Pick up. Please pick up.

The phone rang for some time, as Hyorin twirled the phone's extension cord tightly around her fingers, cutting the blood circulation off of them. She wasn't sure if he'll even pick up at this hour. The phone continued to ring a few more times before she heard that assuring click and a very groggy voice at the other end of the line.

"Heelllllllloooooooo...?" She heard him speak, the drag of his words from the lack of sleep. 

"Hi." She replied, feeling her cheeks burn.

She wasn't embarrassed, but felt extremely guilty for waking her boyfriend up in the middle of the night, though it was a warm late afternoon here in Korea. But she need him, badly.

Especially after what happened just now.

After crying for what seemed like an eternity, her tears finally stopped flowing, and dried up slowly from her face and clothes. Exhausted, she lie on the ground, and shut her eyes tightly as she dug the tips of her fingernails into the soft flesh of her palms. It didn't hurt her, but it gave her pain, enough to subdue any lingering thoughts of him, of their conversation.

Of his confession.

The real reason why Hyorin had called L was because of a promise. After getting up from the floor, in a fit of momentary desperation, she fumbled through one of her drawers and slipped her hands under her pile of t-shirts stacked neatly on top of one another. Her fingers grasped the piece of plastic that lay right at the bottom, housing a sharp metal blade, an old best friend, when she stopped. L's words echoed through her mind.

"Never." He had said, "Never try to hurt yourself again. Promise?"

She had nodded her head, knotting her pinky with his that was already outstretched and waiting for her, pressing the tip of her thumb against his. She had no right to just break her promise over some other guy, a guy that she wanted to forget, and the least bit important to her. She hoped.

But love is weird. It's like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Separating the two sides will give you a mash of the two different spreads. Hardly can you separate them without. When you break up, it's like that separation. Most of the other half is gone, but there'll always be that little bit of jelly that will stick on to your peanut butter. They'll always been those memories of him that'll stay in your heart and make it ache. What was once so precious to you becomes something you loath so much. But there is always something you can do about it. You can scrap away that bit of jelly and apply a new coat of peanut butter. Hyorin wasn't holding the butter knife though. 

Myungsoo was.

Just hearing his voice brought comforted her, letting her tense muscles relax and her heartbeat to slow down. She was selfish, in a sense, to steal his sleep for her comfort. But like I said, how rational can a broken girl be?

"Wwwhhhooo iiiisss tthhiiiisssss?" Myungsoo continue to slur, making Hyorin realise just how tired he was. He didn't even check the call register.

"Who else?" She hinted, chuckling at the tone of her own voice. The husky laughter of hers was all it took for L to guess who she was.

"Heyyy sweethearttt. " He cooed, finally coming more or less to his senses. "Fancyy you calling at this hourr."

"Mian," she apologised,  bitting her tongue.

"Don't." His quiet laughter filled the speaker. "I want to hear you too."

Hyorin gasped, wondering when she became such an open book to him. The Hyorin she remembered was never this predictable. That was how she was able to keep her feelings hidden from the rest of the world, but not to him anymore. She wondered if this was what love was like, having the other party read your mind with such ease, knowing the other partner's steps before they reach the ground, where their thoughts become intertwine and as one. She laughed, finding it funny how foreign love has become to her, not the kind of love that Bora and her other friends shower on her day and night, but the kind shared between a man and a woman.

A love she used to share with someone else.

She hate it. She hate how everything links back to him somehow. Maybe her heart still couldn't take the separation, even though another has take the space in it. The damage that he had repaired in the past flooded her mind once again, the way he had held her hand, telling her that everything's going to be okay. Why won't her heart let go?

"Heyyy!" The voice on the other end called out to her, jolting her out of her thoughts. She didn't even realised she was drifting off. "You okay?"

"Yeah... I'm... fine."

"You sure?" Myungsoo asked again in worry.

"Yeah. Really, I'm fine. Why?"

"I don't know. You just seem a bit off." Myungsoo admitted. "Different. Somewhat not like yourself."

"Really? Then like who?"

"I don't know... like the Hyojung I used... to know..."

So open.

"L, I'm really fine." She lied, again, feeling her chest tightened in guilt and her conscience mocking her. She didn't know why she had to lie. Maybe she didn't want Myungsoo to worry about her thousands of kilometres from Korea. Maybe she still find it too personal to tell him fully about her past love. Either way, Hyorin didn't want him to know, yet. Not yet. Not when she's still sorting out her own emotions.

"Okay then." He replied, a hint of content in his voice. "I better get back to sleep. Manager hyung will kill me if he finds out we have been chatting at this hour."

"Okay. Night."

"Night." Just before he pressed the 'end call' button, his fingers hover over it for a few seconds, as if deciding if it was a good idea to.

L couldn't get rid of his unknown uneasiness.

It was one thing for Kyuhyun to suddenly disappear from the group,  even though they have a jam packed schedule to complete. It was not like he was free, for goodness sake. It was another thing for him to come back looking like the world's against him.

Heechul didn't need to face that kind of mental stress again.

Watching the youngest made his way to his room undisturbed was the most he could muster to do, but it didn't make him feel any much better. He's the oldest. Shouldn't he go and check out what's wrong?

Even though Leeteuk's military release was in less than a year, it didn't stop Heechul from wishing he was here beside him, guiding through what he needs to say and do, instead of letting himself be an utter and complete fool.

Frustrated, Kyuhyun dived onto his bed, taking his rage on the fluffy pillows that lay below his torso. His love was still a mess of peanut butter and jelly scattered all over the soft white bread slice, and although he had made an attempt to clean it up, many small patches of peanut butter still remained on his jelly.

The power of holding his butter knife was something that he processed. If he had wanted to, he could have just easily spread the peanut butter away. But there was always that tug in his heart, telling him that jelly taste good with peanut butter, that everything can go back to the way it was before.

Until now.

Just the mere recall of those rushed lines across the soft flesh of her wrist send discomfort throughout his entire being. He felt sick to his stomach, disgusted at himself for causing her so much pain, for being such a monster. He got up, and rummaged through his possessions to find a box, the big black box that specifically hold all his memories of her. Lifting the cover, Kyuhyun gaze into his collection, his eyes filled with determination.

To finally scrap the peanut butter off his jelly.

He started first with the photographs, ripping the merrily snapped pictures into two, the memories that they hold resurfacing in his mind. They're first date. Being on Music Bank together. Spending time at the beach without their managers knowing. He made sure to tear exactly between the two of them, the places where they hold hands, or snuggle into each other's embrace, and tossed the ripped pieces on the floor beside him.

I have to forget you, Hyojung.

The trinkets were easier to dispose. Hyorin wasn't someone who enjoyed wearing couple rings, especially in public, so there were only a couple he could find at the bottom of the box. Beside those, there were also a few keychains that Hyorin had gotten for him whenever she travelled overseas with her girls. Kyuhyun laughed over an orangutan keychain that she had gotten for him in Singapore, saying that he looked exactly like it as a joke, when he stopped in shame. How could he laugh, he thought to himself, after what he did to her.

I should forget you, Hyojung.

It was the clothing that worry him the most. Hyorin loved buying clothes for him. The box was filled with t-shirts, beanies, snapbacks, and other articles of clothing. He felt okay about throwing everything else, but clothes were another matter. He felt that it was a waste if they all just go into the trash. Kyuhyun decided that he could donate these clothes instead. Then others can use them. He had to be carefully, though, to do this as secretly as possible, or else he might have a mob of excited fangirls rushing to these welfare organisations to lay their hands on a shirt he had worn before. 

I will forget you, Hyojung.

The last set of things that were still in his box were a stack of papers, ranging from letters to post its to reminders of dates or anniversaries. He shredded these papers in the blink of an eye, restraining himself from even seeing her neat handwriting, lest he would stop tearing them if he did. He couldn't, however, stop himself from reading the last sheets of paper that lay right at the bottom of the stack. The score sheet. Her score sheet. 

I will.

His fingers gripped the sheets of paper tightly, finding the willpower to shift his hands apart. Hyorin gave him the score sheet of the song that she first sang on Immortal Songs 2 as a gift, both for bumping into him and to forge a friendship between them. She even signed it so that he'll remember her name.

I...

He remembered looking forward to the next recording the week after that, hoping to catch a glimpse of her again. He remembered worrying for her when he got the news that wasn't in the best condition to sing. He remembered his own amazement when she watched her sing, the way she belted her high notes at unimaginable heights. He remembered standing on stage with her to get their results, how he had tense up so badly, in anticipation of his results, and the fact that she was looking at him as well.

I...

It'll only take him a second to tear it, but it felt like an eternity hold on to those thin sheets. All he had to do was to shift his hands, a small amount of energy to muster. Kyuhyun took a deep breath.

I... can't. 

The papers slipped effortlessly from his hands as tears burned his eyes. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. His love for her was so rooted that no amount of scraping could ever remove that peanut butter.

So, now what?

Heechul managed to gather enough courage and sense to have a one-on-one chat with Kyuhyun, but entered the room to find yet another side of Kyuhyun. For some unknown reason, he definitely didn't seem depressed anymore. He wasn't even sure what he look like.

"Hey," Heechul called, getting his attention. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Kyuhyun replied with a light tone. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You sure?" Heechul was beginning to question whether Kyuhyun had a serious mental problem. "Because you seem different. Not in a bad way, per se, but still different."

Kyuhyun had indeed felt different than before. He wasn't just some sorry chap that lost the love of his life. He's a fighter now, a challenger full of energy and life. A guy with a dead fixed mindset.

A guy who will do everything in his power to get Hyorin back.

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Hey guys! Just a short (and final) update till my exams in October! I'm really freaking out right now. It's so close. But once I'm done, I'll definitely update this fic ASAP.

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