3 Dec.

I got a fight with Chorong. She misunderstood me with Luhan. I failed to make her clear about my relationship with Luhan. There’s nothing between us, we are just friends. I am really sorry to Luhan, because of me, he has a conflict with Chorong. Though, I don’t have any feelings towards Luhan, but I am so jealous of Chorong to own such a loyal boyfriend like Luhan. He never gives up on persuading Chorong.

5 Dec.

I just got back home from the clinic. I fainted in class when I heard of the news regarding Chorong is transferring to new college. She’s going to leave me. I don’t know what Chorong think, but doesn’t she care about Luhan? What will happen to Luhan if she left?

I am so glad Zelo was there to send me to the doctor.

At the clinic, the circumstance was a bit weird. The doctor was frowning all the time. He looked worry of something. When Zelo asked is there anything wrong with me, the doctor said he was not sure. When Zelo and I went to the counter to take the medicine, the nurse in charge gave me an envelope. She said the envelope was from the doctor.

I opened the envelope just now. The doctor requested me to meet with neurologist. In the letter, he said that I am a suspect of a terminal illness. I don’t know what he meant, but it sounds serious.

8 Dec.

Min Woo forced me to wake up so early in the morning. That annoying boy really frustrating! But, I kindly held back my anger. We are going to the mart. Min Woo asked me to accompany him to buy a birthday cake for Min Ho.

Actually Min Woo had called Yuri Noona to join us. Yuri Noona just got back from her night shift. But, to show her love to Min Ho, Yuri Noona willing to abandone her tiredness. She treat us breakfast before we bought some groceries for tonight.

As we arrived home, Min Ho was out for work. Yuri Noona excused herself to go home. She promised to come again at 8 pm. That night, Min Woo immersedly cooked lasagna. And of course I just sat on the couch, watching TV.

9 Dec.

12 midnight. Yuri helped with the dining table. When Min Ho got back home, we surprised him with a birthday song. Min Woo lit up the candles and ushered it to Min Ho. After making his wish, he blew out the burning candles and kissed every single of his love ones.

Yucks! That's the gross part of Min Ho. Too rich of kisses. Yuri Noona gave a bracelet to Min Ho. Min Woo gave a box to him. The present was bought by Min Woo and me. It was a 'two time one' inch plat. Where a square shape was carved behind it. The spuare shape represent Min Woo, me, Yuri Noona and him. I didn't forget to wish him 'Happy Birthday'. I hope he won't be too busy with work and spend some time with us.

12 Dec.

I went to the hospital this morning. I have to do several check-up. And, the doctor made an appointment for me, seven days from now. He mentioned something about diagnosis. Min Ho did mention that thing several times but it’s just an examination to check your physical and mental healthness. This is just wasting my time.

13 Dec.

I bumped with Luhan at a café. I asked him how is he doing with Chorong? But, his fake smile explained everything. Chorong is now officially moved to other college. Is she that mad? I hope it’s not 100% because of me. I apologized to her many times. She only glared at me with no words.

Min Ho proposed Yuri Noona yesterday and they are now officially engaged. When I asked when they will get married, Min Ho will only choke. Such an irresponsible human! Min Ho loves his work more than anything. He is too proud of himself when people call him Dr. Choi. Annoying!

19 Dec.

Urghhhh!!!!!! Today is such a tiring day. Diagnosis is so tiring. I spent my whole day at the hospital. The process is too slow. I have to wait another three days for the result. At the hospital, I have to lay on a special bed with a lot of buttons beside me. When I laid on it, a nurse will press few buttons and the bed automatically slid into a tunnel. The tunnel was so narrow and it made me felt uncomfortable. Moving lasers shone from the tunnel wall. It scared me as it travelled my whole body for few times.

I miss Chorong so much. Does she miss me too? I’m sure she misses Luhan. I’m so sad to see how miserable Luhan is. My headache is getting worse. Usually when I got headache, the pharmacist would give me Paracetamol to reduce the pain. It used to be effective, but now the headache will attack me again in a short of time. Maybe it’s because I am too worry of Chorong and Luhan. How can I help them? I feel so guilty. What should I do? Uhuk Uhuk TT.TT

23 Dec.

Today, I went to a nursery. I was quite busy choosing some plants for my project. Yoseob came along. Awww~~ so kind of him. Again. The headache spoilt my day. I'm trapped in the pain. No matter how frequent I take the Paracetamol, the pain always the same. Poor Yoseob. Since I got headache today, Yoseob has to send the plants to our planting lot by himself.

The diagnose arrived yesterday. I still haven't get free time to open it. To be honest, my heart is thumping to hell when I tried to open the envelope. Maybe I'll open it before I go to sleep. How my eyes refuse to fall asleep tonight, so frustrating!

The clock shows that it's already 3.07 am. I can't sleep. I wish I can wake up from this nightmare. The diagnose is POSITIVE. The terminal illness I am suffering is a BRAIN CANCER. I don't know how to tell Min Ho and Min Woo about this. Or maybe I should tell Zelo and Yoseob? No! I need Chorong right now. I shall meet her tomorrow. I don't know whether to cry or not. What I am so sure is, I am scared. I suddenly feel so lonely. Why can't I believe in anyone? I hope Chorong is an ideal one. Chorong, please. I beg you. I only have you. I only trust you.

24 Dec.

Chorong didn't pick up my call. Where is she? Does she change her phone number? I called Luhan, asking him whether he knows how to contact Chorong. Unfornately, he apologized to me. He told me he has not contacted with Chorong for weeks.

Min Woo noticed something is wrong with me. He asked if I am okay or not. As usual, he got cursed by me. Such a busy body! He should just mind about his study. Lazy boy!

I am worry of my project. The duedate is just around the corner. Hoping Yoseob and Zelo will do they best of best.

Min Ho looks tired. My tongue froze, doubting to tell Min Ho about my illness. I can't imagine how he will get shock and worry.

Locking myself in my room, avoiding from meeting with my brothers. My fingers dial up Zelo's number. I think he might be the right one. He did pick up the phone. I could clearly hear him say hello on the line. He called my name when I just kept silent. He seemed to worry of me. But then, I realised. This is not right. I hung up the line and switch off my phone. I need some times by myself to think.

31 Dec.

New year is coming. I think I can trust no one. I can handle everything by myself. I succeed my project with Zelo and Yoseob. The plantation project was a big succees. Our lecturer loved it. The project had been awarded as the best project. Thanks to Zelo and Yoseob for everything. They did such a great teamwork. I suddenly started dreaming of opening a nursery with those two boys.

I'll get my bachelor in agriculture very soon! So excited! This is what I desire for such a long time. I'm going to work, grab some money and build my own heavenly nursery. I believe in myself. So far, I haven't been attacked by the headache again. I think the diagnose was mistaken.

30 Jan.

The strong headache attacked again. I was out with Yoseob. I fainted at the pedestrian. Yoseob sent me to the hospital. The doctor personally told me that the cancerous cell is growing faster than expected. I was adviced to do the surgery. Where can I grab the money to pay the bill later on?

Min Woo said I didn't talk much lately. He admitted how he misses the talkative me. I'm sorry Min Woo. The illness I am suffering now is really out of my wellness to fight. I am leaking of my self-confidence.

4 Feb.

It hurts! It hurts a lot! Help me! Anyone, please help me! My head hurts. I swallowed few painkillers. To wait for the pain to go is torturing me. Why me? After years since my parents died, today is my first time to cry again. This time, I couldn't control the flowing tears. It won't stop.

6 Feb.

I was sent to the hospital by an ambulance after Min Woo safed me. I choked the Paracetamol while struggling to fight the pain. Now I started to worry about someone. MIN HO. What will I tell him? I'm sure he had acknowledged about my cancer. Min Woo. I'm sure he is sad. That little annoying boy, loves me the most. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep it a secret from you.

7 Feb.

Min Ho set up multiple rules for me, the house and even Min Woo. I think Min Ho is out of his mind. How can he pulled innocent Min Woo in this matter? I know I was wrong but not Min Woo. This is INSANE!

10 Feb. 

It's my graduation day. Zelo and Yoseob were busy preparing their outfit for our convocation day. Zelo bought a dress for me. But, Min Ho stopped me from going out. We got into a fight. Min Woo helped me to beg Min Ho. Our effort was meaningless. Min Ho insisted not to let me out.

I locked myself in room for hours. Min Woo kindly came knocking at the door. Now I know, Min Woo is the one who sincerely care and understand me. I felt guilty for being rough to him before. I'm sorry Min Woo.

15 Feb.

Mum came visit me. Though it's just a dream, I know it's actually a real message from mum. She wants me to do something meaningful. Mum makes me believe that my time is about to end. I need to get ready for it. Wishes. I'm going to make all my wishes come true.