YAY LOL I FINALLY GOT MY REVIEW ^^

Yeah, I applied for one a while ago and I got today and so I shall post it up hehe HERE IT IS :D

But you can read it here if you want :)

SweetStrawberryy - My Angel

Title (3/5):

The story does relate to the title, I have to admit. However, the title is so common, some people, like me, would skip it. If you choose common titles, people would have a first thought and ignore this story without clicking on it. However, the title does give a nice, soft sound to it. In addition, since your story is a title, take out the period at the end.

-Must be relate and relevant to the story. -> 1/2 marks

-Appealing. -> 0/1 mark

-Must be followed by the genre of the story. -> 2/2 marks

Poster (4/10):

The poster isn't messy and has the characters in the story. However, at first glance, I wouldn't want to read this story. Plus, it doesn't really relate to the story. Yes, it has the characters, but wouldn't it relate to the story more if you had a the café, "Éclair," in the poster?

-Not messy. -> 1/1 mark

-Relates to story. -> 1/3 marks

-Matches with the theme of story. -> 1/3 marks

-Has the characters that's in the story. -> 1/1 mark

-Catchy and interesting. -> 0/2 marks

Characters (4/5):

The characters were well related to the plot and you clearly used the characters well. It would've been nice if you could've described some features about Min Young and a bit about her father besides their backgrounds. Taemin was well-described in the story, and I got a good image of how he looked like. 

-Good info used for characters.-> 1/1 mark

-Info mentioned clearly and easy to understand. -> 2/2 marks

-Needed info are given. -> 1/2 marks

Description/Foreword (13/20):

I would've given you full points if you had done a better job with the description. For the description, you just left a bunch of author's notes without giving the readers a simple description of the story. The forewords, however, saved your story. When I read the foreword, I then wanted to continue to read this story. The description/foreword was a good use of info, but I cut off some points because of the description.

-Easy to understand. -> 5/5 marks

-Has included the info that's needed and didn't spoil much of the story.  -> 2/5 marks

-Had made readers wanted to continue reading.  -> 3/5 marks

-Good used of info.  -> 3/5 marks

Plot (22/30):

The plot, I believe, was nicely done. It was different from the other stories I've read. It definitely matches with the theme/mood of the story. I almost teared up myself when reading this story. The characters were interesting, especially Min Young. I docked off most of the points because of the description. The description definitely did not connect to the plot, since the description had only author's notes. 

-Didn't copy story from others but base on their own storylines.  -> 5/5 marks

-Has used creative ideas in story.  -> 4/5 marks

-Matches with the theme/mood of story.  -> 5/5 marks

-Good use of characters.  -> 4/5 marks

-Catches readers attention and is interesting.  -> 3/5 marks

-Connects to the description.  -> 0/4 marks

-Follows on the story very well.  -> 1/1 mark

Spelling/Grammar (17/20):

There were only a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but I think the reader would know what you are talking about. You mostly had mistakes on punctation when a character say something. You've used a good-amount of adjectives, but I wished that you would explain how Éclair might've looked like and how some of the characters looked like.

-Has correct spellings and no error. -> 8/10 marks

-Good used of adjectives. -> 8/10 marks

Chapter 1 (Corrections in green)

“That’s good.” he replied and he watched as I it.

"That's good," he replied and he watched as I it.

Why: Punctuation

“Sorry ladies,” he said, “But I’m currently spending some time with my precious mute girlfriend.”

"Sorry ladies," he said, "but I'm currently spending some time with my precious mute girlfriend."

Why: Capitalization error

"It was my sister's favourite. Elcair, right? Yeah...she's in heaven now." he smiled as he said this and he looked up into the sky.

"It was my sister's favourite. Éclair, right? Yeah…she's in heaven now." He smiled as he said this and looked up into the sky.

Why: Punctuation, Capitalization

“Don’t you know how I feel? DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOUR MUM! MY WIFE! SHE’S GONE! DON’T YOU GET IT? I’M HURTING THE MOST HERE! YOU MIGHT NOT CARE MUCH ABOUT IT BUT I DO! I’L NEVER FIND SOMEONE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH!”

“Don’t you know how I feel? DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOUR MUM! MY WIFE! SHE’S GONE! DON’T YOU GET IT? I’M HURTING THE MOST HERE! YOU MIGHT NOT CARE MUCH ABOUT IT BUT I DO! I’LL NEVER FIND SOMEONE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH!”

Why: Spelling error (I'll)

Overall enjoyment (7/10):

This story definitely had my attention, but some parts I kind of skimmed and passed it. I liked how you were able to evoke emotions, so it was quite interesting.

-Always having the readers attention. -> 3/5 marks

-Story isn't boring but very interesting to read. -> 4/5 marks

Total: (70/100)

Effort: C

[REVIEWED BY 500sunny500]
8/10/2011