[kairos]
ORIGIN mid 20th cent.: Greek, literally ‘opportunity.’

(i)

The first time Yongguk met you, he is at the popcorn stand, quietly buying whatever the two maknaes want. Jongup and Zelo are already rushing off to their designated theatre, because, for the third time, they came to watch Frozen. But anyway, Yongguk made sure it’s a wednesday, because tickets are half-priced, and the middle of the week is the best time to go out undetected.

Yongguk is standing behind you, who is quietly paying for a bottle of ice water. What intrigues him the most, then, is that your sneakers are pretty worn and you don’t seem to care that your jeans are ripped in a way that’s clear that those holes aren’t fashion. Not to mention, the flow of your hair looks like caramel, a little burnt, just the way Yongguk likes them. The longer he stares the larger the urge to reach out to you seem to grow.

Yongguk curses himself for even thinking of it. Him acting like a creep will just give his own stalker fans a reason to label him as a hypocrite, and anyway, you definitely will not appreciate that. So, when you and your ice water turn swiftly and disappeared, Yongguk’s gaze remains fixed on the slip in his hand with Jongup’s hurried handwriting scrawled onto it. Why do they want pink popcorn? Gummy bears, really?

In case it isn’t obvious, Yongguk does not enjoy babysitting growing adolescents, thank you very much.

He goes through his wallet in an unhurried manner. The movie isn’t going anywhere. He plunges himself into paying the cashier with all his coins, however, just like any other lowly human being inhabiting this planet, his coins never quite add up. That depressing thought came and went as the cashier tentatively asks him if he happens to be Bang Yongguk of that ‘one k-pop group I can’t remember which’.

“‘Cause my lil sis likes you,” the man, no more than thirty, smiles from behind the counter, passing Yongguk his receipt and pink popcorn. And gummy bears. “Enjoy your movie.”

Yongguk automatically went on idol-mode and offered the older dude his professional smile, before ducking his head shyly in a way that he will never have done in real life, before making a run for it in the politest jog idol-ly possible.

After the movie, the day is still as high as noon. Yongguk ends up walking behind you again, as you left the almost empty theatre. Some time during the movie, he heard a quiet sniffle a few seats away to his left and doesn’t think much of it. However, now that Yongguk is trudging towards the exit, with the maknaes giggling and bickering in tow, it slowly dawns on him that the sound came from you.

“Uh, hyung?” Jongup conveniently shakes Yongguk out of it. Yongguk had unconsciously been staring after you.

He clears his throat. “Let’s go,” somewhat grateful Jongup does not comment on it.

Maybe he should reconsider this idol thing. Maybe he’s meant to chase after you. Or something.

As days passed, the tangible feeling he could not quite pinpoint begins to ease. However, Jongup’s scrutiny has not.

Exactly one week later, Yongguk is sure he isn’t imagining the way that kid’s cautious eyes follow him in a very non-Jongup way, when the older trudged into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Ice water.

He has yet to come to terms with this weird thing in his ribcage that he doesn’t have a name for. His stomach is practically on fire by the time he is able to pour the water, completely forgetting Jongup for a second there. Because, no, this feeling is not butterflies. He is too old for butterflies.

“Hyung?”

Yongguk glances over his shoulder, the glass of (ice) water hovering in front of him.

“I thought we’re only allowed to drink lukewarm water.”

Damn it.

Suppressing a groan, his hand instinctively tips the water into the sink.

“Yeah. You caught me.”

Jongup’s lips twitches, half-amused, half-concerned.

Impishly, he asks, “Wanna go to the movies tomorrow, hyung?”

“Yes.” Yongguk blurts out too quickly and inwardly winces.

Jongup might’ve grinned coyly. Yongguk pretends he doesn’t see.

-

(ii)

He isn’t expecting much that wednesday, but as Youngjae, who was forced to tag along by Jongup, grumbles away while Yongguk buys them tickets to ‘Saving Mr. Banks’, the oldest can’t help but openly search the empty lobby.

“Looking for someone, hyung?” Jongup quirks an eyebrow.

Immediately, Yongguk replies, “Sasaeng precautions.”

Youngjae snorts, “Whatever floats your boat.”

Yongguk let that comment slide. Kids these days are hopeless when it comes to manners anyway.

After being a subject of a long look from the second maknae, Yongguk couldn’t have been more delighted to find a figure of a girl disappearing into the cinema. How ever he tries, he can’t help the self-satisfied smile from creeping onto his face.

In hindsight, all of this is more than strange. Especially because he hasn’t an idea what attracted him to you. For all he knew, you are probably some creative student at some prestigious university somewhere, and you can’t be older than nineteen. The makes Yongguk cringe. Overall, you seem pretty normal to him, including your plain hair, ordinarily pale skin, and even stranger clothes of simple bleached jeans and a t-shirt of some British rock band.

Despite all of that, there are pretty things about you he cannot name. For instance, your silent nature, your unchanging expression even when tears trail down your cheeks, and maybe, even the way you wear your solitude like a proud medal of honor; it’s so unlike anyone else. Your seclusion from the world becomes admireable. Especially because it comes from you.

So, Yongguk can’t stop his curiosity the past seven days. The young’ins are becoming suspicious of his sudden inability to focus.

The sniffles come again, only two seats away, as Yongguk alternates to watching you instead of the damn screen. With the luminous flashes and disney colours highlighting the contours of your features, he takes in the way your full lips part to take in a shaky breath whenever new tears begin to emerge looking like glitters in your eyes.

You could’ve past as some sappy teen.

But that isn’t it. Subconsciously, he wonders if you just broke up with your boyfriend or something. Because, girls, dude.

“Pass the gummy bears,” Youngjae, who’s sitting in the middle, elbows him.

Yongguk meets the vocalist’s long gaze with his own dazed one, before handing him the packet. However, the younger’s eyes have already flit in your direction. Youngjae then silently accepts the damn gummy bears, and looks away without saying a word.

-

Yongguk wonders if he is allowed to feel like this.

“Guk hyung.” Jongup asks one day, “Are you going to talk to her any time soon?” during their practice breaks, two weeks later.

Yongguk hasn’t had time to go back there since. And a small part of him fears you will disappear forever.

“Do I look like I have the time?” he grumbles before downing his (lukewarm) water.

Himchan, who’s talking on the phone, saunters past them and promptly scoffs into the receiver. “No, but you do look like a coward.”

Yongguk’s head snaps up and Youngjae raises a brow from behind the stereo, but Himchan is too immersed as he walks out of sight. Yongguk eyes the swinging door suspiciously, as an unceremonious Daehyun is shoved inside.

The trainer, who appears a second later, warns the vocalist pointedly, “If I see you darting off to the convenience store again, Jung Daehyun.”

-

(iii)

Something tells him all of this isn’t going end well.

The next time he sees you again isn’t at the movies. It’s exactly three days later that Yongguk catches you at the edge of his vision, but by the time he jogs around the corner you seem to have already vanished.

Youngjae suggests, maybe he is hallucinating.

Yongguk wonders if this is true.

How do two people find each other time and time again? Maybe this is some cosmic joke; the fact that he keeps on seeing you, but you have not yet saw him.

It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. Maybe, even bruises Yongguk's ego a little.

“Talk to her, hyung.”

-

(iv)

Another week crawls by uneventfully.

After Yongguk ends a two-hour phone call with his mother, who he hasn’t seen in months, a kind of homesickness starts to gnaw at his chest. Understandably, manager Kang unleashes the sensible Yongguk to go out for a jog.

He isn’t sure how much of his sensibility belongs to him.

It’s been raining an hour ago.

Around ten-something, he reaches the park and freezes on the spot. His heart begins to go rampant, when he recognises the lone figure on the park bench, just under the streetlamp.

Your dark hair glisten, creating a proverbial halo. You look paler than usual, and maybe a little too thin. Yongguk subtly strolls to the closest tree—no, he’s not creeping, thank you very much—and peers out.

You keep staring at your phone as if waiting for someone to call. Your long hair cascade over your shoulders and they fall like the sequined curtains in the old cottage of an old man by the sea of Yongguk’s hometown. Just by watching you, the homesickness fills him from his feet up to his head, like the rising waters threatening to drown anyone inside a room with no exit.

Yongguk averts his eyes and suppresses the wild thoughts that should only belong to experimental adolescents. He isn’t exactly a teen anymore.

The reminder of the previous rain made his head snap back to you. Sure enough, your clothes are damp, your hair look darker and the way they glisten can only be due to water droplets. A crude emotion shot at his heart, or somewhere near.

As you let out a resolute sigh and pockets your phone, it rings. You fumble in a startled kind of way that made Yongguk chuckle fondly. There’s a glint in your eyes as your resignation is replaced by irritation, however, as you accept the call, hope and anxiousness burn away any fires you possess.

Yongguk wonders when sorrow had become this absurdly sad, yet beautiful.

Your gaze drops, your head hangs crestfallenly as you purse your lips into one mute line.

Whoever that jerk is, Yongguk would like to have a very serious conversation with him—much of the violent kind.

You bend on your knees feebly and just stay sitting on the heels of your sneakers. Something twists Yongguk’s gut at the broken sight. You rest your head onto your legs and wrap your arms around them. Yongguk bites his lip, trying to restrain his impulses. All he wants to do is run to you and hug you until you feel better, or something.

Manager Kang trusts him. The successes and failures of each member relies on him. It isn’t really fair, because he isn’t the Yongguk everyone expects him to be, and all he wants right now is to stop you from shattering into specks of dust and sand.

So.

His feet start making their way there as if they’re sick of Yongguk’s indecisiveness and are taking matters into their own hands—or feet, in this case.

Yongguk does the stupid thing when he is in front of you.

“Hey.”

Your body stills, and when your eyes snap open, for a minuscule moment, you look so elated that Yongguk’s heart races in an unstoppable speed—then, your hope is snuffed out like a candle flame.

You open your mouth and closes it, and then just blink, warily rise from the ground. You both are surrounded by houses, aged and weathered, and everything is just dark.

Yongguk’s traitorous brain short-circuits. So, to not seem like an idiot, he blurts out the first thing that flashes through his mind.

“Do you need a hug?”

And thank god, it didn’t come out creepy. However, you aren’t taking it very well, as you glare at him so hard that Yongguk thinks he might burst into flames.

“You must be kidding me.” You hiss. The infuriated tone of your voice attacks him by surprise.

Yongguk opens his mouth to ask, what you meant by that, but the question never made it out.

“Did he send you?” You ask, eyes frantic.

Yongguk doesn’t know what that's supposed to mean. Your cheeks adorn a heated shade, and even he knows it isn't from shyness. You let out a desperate laugh like someone who is too speechless to do anything else, “I– wow. I am such a joke.”

Yongguk steps forward and you avert your eyes as if the image of him might burn you. An unbearable ache hit Yongguk at a pace of a bullet train.

This is a mistake. He should’ve thought this through, gods.

You stutter out a second later, “I, I have to leave. Sorry–” blinking rapidly as if doing so will hide whatever ty feeling that is threatening to break you. When you look back up, Yongguk is still waiting, “No, I shouldn’t be the one apologising. But I’m so sorry, I just can’t deal with his sick jokes right now. It might’ve been funny, but really it’s, it’s–”

Whatever it is you are about to say becomes lost against Yongguk’s shirt as he engulfs you into his arms. You’re standing there, still dumbfounded, so he makes it his opportunity to prevent any potential trouble he may have to shoulder once you return to your senses.

Yongguk says gently, “You don’t need to go to the movies just to cry, you know,” he rambles on, hoping his voice will be enough to keep you calm. “My bandmates think I’m an idiot, and they are probably right,” the last thing he wants is be seen as a molester. “I don’t think anybody knows who I am for real, and it bothers me. I probably will have to live with them for the next decade or so, and will always have to pay whenever we go out. And, yeah, it kinda .” Yongguk subtly presses his thumb on the nape of your neck, at a knob that makes up your spine.

He is so damn far from innocent, and the residue of his past comes crawling back because he hasn’t really changed, no.

He swallows, “I haven’t seen my family in flesh for the last three months, and I’m not sure when I’ll have the time to.”

The panic in your body slowly drains, your breathing becoming less frantic, as he circles his thumb on your skin. Yongguk chuckles darkly. “You know, for the last month or so, I’ve been going to the cinema on wednesdays with the kind of commitment I should've had for sunday church as a child.” But he'd never been a virtuous person to begin with.

When he feels your clutches on his shirt tighten, his throat closes up. Your tears feel warm and damp as they seep through to his chest.

“I,” Yongguk his parched lips. “I know there’s a likely chance you’ll sue me for harassment or something. And, it’ll probably ruin my career along with my bandmates’ for good– and I’m, I’m not ready for that even if, sometimes, I wish it was all over– and I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything,” he adds the last part quietly as an after thought, gently swiping his finger across your neck.

“It’s just, you seem to always be waiting for someone to show up, and I dunno what’s going on and I don’t understand but, please don’t waste your time sticking around someone who doesn’t deserve you.” You stiffen. He finishes lamely, “And I’m sorry for the bad timing. I’ll let you go. Just, uh, please don’t report me.”

And Yongguk lets go.

[kairos]
ORIGIN mid 20th cent.: Greek, literally ‘opportunity.’