♚ Review ♚ 

Note: So, Ashiba here. I FINISHED IT. I'm really sorry for the long wait. 

notanebula

2312

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❦ Title: (2/5)

It's intriguing, to say the least. I don't really see how it relates to the story, though. Maybe I'm missing something, but I can't find any sort of reference to the title in the story or how the title has anything to do with it.

Again, maybe I'm just being stupid and the title has some sort of hidden meaning that I can't figure out.

❦ Foreword/Description: (7/10)

It's short and simple, and it gives the basic idea of the story without revealing too much. Also, like a good introduction, it leaves the readers wanting to know more.

'How will Chanyeol confess?'

'What will be Kris's reaction?'

'Will he be able to make himself remembered?'

❦ Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: (14/20)

It's pretty surprising that English isn't your first language. You have a really good grasp on grammatical rules, and you also have a broad vocabulary. 

However, from what I can see, you have a little trouble with punctuation. For example,

"You tell me not to be sad well you," (couldn't bother trying to find a better example, sorry)

should be

"You tell me not to be sad? Well, you,"

The first seven words make up a sentence by themselves, and the eighth word, 'well', that follows cannot add on the sentence. It's part of a new sentence, so you should cut it off from the first seven words by adding a punctuation mark. Here, I put in a question mark since the Kris in my head made the sentence sound more like a question than a statement, but a full stop or a semicolon could work too.

There were a couple of spelling mistakes here and there, like 'greatiness', which is supposed to be 'greatness', and 'wipped', which is supposed to be 'wiped'. It could be that you just pressed a wrong key and didn't notice, but I thought that maybe you should know.

❦ Plot: (19/25)

The plot in the story is quite overused; it basically involves a person who is certain to die in a given time from disease, and they make up their mind to do something they think they should've done long ago.

Still, I think you managed to make it work quite well. The way it was paced and the characters' emotional development throughout the story is really good! Unlike most similar plots, the side characters (Jongin, Luhan, Yoora) add spice to the otherwise plain storyline.

I like the fact that Chanyeol died at the end. It was unexpected, and leaves a greater impact on the reader than if the story were to end with the stereotypical happy ending for the main characters where Chanyeol and Kris end up together and get married while Luhan is shunted to the side and goes all angsty. 

The little stories at the end are also cute, and it tells us a little more about the characters.

❦ Characters: (20/25)

The characterisation was very well done, which I think is the highlight of this story. The feelings that the characters experience are clearly projected to the reader without any flowery language and the like. 

Chanyeol, for example - You can practically feel his despair when you read about his thoughts. Also, when he finds out he has cancer, he is obviously very reluctant to accept that before giving in and making the most of life is pretty realistic. The hidden feelings he had were poured out into the diary, which is much better than simply writing a really long narrative from Chanyeol's point of view and makes the reader feel closer to the character.

And then we have Kris, who is in love with his best friend but is too scared to confess. A lot of readers will probably be able to relate. 

Luhan's situation is also quite sad - the man he loves is in love with someone else. However, he tries his best to get them together and even takes care of Chanyeol, who is the person who stole his love. The fact that he doesn't go into a yandere frenzy and starts hurting Chanyeol is something that is uncommon. Typically, these kinds of stories would have Luhan laughing in Chanyeol's face and he would try to keep Kris away from Chanyeol until the latter passes away. It's a good break from the usual.

Like I said before, the other characters add a little more spice to the story. Not many stories would would have the main character befriending their doctor (Jongin) or meeting a friend from the past (Suho). Baekhyun's involvement in the whole thing adds a little humour, and the appearances/mentions of other EXO members (D.O, Tao, Sehun and Xiumin in the spam messages) were a nice touch.

❦ Flow: (10/10)

I think it flowed very well. Everything happened at a realistic pace. After all, it takes time to accept the fact that you're going to die, and even more time to gather up the courage to tell that to the people you love. The way Chanyeol reacted to the "You have cancer" news and how he slowly becomes more and more desperate before finally accepting that he's not going to be around anymore is really heart-breaking. 

❦ Neatness: (5/5)

The way you managed to distinguish the diary entries and text messages from the narration is really well done. The paragraphing and layout is perfect, and the little quotes you add around the story were a good addition.

❦ Total Score: (77/100)

At first, I was planning to read the first 10 chapters and skim through the rest, but I ended up getting absorbed in the story. And I wouldn't stop crying after Chapter 16. It is a really sad story, and quite well written. You did a brilliant job!

Keep up the good work!

- Ashiba

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Note: So I decided to change the scoring around a little. 

         Um, yeah, I got really bad grades in Maths for the finals, and my father says I have to study during the holidays. So the Review Department will be slower.