Chapter 11 - Green Light
The Cherry Blossom SeasonAfter putting the old magazine back on the table, Youngbae sighed in boredom and started stretching. This wasn't the first time that he had accompanied his protégé to Dr. Garnier's office and as much as he valued the kind-hearted man, he still couldn't get used to the spotless furniture, white walls and strange artworks that the waiting room pretty much consisted of. There was just something clinical and foreign about this place that Youngbae didn't like at all, probably because he had always been the type of person who prefered warm colours, comfort and a homey feeling. He smiled at that thought. Or maybe it was because he had gotten so used to living alone with Jiyong in the mansion that being elsewhere seemed strange to him. Yes it was almost as if they had been in their own world all this time, as if the two of them lived together like any other couple.
Couple.
Youngbae shook his head, trying not to imagine things so quickly. Him being aware of his feelings for Jiyong didn't mean that the latter had to feel the same way. In fact, the educator didn't even know if he was able to do that at all. It was clear to him that the younger man had some sort of strong affection towards him. There was no doubt about the way he enjoyed his occasional kisses, hugs and sweet words but did Jiyong actually know what all this meant? Did his heart pound like his when he was with him? Did he, like Youngbae, yearn for his touch all the time? Did he wish to spend his whole life with him?
Could Jiyong actually love?
Youngbae sighed. He needed to find it out. But how?
Meanwhille, in another room, Dr. Garnier nodded as he scribbled down his notes, already drawing conclusions from how the brunette boy was answering his questions. This session was like any other he had with him but then again, it wasn't. Something was different, though he coulnd't tell what exactly.
"I see, I am happy to hear that you haven't had any breathing problems since that day."
Jiyong shook his head. "I only have that when I am really, really upset. And these days, I am not upset at all. Actually, I am very happy.", he said, smiling shyly and glancing down at his dangling feet as he thought about how Youngbae and him had spent the days at home, taking naps, watching movies, cuddling on the couch and simply relaxing. It had been raining all the time anyway, so staying inside was inevitable. They had made the best out of their situation and to Jiyong, being with his educator was literally the best thing in the world.
"That's fantastic.", the doctor exclaimed before clearing his throat. "But say Jiyong, do you mind telling me what exactly made you so sad that day?"
The patient looked up, being unsure. He didn't like thinking about that day. It made him angry.
"Of course I understand if you don't want to talk about it. You don't have to mention every detail, if you don't want to. It is just important for me to know so I can find out how we can prevent you from having another attack again.", the medic explained kindly.
"Hmpf." Jiyong frowned. "I ... I saw something that day and I hated it."
"What did you see?"
"Someone. And she was close to Bae. I don't like it when Bae is so nice to her."
"Was she a stranger?"
"No. Bae said she is his friend. She came to visit him."
"Hm, I see, I see.", Dr. Garnier nodded slowly. "Jiyong, we know that Youngbae is a friendly guy, right? Why did you dislike seeing him with that woman?"
"I ... I don't know why. I just hate it when he does the same things to her that he does to me."
Dr. Garnier leaned back in his leather chair, eyeing his patient thoughtfully. "Let me ask a different question, Jiyongie. How did you feel when you saw them together? Were you angry? Or perhaps you were afraid?"
The brunette gulped, staring at his dangling feet again. "Both. I wanted her to go home and not come back. I ... I didn't want her to take Bae away from me." He said the last part in a whisper, using his small hands to wipe a few teardrops that escaped his eyes. "I always think that he will be gone when I don't stay with him all the time or when he is friends with someone else."
The doctor stood up and made his way next to his patient, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Youngbae would never leave you alone, Jiyong. Even I can promise you that."
"Is ... is that true?"
The doctor smiled when the brunette looked up at him, a mix of hope and worry in his eyes. "Yes. It is. No matter how many people Youngbae will meet, none of them will be able to replace you and do you know why?"
"Why?", the brunette sniffed.
"Because there is only one Kwon Jiyong in this world.", the medic reassured him, lightly squeezing his shoulder. "At least in Youngbae's universe."
Years had passed since the Kwons had moved to France, giving their son to his care. Dr. Garnier remembered the first time Jiyong had stepped into his office, constantly hiding behind his mother and refusing to talk to him. The first sessions had passed with the medic simply observing his new patient's behaviour as he was playing and talking to his mother. Being the experienced doctor that he is, Garnier had encountered many different people. However, the case of this young man was absoulutely new to him. There was,this twenty-something year old grown man and he was behaving like a child. What a thing! Jiyong was unusually pretty for a guy, rather petite and timid, never looking people in the eye. But no matter how intensively Dr. Garnier studied his beahviour, he couldn't draw any conclusions from it, couldn't associate it with any known mental illnesses and soon, it was clear that this boy was one of a kind and that he would never really become 'normal'. He could only become more mature with the help of therapy and a specialised educator that would take good care of him, that's what the medic had suggested.
And then Dong Youngbae happened.
The doctor had noticed changes in Jiyong's personality as soon as the Kwons had hired the young and dynamic Korean. Jiyong was smiling more often and he even started talking to the medic, his word pool had expanded a lot and his grammar had gotten better. Youngbae had become more than just an educator who did his job, he was Jiyong's first friend.
And maybe a bit more than that.
The sparkle in the brunette's eyes whenever he mentioned Youngbae was obvious. The doctor had even caught Jiyong staring at him several times whenever the two of them came to his office together and the blush on his face when they shared a bit of skinship was actually evidence enough for the medic. However, he couldn't quite believe it and a part of him didn't want to either. What if Youngbae got a girlfriend one day? Jiyong would be so heart broken that the progress he made would be all in vain. He would shut himself off and get serious problems with confiding in other people.
Then he saw how Youngbae looked at Jiyong. He saw the warmth in his eyes, the joy, the adoration. Dr. Garnier saw it all and his concerns took a twist.
"That is the condition, Youngbae. You can only be with Jiyong if you promise to never break his trust. And with never, I mean absolutely never.", the medic told the educator, his warning forefinger raised. "A romantic relationship with him requires you to never give up on him because if you do, his basic trust will be gone forever and none of us will be able to communicate with him anymore. You have to be aware of the fact that you are his most important attachment figure, Jiyong's everything depends on you."
Youngbae sighed and looked down at his dangling feet, not knowing that he sat on the exact same spot as his protégé before they sent him to the friendly nurse who would play with him until this man to man conversation with Dr. Garnier would be over.
"Listen, Youngbae. This is a heavy burden, you shouldn't take things easily. Remember, if you decide to like Jiyong that way, you'll have to do it forever."
The educator shook his head. "He has never been a burden to me, doctor and he will never be. Just as long as I can be sure that he is able to return my feelings in some way, I will be happy."
"Well, if you haven't noticed his strong affection towards you, you must be seriously blind.", the medic said smiling. "You are basically everything he talks about."
"I did notice!", Youngbae blushed, playing with his hands. "But I am afraid he doesn't know the meaning of all ... this. That's why ... that's why I asked you if Jiyong is able to return romantic feelings."
"As you can see, he is."
The educator's eyes widened.
"But you must know that a relationship with him will have its limits. You, for example, cannot expect him to help you with complex problems, so it will always be you who has to take care of him and teach him things he doesn't understand.", the doctor explained, sipping on his coffee, "I know that you are already used to this but it might become difficult as you for sure have your own concerns."
Youngbae smiled. "He is actually a big help. Whenever I am with him, I forget about my worries completely. His presence is ... a pleasure actually."
"Oh well, speaking of pleasure. There is something else that might be difficult for you."
The educator raised his brows. "R-really? What is that?"
"Ah, when people are in a relationship, they usually feel a certain ... need for each other."
"Y-You mean ..."
Dr. Garnier nodded, smiling at the blushing man in front of him. "Intimacy as you know it won't be possible with him. At least not yet. He needs time until he can comprehend what it is about."
"A-ah that's alright with me. I am satisfied with the way we are now. W-we don't need to, well ... I mean I wouldn't ..."
The older man was visibly amused as he watched the flustered educator stuttering nonsense. He couldn't help but chuckle. "I didn't accuse you of anything. No need to be so nervous."
"Ah, yes. I am sorry.", Youngbae said, getting a hold of himself. "Anyway, I am able to accept everything, every obstacle I will have to face. I have already given up on a lot in order to be with Jiyong and I have realized that I don't regret it even though it hurts. I want to spend my whole life with him, doctor. I just cannot imagine being without him anymore.", he confessed.
"You love Jiyong very much, don't you?"
Youngbae nodded. "I do. I probably always have but I just couldn't admit it to myself. I didn't know if it was morally right to love him because he is, well, special. I only confided in one friend about this matter and she called me a e."
Dr. Garnier frowned. "That is nonsense. A e is someone who is ually attracted to children and only to children, not including people like Jiyong. He might act like a child sometimes, but our latest session show that he has matured a lot thanks to you.", The medic smiled. "You are far from being a e, Youngbae."
"I am happy to hear that.", the educator chuckled. "But ... there is still something that is worrying me."
Mister Garnier eyed the younger man questioningly.
"Will ... will Mr. and Mrs. Kwon accept us?"
A/N: Hello dear readers! Please read this note, because it is important okay? ^-^
I will be gone for four weeks starting from 5th July (summer vacation) ! I am sure you understand that I cannot update during my holidays, which is why I will try to finish this story within this week. I plan to do two or three more chapters :) However, even though I have a lot of time now, I am not sure whether I will manage to accomplish this goal! I will give my best since I don't want you to wait a whole month until you can read the next chapters. ( As a reader myself, I know how annoying that can be!)
This chapter is written a bit sloppily and I am very sorry for that :-( It might not be your favourite since there is no (direct) GDYB interaction. I will make it up to you though, I promise! :-)
As always, I am very, very thankful to you all! <3 Please feel free to critisize me if there is something you want me to change.
Lots of love,
Hatsumomo
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