Chapter 18: Epilogue

It’s been four months since I made the decision, I could say that I don’t regret anything, but the memory still made me sad. I look out my window, it was the last week of August and the hot summer was coming to an end. Fall was about to start, and I was amazed how almost everything has changed. Last April, I was almost a nobody, nobody knew my name or my face but now, I wasn’t even allowed to go to the convenience store by myself. I’ve already released a mini album and it’s been hectic but I’m coping. It didn’t help that the news of my love life was made known to the public, now I even have anti-fans. The thing I miss most about being a normal person would probably be spending time with my family, I’ve been so busy that the skype calls are always being cut short, but I’m happy that I’ve given the life that I always wanted to give to my family.

I had just finished eating my lunch when my phone rang.

“Hello.” I answer.

“I’m outside your apartment, let’s go.”

An unbidden smile comes to my lips. I run down the stairs and hug the man in an all-black ensemble.

“Ya! Are you out to make a scandal? This girl is really unbelievable.” He scoffs, a hint of a smile on his face.

I stick my tongue out and hold his hand. “No one will know it’s us, but what’s with the suspicious clothing? You’re drawing more attention.” I ask him.

“It’s a secret.” He says, a mischievous smirk pasted on his face.

We go in the car and we talk about random things. I didn’t realize where we were headed until the car stopped and confusion dawns on my face.

“Why are we here?” Humor missing from my voice.

“You’ll see.” He says with a comforting tone.

I get out of the car and brace myself. I haven’t been back here since I made my decision, four months ago. Their apartment building looms over me, and I almost walked the other way, but he guides me inside and then I see him, Lu Han.

*** Back to four months ago

The time for the meeting came, I was sitting at one of my favorite restaurants. I was waiting for Jongin since I told him an earlier meeting time than Lu Han. After a few minutes he came in, I watched him as he scanned the crowd and smiled when he spotted me. He sat across from me and smiled.

“I already ordered, it’s one of my favorite restaurants so I already knew what I wanted. Here – I hand him to menu – order what you like, everything’s good.” I tell him, urging him to order something before we speak. We talked about different things before the food came and while we were eating, everything under the sun, except the reason why we were here. When we finished, he reached for my hand and looked in my eyes.

“Whatever your decision will be, I’ll respect it so don’t be scared and just say it.” He tells me, smiling.

I smile back weakly and started to speak.

“I am in no means perfect, I have so many flaws and I don’t when and if I’ll change for the better. I know you already know this, but I want everything to be clear. I go towards what I want, I always try my best because nothing comes naturally to me. I do everything – absolutely everything - with passion, commitment and dedication. Knowing all of this, do you still want to be with me?” I look at him and I can see the mixture of confusion, shock and happiness in his eyes.

“I’ve always known how you are and all of those things are the reasons why I fell for you. So, if you’re asking me if I’m sure then the answer would be Yes, if you’ll let me.” He smiles, and I nod.

This was the easy part of the evening, I wanted to cry in joy, but I couldn’t - not until the night is over. After Jongin left, I braced myself for what was to come. I kept thinking how I would tell Lu Han that I think we’d be better of as friends without hurting him, but I couldn’t think of any way. The bell rings and I see Lu Han enter. I take a sip of my water and offer him some pastries. I was about to speak when he stops me.

“I think I know who you picked but let me just say this. Since we were kids, I’ve never thought of you as a little sister or as a kid. I knew I already had feelings for you even before you moved away, it might have been because of fear, the fear that if I told you, what we had would shatter and I couldn’t imagine my world without you, even after all these years. I don’t know if what I feel for you is love but I know there’s something different. I just never realized how much you meant to me until I saw you with someone else. There are so many things that I wish I did differently, but it doesn’t matter now because it’s too late. I just want you to know that I understand you.” He smiles, and I smile back.

“Lu Han, you have always been out of my reach. We were close, but I always had the feeling that I would never be good enough for you. You were someone who was shining, an ethereal being who always saved and protected me from everything. It was such an absurd thought for me that you would like me the way I liked you and that’s why I never said anything. When you stopped contacting me, I thought you realized how different we were and decided that I pulled you down and that’s why I didn’t try to get in touch with you again. Maybe it was also the timing of everything that happened, maybe we needed the space to grow into ourselves and because of that, you must have realized that we were not same people we once were. We’ve both grown out of the people that we know so well and that’s the reason why I’m choosing to be happy with Jongin.”

I see him flinch, but I needed him to understand and, so I continued.

“When Jongin and I met, we didn’t have any perceptions about each other because we didn’t know each other at all, but that gradually changed. We got to know each other because we were both observant of each other’s interest, we didn’t have to say what we liked and disliked because we watched each other. That may be part of the reason why he didn’t know about my allergies. I want you to understand that it wasn’t his fault, it never came up and I never thought to mention it. I want to try this and make it work but I don’t want you to resent me.” I look up at him and see his sad eyes already staring at me.

After that night, their apartment became off limits for me. It’s been four months and there hasn’t been a day that I didn’t think of how Lu Han was and suddenly, here he is, smiling at me like nothing happened.

“Hi, how have you been?” He asks me. I couldn’t speak, my brain wouldn’t function. I couldn’t even move. “Don’t be so shocked, I just missed my best friend and decided that it was time for me to come home.” He tells me smiling.

My mouth was gaping, my eyes darting back and forth from Jongin to Lu Han. What is happening? Is this real? Am I not dreaming? I look at Jongin and he smiles at me, nodding towards the direction of Lu Han. Suddenly I find myself walking towards him and wrapping my arms around him. I began sobbing and hitting him.

“Ouch! Stop that, I’m sorry it took so long my tiānshǐ. I’m okay now, I’m happy for you.”

I unlatch myself from him and wipe my tears away. “I missed you lulu.” I say smiling.

I never imagined that my life would turn out the way it did, but I’m thankful and happy for everything that happened to me, even for the bad moments because it made me realize so many things and it made me who I am today.

It’s been 15 years since everything happened and I look at all the photos hanging on the wall. A smile finds it way to my face, 15 years of birthday and Christmas celebrations decorated the wall. So many memories frozen in time and so many moments to be grateful for. I stare at one picture in particular – Everyone was in white, the three of us were grinning at the camera, a colorful bouquet in my hand. Our wedding, simple yet so magical. I smile as I feel a pair of warm hands embrace me.

“What is my wife doing standing here all alone?” Jongin asks.

“I’m just thinking of how surreal everything is. I never thought it would turn out the way it did. It’s funny isn’t it? How life throws us in such a rollercoaster ride?” I tell him.

“Well, life is always like that. I’m just so grateful that I finally found my happiness.” He smiles, leans in and kisses me.

“So am I.” and I kiss him back.

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It's done! It's been a long journey and I want to thank you all for saying with me! I hope you like this story and please upvote, like, comment and add me! Love you all!

xoxoxo Kyon Seul