♚    Review   ♚

Note: Hello, Ashiba here. Sorry for not reviewing earlier, I was really busy with schoolwork. Anyway, this review is a bit harsh, so I apologise in advance for that.

XWafflebunniboo

         Chocolate Love

    ---

❦Title : (4/7)  

It's very plain. That's all I can say, really. If someone were scrolling through a list of stories and this appeared on the list, then it is unlikely that they would click on this since it doesn't grab their attention much.

❦Foreword / Description : (4/7)

I'll admit, I found the description kind of funny, but the description gives most of it away: there is 'Love' in the title, and 'Chocolate' in both the title and the description. So before reading, it was fairly obvious that there was going to be two people being paired with chocolate as a driving factor.

❦ Vocabulary/Grammar (13/15)

The grammar needed a few tweaks here and there ('how easy he can steal any girl's heart' should be 'how easily he can steal any girl's heart', for example) put otherwise it was perfect! And even though a wide range of words weren't used, the sentence structure and general language throughout the story used conveys the narrator's personality through the way they, you know, narrate.

There was the punctuation, though. In some parts, you didn't put commas where they needed to be. For example,

'It's not even Valentine's Day so where'd they get all those?'  there should be a comma between 'Day' and 'so' to seperate the two clauses. 

'It's not even Valentine's Day, so where'd they get all those?'

There was also the alternation between upper case and lower case letters when using Korean in the dialogue, with 'pabo' being the most notable. Sometimes it would be capitalised in the middle of a sentence, but then in the next sentence it would begin with a lower case letter. It would be better if you stuck with either uppercase or lowercase lettering in the middle of a sentence whether it is a foreign word or not.

❦ Characters (12/15)

In all honesty, the characters were somewhat... I dunno, cliche? It was basically the new student who happens to be kind, charismatic and hot as hell who gets paired up with the local tsundere, apparently-forever-alone kid.

However, I like how the characters are built off of a stable character stucture throughout the story. The main character keeps a tough and rather aloof demeanor until the end when Chanyeol kisses her, and even then the reaction isn't a big gloop of OOCness because she still retains the general nature of herself as a character (fighting until the end~). Chanyeol also stays the same as being confident and not letting his eyes stray from what he wants (i.e the main character). Even Sora, a side character, is not a complete cardboard cutout and actually has a somewhat developed character: a fairly popular girl who tries to get a friend some attention from the dudes, and so uses chocolate lipstick to do so.

❦ Flow (3/3)

Since this is supposed to be a fairly short oneshot, the pacing is going to be quite fast. I think you executed it pretty well, though. Unlike a lot of oneshots, there is no cheesy "I love you" around the end. Chanyeol is simply interested in the girl, he hasn't fallen for her or anything. The main character wasn't head over heels for Chanyeol, it's just a little crush. Also, Sora's lipstick as a driving factor wasn't that bad of an idea, even though similar concepts have been used frequently.

❦ Neatness (3/3)

The layout is quite neat, and it is very easy to navigate through. The indentations are a bit out of line, but it isn't very distracting or anything, so it doesn't really matter (to me, at least).

❦ Total Score ( 39/ 50 ) ---> ( 78 / 100 )

I found myself enjoying this a lot, actually. It's short, sweet, and humorous.

Keep up the good work!

-Ashiba

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Note: We're really sorry for the slow service we've been giving our customers, but since we're finished with exams, we'll hopefully be able to finish orders at a faster pace. Thank you putting up with us!

-Ashiba