How y'all doin today? Here's an update :)

I can hear my heart thrumming in a twisted frenzy.

Taeyeon is looking at me expectantly.

I have no problems with the gender preference, heck, I have loads of gay friends I party with after work, and I’m an avid supporter of gender equality and women empowerment so why do I feel uneasy about her revelation? It’s not like New York ostracizes the third ; in fact, they’re very welcome in here, treasured even, because most of them are really talented and witty.

 “Are you…homophobic?”

 What?!

“Oh my God no! I mean, I’m all for gender equality and stuffs like that, it’s just that I never expected you’d be one, I mean look at you, you’re beautiful, smart and y.”

Taeyeon pursed her lips and smiled. Her eyes burn with amusement as she shakes her head; I made a wish for the ground to swallow me whole.

“I’m a lipstick, Tiffany. That’s why it doesn’t show, unless you see me hanging out at The Stonewall Inn".

The Stonewall Inn? Oh, that gay bar.

“I have loads of gay friends whom you probably know, they’ve dragged me in that place before, and it’s a nice cozy café in mornings then morphs into a high-end night club by evening right?” I admitted.

“Mhmm, so you’ve been there?”

“Oh yes, countless times”

“Hmm, I see, so you’re…?” she queried carefully, head cocked sideways and eyes glimmering with interest, which I didn’t get at first.

“Oh! No, no I’m not” I blabbered quite loudly and I swore I saw a tinge of disappointment in Taeyeon’s orbs.

 “Oh, I see. Of course you’re not, I remember The Planet doesn’t have a strictly gays only policy, meaning there are schedules wherein the straights are welcome to hang out” she said with a tight lip. I feel like an errant child who’s just disappointed a parent.

Her eyes bore into mine and I felt exposed and , Taeyeon seems what? Disappointed? That I’m not gay? I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve done something wrong. Audacity struck and I stare back at her, her eyes were very soulful, full of vivid emotions, of relief and happiness, uncertainty, resilience and …sadness. I know she’s tracing my face with her eyes; she ogles at my nose, my cheeks, and my lips. I can see her eyes moving, darting to and fro, drinking in the scenery and probably engraving it to her memory.

Does she by any chance, feel the same kind of admiration I have for her?

There’s a knot in my stomach that I couldn’t untie, it the knot tightens as Taeyeon breathes through her parted lips, so help me God… My hands travel up, resuming its previous ministrations, the sound of the zipper slowly closing was sharp and easy to hear despite the raging storm. The hospital jacket is unique, aside from the hoodie that hovers over the head, it also has a loose yet sturdy turtleneck feature that coats the entire neck area, stopping just below the bottom lip.

 “I’m curious though…” I asked with a shaky voice.

“About what?”

 “About… you know…how LGBTQ works”

She gave me a hearty smile. “For me, it’s different because we focus more on the emotional side of the relationship and not the physical one. I’m not saying all of us LGBTQ are all emotions and less physical, of course there are some who tend to lean otherwise but most of us give more value to feelings, shared moments together, the comforting familiarity knowing that you’re a woman yourself so you know what you want, hence, you know what to give. It’s passion which makes the act of intimacy more euphoric.”

I think my jaw just hit the floor. Dang, she’s so deep and when I think of it, her explanation does enlighten me a bit as I feel the old sensation rush back inside me, boiling with curiosity, I am suddenly hungry for something unnamed.

I never knew I had dexterous hands; I was quite fast as I zip Taeyeon up, as though I’m anticipating physical contact. As I completely close her garment up to the neck with a final din, my thumb rests just below her lip which immediately sent a chill down my spine, like I was momentarily electrified that I had to pull away at once. Taeyeon starts to chew her bottom lip; I wish she’d stop doing that.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend Tiffany?”

Uh-oh, not the boyfriend talk.

“Um, well, yes, all three of them” I mumbled, cheeks rosy and hands sweating underneath our wool blankets.

“All at once?!” she exclaimed, befuddled.

 “Dear God! No! The first one was when I was still in high school, you know, the usual thing and then the second, when I was in College, we were quite steady though, John, but I don’t know, we just started bickering all the time over really insignificant and miniscule issues, it was tiring and the last was a co-worker of mine from my first job in Harlem but he turned out to be, erm, gay and just needed to show-off a little to his family about his ‘masculinity’, he could not come out back then I guess, so…yeah, that’s about my entire lousy dating history.”

Taeyeon couldn’t help but chortle as the sound of her rather elderly laughter filled the room, if it were another, Tiffany might have found it offensive but she knew Taeyeon was just purely caught off guard by the hilarity of the whole situation, plus, she’d get to hear her laugh, no matter how peculiar the other girl’s laughter is, her voice was something she found very calming in any kind of situation.

“Oh my, dear Lord, I am sorry Tiffany, I didn’t mean to laugh at your misfortune, it’s just that, wow, I’ve heard of stuffs about it happening in sitcoms but I have never encountered it in real life, and here you are now telling me the stuff happened to you, was it because of that that you’re eagerly curious about us? I mean our community…?” Taeyeon immediately covered, but her stuttering gives her away, Tiffany felt happy bubbles popping enthusiastically inside her and tried to mask a growing smile.

“Partly, yes? I haven’t given much thought about it until you brought it up, yes, maybe it does consume a part as to why I wanted to know such things and reasons behind it. I guess it’s as simple as that huh? You do not choose who you love, it just comes and strikes you with its arrow when you least expect it.” I said, never letting go of her smoldering gaze, oh the intensity inside the room right now.

 What are you doing to me Taeyeon?

 “…correct. When you least expect it.” She echoed. She knows how to wheedle her way with hidden meanings alright. I was oblivious to everything because I was so ensnared in her very presence that I’ve failed to notice her roaming hands, zipping my jacket up until her fingers stopped at my bottom lip, I am all zipped up like an Eskimo, we both look like Eskimos in fact, with red cheeks from the glacial cold of North Pole, though I have my doubts about our flustered cheeks being the effects of the cold.

To my immense astonishment, Taeyeon ran her thumb along my chapped lips; raggedly travelling along the tiny cracks of skin, this is the ugliest my lips have been, this is utterly embarrassing, I didn’t even have the slightest second to take a breath. Goodness, what was that all about?

“Stay?” she coaxed in a hushed voice and a look similar to a scared, little puppy. How can I say no to that? Still vocally paralyzed and mentally dumbfounded, I just nodded.

“Good night Tiffany”

“Good night Taeyeon”

And we slept the night in her bed, face to face, tips of fingers instinctively brushing, wool blankets safeguarding us from the harsh cold, our shared warmth radiating around, lulling us into slumber. It was the most peaceful sleep I’ve ever had since the accident.

Blinking my eyes open, I was met by a blinding light from the window as the sun is at its blazing peak, the glowing morning warmth seeps in my skin, like an injected vial of rejuvenation. The same antiseptic smell lingered in the air which is the only downside in waking up in the morning.

When you look at Taeyeon sleeping, you’d see a child. A minute, innocent, defenseless, vulnerable, beautiful yet frail looking child. She still has half-moon crescents hanging down her eyes, I’m guessing I have those too given the pallor of our skin you can tell we haven’t had much sleep, actually last night was the most undisturbed sleep I had, free from night tremors, sudden call of nature, convulsion and vomiting the doctors deemed normal because of some hazardous particles in the fallen debris we inhaled while in ground zero.

My trail of thought dissipated when Taeyeon squirmed from her position, she looks so vulnerable and beautiful like a newborn child. Her eyes squinted and twitched before opening, she stifled a yawn that stop abruptly upon seeing me.

 “Hi” I said.

“Hi back” she grinned, turning sideways so that she could support her head with her palm, elbow carrying the weight as it rests on the surface of the mattress. She poses like an ancient goddess lounging on a sofa. Wow.

“I should go back to my bed; Irish may come barging in with our breakfast.” I whispered, as though we had done something last night that should be kept a secret.

 “And so?”

 I blinked, not quite understanding what Taeyeon had meant.

 “…so? She’ll see us on the same bed”

 “Yes, I know that, what about it?”

“It’ll be weird for her”

“How sure are you?”

God, she’s persistent and stubborn! Now that’s refreshing.

And as if a disaster rehearsed in perfection, the door swung open and in came Irish, not in her usual white uniform but scrubs that boasts a number of well-known cartoon characters. She looked at us as if seeing the weakest pair of patients in the hospital huddled together in the same bed isn’t the oddest thing.

“Morning guys, you ready to munch and crunch? You’ll love what I have in here” she rattled on in her usual bubbly demeanor as she cautiously pushes the trolley, even humming a tune.

My eyes were wide and face mortified as I glanced at Taeyeon who seemed carefree, she even winked at me as if saying ‘Told ya’.

I heaved a sigh, what am I so worried about anyway? I questioned myself and inwardly shrugged at my own question.

“Ta-da!” Irish ecstatically yelled. In front of our eyes were pancakes, the butter still sizzling on top, there were also toasts with a variety of jams, blueberry, strawberry, even nutella! There were also hot chocolate and milk, donuts and other pastries. Of course, my eyes did not fail to observe an increased number of capsules and tablets, vials and other bottled medicine stored underneath the tray.

“W-wow!” Taeyeon exclaimed, shaped a big ‘O’ “w-what happened with the balanced diet and right amount of food intake Dr. Foyers has been babbling about since day one?” she asked.

Irish merely shrugged, “Oh you know, the old man’s not that cruel, he said cheat days should be allowed for patients as well, it tickles the receptors and sensors when coalesced with the usual food the patients eat before the accident, like a trick maybe? So that your bodies will coax itself to heal faster, with the right amount of medicine of course, and he too had said, that hospital food tastes like rubbish, some patients even vomit out whatever they had eaten because of the usual bland taste, or whatever, anyway, don’t mind me rattling here and dig in”

As Taeyeon and I were feasting like queens in medieval ages, or barbarians since we were shamelessly using our hands, picking here and there, not minding the oily grease, Irish turned to me. “And oh Tiffany, someone or some people rather, are here to see you” she beamed.

My chewing slowed as I looked at her. “Who are they?” I asked in a mouthful. From my peripheral I saw Taeyeon smirk and shake her head, she must be silently commenting about my table manners again while she herself does the same, the hypocrite, I playfully scoffed inside my mind.

“Your family”

 I dropped my donut staring at Irish with an open mouth.

Whaddaya think will happen next guys? >:)

The Stonewall Inn is a real-life gay bar in NYC btw