As I started to dial Hyuk’s number, I realized what an idiot I had been to think only of myself when Hyuk sent me the message. The reason I got mad at him was because I knew I couldn’t live without him and it was so true to the point where a day without talking to him was terrible for me. I didn’t know what I would do when Hyuk left, how I would survive. Sure, I had all my other friends, but it was still so surreal to think about Hyuk leaving for good. 

    His phone rang and a million thoughts crashed through my head. I came up with the crazy idea that if I told Hyuk I liked him, maybe, just maybe, he would stay since he would realize he liked me too. I didn’t notice how stupid of a thought it was—I was too hopeful. He picked up and I was transported back to reality. I told him to come over and that I needed to talk to him. When I hung up, my breathing became off and I wondered how I was going to do this without freaking out. 

    My apartment was empty, thank God, when I got in. Hyuk arrived not long after I walked in my own door. I stood in silence for a second or two when I heard him knock on the door. He’d probably think I was crazy when I told him the truth. I opened the door and he walked in. I was shocked that he even knocked because I was so used to him coming over and just walking straight in.

    “Hyung, you look really pale.” He commented and I chuckled awkwardly.

    “I’m just cold.” I lied and went to grab my hoodie from my room, returning quickly. Hyuk was sitting on the couch, looking innocent. I pouted my lips. I never really understood what made me start to like this friend in the first place. It had always been a mystery. 

    “What’s up?” he asked, looking up at me with his big black eyes. I sat down next to him and sighed, feeling like I was about to start sweating. 

    “Um… Hyuk,” I started. I was thinking too many thoughts at once and I wasn’t sure how to word it. I started to think about Ravi and when he said he liked me. I wondered if I should do it that way; just come out and say it up front. I didn’t have time to decide, as words just started flowing out of my mouth. “I don’t know how or when this happened, but I guess I’ve started liking you recently. Maybe more than liking.” I added the last part quietly, looking down at my hands in my lap. Hyuk stayed quiet for a bit before answering.

    “Hyung… is this because you don’t want me to leave?” he tilted his head a bit, looking straight at me. I lifted my head and stared at him. It was almost like he read my thoughts exactly. 

    “No…” I trailed off. I could feel my face heating up.

    “I’m sorry, hyung,” he put his arm on my shoulder lightly. “I should’ve known this was coming.” He looked at the wall behind me for a second. “I really can’t do anything at this moment, the decision’s been made. I can’t just change everything now.” He said sweetly, returning his gaze to me, but it still hurt. I nodded slightly and moved my eyes to my hands again. Suddenly, Hyuk’s phone beeped and disrupted the silence that had started to fill the room. He looked at me as if asking if he could answer it. I nodded again and stood up, walking to the kitchen slowly. 

    When Hyuk was done with the phone call, he came up to me and hugged me tight, not saying anything. He let go of me and smiled his intoxicating smile at me then apologized and left. I stood in my kitchen for a few minutes before walking out of the apartment myself, unsure where I was going exactly. Maybe my feet would lead me somewhere where I could forget what just happened. I felt terribly embarrassed and like an idiot.

---

    I ended up at Ravi’s door for the second time that day. I held up my fists for a moment before actually knocking. Ravi came to the door almost immediately. I walked in silently and started sighing.

    “Hongbin, what’s wrong?” he asked and sat down next to me on his couch. I puffed out my cheeks in exasperation.

    “I know how you feel, hyung.” I said quickly. Ravi raised an eyebrow. “When you confessed to me and I turned you down… I now know what that feels like.” Ravi looked at me, shocked.

    “Who?” he asked. Although it was one word, I knew what he meant.

    “H-Hyuk.” I pushed out. I didn’t want to think about my friend at that moment, but he was the only thing on my brain. Ravi’s mouth fell open. I had never told him about my little crush on my friend and this wasn’t the best situation to tell him about it. I felt his arms around me as he brought me into a hug. I hugged him back, feeling indifferent and empty. He muttered something that sounded like an “I’m sorry.” but it was too quiet to understand entirely.

    I sat in his arms for a while, slowly getting calmer and calmer, when finally, I felt much less upset about the whole deal with Hyuk. I pulled away and opened my mouth to talk when Ravi’s lips crashed onto mine. I froze on the spot, unsure how to react, my eyes growing bigger by the second. I felt myself subconsciously moving closer to Ravi but then my brain began working again and I pulled away, standing up quickly. My brain was spinning.

    “I’m sorry, Ravi… but I… I… bye.” I stuttered and quickly ran out of his apartment, wondering what the hell just happened. I ran to my apartment building but crashed into someone at the entrance, since I was not watching where I was going. I bowed my head and mumbled a sorry, but the person grabbed my arm, pulling me back.

    “Hongbin?” the familiar voice said. I looked up and saw Ken. 

    “Hyung…?” I gasped, curious as to what he was doing there. His face was covered with a wide, toothy smile. I couldn’t help but return it, as it was too contagious.

    “What are you doing here?” Ken asked, taking the words right out of my mouth. 

    “I live here.” I responded, my mood being lifted off the ground. I almost seemed to forget all about Ravi and Hyuk. 

    “Since when?” 

    “Since I moved to Seoul, didn’t you know?” I raised an eyebrow.

    “I just moved in here yesterday!” Ken yelled and we both started laughing as if we just met each other for the first time. We talked a bit and agreed to go get a coffee at, yeah, you guessed it. 

    The café was quite crowded when we got in. Luckily, the line wasn’t too long, so we ordered out drinks and waited. There were no empty seats to sit in, so we just stood. 

    “Did you hear about Hyuk leaving?” Ken asked, holding his coffee tightly. I frowned, wishing my hyung hadn’t reminded me of the person I’ve been trying to forget. I nodded timidly, not speaking. Ken went on anyway. “Apparently, he’s going because his mom’s job is moving to Japan and you know he goes everywhere is mom does.” Ken laughed at his comment. I looked at him, my eyes wide.

    “His mom? He’s moving because of his mom?” I repeated.

    “Yeah, I was shocked myself…” he started talking but I cut him off.

    “Thank you, hyung!” I shouted then ran out of the café, heading to Hyuk’s house. I reached Hyuk’s house quickly, but my breathing was off and I felt weak from all the running I did today. I knocked on his door but his mom came instead of him.

    “Hongbin-ah.” his mother said. She was short and her long hair was turning gray in spots. She looked stressed and over worked. I looked at her and tried to speak confidently, but I felt weak under her stare. From Hyuk’s stories, she was quite an accomplished woman and now that I was standing here, I was aware of the fact I hardly did anything with my life. Even if I was taller than her, she seemed so much bigger.

    Every time I met her, I felt this way, though. I heard from Hyuk that she liked me, actually. I didn’t want to disappoint her since I had to be nice to my best friend’s mom and standing there in silence wasn’t the best to help my cause.

    “Is Hyuk, um, here?” I asked. 

    “No, he said he was going out but he didn’t say where. Why don’t you call him?” she suggested, a large smile on her face.

    “Is it true you’re moving to Japan?” I asked, becoming desperate. I was sure that I couldn’t bare my friend going and it seemed that that’s exactly what was going to happen. 

    “Yes, my work is moving there and I really enjoy the job, so I’m going.” she explained. I looked down at my feet.

    “Why are you taking Hyuk with you?” I asked quietly. Her smile fell from her face and she seemed upset.

    “He said he wanted to come with me. I couldn’t say no to him.” she nodded. I looked up again and smiled forcedly.

    “Thank you, Mrs. Han.” I bowed ninety degrees and walked away quickly, wondering where Hyuk could’ve gone off to.

---

    When I opened the door to my apartment, I found a familiar scene of Hyomi lying face down on the couch. I didn’t think much of it, so I walked by her into the kitchen. She called my name, dejectedly and I turned around to look at her. She hadn’t moved.

    “Leo turned me down again.” she said. At first, I couldn’t understand her, but when I heard Leo, I knew exactly what happened.

    “Oh?” I answered, not surprised.

    “He chose that Hakyeon guy.” she explained, her voice sounding upset and broken. I walked over to her on the couch and squatted down.

    “Look. Leo is not the type of guy that would go out with you. I don’t want to hurt your feelings but it’s true. There are plenty of other guys out there that would love to date you, so get up,” I pulled her arm and made her sit up. “You don’t see me moping around because Hyuk turned me down.” I lied. Hyomi’s eyes widened. I forgot she didn’t know about my crush on Hyuk.

    “You like your friend?” she asked and I started to walk away. She followed me and began pestering me with questions about this and that. I just ignored her as usual and went into my room and shut the door, hoping she’d leave me alone so I could call Hyuk.