He had loved her, once. That was the F a c t.

He was over her, now. Such was the F i c t i o n.

-

-

nothing but the truth

Junhyung waves as he scans the approaching girls, noticing all too easily the figure that was missing to complete the group of five. He smiles as they say hi and asks how was their practice doing, when did you guys get back from Japan, anyway? All the while debating whether he should—was it appropriate?—but at the end curiosity gets the better of him and he decides to ask either way.

“Uh, where’s Hyuna? How come she isn’t with you guys?”

“She couldn’t make it to practice today. She had some matters to attend to~” Explains Gayoon, and something in her tone makes Junhyung prod for information.

“Oh, a schedule?”

“Hmmm… I guess you could call it that”

“Ha, more like a date!” Sohyun blurts out, earning herself a smack on the head from Gayoon.

Alarm bells go off inside Junhyung’s head. His blood is suddenly running cold. “Wait. You don’t mean—?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not that jerk. Hyuna wants nothing to do with him anymore” Jiyoon dismisses easily, and Junhyung breathes in a sigh of relief.

“Oh. Good.” He says, and wonders why the relief doesn’t quite reach him. “So, who is it then?”

He asks in what he hopes is a casual way, and Gayoon simply offers him a shrug of her shoulders as reply before shifting her attention to her phone, her words deliberately vague.

“Oh, just this guy that has been frequenting her lately…”

“He’s a good guy, though.” Jihyun adds, with a tone of finality that would have made Junhyung arch his eyebrows hadn’t he known its meaning only too well.

“And he’s rich. Like, really rich!”

“Yah, that doesn’t matter! What matters is that Hyuna feels comfortable with him. I hope things go well today so that she’ll seriously consider dating him. She needs this, you know? What with her last bad experiences and all…” Gayoon gives him a telling look, “No offense, oppa”

The aforementioned boy smiles and lies all too easily, “None taken.”

“Uh… maybe you girls should drop the subject” Suggests Jihyun, biting her lip. “It must be… well, uncomfortable for Junhyung”

Jiyoon frowns, confused. “Uncomfortable why?”

“Yeah, why would it be uncomfortable for him whether Hyuna unnie dates or not? After all, oppa’s over her already. Right?”

It is more a statement rather than a question, but there is also a dare hanging from Sohyun’s words—she was testing him. They all were.

Junhyung can feel Jihyun turning towards him, her eyes observing him quietly—awaiting—but he doesn’t even flinch. His expression sort of freezes in that orchestrated pleasing smile he had gotten used to give them lately, and when he speaks that same smile melts and leaks into his words and helps them take a confident edge that echoed empty inside of him.

“Of course I am.”

-

-

.he fell for her.

It didn’t happen in the span of one night, no—au contraire, it was a very gradual process. Gradual enough to almost pass unnoticed. Almost, because Junhyung wasn’t clueless enough not to catch onto what was going on.

No, Junhyung was perfectly aware of the fact that he felt attracted to Hyuna and was warming up to the possibility that more than that, he probably did like her. But—

He just didn’t have a clue of how bad it was. And so, by the time he realizes it, there was nothing he could do to help it—there was no turning back.

He remembers it—the day he realized it for the first time—with such clarity that it felt as if it had been only yesterday that he had come out of his practice only to find Hyuna sitting outside of the room, leaning against the wall with her head hung low, her blonde hair and black hoodie hiding her face from his view. She was motionless, and the sight takes him so aback that it feels like his heart has stopped for a moment—and then she shifts and Junhyung realizes that she had only been sleeping. She was alright. She had not passed out again.

He does not move for a long moment, willing his pulse to calm as he breathes in deeply, relief flooding inside of him and leaving him almost dizzy—and when he feels like he has gotten a good hold of himself, he walks towards her and crouches down by her side, calling her name softly, as to not startle her—hyuna-yah, hey, hyuna—but she remains unresponsive. It’s only then that he realizes she had fallen asleep with her earphones on—he can’t help but to chuckle at that, she had almost worried him again for a moment there—and takes them off, carefully, and then he can’t help himself and reaches out to arrange her hair behind her ears. It’s soft to the touch and her skin is warm, and Junhyung feels his own skin prickle in response.

Hyuna stirs, then—and her slowly opening eyes widen as they land on him, who’s leaning so, so, close—but instead of inching away Hyuna smiles up at him and there is a dreamy quality to it, an emotion that makes Junhyung smile back.

Yah, what are you doing sleeping here, Hyuna? Shouldn’t you be at your dorm already?

Haha… I was waiting for you.

His throat clogs up.

For me?... Why?

I’ve barely seen you lately, oppa… aigoo… I know you’re busy but it’s not healthy to be such a workaholic, ya know? And aish… it’s just not fair…

What isn’t?

Hyuna’s smile widens, her eyes half-closed but still shining so brightly that Junhyung just cannot look away.

You not hanging out with me anymore, aigoo…

Demurely, a pair of fingers entwine with his.

… I miss you, oppa.

It hits him, then—then, as he stares into Hyuna’s bright eyes and her warm smile and feels her quick but soothing pulse through her fingertips, Junhyung realizes that, yeah—he  was quite possibly—most probably—in love with Kim Hyuna.

And with that realization came the cognizance of a very simple fact—

He was in too deep. It was already too late to turn back.

Or so he had thought.

-

-

Two hours go by and he is staring down at his phone helplessly, trying with all his might to resist the urge to text her. Why should he? He rarely texts her nowadays, and to do so now out of all times—now, as she was having a date—would be simply ridiculous.

He was being ridiculous.

He had no reasons to feel this apprehensive. Why should he? Sure, he was kind of overprotective of Hyuna—that he wouldn’t dare deny—but he had been told she was with a good guy. So that was good, wasn’t it?

It was good for her.

Definitely.

Just like Gayoon had said, this was just what Hyuna needed. A good guy that would devote himself to her and that could make her happy. As happy as she deserved to be. Maybe even happy enough to help her forget the times she got her heart broken in the past.

And that included her time with him.

Was that it? Was that the reason behind his uneasiness? Maybe somewhere, deep down, a part of him feared that Hyuna would forget all about him if she fell for someone else?

Ridiculous. Junhyung felt disgusted at the mere prospect that a part of him could harbor such selfish feelings. If there was something—someone he had never been selfish about, that was Hyuna. This was not the exception.

So there wasn’t any other possible explanation to his anxiety. It was simply his umma instinct kicking in about the girl he had always felt he must protect at all costs, no matter what, no matter from whom. If there was one thing that hadn’t changed in the slightest regardless how far apart they had drifted in the past couple of months, that was it.

And really, there is no way that anyone can blame him for feeling the way he is feeling right now. He doesn’t know the guy Hyuna is with, and the last time he had left her to her own devices, an had stepped in and had played with her delicate heart. His blood still boiled whenever he remembered that, and the thought of it happening again makes Junhyung want to kick something. Preferably that bastard Tae—

His phone vibrates. He has a new text message.

He knows who it is even before opening it, and he wills himself to smile as he reads it, after all—

It was from his girlfriend.

-

-

.he had loved her, once.

A week ago, his friend Goo Hara had confessed to him. I like you, she had said. As more than just a friend, she had clarified as Junhyung arched his eyebrows in confusion. It caught him by surprise and he had not been able to reply—when had she developed such feelings for him? As far as he knew he had never done anything to provoke them—but she had simply put a finger to his lips and smiled, I can wait.

Junhyung had wanted to tell her not to wait—not to wait because that is exactly what he has been doing for the last 14 months, and not for her. But the words did not come out and all he did is give her a weak nod and a smile, because deep down, he knew.

He was tired of waiting.

He was sick of it.

And this was his chance to put an end to it all. To end something that may not even have a future in the first place.

By the end of that fateful week, Junhyung had made his choice—so he gathers all of his courage and dials Hyuna’s number, asks her out to a coffee shop nearby and looks at her in the eye.

“Hyuna-yah, you know you’re special to me, right?”

Hyuna’s eyes brighten, and Junhyung knows what she feels even though she doesn’t say it. She never did.

“I know, oppa.”

“… And you know I only want what’s best for you, don’t you? Because we’re friends”

“I know~!”

She agrees easily, smiling radiantly. Completely missing the way he had just labeled their relationship—a bond that he had never dared to diminish with such common titles before this day.

Her innocence makes him hesitate, and it’s almost cruel how Hyuna’s own hand is the one that reaches out and squeezes his—go on, she seemed to be encouraging him with her touch and her eyes, and Junhyung wants to tell her to stop, or better yet, to stop him—because what she is about to hear is the opposite of what she was hoping for, and expecting.

But he can’t tell her that and neither can he stop, because he knows he shouldn’t.

“I want you to be happy, Hyuna. I really do. But…” Ah, really. Why was it so hard? Had he not already rehearsed the line countless of times in his mind?“… I don’t think I can make you happy”

Hyuna’s eyes widen. Junhyung’s throat dries up.

“Hyuna-yah… I think it’s better for us to remain friends.”

They had never really acknowledged what they were trying to do; get to know each other better, wait for the right moment to take that step into becoming more than just friends. They had never talked about it because it had been blatant enough for the two of them; actions spoke louder than words, was how the saying went, wasn’t it?

But words were necessary, too. A necessary pillar to cement the foundations they were building upon. And if Hyuna has not said anything yet—not in 14 months—then it meant only one thing:

She wasn’t ready.

She wasn’t ready for him.

And if she was not ready yet, despite all the time that had transpired, despite all the things that they had gone through together—then who said she would ever be?

Junhyung does not like uncertainty. He has had enough of it in his life already, and if there is one thing he doesn’t want to be uncertain of that is of where his heart lies.

He can’t trust Hyuna with it. Not anymore.

And this—that unexpected confession, that bond that had developed in ways he had not foreseen—may be his only chance to break away from it all, before either of them had the chance to get really hurt.

“Oppa… why?”

“We’re too different, Hyuna-yah… it just wouldn’t work”

She remains as silent as the tears that begin to slide down her cheeks. Her hand is no longer squeezing his, and Junhyung’s fingers feel cold, a sensation that contrasts the fire that seemed to be burning up inside of his tightened chest. He does not think he has ever felt as lonely as he does right there, sitting across from Hyuna and watching her cry, his nails sinking into the tender flesh of his palms as he fought with all his might against the urge to hold her, hopelessly searching for the right thing—anything—to say to her—until it becomes too unbearable to stay as his eyes begin to sting of their own and it got hard to breathe properly, so he murmurs an apology and a goodbye and leaves.

Leaves her.

And so he turns his back on the one thing he has been holding onto for the last 14 months, forcing himself to not look back.

He was too scared of what he would find.

Sleep doesn’t come easily that night, images replaying over and over like a sick mantra of masochism that reminded him of everything he had just given up on, and Junhyung wills himself to endure it all by clutching onto a single thought.

It was for her own good.

-

-

`I want to see you today~~! ♥Keke … please tell me you didn’t make plans with anyone else oppa ㅠㅠ’

‘Ke, what is this? I thought you would be busy today?’

Truth is his mood wasn’t the best. He was not in high spirits, something Hara would definitely take notice of—and then would come the questions, hordes of things he could not reply to without making her feel uncomfortable, and so the logical thing to do would be to decline her offer.

… But they have not seen each other in a while, and the way he is now he is just running in circles in his mind—being like this was taking him nowhere. It would be better to just go and see her and let the unwanted thoughts flee from his mind.

He really should not be thinking about any of this. It’s already been months, what was wrong with him?

Hara’s response reaches his phone then, as if on cue—

‘Yep! But Hyuna called and cancelled our outing~~~ but once she told me why, I couldn’t get mad keke guess what? she has a dateeee~! *_*’

‘kekeke so I heard. I hope it will go well ^_____^’

He writes, and he means it.

But he is not laughing, or smiling. Instead his lips are set in a tight line.

‘Me too! He seems like a good guy and is always sending her cute presents and flowers and the like~~ keke I know a certain someone that could take some cues from him!!’

Junhyung plays along and changes the subject, his indecision thrown out of the window with a when do I pick you up? but as he waits for Hara’s reply his phone goes off again and this time his treacherous heart skips a beat.

Hyuna

‘Oppa, you watched pirates of the Caribbean 3 right?!! How was it?? ~__~’

The message may seem random to anyone, but to Junhyung it is anything but. He knows why she is asking—her date must have taken her to the movie theater. Somehow, that thought makes his fingers hesitate over the keys of his phone as he muses over what to say in reply—why should he even reply in the first place?—but at the end he shakes his head and forcefully waves the hesitance away, deeming it uncalled for.

‘It wasn’t bad, it was entertaining and funny… you’d like it ^___^’

‘Really?? ㅜㅇㅜYay!!! Thanks oppa, I’ll watch it and tell you later!! ^∇^’

She sounded happy. She was. Probably. And that was good. That was definitely good, because Hyuna being happy is all Junhyung wanted. Because she was special to him.

And whether he was the one who made her happy or not didn’t matter at all, because she was his dear friend—and only that.

He was over her.

Certainly.

And as he picks up a sweater and heads to the door, ready to pick up his girlfriend, Junhyung repeats the same words to himself:

I’m over Hyuna.

And he means that. He does. And that oppression in his chest? That anxiety? That bitterness in his throat? They had nothing to do with his feelings for her, most definitely—nothing at all.

Junhyung is convinced of that. Surely. Because it was nothing but the truth.

… He just hates how good he has gotten at lying to himself.