“I’m sorry, the number you’ve just dialed is not available at the moment…”

 

“UGH!” I threw my phone onto my bed. How long is he going to ignore me?! I’ve been calling him everyday since I last saw him on Friday! Why isn’t he answering my calls or texts?

 

 

==================================================================================

To: Kikwang

 

Kikwang… Are you still angry? I’ve been calling for almost 2 days and sent you more 100++ messages, please reply back~~  :(

==================================================================================

 

 

Please reply! I really hoped that he would reply me! I just want to apologise to him personally. I really didn’t know that he would find out. Little did I expect him to feel that upset. He’s such a nice friend, he even took the initiative to ask Aerine and I out for lunch despite the fact that we weren’t really that close. And I took him for granted. . I really hoped that I could go back in time and redo this whole situation!

 

“You try to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no!” My Amy Winehouse ringtone rang. I quickly scooped up my phone from where I abandoned it earlier.

 Without giving much thought to who it could be I just answered, “HELLO! KIKWANG?!” I shouted into the phone. I knew it was Kikwang!

 

“Sorry, it’s me, Aerine.” My heart sank. I really thought it was Kikwang, but it turned out to be Aerine. I’m always happy to have Aerine calling, but this time, I felt no happiness at all.

 

“Oh, sorry… I thought it was Kikwang.” I answered disappointedly.

 

“Nah, it’s okay, I understand… He still doesn’t answer any of your calls or messages?”

“Yeah. I went too far this time… How about Dongwoon? Have you talked to him?” I asked. I was hoping that I could get Dongwoon to help me out.

 

“Yeah,” Aerine’s tone got lighter, “Actually, he wasn’t angry at all because he couldn’t make it either. He had an event to attend on that day, so, it didn’t affect him. But he did talk to Kikwang about it.”

 

Hearing that bit of news made me feel a little better. This way I can finally know what he was really feel and I wouldn’t need to keep making wild guesses.

 

I asked her what Kikwang said to Dongwoon, I was really eager to know what he was thinking now. But at the same time, I just wanted to escape from this situation.

 

“Well… For one, Kikwang’s really upset.” UGH! I KNEW IT. But I didn’t say that, I kept quiet so I could listen to what Aerine was going to tell me. I needed to understand the current situation.

 

“He really hates it when people lie to him. He feels as though the liar thinks he isn’t worth the truth. Initially, he was really happy to make friends with you. Besides Dongwoon, he doesn’t have many close friends and that made him even more excited to meet someone like you. He was really happy and thrilled to hear that we had agreed to go to have lunch with them. Dongwoon was thrilled as well, of course. When you said that you couldn’t make it, he was kind of sad but he understood that we wanted to study for the test, so he was cool about it.”

 

Everything that Aerine said just confirmed that I wasn’t worthy to be friends with Kikwang. They were just evidences of my dirty lies and behavior. The guilt that I felt could have swallowed my heart whole and I welcomed it… I deserved it for lying to Kikwang.

 

“But when he saw you out with Junhyung even though you said you were home studying, he felt upset and…” PLEASE DO NOT SAY DISSAPOINTED. “… Disappointed.”

 

. I really hated that word. I hate it when someone says that they’re disappointed in me because. I really hated that word and its meaning.

 

“So how is he now?” I asked hesitantly. Did I really wanted to know?

 

“Okay, I guess. But I think we something really despicable. Dongwoon and Kikwang were the first friends we made in this school yet we lied to them, causing Kikwang to feel so upset. Maybe you should try to talk to him tomorrow in school?” Aerine’s right. Since he wouldn’t answer my call or messages, I can talk to him in school tomorrow!

 

“Okay then. See ya tomorrow! Remember to study for the Chemistry test tomorrow! Nights!” I said goodbye to Aerine and hang up.

 

I sat at the school canteen at 6.45AM. I informed Aerine this morning that I would be going to school earlier than usual. I wanted to be in school as early as possible. For the first couple of school days, I didn’t see Kikwang in school when I arrived. So I guessed that he comes to school earlier than Aerine and I did. I wanted to apologize to him before lessons started. I wanted to avoid any sort of awkwardness we might have in class later.

 

I’ve been searching the canteen for the past 10 minutes but to no avail. As every second passed by, I felt my heart slowly getting engulfed by darkness…

 

I took out my phone and decided to text Kikwang again. Maybe I missed him? I should text him to tell him that I’m waiting for him in the canteen.

 

 

==================================================================================

To: Kikwang

Morning Kikwang ^^

I am at the school canteen waiting for you. Please come and see me. I really want to apologize to you in person. I’m really sorry. L

==================================================================================

 

 

SENT! Well, all I can do now is hopefully he would see this message, come find me and allow me to apologize to him.

 

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I glanced at my watch. It’s already 7.15AM and still no sign of him! Is he not coming to school today? Maybe he’s sick? Oh my god. Is he really sick?! Or maybe he’s read my message but…. Doesn’t want to forgive me and is avoiding it? So he’s avoiding me? Of course he is! If he wasn’t avoiding me, he would have come to the canteen to see me already! Ugh! Stupid Gerdin! Good job! Look at what you’ve done? You’ve chased away the one friend you’ve made in high school!

 

Just then, I felt a pat on my shoulder. IT MUST BE KIKWANG!

 

Without thinking, I just blurted out,“Kikwang! I knew you weren’t avoiding me!”

 

“Oh. Sorry. Hi, Dongwoon.” I smiled sadly. Damn it! I really thought it was Kikwang.

 

Dongwoon placed his bag on the bench and sat beside me.

 

“Morning Gerdin.” He smiled at me. I was too upset to even notice that he was looking cute as usual.

 

“Dongwoon,” I turned to him. “Tell me the truth. What did Kikwang tell you besides that… Erm… That I lied to him?” I felt so embarrassed having to admit that.

 

Dongwoon lowered his voice and said, “You really hurt him this time...”

 

“Kikwang is very shy towards people he doesn’t know well. He isn’t out-going when you first get to know him. He’s the most talkative person once he’s warmed up to you though!” Dongwoon giggled, “Cause of that, he doesn’t have many friends he is really close with. He was happy to make a friend like you, so he trusted you whole-heartedly… But your lie hurt him so badly. ” Dongwoon turned towards me.

“You know how simple-minded he is! He trusts people too easily and now you’ve hurt him really badly.” Dongwoon’s words were like spikes. Spikes that charged towards me, aiming specifically for my heart. With only 1 intend. To make sure I would feel as horrible as anyone could feel.

 

I’m so disappointed in you Gerdin… How could you do this?!

 

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It was assembly time and the disciplinary master was addressing the school as he stood on the stage. I had no idea what was going on. I wasn’t even listening. I was busy staring at someone. Someone who used to be so familiar. Yes, it is Kikwang.

 

“Psssssssst!”

 

I felt a sense of déjà vu as I tried to get Kikwang’s attention but he was having none of that. I was pretty sure he heard me as he was only sitting 3 seats away from me. Damn it! He’s not going to talk to me. But I won’t give up so easily! I’ve still got chances to talk to him later during our lessons together.

My constant hissing brought me much attention from my classmates and they were all staring at me, causing me to blush. Oh my god! It’s so embarrassing!

 

I really wanted to walk next to him as we headed up to our classroom after assembly, but I knew it would irritate him, so I didn’t. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to Aerine either. I just went up to class quietly, which was highly unusual of me.

 

 “Gerdin!” A familiar voice called out. I followed the voice and it revealed to me a smiling Junhyung.

 

As he was walking up to me, he saw Aerine and said hello to her as well.

 

“Hi, Junhyung.” I forced a smile for him. I didn’t want him to be affected by my sadness as he seemed to be in a good mood.

 

“I had a really good time on Friday! So did Doojoon,” Junhyung said. Aerine must have heard Doojoon’s name as she unintentionally smiled. Yes! I caught her!

 

Kikwang must have heard Junhyung and turned around. He stared at us with angry eyes for just a split of a second, turned back around and left.

 

Damn it! The last thing I needed was someone to remind Kikwang of what had happened the week before. Oh my god. I bet he’s feeling much more disappointed than before.

 

“Let’s hang out again!” Junhyung said to me as we departed to our separate classes.

 

All I could conjure up was a smile for him.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As I walked into my classroom, I felt a feeling of dread overwhelm me. I knew that now was the chance for me to talk to Kikwang as he sits beside me but what if he ignores me? What do I do then?!

 

I sat at my seat and saw Kikwang walking into the classroom. Why was he heading towards Aerine’s row? He’s suppose to be coming to his seat beside me! He then stopped beside Aerine and whispered something into her ear with a stern expression on his face. An expression that I’ve never seen on him before, granted that I only knew him for a few weeks. Aerine then looked at him for a few seconds, trying to confirm if whatever Kikwang whispered to her, was what he really wanted. Kikwang responded by just staring back at her.

 

What are they discussing about!? Is it me!?

 

 Aerine nodded resignedly, picked up her bag and left her seat and Kikwang. She then headed towards my direction.

 

Oh, I see what’s happening now. He’s avoiding me. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

 

“Kikwang told me to switch seats with him for today.” Aerine said to me sadly. “I’m sorry…”

 

“Yeah. I can tell,” I replied monotonously to Aerine. She wouldn’t mind. She’s known me for years. She must know how I’m feeling right now – not in the mood to be all friendly, and I needed to be left alone for a while. I’m really happy that Aerine understood that. Thank you, Aerine.

 

Mr Fred, our English teacher entered the class and said “Alright class! Take out your textbook and flip to page 459. Read it now. We will proceed with our lesson in 5 minutes.”

 

As I took out my textbook, I came up with a brilliant idea… I could write a note and pass it to Kikwang! Gerdin, you’re such a genius!

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kikwang! Please respond to me! I am really sorry and regretful of what I did, please forgive me! :( :( :( :( :( :(

Gerdin :(

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I folded the paper and passed it to my classmate on my right. “Psst, pass it to Kikwang! Thanks!”

 

I followed the note as it went through classmate by classmate until it arrived at Kikwang.

 

Kikwang stared at the note for a while and decided to open it! Oh my god! I can’t believe he actually did that! Yay! I bet he’ll be touched by it and will stop ignoring me!

 

As my inner ramblings continued, Kikwang took only a glance at it and TORE.IT.TO.PIECES. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I just stared blankly as he continued to tear the pieces until it was humanly impossible to tear anymore. Where did the cute and innocent Kikwang that I met when I first came to school?! I really missed his smile, the smile that could bring back the dead and his constant questions regarding the lesson. His laughter as well. Now it’s all gone. Gone like how the note was.

 

His demeanor was one of peace and calm but I could see it in his eyes that he was angry. Very angry, sad and most of all, disappointed.

 

I turned back to my textbook and attempted to read the text that Mr Fred had assigned, as the images of him destroying the note constantly replayed in my head like as though it was on rewind.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“How are you?” Aerine asked tentatively as she sipped her can of green tea. We were at the school’s canteen, having our break.

 

“Yeah… I’m doing okay. Please don’t worry about me,” I smiled and replied Aerine genuinely. This was probably the first genuine smile I’ve given anyone today. I’m really happy that I have someone that actually cares about me.

 

Aerine contemplated my answer and seemed to think that my answer was true, smiled at me and said, “That’s good. If I can help in anyway, just tell me, okay?”

 

We were too concentrated in our own conversation that we didn’t notice Junhyung and Doojoon standing at the other side of our table.

 

“Hey guys!” The guys greeted us.

 

“Hi,” Aerine and I replied synchronously. We waved at them, telling them to sit down as there probably wasn’t any empty tables left in the crowded canteen.

 

“Where’s all the crazed fangirls?” Aerine asked and took a bite out of her bun. Why didn’t I realize that? Am I still so caught up on the Kikwang issue? Oh my god. Gerdin, get a grip of yourself!

 

Doojoon laughed out loud at that question and said, “They need toilet breaks too, you know!”

 

Hearing Doojoon’s hilarious answer, all four of us burst into laughter. As our laughter died down, I realized that almost everyone in the canteen was glaring at us for a moment.

 

Doojoon’s humour was seriously surprising! I didn’t know that he was this funny! He always looks so stern and serious!

 

“Nah. Just joking!” Doojoon said as he took a sip of green tea. (Strange. Aerine and him likes to drink the same drink? WHAT.A.COINCIDENCE.) “I told them that I would be in my classroom so that I could enjoy a break without them screaming.”

 

Wow. Being popular must be very stressful. I’ve always wanted to be popular, thinking it would be cool and all but Doojoon is really showing me that being popular isn’t all that. Life can be rather sad. But who is it to blame that he’s so popular? He was born with such attractiveness to him! Girls would definitely be fawning over him anytime they could get!

 

“Did you girls have fun last week?” Doojoon asked us. He brought back up the topic that I’ve been dreading to hear.

 

“Yeah! Of course! I really loved that movie!” Aerine gave her brilliant smile. Of course she did! She watched it with Doojoon!

 

“Awesome! How about you, Gerdin?” Junhyung asked curiously.

 

“Of course I enjoyed myself as well!” I answered immediately. I just didn’t have the spirits to become all energetic and excited like Aerine was.

 

“Great! Let’s go out together again some other time!” Junhyung said, effectively concluding the topic. Maybe he knew something was bothering me but didn’t want to pry.

 

Thank you, Junhyung.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The break was my escape from the stress from seeing Kikwang. I didn’t hate Kikwang at all. It was just awkward for me. I really abhorred awkwardness.

 

As we entered the classroom, I looked towards Dongwoon’s seat. I saw Kikwang already there, but Dongwoon wasn’t. Maybe Kikwang didn’t go to the canteen for the break.

 

Aerine and I sat down at our places as Mrs Choster, our Chemistry teacher, strutted into class.

 

“Class…” Mrs Choster stopped halfway as she glared at Kikwang.

 

“Kikwang! Please return to your arranged seat. Do not, I repeat, do not, change your seats as and when you please!” Mrs Choster lectured the class.

 

YESSSSSSSSS! THANK YOU MRS CHOSTER! Thank god for her! Now Kikwang has no choice but to sit beside me. I liked sitting next to Aerine but I really needed to talk to Kikwang!

 

I couldn’t wait to speak to Kikwang so I helped Aerine to pack her bag quickly.

 

Aerine took a stroll back to her seat. I looked towards Kikwang and I could see that he was packing his bag reluctantly and unwillingly. It was sad to see that, but I’m sure that once he’s heard my apology, he wouldn’t be so reluctant to sit next to me anymore!

 

He dragged his feet as he walked towards me. He sat down and took out his Micky Mouse pencil box, without speaking to me at all. I really missed his smile.

 

 “Hello, Kikwang,” I whispered to him, but he continued to ignore me.

 

“Class! Keep your books and notes now. We are going to have our test now,” Mrs Choster announced. Oh ! I totally forgot about it! Today is really not my day!

 

I looked towards Kikwang. He seemed really eager and confident. He must have studied really hard for it. 

 

My heart started beating faster and faster as Mrs Choster gave out the tests.

 

As one piece of the test hit my hands, I felt my heart skip a beat. Oh no. I’m so screwed for this test! I’ve not revised! I’ll surely fail!

 

I looked around the class and everyone was busy doing the test, Kikwang included. And here I was, sitting here dumbfounded.

 

“Psssssst! Kikwang!” I hissed towards him, trying to get his attention. My plan was that, since it was a test and I was disturbing him, he surely could not concentrate on doing it and would finally respond to me! Muahahahah, I’m so evil!

 

“Kikwang! Kikwang!” I continued to try and irritate him. Weirdly enough, he still didn’t respond to me. Being as determined as I was, I didn’t realize that my hissing and whispering got louder and louder.

 

Just as I was about to go for the 100000^th round of trying to get Kikwang’s attention, a shadow casted at the side of my table caught my attention.

 

I turned and looked up. OH. OH. OH. MY. MY. MY. GOD. GOD. GOD.

 

IT.WAS.MRS.CHOSTER.

 

“Gerdin! See me after school! We need to have a little talk!” Mrs Choster scolded me as she snatched the paper away from me. She walked back furiously to the teacher’s table and slammed my test paper onto it.

 

Everyone then started to look towards me. It was so embarrassing! Everyone…. Except Kikwang.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I stood outside the teacher’s room as Mrs Choster gave me a lecture about school and exam rules. I wasn’t really paying attention. All I could think about was to go home and get this horrible day over and done with! It was after school and I told Aerine not to wait for me, so she left first as her mother was waiting for her to go grocery shopping.

 

“To make sure you’ve fully understood the importance of these rules, you are to write lines. 4 pages of ‘I will not talk during any test or exam in the future.’” Mrs Choster ended her lecture.

 

WHAT?! Four pages?! That’s just insane!

 

I took out my foolscap pad and pencil case resignedly and took a seat on the floor outside the teacher’s room after Mrs Choster left me to my punishment.

 

Just as I was about to write finish the first sentence, I saw a pair of shoes suddenly appear in front of me.

 

I looked upwards to see who the owner of the shoes was.

 

IT

 

WAS

 

KIKWANG!

 

Oh my god! This was totally unexpected of him!

 

He sat down next to me and said, “It would be faster if the both of us wrote the lines.” He wiped out his notepad and pen, and started to copy the lines as well.

 

I looked down dejectedly. Feeling horrible that I caused him to copy lines too.

 

“I am really sorry, Kikwang.” I said it sincerely.

 

He looked at me and smiled. It was the first genuine ‘Kikwang’ smile I’ve seen since last Friday! His smile was so contagious that it caused me to smile back despite the terrible situation we were in.

 

“It’s okay, I forgive you.”

 

“Thank you! I really am sorry!”I said it over and over again while he said okay over and over again.

 

“You know,” Kikwang started to get onto the emotional talk, “I don’t have many friends. Besides Dongwoon, I am not close to anyone. And because I don’t have many friends, I tend to trust people whole-heartedly. That’s why when I found out that you had lied to me, I was really angry. But mostly sad.” Kikwang’s speech made me feel the real repercussions of my horrible decision.

 

“Sorry that if you think I’ve overreacted over a small matter but I am easily hurt when my trust is betrayed. It is very seldom to see me down, you know,” He said it in a quiet tone.

 

He actually trusted me so much…

 

 “But,” Kikwang switched back to cheerful tone, “I’m okay now! I feel much better after talking to you! I guess we’re good friends again?” Kikwang smiled brightly.

 

Thank you, Kikwang. Even after hurting you so badly, you’re still willing to be my friend. Thank you so much. I really am truly sorry for my behaviour.

 

“Of course! But only if you want to!” I exclaimed and laughed out loudly.

 

“Hahahahahahahahahaha! Of course! Now, let’s quickly get this done so we can go grab a bite together! I’ve not eaten anything since this morning!” He rubbed his tummy as it grumbled loudly.

I nodded vigourously and laughed at how silly he looked.

 

After this incident, it’s really taught me a lot about Kikwang. He’s a very cheerful, joyful, fragile person.

 

‘Gerdin, you will never do such nasty things ever again. You have to cherish this wonderful friend you’ve been given.’ I promised myself in my heart.

 

Why, you may ask.

 

Because I never want to his signature ‘Kikwang’ smile disappear from his face ever again. 

 

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AN:

 

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