Annyeong! It's been one month. Over one month to be exact! I'm guessing you all want to read, so I shall save my rant for below! Applaud me for 12+ pages :) and I should learn for my exam, but I wrote this instead. So don't you dare leave without commenting!!11

He would’ve hit Yongguk with the bottle if someone had not grabbed his wrist in time.

Woohyun gets pulled away from the other and the bottle is snatched from his hand. He grunts and tries to free himself, but the hands holding him stay firm. His limbs feel sluggish from all the alcohol and the previous punches, though, so he finds it hard to struggle against the men holding him down. Woohyun tries to focus his eyes on Yongguk. Some people are trying to help him up on his feet, since Yongguk seems to have trouble standing up.

“’emme go…” Woohyun mutters and tries to break free once more.

“Calm down, buddy. You need to cool your head.” A man speaks to him, but the male just grunts in reply.

“’ave to stop ‘im…”

Woohyun hears a shout and moves his head back into Yongguk direction, just in time to see a fist flying into his face. He sees stars as the punch hits him in the face and then Woohyun stumbles down to the ground with the person holding him. His vision fades and Woohyun loses consciousness as people scream around them.




Everything is white when he wakes up, quite literally. Woohyun knows that he’s in a hospital with just one glance. Every part of his body seems to hurt, especially his face and chest. He can move around a bit, but his whole body feels like it’s covered in bruises. Woohyun groans as he sits up. He glares at the white wall opposite of him. Has Yongguk told the other male already? Is his façade finally over, ended by someone else?

The defenses of his castle had been down, with windows and doors wide open, making it easy for invaders to get into it and rob him of everything he has.

And now the only thing his castle can do is collapsing.

Regret fills him and Woohyun can feel the tears b in his eyes. His fingers dig into the blanket, gripping the fabric hard. The realization that everything might be over now hits him hard. He’s scared and his heart feels like a knife got pushed into it. Now it gets twisted around to bring him more pain. Just the thought of Sunggyu knowing, Sunggyu hating him, is enough to bring him such pain. He pulls his knees to his chest and hides his face in the white fabric of the blanket.

He doesn’t hear the door open, but Woohyun notices someone is there when a hand touches his hair. It’s a tentative touch at first, before the fingers curl into his dark locks and ruffle them slightly. “Are you in pain?”

Woohyun raises his head abruptly and the other person quickly retracts their hand. His eyes widen. “Sunggyu?”

The older man smiles shortly. “Why are you looking at me like I’m a ghost?”

He can’t believe Sunggyu is here, smiling and looking perfect like always. He’s wearing his glasses again and Woohyun can see that the eyes behind the glass look a bit red and puffy. His hair is ruffled up, as if he had just woken up. Woohyun can’t help but wonder if he knows already and the thought is making his tongue heavy.

Sunggyu sighs suddenly and pulls a chair to the bed, so that he can sit down. “What kind of drugs did they give you? Or did Yongguk hit you too hard?”

Woohyun blinks. “Y-You know?”

“I know you fought, yes. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to see how you’re doing and you look pretty awful, honestly. Though Yongguk doesn’t look much better.” Sunggyu smiles sadly.

He gulps. “So you…talked to him?”

“Yes, he called me because he had something to say.” Sunggyu looks directly into his eyes and he can’t help but feel that the older man is waiting for something.

“Did he…?”

“Well, partly, before I told him to stop. I was mad enough that he got into a fight with you. He said you started it, but you guys are adults and not elementary school kids. Yongguk shouldn’t have hit you back.” The black-haired man sighs again and rubs his temples. Woohyun thinks he can see his eyes glistening and it breaks his heart. “So…did you? Did you lie to me?”

“Yes…” As easy as that the truth slips out of his mouth. A simple ‘yes’, yet it means so much more. He can see something in Sunggyu’s gaze break.

Woohyun reaches out for Sunggyu’s hand, but the older man pulls back. “Sunggyu-“

The older man folds his hands. He leans his forehead against them. “I’m such an idiot, am I not? I thought you are different…”

“No! You’re not the idiot – I am. I’m sorry, Sunggyu…”

“Was everything a lie?”

He reaches out again and manages to separate Sunggyu’s hands. He cradles the hand in his palms. Woohyun wishes he could just prove his feelings to Sunggyu like this, transfer his thoughts to him with just a touch. “No. I swear I-“

“You swear?” Sunggyu looks up at him and Woohyun can see that he’s trying to hold the tears in. The older man smiles slightly. “What kind of oath is that? You swore you wouldn’t disappoint my trust and now look at what happened…”

He squeezes the trembling hand between his palms. Every word is like a stab to his heart, but he knows that he deserves it. A stab for every lie he told. “I’m sorry, Gyu. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I am…I should’ve told you. I wanted to tell you-“

Sunggyu rips his hand free. “You should’ve told me, before making me fall in love with you. Instead, you made me fall for a damn lie!”

A tear breaks past Woohyun’s defense and he lowers his head in shame. A lie. That’s all he is and will ever be. He has always thought that he’d be able to handle the end of this well, but Woohyun never thought about how Sunggyu might feel once the bubble breaks.

“Your parents?”

Woohyun swallows hard. His nails dig into the blanket. He lost his father and mother in the hospital – is he going to lose Sunggyu and Soyou too? “Dead, both of them…”

There’s a pregnant pause between them. “Dead…? God damn it, Woohyun!”

“I’m sorry…my parents are not rich…I’m not rich…I-“

Sunggyu breaks his rant by grabbing his shoulders. He shakes Woohyun. “Who cares about that, Woohyun? I don’t care about how much money you have! You know that! I told you!”

He can’t stop the tears by now, especially since the hurt in Sunggyu’s voice is so clear to him. Woohyun can feel the hands shaking him tremble. “I know-”

“Then why? WHY? If you knew I don’t care, then why did you lie?”

Woohyun squeezes his eyes shut. “I-I don’t know!”

“Woohyun, look at me.” He doesn’t dare to lift his head. “Please, just this one time, look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.”

He finally looks up, catching Sunggyu’s gaze. The eyes he loves so much are clouded by tears and he can see doubt in them. Doubt he fully deserves for all of his lies. Woohyun’s hand cups Sunggyu’s cheek and the older man lets it happen. He may even lean into the touch a bit, but Woohyun doesn’t know if he’s just imagining that.

“Because I love you. I-I always have…I was afraid of telling you. I thought you’d leave me once you saw the ugly truth. I just…I wanted to cherish it while it lasted. I didn’t think we had a future.”

A tear drops from Sunggyu’s left eye and Woohyun catches it with his thumb. “I thought you’re too perfect for someone like me.”

The black-haired man pulls away from the touch suddenly. Woohyun’s heart drops when he stands up. Sunggyu wipes his eyes. “I don’t know what hurts worse, the fact that you lied to me or the reason why you lied. What made you think I want you to be anyone else but yourself? I don’t need a rich boyfriend with a flawless background! I told you everything about me! Secrets I’ve never told anyone. I’ve trusted you! Yet you felt the need to lie to me day after day. That’s not love, Woohyun. You don’t fake something you’re not because of love. Maybe you yourself don’t know where the truth ends and the lie starts anymore…”

“N-No, you don’t understand. I-“

The tears slipping from Sunggyu’s eyes are each like a dagger that stabs his heart. “Enough…just, just stop, Woohyun. I don’t know if anything you say is going to be the truth or another lie. I don’t know anymore! I can’t do this, Woohyun.”

“But I have to tell you something! Please! It’s the truth-“

Sunggyu sighs and is about to say something, but then his cellphone starts to ring. “I have to go. It’s Sungjong. He was not happy to hear that I’m visiting you.”

The older man turns around and heads towards the door. Woohyun tries to get out of his bed to stop him from leaving, but every bone in his body seems to be broken, if the pain was anything to go by. He clenched his teeth and managed to move his body, but he ended up falling over and toppling to the ground.

“Woohyun! What are you doing?” Woohyun thinks he is dreaming when he looks up to see Sunggyu crouching next to him with a worried expression.

Woohyun feels new tears forming in his eyes. He reaches out to cling to Sunggyu’s arm. “Please don’t hate me. Please don’t leave me…”

“Woohyun…” He knows he is behaving like a desperate child clinging to his mother, but the fear of losing Sunggyu is too much to take. “Woohyun, stop crying, please…”

“Don’t hate me. I’m sorry. I love you…please…let me explain.” Woohyun begs.

The black-haired man cups his face and makes him look up. “I don’t hate you. You have lied to me all this time, but I can’t find the strength to hate you for it. I just…I don’t know if we can continue with everything that happened. It’s hard to trust someone that can lie to you so easily. I know you mean your words right now, but…I don’t think this relationship can work with you like this. And I don’t think there is anything I can do. This is something that you have to work out yourself. Just try thinking about what’s really important and sort out your life. Maybe then…”

Woohyun stares at him with wide eyes. “M-Maybe what?”

Sunggyu sighs again. “I don’t know, Woohyun. We will have to see.”

His phone rings again and the older man stands up, slipping right out of Woohyun’s weak grip. “I really have to go. Please don’t do anything stupid. I don’t hate you, okay?”

Before Woohyun can say anything, the other man is out of the door. He stays on the floor for a while, just thinking and trying to comprehend Sunggyu’s words. Woohyun is pretty sure that his love for Sunggyu is not a lie. It has never been one. Maybe it is the only truth he has in his life, except for his name. But which Woohyun is the real one and which is nothing but an illusion? Where is the border between the real him and the prince in the castle? He can’t find a clear line between them and it makes him frustrated. Has he been anything but an illusion for the last few years? Woohyun thought he was being himself with Sunggyu, but the reality was different. He had only been a shadow of his old self. A replica of the Woohyun from the past - someone he cannot even clearly define anymore.

The black-haired man didn’t let him talk about his past, about the memories that linked them together. But somehow Woohyun doubts, it would’ve changed anything.

He gets up with a heavy heart and stumbles back into the bed. Woohyun lies down and sniffles, raising his hand to wipe his tears away. Maybe then. He can’t forget Sunggyu’s words. Does it mean they still have a chance? That he might accept Woohyun back if only he changed? He has two choices: going on like he always has, with his brand clothes and everything, just rebuilding his castle with brick and mortar, making it a bigger and stronger one this time or facing the truth and ending this façade, leaving the castle of lies behind for a chance of (maybe) getting his love back.

The answer seems easy, but it is definitely not. Getting Sunggyu back is only a slim chance, a tiny spark of hope, but he knows that something has to change. The love he gets from the crowd in the clubs can never be enough again. Not anymore, now that he knows what love really is; the unconditional kind of love that is not based on money or fame.

But can he change?


It is two days later when he makes a decision. He gets released from the hospital that day and just when he wants to leave his hospital room, Ailee runs into him. “Woohyun!”

He gives her a weak smile. “Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I thought you might want to know that Soyou-ssi woke up!”

His eyes widen as the older woman hugs him. Despite his gloomy mood, Woohyun manages a honest smile. He hugs Ailee back. “Really?”

“Yes! She can’t talk yet and is pretty much slipping in and out of sleep, but the doctors said that her vitals look good. She is going to make it!”

For the first time in days, Woohyun feels the weight on his heart lifting a bit. “C-Can we…visit her?”

“Yes! That’s why I’m here to get you. Good thing you look a little better now. Getting into a fight right after she is hospitalized, what were you thinking, Woohyun? Soyou-ssi would get a heart-attack if she knew!”

Woohyun sighs. “Sorry…maybe I should not go-“

Ailee hits his forearm. “You have to go. You are basically her only relative here. She sees you as her son, you know that.”

She wraps her arm around his and starts dragging him away. “Come on. She can barely keep her eyes open. I doubt she will notice how your face looks less handsome than usual.”



Soyou is not awake when they reach her room. The doctor tells them that things are moving along well. He usually doesn’t give out information to people that are not members of the family, but since the old woman has no one else, he makes an exception. But only one person at a time is allowed to enter the room. Ailee tells Woohyun that he can go first and he gives her a thankful smile.

He enters the room and silence meets him. The only sounds he hears are the machines and Soyou’s soft breathing. Woohyun closes the door and walks over to the sit down on the chair next to her bed. “Hello, Soyou. It’s Woohyun.”

Woohyun looks at her peaceful expression and smiles, although the movement brings him a bit of pain still. “I’m glad you made it. You’re a real fighter, aren’t you? Unlike my mom…”

He reaches out to grab her hand. The skin is rough and a bit cold, but it feels warm to him nevertheless. Woohyun lets out a shaky sigh. He cradles the smaller hand in between his palms. “I thought I was going to lose my second mother…”

His voice breaks and Woohyun fights the tears. Just then, he thinks that Soyou squeezes his hand a little. He looks up and sees that she still has her eyes closed, but maybe she heard him nevertheless. “I’m really glad. The past days have been hard and I…I’m pretty lost to be honest. I ed up, really badly.”

Silence meets him. “I hurt someone pretty bad by lying. I’ve lied to you too…You told me I was finally getting my life together, but turns out that I didn’t. It was nothing but an illusion.”

“He left me after finding out about my lies, because he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. He said I need to change and stop deluding others, including myself. I don’t know if I can stop. Who is the real Woohyun? Can I recover him? Can I be him again? I don’t know if I’m strong enough, Soyou.”

“Boy-“ Woohyun lifts his head and stares at Soyou. Her eyes are still closed, but her brows are furrowed. “Don’t be an idiot… and run away again.”

“But I-“

“You are you. You’ve always been you. I don’t know what happened to you before we met, but-” Her speech is interrupted when she starts coughing and Woohyun quickly hands her the glass of water from the small table nearby. She opens her eyes and gives him a thankful smile.

Soyou gives him the glass back when it’s empty. She wants to speak, but Woohyun stops her. “Can I tell you something? I’ve never told anyone about my past. It’s hard to start, to remember…”

She pats his hand softly. “Take your time, Woohyun.”

It takes him a while, but Woohyun tells her about his past. About his father that never really tried, the father he cursed at and the father whose death he thought would be a blessing. About his mother that tried too hard, the one he shouted at and blamed for everything, the mother that left him behind with nightmares. About his first love, the sun of his universe that had burned his castle walls to the ground, Sunggyu who now seemed to be too far away because of Woohyun’s mistake. About how he failed at everything he did.

Soyou listens quietly, though he can hear her gasp at some parts and her eyes are glistening with tears when he’s done. Woohyun feels relieved after telling his story, as if his shoulder got lighter suddenly. Telling Sunggyu still seems impossible, but less impossible than before.

She looks him straight in the eyes. “You’ve gone through terrible things and it scared you, it made you hide. You were a child, Woohyun. Don’t blame yourself too hard. You wanted to protect yourself from further hurt, so you hid yourself behind this mask and tried to put your emotions into a dark corner for your mind. But the fact is that you were never a different person. You just made yourself believe that you were someone else; that this life was enough, that it made you happy and that money was all you needed. When Sunggyu appeared, you started to realize that you were still the same person, how vulnerable you still were, and it scared you. Everything you had believed in for years, the money and the fame, turned out to be fake – so you did what every child would have done, you clang to it nevertheless. You are still a kid in your head, Woohyun. A kid that needed to be an adult far earlier than other children.”

Woohyun takes her words in with a sullen expression. He never changed? He is still the same? A kid? “You’re no longer a kid, though. You need to let go of what happened to your parents, Woohyun. Think about the now. What is important right now? Your expensive clothes? The parties and your so-called friends? What do you really need?”

He sighs and rubs his face with his hands. “Sunggyu, but I don’t deserv-“

A smack hit his head. “Boy! I told you to stop running away. You need to tell him the truth, like you told me. He’s waiting for you.”

“He’s no longer waiting for that kid-“

“Idiot! Not the kid. He is waiting for /you/! Do you think he would have come here and talked to you, if he hated you? He is waiting for you to let him into your heart. You’re a wonderful person, Woohyun. Stop lying to yourself. Try to let go.”

“But he said he can’t believe anything I say anymore…” Woohyun lowers his gaze to the floor.

“The poor boy just found out about it. It must be hard for him too. If you show him all your honesty, he will believe your words. Try to think about your priorities, Woohyun. Take a while to sort out your life and then decide your next step.” She urges him closer with her hands. “Come here, Woohyun, let me give you a hug.”

He moves closer to her without protesting and she wraps her short arms around him, patting his back softly. Woohyun hugs Soyou back carefully, not wanting to hurt her. It feels like being in the arms of his mother and it certainly helps him calm down. “Do you think I can just forget about him and go back to how it was before?”

The old lady sighs. “Do you think you can?”

Woohyun closes his eyes and shakes his head. “No…”

“Then you have your answer.”

 


The walk home is probably the longest he has ever taken. After the talk with Soyou, he feels determined to change his life. Not half-heartedly like before. Soyou told him he can win Sunggyu back and he wants to believe in this tiny hope. Besides, he knows it’s too late to return to his old self that only cared about brands and parties. The illusion is broken. Woohyun knows the emptiness inside his heart will not get filled by those people in the clubs. They have never loved him and he has never loved them. There’s only one person he loves – he has ever loved – and he won’t be able to win Sunggyu over with his old façade.

Woohyun enters his apartment quietly and kicks his boots into a corner. He walks right over to his wardrobe and opens it. He can see all the items he owns: Rick Owens, Givenchy, Armani…and so on. Names that used to fill him with pride and a fake feeling of happiness. Woohyun grabs a shirt and throws it to the floor in anger. He wants to do the same with the rest with all of his clothes. Woohyun wants to tear them apart and burn them. But then he remembers how much they cost him – how much money they are worth – and Woohyun has a better idea.



His next days