Chapter 16: Fear

I groan as a ray of sunlight hit my eye. I was just about to face the other way when I felt my phone vibrate. I groggily answer it and bolted upright when I hear my mom’s angry voice.

“Ren! Why didn’t you call yesterday? Don’t you know that we were all worried sick about you?! After we watched your video, we decided to call you but you wouldn’t pick up your phone! What happened?!”

I sighed, so that was what I saw on my notification bar yesterday. I was so worried about Kai that I didn’t notice.

“I’m so sorry mom. Everything just became a little busy.” I look at Kai who was still sleeping.

“I have so many things to tell you but I can’t tell you right now, so I’m going to call you later. I promise.”  I tell her, my voice pleading.  I hear her release a deep breath.

“Okay, but tell me this. Are you okay? Are you safe?” she asks, worry in her voice.

“Yes mom, I’m safe. You don’t need to worry about me okay? I’ll call you later, I promise.” I reassure her.

“Okay, Okay. Always remember that I’m here if you need to talk okay? I love you my Bǎoshí.”

“I love you too mom.” I tell her, smiling at the endearment, ‘her gem’. She hangs up and I sigh looking at Kai, who was still sleeping soundly.

I quietly sneak out of the room. I was about to cook some breakfast when I hear the scraping of a chair against the floor. I look back to see Junmyeon sitting at one of the countertop chairs.

“A little early to be cooking for us, don’t you think?” he asks, smiling. I was shocked by the question. Does cooking for someone entail something different here? I shrug.

“I just thought you’d all like something to eat for breakfast. It’s just some eggs and bacon, nothing grand.” I tell him. He snickers.

“So, Kai and Lu Han?” he asks, I flinch. It was too early in the morning for this. I clear my throat.

“I’ve known gēge since I was a little child. He was my first friend because I was bullied and he always protected me from everything, even when my family migrated in the Philippines. He demanded to meet every friend that I made but I never really thought he felt anything romantic about me.” I flip an egg and shake my head.

“I was always his tiānshĭ, his angel, but it never really clicked for me. I never resembled an angel, even when I was a kid. I just thought he looked at me like his little sister.”

Junmyeon snorts. “I don’t think anyone calls their little sister, their angel, at least from where I come from. He really tried to reconnect with you after his little disappearance you know? I’m not supposed to be telling you this but the reason why he suddenly stopped staying in touch with you was because everything happened so fast. It might have left his mind. It was a very hectic time but he never stopped trying. He kept messaging you after, trying to call you and even sending you gifts for your birthday and Christmas, every year. We certainly don’t do that for someone we think of as our little sister.” He tells me and I couldn’t speak.

I didn’t know the things he did. My phone was stolen at around that time so I bought a new one along with a new number and I couldn’t open my old account because it has been disabled, to prevent identity theft they told me. Then a few months after that, before Christmas, we moved because we needed a bigger place for the family. We rented it out but none of us visited the place because we already cleared it out and the payments were made through bank transfers. I shake my head, it was all just wrong timing.

I put the finished eggs on the table, all the while thinking of how everything was just a misunderstanding.

“At least just give him a chance.” Junmyeon-ssi suddenly pipes up, distracting me from my thoughts. “I’ll wake them up so they could eat while it’s hot.”

I was frying the bacon when I hear them one by one and I can’t help but smile.

“Woah, it smells really good in here.” Baekhyun shouts.

“Lower your voice hyung, it’s still morning.”  Kyungsoo tells him.

“Good Morning.” I greet them as they enter the dining area.

“American Breakfast for today, this is rare.” Kris notes

“When did you ever learn how to cook?” Luhan asks. Everyone suddenly quiets down and I blush.

“I did grow up you know, and I needed to learn how to live on my own.” I shrug and give him a smile. I didn’t want us to be all awkward. “Go on, sit. There’s rice in the rice cooker and I think I saw bread somewhere here last night.” I rummage through the cabinets and see the loaf of bread, then I put it on the table.

“I’ll just wake Kai-ssi up then I’m going to join you all.” I look at Luhan and see him flinch a little. I didn’t want to hurt him like this but I can’t live in the past and he can’t either. I enter the room and gently wake Kai up.

“It’s time for breakfast.” I tell him but he won’t budge. After a few more times of trying to wake him up gently, I lost my patience. I was already hungry and he won’t even flinch! I pull the pillow under him and hit him with it.

“Yah! You better wake up and eat. After that stunt you pulled yesterday, you need to make it up to me.” I yell at him.

“BGJUFT.” I heard him mumble. Finally. I stop hitting him with the pillow and look at him. He was confused, I could tell then suddenly it hits him. He hides under the covers and stays there for a few seconds.

“I know how you feel. I have been drunk once and I transformed too, at least they said I did. You don’t need to be embarrassed. It’s quite normal and I don’t see you as someone else if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m actually glad that I saw you that way.” I tell him then gently pull down the covers. He looks at me with worry or fear in his eyes, I don’t really know. I cup his face in my hands and touch my forehead with his. “Just breathe, everything is going to be okay.” I tell him and we head for breakfast.

Breakfast was fun. There was friendly banter and it was full of laughter. There wasn’t any awkwardness at all. In the middle of breakfast Dara unnie called me and asked where I was and I told her a short version. Then she demanded that I tell her the long version later which I promised to do.

 After everyone finished their meals I stood up and started clearing the table. Everyone started to get up except Jongin and Lu Han, they were just sitting, and I could feel the tension. I clear my throat and in the attempt to lighten the mood, I say “Are you guys not going to help me?”

They both blink and suddenly moves to help me. I smile, they’re such dorks. I know what I’m doing is bad. I don’t mean to prolong it, I’m just really confused by how things turned out. I always thought Lu Han always just viewed me as a child, a sibling he needed to protect and even though I know that my feelings for him belong in the past, there’s a voice inside me that’s scared to let him go because of the possibility that he might be gone forever and this time, he won’t come back.

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Hello! Hello! I finally got around to updating! Again, I'm very sorry for making you guys wait so long! It's just been really hard to juggle everything. Anyway, I hope you like this one and don't forget to like, comment, upvote and add me!

xoxoxo Kyon Seul