♚    Review   ♚

Note: Ashiba here. Sorry for the delay. Please continue reading for your review.

heart_and_seoul

After Earth

--

Title (6/7):

It's an interesting title, and really relates to the story itself, which most fanfiction I've seen don't do. 

Foreword/Description (7/7):

The idea of using an extract from the story as the foreword is a very clever technique. Also, the part you used gives a lot of information about the background of the story's world, but not the story itself, so the reader will want to know how the protagonist has lived in such a place during the time she's been there.

Vocabulary/Grammar (14/15):

You have excellent vocabulary, and your grammar is near perfect. The only problems were the overuse of some words ('sarcastic' for example. That was used a lot. You could have used similar words such as 'cynical' or 'snide') and the misspellings of Yuna's name (Yura and Yuma being the ones I noticed) which kind of made me lose track of the characters and made me go read previous parts of the story again, since at first I assumed that 'Yura' was a new character that appeared and I had skipped the parts of her introduction.

Characters (13/15):

I like how the main characters maintain a constant relationship throughout the story, with Chanyeol having a sort of friendly/flirty type of attitude and Yuna rejecting all his attempts at trying to be friends. The character development is also really good - with Yuna being a selfish girl who only cares for her own safety becoming someone who cares about others to the extent of hindering herself to get them to safety (I'm referring to the sandstorm).

Also, the characters have a really... I dunno what you call it - strong sense of character? I mean, the characters have very distinct personalities, and it'll be easy to tell them apart even if they were just silhouettes in a show simply from how they talk and react to different situations.

The portrayal of the characters' past lives before 'After Earth' came to be is also really interesting. Everyone in the story has a past of some sort, waiting to be revealed. Your readers will be looking forward to the next chapters to find out more about the characters.

The only thing that bothers me is the 'THIS GUY IS SO ANNOYING I HATE HIM SO MUCH OH MAI GAWD' trope is really overused. It would have been more interesting if Yuna didn't hate him as much as she did from the start.

It's just my opinion, though.

Flow (3/3):

I think it flows very nicely. From Chanyeol saving Yuna to the explosion to them arriving at Bluebeard Tavern, it doesn't seem rushed or anything. The chapters after when Yuna agrees to going with Chanyeol give off a sort of 'everyday routine' vibe that lets everything proceed smoothly while still reminding the reader of the characters being in mortal danger. Good job!

Neatness (3/3):

The layout is really neat, and it's very easy to tell what is going on and who's talking.

Total Score: (46/50) ---> (92/100)

This was an engaging read. The story used some elements of general 'post-apocalyptic' scenarios, but you added unique twists to a lot of things that would be considered cliche.

Keep up the good work! 

- Ashiba

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Other Notes: Well, I'm going to complete the rest of the reviews that I'm supposed to do, then I'm going to be away for a little while. So the review department in the shop may be even slower than before. 

Even the entire shop might get slower, since we've all got exams coming up.

Thank you for reading. Have fun for the rest of your day.