It’s been a year. I can’t do this anymore. I look down at the Seoul city traffic, which is blurred into obscure moving blobs and lines. Distant honking, foreign curses, and the murmurs of the bustling pedestrians fill the atmosphere. The wind slaps my tear stained face as I stand on top of a building that looks something like the really tall building in Men in Black III. My lips curve into a small sad smile. That’s funny; we watched that movie two years ago together. It’s refreshing to smile again, even if it was for a second, knowing that it would probably be my last smile before I die. My lip quivers and I feel water starting to pool on the rim of my eyes as I think of his death. As I think of him.

           Baekhyun and I dated for 8 years. He asked me to be his date to homecoming our freshmen year. No one ever liked me enough to ask me out in middle school, regardless of the fact that there was nowhere for a middle schooler to go on a date. I was very reserved, only talking to my best friend and my assigned partner for projects when it was necessary. When I entered high school, I was still that same girl sitting in the corner of the room, sitting quietly as everyone chattered over the teacher’s constant yelling to be quiet. Baekhyun was the outgoing, smart, funny, and extremely handsome guy that everyone admired. So I was surprised he asked me out of all the gorgeous girls to go to the dance with him. I remember saying yes, because I was curious. What could he possibly like about me? I was just the plain quiet girl that no one knew.

At the dance, I remember him saying that I looked beautiful and my cheeks warming up at the comment. When he asked me if I wanted to dance, I refused to dance and sat at the tables set up on the side of the room. He didn’t argue and sat down with me. With a small voice I told him that he didn’t have to stay with me, but we he just shook his head with a smile and said, “And leave my date all alone? Not a chance.” We talked for half the dance, about him and about me and he would crack a few jokes that would make me giggle. The booming stereo and the loud voices of teenagers were drowned out as we talked more and more I could feel my shy demeanor crumbling. I stopped covering my smile after I got to know him more. He told me that my smile was beautiful. I blushed at that too. As the beat of the song slowed down he stood up and held out his hand. I looked at his eyes that urged me to take it and I didn’t hesitate when I lightly placed my hand in his. He led me to the center of the floor and put his hands on my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Then we swayed side to side with the other couples surrounding us. We didn’t even notice them. We were just lost in each other’s eyes.

And we dated ever since. He would pick me up from my class, sit with me at lunch, and peck me on the cheek, despite getting in trouble for “public display of affection.” He’d bring me flowers for Valentine’s Day and and buy presents for our anniversaries. What did I ever do to deserve a guy like him? By the time Junior year rolled around, we had already applied for colleges and when we got into the same one, our hearts were bursting with joy. We graduated college, started working, and bought ourselves a little apartment.

We were so desperately in love and so sure that we were going to be together forever, but then that one horrible December night came.

           “Hey, Evelyn, come to the place where our first date was. I have something really important to tell you. Bye.” Baekhyun quickly said. And before I could say something, he cut off the line. The apprehension that was built up from his weird behavior ate away at my stomach and made me wonder what he was going to do. He couldn’t possibly want break up with me, right? Could he be tired of me?

           I left work as soon as my shift was over, not bothering to say goodbye to my co-workers. When I walked out of the building, the cold air slapped me hard against the face and the dark street was only lit up with the orange tinted street lamps and the very faint twinkle of the night-sky. My legs shivered as it came into contact with the cold air and the gentle breeze made the hem of my white dress sway. I buried in my face in my scarf and wrapped my thick winter jacket around me tighter, hoping to trap all of the body warmth I have left. My black heels click clacked against the concrete as I made my way towards the location of our first date; the park right next to our high school.

           As I neared the park, I heard the ambulance’s siren roar in the quiet December night. I kicked off my heels and broke into a sprint towards the blaring red lights, like a ship to a lighthouse. My feet started bleeding against the rough ground, but I ignored it and pushed through the crowd that was formed around the scene. When I got to the front of the crowd, I covered my mouth to drown out my scream. I shook my head in disbelief and ran towards the gurney in the middle of the street.

           Tears streamed down my face as I saw who was on the stretcher. Baekhyun. His body looked broken and he was covered in blood. I could see a few bones sticking out, and I grew sick at the sight of them, but I ran up next to him touched his scratched up face. I followed the paramedics towards the truck and kneeled next to his limp body.

           “Matthew. You’re going to be okay. You’re just a little bit scratched up. It’s nothing that the doctor can’t fix.” I said to him. That was a lie. I wasn’t saying it to him, I was saying to myself, trying to comfort myself, because I couldn’t handle the fact that he might actually be gone forever. “You can’t leave me here, Matthew. You said that we would be together forever.” I said as I grabbed onto his left hand hoping that he would squeeze my hand, as a sign of reassurance, and for him to tell me that everything is going to be okay. But when he didn’t, my heart shattered into a million pieces and I gripped onto his hand tighter, my fingers brushing against a velvety surface.

           I uncurled his fingers to find a small black box in his palm. I took it out of his hand and opened it to find a simple, but beautiful, wedding ring sitting in the center of the box. The ring gave off a glint every time the light hit it. I looked away from the piece of jewelry and looked at Baekhyun. My fingers closed the box shut and tucked it safely into my purse.

           I threw myself over his body, not caring that my white dress was being soaked in his blood. My arms stayed wrapped around him until the paramedics asked me to let go of him. Tears blurred my vision and I gasped for air as I pulled myself away from his body. My eyes glazed over him and took a mental picture, so I wouldn’t forget how his dark brown hair framed his eyes, his long eyelashes, his everything. I planted a soft kiss on his cheek and fell onto my knees as I watched him being taken away.