Stand by You

 

 It was Jaejoong’s first fanmeet, and he was alone.

 

    Fans shuffled into the large room, squealing excitedly about meeting DBSK, carrying chocolates, handmade scarves, or phone numbers for their biases. The lines to meet Max, Yunho, Yoochun, and Junsu- especially Junsu- were so lengthy, spanning from one side of the room to the other.

 

    Yet Jaejoong’s line was empty.

 

    His manager came over to him in a flash. “I’m sure someone will come, Jaejoong. You have plenty of fans! Just wait, okay?”

 

    An hour ticked by.

 

“Hey, after I sign this for you, why don’t you say hi to Jaejoong?” Max told a girl in his line, smiling. “Have you heard his voice?”

 

“No way!” the girl giggled. “I don’t care about him!”

 

2 hours.

 

Snippets of Jaejoong’s past flitted through his mind: selling packs of gum door-to-door so he had money to buy dinner. Practicing singing techniques until he lost his voice. His biological parents leaving him, running away.

 

Did I go through all that just for this? Did I work so hard to debut... just for this?

 

Everybody hates me. Nothing has changed.

 

I will always be alone.

 

    SM security tried to push people over to Jaejoong’s line. “You can get an autograph from the other members after you get an autograph from Jaejoong,” they suggested. But the fans would never comply.

 

    “There’s a reason no one’s in Jaejoong’s line!” one girl shrieked. “Nobody likes him!”

 

    Jaejoong felt numb after a while. Their words, which had previously felt like knives stabbing through his soul, began to leave only a dull impact. The other members of DBSK attempted to console him, to try to help him. But they couldn’t. It didn’t matter. Nothing could change the fact that Kim Jaejoong viewed himself as a failure.

 

    And then she came.

 

    Jaejoong didn’t pay much attention to her at first. It was evident that she was Max-biased; she did head directly for his line the moment she walked in. But then she saw him.

 

    And the next thing Jaejoong knew, she was heading straight for him.

 

    “Hi! How are you?” she chirped, placing a bright red box in front of him. “You’re Jaejoong, right? You have a beautiful voice. I’m Jin.”

 

    He was at a loss for words. Finally, he managed to murmur, “Thank you.”

 

    Jin had seen him sitting alone. She had purposely come to him, because she didn’t want him to be alone.

 

    When Jaejoong realized this a pang hit his heart.

 

    “How’s your day been so far?” Jin asked, beaming widely. “Mine’s been a little busy. I had the morning shift at work, but I came straight here right afterwards! I was really nervous that I was going to miss this fanmeet. You guys are an awesome group, you know that? I mean, DBSK debuted only a short time ago, but you’re such a great group! Whenever I listen to your music I feel happy. I have a feeling you’re going to be super famous! Sorry, am I rambling? Everyone says I talk too much. Here, you talk!”

 

    “Uhh... wait what?” Jaejoong stuttered, scratching his head. Jin had apparently been given the gift of gab. But it was cute. She was cute. With her bright grin, short pigtails, and bubbly personality, Jin was the epitome of adorable.

 

    “Hey, you should open the gift I gave you.” Jin poked the prettily wrapped box. “I’ll give you a hint: it has cookies. Wait, that’s not a hint. I just told you what was in it. Oh. Well, eat them anyway!”

 

    Jaejoong ended up splitting the baked treats with her. She munched on them happily, smacking her lips and blathering about how she’d practiced making them since she was a baby. Suddenly, Jin felt a tap on her shoulder.

 

    “Excuse me, miss, but you’ve been talking to Jaejoong for too long.” A burly security guard informed her. “Please get out of line.”

 

    Jin whirled around. “But, mister, I’m having so much fun.”

 

    “Don’t kid yourself,” Jaejoong told the security guard softly. “Jin’s the only one in line, anyway. Let her stay.”

 

    “Er... alright.” The security guard backed away.

 

    And Jin and Jaejoong talked until the fanmeet was over.

 

---

 

    DBSK began to gain more popularity. They began to have more concerts, interviews, and- of course- fanmeets. Things started to change: for one thing, Jaejoong began gaining fans by the thousands.

 

SM security no longer had to force people to move to Jaejoong’s line; they had to force people not to start a mob in Jaejoong’s line. It seemed like he was getting more attention by the day. Everyone loved Kim Jaejoong.

 

    Something stayed the same, though: Jin would always come to DBSK fansigns and talk to Jaejoong. Even if she had to stand in line for hours on end, Jin would make sure to deliver a present of her fresh cookies to Jaejoong. They had a game going: she would give him a new flavor every time, and he would rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Jaejoong’s affection towards Jin was increasing strongly.

 

When fansign dates were announced he would start a countdown until he could see her again.

 

    “You looove her,” Yunho teased, fondly poking Jaejoong’s cheek. It had been a year since their first fansign; a year since the momentous day that Jin had entered his life.

 

Jaejoong swatted Yunho away, rearranging his box collection instead.

 

    “Dude, what kind of person collects all the boxes a fan’s given them? Yoochun shook his head. “Yunho’s right. You love her.”

 

    “I don’t love her!” Jaejoong protested. “I just like her... a lot. She’s my number 1 fan. I’m just sad that we don’t get to talk as much anymore. Back before I got a ton of fans, we used to have time to talk a lot. I told her about being a trainee, and my bubble gum job, and-,”

 

    “You know what would be a really good idea?” Max plopped down next to Jaejoong. “Slip her your phone number during the next fansign. Then you can talk all you want to her.”

 

    “That’s a good idea!” Junsu exclaimed. “You’re going to get a cute little girlfriend!”

 

    The next fansign came. Millions of people attended the event, all screaming the names of DBSK. The members’ desks were piled high with candy and cards and cute little teddy bears. There was just one thing missing.

 

    Jin.

 

    “Maybe she couldn’t make it today,” Max hypothesized uneasily. “You never know.”

 

    “Her grandma might have died,” Junsu coughed. “Don’t worry. She’ll come the next fansign.”

 

    But she never came.

 

    Jaejoong never saw Jin again.

 

---

 

4 Years Later...

 

    “Jaejoong, you have a photoshoot at 5 and a radio show right after. You need to get back as soon as you can!”

 

    “Yeah, yeah, I know,” Jaejoong snarls over the phone, swerving his car through traffic. Honks echo through the roads as the idol frantically tries to get back to his dorm on time.

 

    “And pick up a cake for Yunho while you’re at it! It’s his birthday tomorrow!” his manager reminds him.

 

    “Oh shoot!” Jaejoong bites his lip. “I’ll do that now.”

 

    Pulling into the parking lot of some random bakery off the closest exit, Jaejoong throws a cap over his head before stepping out of his car. If anyone sees him he’ll be toast. After all, he’s Kim Jaejoong. One of the most famous singers in South Korea- no, Asia. Why, Jaejoong is lucky that the paparazzi and sasaengs aren’t swarming all around him at this very instant!

 

    Jaejoong hurries into the bakery. His eyes scan the rows and rows of gold-dusted, intricately designed cakes, thick, chocolatey cookies, and colorful, flaky macaroons. Jaejoong’s eyes linger at a certain confection: a tiered white cake with pink icing roses on the sides.

 

A smirk tugs at Jaejoong’s lips; Yunho would definitely scorn this cake as being too girly. Which meant he definitely had to buy it for him.

 

    Jaejoong turns to the cashier. “Hi, can I-,”

 

    He freezes.

 

    Jin. It’s Jin.

 

    Jaejoong’s mouth drops. For a moment, he feels like he is frozen in place. Images of old fan meets flash through Jaejoong’s head. The sweet taste of her cookies. Her friendly nature. The thumping in his heart that would begin once he saw her.

 

    For a moment, Jaejoong sees Jin’s eyes widen in recognition. Within an instant, however, her face has snapped back to a dull, bland expression.

“What would you like, sir?” Jin asks in a monotonous voice.

 

Jaejoong stutters, “J-Jin. I... where have you- I haven’t seen you in forever.”

 

“Who are you? I’ve seen you somewhere before, but I don’t know where,” Jin says.  

 

Jaejoong feels like his heart has come collapsing down on itself. “I’m Kim Jaejoong,” he whispers. “Member of DBSK. You were my first fan...,”

 

“Oh, yes. I remember.” Jin sighs. “Hello. It’s nice to see you.”

 

Jaejoong is utterly bemused. Where is the bubbly, friendly girl he fell for? Jin’s once-bright eyes have now faded to a dull light. Dark crescents curve under her eyes, and Jin’s cheeks have thinned out. She looks more mature, wearier, more tired.

 

“I always waited for you at fanmeets,” Jaejoong tells Jin. “Ever since you disappeared, I always wondered where you went.” He resists the urge to add, I missed you.

 

“Fanmeets.” Jin’s eyes cloud with nostalgia. “I remember those. I actually had time for that. And... you were my favorite.”

 

Jaejoong grins. “Yeah. And you were my favorite. Fan, I mean,” he adds hastily. “Favorite fan. Fan.”

 

“I used to like Max the most,” Jin recalls, closing her eyes. “But then I saw you sitting alone at a fanmeet. No one was talking to you. So I wanted to cheer you up.”

 

“Yeah. It was really kind of you. I’ve always been grateful.”

 

“And I learned how to make snickerdoodle cookies and chocolate chip cookies and macadamia nut cookies for you,” Jin continues.

 

Jaejoong bobs his head eagerly. “They were really the best! I always looked forward to them!”

 

“And then Mom died.” Jin’s eyes snap open as if she has awaken herself from her trance, stepped back into reality. Her expression turns wan again. “I didn’t have time to visit you anymore. I had to run this bakery, and earn money for myself and my siblings.”

 

“Oh,” Jaejoong murmurs. “So... that’s why you never came to another fanmeet.”

 

Jin dips her head. “I’ve heard your band has gained more popularity. I saw you in a soju advertisement at the supermarket.”

 

    “Yes, we have,” Jaejoong says slowly. “Actually, DBSK is called the ‘boyband of the Hallyu Wave’.” How does she not know this?

 

    “That’s nice,” Jin says uninterestedly. After a brief silence between the two, she asks, “So would you like to purchase anything?”

 

    Jaejoong clears his throat. He is still reeling from the shock of his beloved Jin turning into this dispassionate, dry woman. However, Jaejoong can still see traces of Jin’s old charm; the way her hair is tied back in a cute little bun- just like what she would wear to fanmeets, and how she wrinkles her nose when she is thinking.

 

But there is no doubt that Jin has changed.

 

    “I’ll buy that cake,” Jaejoong says, pointing to the flowery white cake. Jin methodically removes the cake from the display and packages it in a blue cardboard carton.

 

    “Here you are,” she says tersely. “Anything else?”

 

    Jaejoong looks at Jin. “Yeah,” he says, and he leans over the counter and kisses her full on the mouth. Jaejoong’s arms wrap around Jin’s midriff as he draws her closer to his body, exploring with his tongue. He tries to convey his emotions of affection and gratefulness and nostalgia through his lips, nostalgia for a time when Jaejoong was innocent, new to the entertainment world, alone except for her.

 

    And Jaejoong can feel Jin kissing back. Kissing him with all her passion. Jaejoong can feel Jin’s emotions as well; happiness for meeting him again, frustration for being forced to leave her interests to support her family, and- predominantly- nostalgia. Nostalgia for a time when Jin was excited to wake up in the mornings, happy to venture out in the world and begin new adventures and have fun.

 

    And when Jin and Jaejoong break away from each other, it feels like they are both bidding goodbye to their former selves. Finally letting go.

 

    “Thank you,” Jin murmurs, tilting her forehead so that it meets Jaejoong’s. With satisfaction, Jaejoong notices that a trace of Jin’s old color has bloomed in her cheeks again.

 

    “I’ll stay by your side and support you,” Jaejoong breathes in Jin’s ear. “You didn’t leave me when I needed someone the most. So I’ll return the favor for you.”

 

    “Thank you for being there for me.”