I slowly tried to wake up, full of pain. Everything is blurry and as soon as my vision became better, I knew I was in the hospital. I tried to remember what happened and the next thing I knew, I felt tears rolling on my cheeks. This is the second time I´m crying after so many years. My friends came over to my bed as I tried to get out. I needed to see my brother. Everyone tried to push me back on the bed and tried to lay me down and they told me everything is fine. But I knew it wasn´t. My brother is dead. Shot and stabbed right in front of my eyes and I couldn´t protect him. I started to cry again. My friends and relatives were clueless. They didn´t no what to do when they saw me crying. I never cried and especially not in front of others. This time was different and people saw another emotion in me. Maybe my heart wasn´t as cold as ice and wasn´t a black hole. My grandfather came over to me. He started to hug me and tried to comfort me. I cried more and more. I was broken. A piece of me is gone and I´m not talking about some typical breakup love story. My twin brother and I had a connection, like all twins have. When he is sad, I could feel it, when he is angry, I could feel it, when he thinks about something, I knew what he was thinking. Even when he broke an arm or leg, I could feel it. I would get the same fracture on the same place even when we were miles apart and yet now, I can´t feel him any longer.

I wanted to go the bathroom to wash my face and to freshen up. When I wanted to get up again, I felt my back area was stinging. I slowly got up with the help of Yassine and he wanted to help me, but my grandpa stopped him. Gramps wanted to help and helped me freshen up. I saw I was wounded. I was wounded?? But how?? Apparently even when twins get wounded you get the same scars. My gramps looked at me and he teared up. He didn´t want to lose me and wanted to talk to me, with my morroccan uncle and aunty and Yassine. But now is not the time. I had to get going. My brothers funeral was planned in Morocco (if someone dies in my Moroccan side of the fam, they get fled of to Morocco and it takes 2h to get there) and my grandpa, Yassine and I had to go too. As soon as I got fired from the hospital, I said goodbye to my friends and we packed a few stuff and headed to Morocco. My other, close, relatives already were in Morocco and attended the funeral. When we arrived, I went straight to the cemetery. I visisted my brothers grave and after a few hours. I went to my dads. It had been a while and I felt numb. I was in great pain. I lost my father, I lost contact with my mom and my brother died. Who is next and why did that happen to him? Why not me? He didn´t deserve to die at such young age and certainly not in that cruel way. It was my fault. If only I didn´t tell his about that stalker that had been following me for months. If only I could have prevented my brother to beat literrally the crap out of that dude and if only I had taken the threats of the stalker seriously........ I could have done something and I have just stood there and let every single thing happen. I felt anger and sadness taking over my mind and destroying my emotions.

Five weeks had past and I was still in Morocco. I missed my graduation. I had no motivation, I didn´t eat and I locked myself in the bathroom every night. I also couldn´t sleep... I was afraid. The same scene of my brotehr getting killed, repeated in my head over and over again. I was sick and tired yet I went to the cemetery every day. Even my mom hadn´t come to see her son. I tried to contact her so many times but nothing helped. I went to the roof of my uncles house to have some peace of the people visiting to condolence my family and I. I couldnt stand it. Yassine and grandpa came to check on me and decided to make a deciscion. Either go back to Holland  and continue with my life of start afresh and move to Korea..............

hey everyone I hope my story isnt confusing. I dont know if there are any twins out there, but when either my brother or I get wounded or broke something we get exactly the same fracture on the same leg, on the same place and its happens just a few minutes between us. My gosh my brother was so clumsy. Tell me what you guys think and I´ll probably update every day or every two day. Its a long story based on my own experiences and some part will be fictional. Judge for yourself. Other characters will come soon. I need to tell you guys the back story in order to understand the whole story line :p