Bonding

Ten boys sit together near a tattered blue bus with a small bon fire at their feet, not much being said despite the occasional coughs and hums. Both Luhan and Sehun are turned in for the night, Luhan stating that he was exhausted from the heat the past few days, and Sehun just tails behind him.  Chanyeol sits as far away from Baekhyun as possible, the boy wincing as he holds a bag of ice just under his eye with a couple layers of gauze taped to his left cheek.  Baekhyun looks in the opposite direction with a slight grimace on his face, Chanyeol being the source of chagrin for him. D.O. sits uncomfortably next to the upset boy and glances every so often up at the other members of the group.

Jongin does his best to keep his attention away from said boy D.O, but the awkward feeling in his stomach causes him to do so little as look in his direction as he pretends to focus on the others who for some reason refuse to speak a word.

The last thing he knew, Chanyeol had received a good slap and punch to the face when Baekhyun came to view. He knows he deserved it, the punch, but Jongin can’t help but feel at least a little sorry for the boy.

“I can’t believe this,” Baekhyun grumbles, gritting his teeth together in anger. He shakes his head and closes his eyes in disappointment. “I can’t ing believe this.”

Kris and Tao, along with Lay, Joonmyun and Chen excuse themselves from the group to turn in for the night. Minseok pats Lay’s back and runs his hand down his arm, muttering some words of apology for his poor friend’s birthday. Lay smiles and shakes his head, tells him that they could always celebrate another day, and Jongin notices the way the younger’s fingers stretch just a bit as he lets go of the other’s grip. When he’s back into the bus, Minseok continues to stare into the fire with his other hand rested onto Chanyeol’s knee.

“You had so much to live for, so why do this for me?” Baekhyun scoffs, and his lips begin to tremble. “Why me? Out of all the people you’ve chosen to live your life for- in this case, end it- why me?”

Chanyeol inhales deeply. “I’ve nothing to live for other than you.” He replies, causing Baekhyun to groan.

“Chanyeol,” he rubs his face with his hands, covering it for the sake of becoming unseen. “You have- had- such a great future ahead of you. I don’t understand…” his voice fades off, and Chanyeol bites his lower lip in anguish.

“I’m sorry,” is all the taller can say, and he whispers it a few more times after each sniff that Baekhyun gives off. A few more apologies later, the boy stands up from his seat.

“I need a moment,” Baekhyun announces, wandering off around the corner of the bus. As his figure dissolves into the dark, Chanyeol darts out of his seat and after him, leaving the bag of ice behind.

Eventually, Minseok stands as well and folds up his chair along with Chanyeol’s. He sighs heavily, eyelids already drooping from weariness, and smiles to both Jongin and D.O.

“I’m turning in for the night,” he says. “When you two are ready, could you put out the fire?”

Jongin nods and Minseok mutters a small thanks, suppressing a yawn as he climbs into the vehicle. When he’s gone, Jongin darts his gaze to the fire in front of him and soon to the boy across. D.O clenches his left arm slightly, and Jongin curiously inspects the area from afar.

“You should do something about that.” he states. D.O merely shakes his head.

“I’m fine.”

It’s quiet again, and Jongin panics in his head, trying to find any sort of phrase he could say to keep the conversation going. After a couple of seconds, he clears his throat, and D.O raises an eyebrow curiously.

“It’s great here, huh?” Jongin sighs as he leans back into his chair. D.O gazes at him with sharp, narrow eyes, and the tanned boy can’t find any sort of strength to tear his eyes away from the boy’s plump lips. He quickly forces himself to look at the fire instead, poking it with a nearby stick to distract himself from the other.

“Not really,” the other says after a few devastating seconds, and Jongin exhales in relief. He shrugs.

“I think it’s great,” he says. “I’m sure you’ll get used to it.” D.O blinks, not moving his eyes from the other.

“Maybe.” When D.O begins to relax, Jongin slowly lowers his shoulders to get more comfortable. He never realized how bad he was at conversing, better yet, conversing with one of his own kind. When he realizes how awkward he’s being, his shoulders stiffen once again because there’s a small feeling in his chest that makes him want to roar out in frustration.

He’s not gay. He never was. So why was this D.O boy in front of him making him feel…well, weird?

‘Maybe it’s because he’s feminine?’ he thinks, but mentally shakes his head at the thought. ‘No, he’s not that feminine…Maybe it’s because I think he’s…cute?’

Jongin is so lost in thought that when D.O snaps his fingers to get his attention, he nearly jumps out of his seat. The other slightly smirks, but stands up and begins folding the blankts.

“We should go to bed,” he says, and Jongin hums in response as he begins cleaning up as well. When everything’s gathered, he splashes water onto the fire, and the two head into the bus.

When they arrive upstairs, they step over obstacles of clothes and pillows in the narrow hallway to get to the back side. Jongin opens up a curtain to one of the side-beds and is about to step in when D.O taps his shoulder and leans forward, almost too forward.

“Where do I sleep?” he whispers, and Jongin raises his eyebrows. He almost immediately motions for the other to sleep in his bed, to which D.O frowns.

“Isn’t this your bed?” he asks. Jongin rubs the back of his head awkwardly.

“Uh, Yeah, but I guess you can sleep there…” he answers, shuffling his feet awkwardly. D.O smiles and thanks him, climbing into the space. He stares up at Jongin curiously.

“Where will you sleep?” he asks. The other motions at one of the chairs nearby.

“There,” he answers.

“It looks…uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine.”

The two stand near each other in silence before Jongin slowly walks towards the chair and sits in it. D.O whispers him a goodnight with a small smirk before he closes the curtain.

When he hears two more people pile into the bus- Baekhyun and Chanyeol he assumes- he forces himself to close his eyes and falls asleep.

--

Jongin wakes up to the feeling of somebody tapping on his knee, and his tired eyes focus onto the face of D.O who’s head pokes out of the bunk curtains. He brings a finger to his lips to keep him quiet and points to his ear and down the other side of the bus. The talking he picks up is distant, but overall hearable.

“I’m sorry, Baek. I really am.”

“I know you are, Chanyeol.”

“I just… I don’t know how to- function- without you.”

“I know.” Baekhyun, Jongin guesses, sniffs.

“I’m really sorry… But maybe, we can start over in this world. We can catch up and stuff. You know. You and me.”

“Of course.”

Baekhyun hums, followed by a smack, two, three, and it makes Jongin blush a bit.

“Go to bed, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun tells the other.

“I love you, Baek.”

“You too.”

When a couple of minutes pass and it’s clear that the two are now asleep, Jongin looks to D.O only to find his curtain closed, and he swears he hears a small sob and a whimper when he finally closes his eyes for the second time.

--

Jongin squints at the rays of light that shine through the thin sheets on the walls, and it almost feels like he’s back home. Except, he focuses his vision to what is clearly a bus, and he suddenly remembers where he is.

He stands up and stretches before he makes his way downstairs, and it seems that majority of the group were already sitting all together on the various chairs and couches. Some of them look like they’ve just woken up, and when Minseok shoots up from sit with a bright smile, Jongin nearly cowers, deciding that Minseok literally looks way too happy on this particular morning.

Just as he’s about to ask why, Minseok beams.

“Guess what day it is!”

Lay shoots up from his seat as well. “Bea-“

“It’s beach day!” Minseok exclaims, and Lay, although interrupted, looks happier than ever. Chanyeol groans, earning a pat on the back from Joonmyun.

“We’re going to the beach?” Tao questions, and Minseok nods.

“Believe it or not, our hours of road tripping have finally paid off,” he grins. “We’re about six miles away from the ocean, so we’re gonna get going in a couple of minutes.”

Jongin nods slowly, this being the first time he’s been to the beach since he offed. He tries to remember how it was back then, hanging out with his girlfriend and group of friends, and it’s almost scary at how hazy the memories actually are. He’s seen the ocean many times with friends before, but only before he met these specific set of boys.

D.O sits in the seat next to Jongin and sits stiffly. Soon enough, the bus starts up as Minseok begins to drive, and everyone begins to hold small conversations with each other.

“So,” Jongin begins, turning his direction to D.O who continues to drink a can of soda. “Do you like the beach?”

‘Way to go, Jongin,’ he thinks to himself. ‘Great topic. Wonderful.’

“I’ve never been to the beach,” D.O shrugged. “I guess I never really bothered to. Plus, water and I…don’t really go together.”

Jongin presses his lips together. “Cool. Me neither.” He nods slowly. “I mean, the ‘never really bothered to’ thing. Yup.” His lips pop at the last syllable, and he rubs his hands together nervously.

When Jongin looks outside the window over the next couple of hours, he notices the sudden change in environment. Not everything looks hot and barren anymore- in fact, they actually pass by some people working in fields and pulling weeds, hauling vegetables and fruits in wagons, and dividing water into many separate containers. Tao and Chen bang on the windows for the bus to stop, and the two pile out quietly as one of the workers are turned away to snatch up a couple of watermelon, berries, and refreshments. Minseok, being the type of boy he is, scurries out the bus and places a ten dollar bill atop the wagon before he rushes back inside to drive out of the area.

Three hours later, most of the people are asleep again, and Minseok changes places with Chen, only to pass out next to Lay who looks a little too happy about being slept on. Soft jazz continues to play from the speakers in the background, Chanyeol falls asleep with his head rested on Baekhyun’s who is asleep on his shoulder, and it’s surprising that his slight snoring doesn’t wake the other up.

D.O giggles at the scene and sinks deeper into his pillow, and Jongin is the first to speak once again.

“So, like, are you close with Baekhyun, or something?” he asks. D.O shakes his head.

“Nah…But he did help me out when I first got here,” he admits. “Because of that, he told me about how he died. He even told me about how he was so afraid that Chanyeol would do something stupid, too- about how worried he was n’ stuff. I got really sad…” D.O buries his mouth into his knees and hugs his legs to his chest. Jongin’s lips curve into a soft smile.

“Is that why you were crying last night?”

The smaller’s face flushes pink and red, and Jongin knows that he’s right. D.O shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

“I’m…” he mumbles into his arm. “A er for…romantic stuff…”

Jongin  chuckles, but his smile is wiped away when the other stares ahead of him with half-lidded eyes, and he knows he hit a sensitive subject. Out of all the things that jumble into his mind about what to say next, he mentally punches himself in the face at the set of words that slip past his lips.

“Why did you kill yourself?”

D.O just continues to stare at the other side of the bus, and he doesn’t reply for a long time. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

Jongin mumbles an apology, and the rest of the bus ride consists of absolute silence.

--

Jongin stirs awake in a room with bright lights, but everything’s still hazy. He sees a gloved hand above him, followed by blurred masked faces and muffled talking. He want to respond to the call of his name, but right when he’s about to, he drifts back asleep and everything fades into darkness.

--

“There you are!”

Jongin stands in the hallway of the bus in confusion and stares at the boy who approaches him.

“Were you in here all this time?” Chen asks. “Come on. Everybody’s outside already.”

Jongin follows him out of the bus, but he’s still left confused. When did he wake up? Was what he experienced a dream? He didn’t even remember falling asleep.

“Where are we?” he questions, and Chen turns his head and looks at him like he’s crazy.

“We’re at the beach. Seriously, dude. Where have you been?” he jokes, slapping the other on the back. Jongin eventually shrugs away the feeling and looks around.

They were at the beach now, who knows when they had arrived, and the place doesn’t look half bad at all. It’s fairly sunny, and some of the boys are already splashing and kicking at the sand at the shoreline.

Jongin decides against taking off his shirt to run and surprise everyone in the water, and instead sits on one of the beach mats next to Joonmyun and Minseok which is soon also joined by Chen. He looks around at everyone carefully before he leans into the three and finally asks them,

“Hey, where’s D.O?”

Minseok turns his head and smirks at Jongin.

“Why? Do you…like him?”

He softly shoves the others shoulder with a scoff, causing him to laugh. “No, I just want to know where he is.” Joonmyun motions his head back to the bus, and Jongin turns the opposite way just to hide his apparent blush.

“He’s upstairs changing. He should be out any second no- oh. There he is.”

As said, D.O shuffles out of the bus with his famous blue pororo shirt and swim trunks, eyes wide as he handles a fruit rollup in his mouth in attempt to not drop the rest of it. Jongin’s never noticed how pale he looked compared to the rest of the group, maybe it was just his eyes, but nonetheless, it surprised him. As D.O smiles at him when he passes by to go talk to Baekhyun, Jongin reaches out a hand to stop him.

“Wait, D.O,”

The other turns around curiously. “Hmm?”

Jongin panics, unsure why he stopped him. “Uh,” he stammers, and Minseok snorts in the background. He prays that his blush isn’t too apparent as he tries to find something to say to the other, and he mentally runs off a cliff when he asks,

“Did you put on enough sunscreen?”

D.O hums. “I only put it on my arms, but I was hoping Baekhyun would help me out when I got outside.”

Jongin nods awkwardly. “I see.” He mutters. “Have fun?”

D.O smiles that cute smile once again before he skips off to meet Baekhyun closer to the water.

“Wow,” Chen exhales. “I had to hold my breath. That was bad.”

“Yeah. It was pretty ba- oioioi!” Minseok jumps up from the ground and jogs over to one of the groups of boys with a certain Lay lying face down in the sand. Joonmyun and Chen laugh, and Jongin begins to get uncomfortable at the sudden skin ship the two are showing.

He’s had enough when they begin to look like they’re trying to eat each other’s faces, so he trots away when he finds Sehun sitting on a rock not too far away from everyone else.

Sehun leans back on his hands and watches everyone else having fun, and Jongin leans on the rock next to him. The blond boy tilts his head and raises his eyebrows in question.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

Sehun hums. “Yeah. I’d prefer not to interact with water for a little while. Especially the ocean.”

Jongin pouts his lips, remembering the boy’s short story from a few nights before. “Understandable,” he agrees. The other laughs.

“What about you?” he asks. “You gonna swim?”

Jongin scoffs. “Never really been a fan of swimming.”

“Understandable,” the other repeats, and both of them chuckle.

Jongin has to look back at Sehun to think about how the boy vaguely reminds him of Taemin, he’s almost as comfortable with Sehun as he was back then by now, and it makes him like the afterlife just a bit more. Then again, looking at everyone else completely baffles him- never had he met a group of friends this unique. The kinds of trouble they would get in if they had all known each other before is beyond him.

Yet, for some reason, he can’t help but enjoy the company.

Sehun turns his head back to Jongin. “So? You and D.O, huh?”

Jongin clears his throat and shuffles his feet. “What about us?”

“You like him?”

“I’m not gay.”

“Oh,” he frowns. “That’s a shame. You two would totally match.”

Jongin kicks the other’s foot. “What makes you say that?” he asks, looking ahead and focusing on D.O rather than the others. Sehun huffs.

“Oh, everyone’s talking about it,” he exaggerates. “Minseok told me about how you keep staring at him. Plus, with you two, it evens out with everyone.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, you know,” he points to everybody. “Tao with Kris. Chen with Joonmyun.” he shrugs. “Luhan and I. Hell, Chanyeol and Baekhyun look like they have a thing. So do Lay and Minseok-“

“They’re not together-“

“They should be.” Sehun adjusts his posture and leans on his right hand. “And then there’s you two…”

Jongin rubs his arm and tries to think about the two of them together. “I’ve never liked a boy,” he admits. “How does that even work?”

Sehun slaps the back of his head. “It’s just like liking a girl, idiot.” he says. “Don’t make it more complicated than it already is.” The tanned boy hisses and rubs the spot.

D.O turns mid-running away from Luhan who threatens so splash water onto his head and catches Jongin looking at him. He smiles and waves, and Jongin moves his fingers in the air in return. When Luhan finally gets the chance to dose him, D.O squeezes his eyes shut and freezes before he wipes the salty water out of his eyes.

“You two would be great,” the blond says affirmatively. “Good luck.” Sehun grins before leaving Jongin behind to hang out with the others.

Jongin smirks and crosses his arms as the other walks away, because Sehun just may have a point.

--

When Jongin finds the mind to finally talk to Chanyeol after so long, most of the crew are already asleep. The two sit against the bus’ windshield while everyone else turns in for the night, Minseok telling them to make sure the two didn’t stay up too late.

“I love it here,” Chanyeol smiles and nods his head positively. “These guys are the best thing that’s happened to me yet.”

Jongin hums in agreement and swirls the drink in his cup. He presses the circumference to his lips and lets the substance fall into his mouth effortlessly before placing it to the side.

“What about you?” the taller asks. “Do you like it here? Or, do you like it better than…” he shrugs. “Before?”

For a second, Jongin has to think before he decides that he doesn’t know the answer himself. His past life had been everything he ever wanted. He had the best girl, the greatest group of friends, excellent grades, and the most loving family he could ever have.

Except, he begins to second guess himself, and it makes him afraid. These boys, all eleven of them, had definitely made a change on him now that it had been two months that felt like ten years. Never had he felt so carefree and happy, and he’s beginning to think that his actions were actually a good thing.

He finally nods and his lips. “I like it here,” he says. “Hell, I love it. Being completely honest, I wouldn’t give you guys up for anything.”

Chanyeol chuckles. “You think with Minseok living here for like- fifteen years?- would get bored of all of this, but here he is, taking care of all of us.” He nods. “I truly…respect him.”

“Same.” Jongin sighs. It’s silent- Jongin wonders if it’s usually this way because of his poor communication skills sometimes- so he decides to pitch in for the team with a question that had always been on his mind.

“Hey, Chanyeol…” he rubs his hands together awkwardly. Chanyeol tilts his head.

“What happened? Like, before. When…you know. You and Baekhyun.”

The other gnaws his cheek and stares up ahead of him at the street lights.

“You don’t have to answer-“

“No,” he cuts in. “I’ll tell.”

Jongin waits patiently and watches as Chanyeol fixes his posture on the hood before he begins talking, and the other listens carefully.

“It started when we were like, thirteen.” He begins. “I met Baekhyun at school- he transferred to my school- and for some reason, I just started talking to him. We had matching backpacks and everything, so I guess he thought I was cool.

I myself had never been popular at all, so Baekhyun coming along really changed me.

“We spent our whole junior high and senior high together. We were like, known as the two best friends who wouldn’t ever leave each other’s sides. Like, ever. It was impossible.

And, he came to over to hang out one day with a bruise on his face and a sprained ankle, and I was like, ‘Who did this to you?’ I got really angry from just looking at him hurt like that, and all he did was shake his head and say, ‘Nobody.’”

He pauses for a second to think, and Jongin’s throat begins to ache, because he knows where this is going.

“When I found out he had gotten treated badly from his older brother and his friends, I didn’t know what to do. All of it was really- frustrating- because he wouldn’t tell me anything.

After a while, I found out that he actually had a small crush on me, and I when I asked him about it, he just laughed at me and hit me like it was nothing. But, I guess finding out that little secret eventually helped me open my eyes a little more, because I felt…different.

So, like, we started going out once we graduated, because we were most free by then. But things got worse- with his brother- because he found out. I tried helping him, but he kept saying no. And it went on for a really long time.”

Jongin rubs circles into the other’s back when a couple of tears roll down his cheek. Chanyeol wipes them away with his palm before he continues.

“He, um, killed himself almost two years later,” he says with a shaky voice. “It was January. I remember it being cold. He asked me to come over, and I never really knew why he asked because he knew I had work, so I told him that I couldn’t until I got off. And after I was free, I went over to his apartment to pick him up, and there wasn’t any answer. So, I called him, and like, ten calls later or something, I got really worried, so I just decided to head back home until he called me back.

I remember my mom looking at me while she cried, and I guess it was more for the sadness she felt for me rather than the whole incident itself, but she told me anyways. And when I found out, I couldn’t even function.

I think I remember having a panic attack,” he furrows his eyebrows. “I cried. A lot. And I ran for the longest time until my legs kind of just gave in.

My mom got really worried, so she told me that we could see his body and bid him farewell at the funeral, but I couldn’t bear facing his brother without wanting to just- kill him.

A day later, I offed.” He finishes. “It was a long process. I was halfway awake when they took me to the hospital, and everything hurt so much. But, after I thought I had just fallen asleep, I ended up here.”

He wipes his eyes with his sleeve this time.

“I was so glad when I found out this place was special, because, that would have meant that Baekhyun was here as well. So I stuck around Minseok and the guys in order to find him. And now that we’ve finally seen each other again, I can finally admit that I love this place.” He says with a soft, deep tone. “I love this place. A lot.”

Jongin himself has to wipe the corner of his eyes, because he himself never knew someone’s life could be so tragic.

And with the happiness that the new group suddenly brought onto the two, he now hopes with all his life that the twelve of them wouldn’t go separate ways any time soon- or rather, any time at all.

The two turn in with good nights, and they don’t even have to say another word.

--

There’s that dream again.

Except, this time, there isn’t anybody with masks. Instead, there’s faces that seem almost too vague and familiar. A woman with worried eyes his hair back from his forehead and begins talking, but Jongin can’t understand any of it, and it’s only seconds later when he finally awakens for another time.

--

Jongin’s back in the bus, in his rightful seat up top. It’s dark and everyone seems asleep, the only thing laminating the whole area being the moon light.

He breathes in deeply and lets out a slow breath, still confused about what this dream had really meant. He looks around for any sight of anything unusual, and he stops on the view of a certain boy staring at him with wide eyes.

“Where were you?” D.O asks. Jongin raises an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

D.O’s expression doesn’t change one bit. “I mean, you were gone for like, two hours. Chanyeol came up and fell asleep, and I thought you came in with him, but you weren’t in your seat, so I had to look downstairs and outside, but you weren’t…” he stops before he could say any more, but the poor boy looks like he’s about to cry.

Jongin extends his arm and pulls him in for a small hug. “It’s fine,” he says, although he’s still confused. “Don’t worry about it. I’m right here. You can go back to bed.”

The other nods, still in a bit of shock, and releases from the hug before climbing back into his bed. When Jongin is about to let go, D.O grips his hand and looks away with a frown.

“Stay,” he pouts slightly, and Jongin can feel his blush in the cold weather. “Just- stay.”

When D.O insists on making room for Jongin, he hesitantly slips in, but faces the other way. They close the curtains, and D.O’s grip on Jongin’s hand is still tight.

“Are you alright, D.O?” he asks. “Why did you…”

“My name’s Kyungsoo,” the other replies. “And, I just don’t want you disappearing again.”

When Jongin is positive that Kyungsoo fell asleep, he hums to himself and stares up at the low ceiling. “Kyungsoo,” he says once, and he finally finds the will to fall asleep when the clock stuck three.

I proof read the first part but I'm super tired so here

4,781 words used in this chapter.