurt—She will feel—

“… And I see she was right.”

—heartbroken.

The brunette is still smiling, but her eyes are glistening and Junhyung knows damn well that it wasn’t out of happiness. “You do like her, don’t you, oppa?”

“I…” Junhyung looks for words. Looks and looks far and wide, but the truth is—there wasn’t anywhere to run to from here. He was cornered once again, cornered by Hyuna, by himself—and this time was somehow more painful than the last.

 “Yeah. I… I guess I do like her.”

It is the first time he has said it aloud. Not even Hara herself has gotten to hear such words yet.

And while he knows they are true—because they are—he can’t help but wish he could take them back, somehow.

“… I see”

“… I’m sorry, Hyuna”

He blurts out, even though he doesn’t have to—there was nothing between them. There had never been.

Except that couldn’t be farther from the truth, because there had once been a whole world of possibilities between them. A world he had been dying to explore but that had turned out to be too much for him and had managed to orbit out of his reach.

“Pft, what for? Get over yourself, oppa. I’m fine~ Why wouldn’t I be?” But she’s not, and her behavior showcases that truth even better than her tears would.

“Hyuna—”

She turns her back on him, as forcefully deaf as he had been blind.

“I’m happy for you two, I hope you’ll be happy together. Goodbye”

And though he wants to, he doesn’t have the heart nor the courage to call after her, because that goodbye—bloody hell, that goodbye—the sense of finality within it had crushed something inside him and he felt like he was gravity less. He felt like one step would send him crashing down.

So Junhyung lets her go, and Hyuna doesn’t—refuses to—look back.

-

Hara calls him again that night. And somewhere between their hellos and good nights Junhyung desperately wants to ask—why did you tell Hyuna? When did you tell Hyuna?—but doing so would mean thinking about her and it was still too raw, too painful.

So Junhyung plays pretend over and over until he forgets he was pretending to pretend in the first place.

.