Life is unpredictable, that’s the moral that I happened to learn from my story. And so it is unfair. Even now, before I composed myself to continue writing our story from this point, I thought of the drastic path that my fate had led my life on. It’s all too unfair, it’s all too surreal, but nothing changes what destiny has already picked for our lived to enjoy, or suffer or otherwise. That’s what we call life. An unpredictable flow of events and emotions which stops at one point, and it ends, the life.

I regretted it, I still do, that I never saw it coming on my way. If I did, if I ever bothered to find out I could have avoided being victimized, I would have avoided the danger, I would have dodged before being hit hard on my head, but I had been too vague, or naïve, or simply so clueless that I hadn’t even noticed the gruesome counterattack. No. I lived, breathed and walked with a blazing flame burning me inside out, not once stopping to wonder whether there was a fire, killing me, never stopping once to stop the flames burning me, no, instead, I had only lived with it, and unbeknownst to me, it had begun, by then to turn me into ashes.

At this point, I realised. It was all my fault, I never believed the probability of it coming by. Instead I waited for everything to be decided by the future. It decided for me, alright. But never in the way that I had wanted it to be.

In fact, it was cancer that had killed my father, and his youngest brother all along. I was a degree holder in medicine, I owned an entire pharmaceuticals company, I came from a family of doctors, all through this, I haven’t thought of what exactly I had in my future, waiting to destroy me. I could have seen it, not to mention felt it, even though I did, I ignored.

Once Eunji told me at the end of her story about a little girl who had died drowning in their own family pool, that one thing which kills the people most. I can still remember it crystal clear, that what she said that moment;

“Ignorance…it kills the people most”

Therefore, let me take this moment to tell her something that I never had the courage to tell her throughout three years of our relationship, throughout years since I metaphorically died, let me take this a golden moment to do this;

I’m sorry, Eunji, I’m sorry for being such an ignorant fool.

That was the worse Christmas that I’ve ever had in my life.

Things didn’t at all go as planned for I lost myself completely on the way back home. The coughing was ceaseless, there was a burning sensation in my throat and also in my chest, nor could I breathe that I had to stop the car by the curb and that was when I felt it coming up my throat, the bloody iron taste that I immediately stumbled out and coughed it all out, and it was blood. And I knew, right at that moment I knew what the mother nature was trying to show to me all these days, and even worse, not even the doctors had diagnosed it before, for a medical reason which I won’t explain here since this is our story and its unwanted information, somehow, that was my fate. And Eunji, being Eunji, without a word, rushed me to the nearest hospital.

All through the ride, I remember, she didn’t utter a word about what just happened that day. She only said once that we need to switch which I simply complied, and as she drove along, as though she already knew what we had on our was in our lives, all she did was telling simple mundane things to me like discussing weather and work, the only sign of her anxiety was her holding my hand tight, she didn’t let go until we had reached the hospital.

What hurts me the most, what still hurts me the most is that she didn’t cry a single tear when the doctor finally mentioned to her about the cancer I had growing on my left lung, which had been growing for over four months. She didn’t cry, not even once, she didn’t even show any negative emotions, all she did was sitting still as stone, with her usual stiff half smile plastered on her face. I, on the other hand was on the verge of tears, the moment, still, even now, gave me creeps but she was strong, she was so, so strong, and that made me love her even more.

Once a few tests were done (Which I won’t include in this story) I was allowed to head back home that night. Eunji, without a word, took the wheel that I didn’t say a word as I climbed into the passenger seat, and remained in utter silence. Silence never was anything impalpable between us, it never is, even now. We’d be in silence when we had disagreed on something, we’d be in silence when one of us had said something that we shouldn’t have or done something we shouldn’t have; even then we stayed silent because we both knew the danger of what which had come on our way. We stayed silent because we were so uncertain of our days ahead, we stayed silent because neither of us knew what we had to say.

Once we were back home, however, everything was back to normal. I made Eunji to promise me to not to say a word about what happened to my mother or my sister because I was certain the will never live through it without shredding a tear. Losing my father was enough of a massive cascade on them, the scar of it, I’m certain, never left their heart, and I was their hope, I knew, to carry on with what my father and what his family had left for us. The Kim’s held a name which was bound to remain and go on and I, being their only son, was the last to carry on the name. I couldn’t die without leaving a heir to the name. More than that, my sister and my mother loved me beyond words. I couldn’t take any risk of seeing their tears falling for me. Eunji and I made a pinkie promise that night to not to let it show. Of course Eunji was the master of poker face where I was the very worst in this particular trait. I was passive of holding back emotions, and maybe that was where I wanted Eunji’s strength on me.

After the dinner, both Eunji and I sat silently by my bedroom window, counting stars. The silence was back on, I remember, and it wasn’t comfortable because we were thinking. Because we knew that things wouldn’t be the same anymore. We didn’t say a word until it came back on me, the coughing fit, the blood emerged up my throat that I rushed to the bathroom, and as I watched the crimson liquid swirling down the ceramic basin, I could feel her right behind me, rubbing my back. That was Jung Eunji, the girl I loved, who’d constantly be by my side. And also the Jung Eunji whom I might leave forever somewhere in our lives. The thought brought me tears, and so I cried.

Folded in Eunji’s embrace, I silently cried all my pains out, I cried out the pain of having a cancer growing inside me, I cried the pain of it slowly killing me, I cried the pain of losing everything I owned and dearly held on to, and most crucially, I cried the pain of having to hurt her without intending to. The truth is, I would never have approached her if I had seen this coming on my way. It was a common fact that once one had feelings for another, it would slowly become mutual, and I should have known when I had approached her six months ago, I should have known that even I might have the prospect of becoming a dying soul, but I never thought of any of that, was I too naïve? I really am not certain even now, but a person, sure as hell would never know when he would die. I was an ordinary man too, therefore I never even guessed it that my death would come by so soon. But back then, when I was certain than my life that death has come to me, I cried it all out. However, Eunji being Jung Eunji, didn’t cry a single tear but held me close to her heart telling me over and over again that one simple thing that had held me strong even until now, to this point where I’m sitting here as strong as iron, writing this story of us;

“We will fight this, Sung Gyu, we will fight this together”

I fell asleep in her arms that night, or I vaguely remember I did. It was the first time that I truly heard her heart beat for never had we had any such close skin ship prior to then, but at that very moment, having to have skin ship never mattered to either of us, maybe we were afraid if we didn’t have enough time ahead of us. It was such a wonderful sensation, the beat of her heart and feeling it beneath me as her chest heaved up and down along the passing seconds; she was warm, she always is and I’m never able to decipher whether it was the warmth that her body illuminated or the warmth of her heart that I felt that night, however, it was beautiful to me, and so very much soothing, I fell asleep in her arms, and when I woke up in the middle of that night when the coldness of the Christmas night got even worse and when I was chocking once more, I witnessed, she wasn’t facing me anymore, and with her back turned to my eyes, she was convulsing hard. Jung Eunji was crying, it was the first time that I ever heard her cry.

In all honesty, I didn’t believe that the exceptionally strong people did have a side of them which is frail and vulnerable, I didn’t expect someone so strong to shed a single tear, but that night, Eunji proved me wrong. I was utterly surprised to see her cry, all alone to add to that, ever so silently that I could swear I didn’t hear a single sob escaping from her. She trembled with each breath, holding something close to her heart, and as surprised as I were, I restrained from coughing for the longest that I couldn’t and listened to her cry, which was a remarkably rare sight. I wondered why she cried after holding it in so long, I wondered why she held it in so long, the impulse to cry. The more I pondered on it, the more it made sense to me. It was love. Even the strongest people became vulnerable before love, and so the strongest person that I had ever met in my life, she became vulnerable before love, yet not before my eyes. She was afraid to let me see that she was afraid as much as I were to lose something that she loved. I didn’t interrupt her tears, that moment, silently I allowed her to cry out all her pains. I shouldn’t deny it myself that I cried too, as inaudibly as I possibly could, not because I had made her cry, no, I wasn’t that naïve, I cried because I understood what her tears really meant.

And that was the moment I made that one promise to myself, I will fight, somehow, and win this battle, for her, for myself, and for all who would shed a tear for me. That was when I decided to face the biggest battle in my life, standing as one, I began to battle cancer.

A week later I was taken under surgery, a mass of the growing cancer was removed and I was free of it for a while, still in the risk of being victimized by it once more. Those few days were happy days, I was better, I was back to being normal again, I returned to work and I spent my days with Eunji and my family but I was, once again, ignorant; the lack of time I had lead me to it once more, I missed out on my treatments and hospital visits, I missed out on taking the pills at the right time. Of course, I was a busy body, the company was my life line, and being too obsessed with my work load I ignored them all. A month later, I was diagnosed of cancer once more.

Eunji didn’t yell at me for being so ignorant although I expected her to do so. I was sick of myself already to having done that, being ignorant I mean, for I severely believed that silence was the most dangerous of all, and that’s exactly what she did. She didn’t say a word to me but gave me a dark look before she went along on her way. That was the last time I met her for the day, for the entire week, I must add, she ignored me and I was out of my mind. I couldn’t understand why she did that to me, even while I was in this state, but a week later she never failed to surprise me.

Months had gone by, winter had become spring, snow had become raindrops, and on that particular day, I remember, it was raining cats and dogs and I was in my room, staring up at the canopy of my bed, wondering about the destiny of my petty life. It was unfair. My life was, for I had everything, everything that any man of my age would ever dream of. Wealth, education, an entire company, assets, a loving family, a wonderful girlfriend, a nice car, a big house, what else did I need? Anyone who would judge me now would rank me the highest, but that, would be all so wrong. I was thinking of how unjust my life was. Despite all I had, my life-span was short, I was suffering, I was in pain, and none of the assets I had was helping me. Being a medicine degree holder, even that wasn’t helping me. I was dying, slowly, and all that my prestigious job had done for me was eating up my time and killing me slowly, made me an ignorant jerk and brought me to the edge of my life.

Time. I thought about time, that what I hardly ever had. Eunji once asked me what the biggest asset I had was. Of course, if I still had been that clueless jerk I originally was before I met her, I would have said it was the Kim Pharmaceuticals Co. because I was the heir to the entire company but knowing that she expected an intellectual answer, I urged her to reply.

“Time” she had told me with a smile. “Time is the biggest and the most important asset you have, Sung Gyu, because once it’s gone, you can never get it back. So make the best use of it, use it wisely while you can”

Her words still echo in my head, even as I’m here, writing, I can still recall them crystal clear because it’s the very words that I had ignored back then. While I could have saved myself by not missing a single pill and a single treatment, I wasted my time, I ignored what was important, and ruined my entire life. I was suffering owing to my ignorance and stupidity. I understood, right at that moment, the reason why she was avoiding me. She was mad at me, for I hadn’t followed her words.

It was in the heavy downpour that Eunji barged into my penthouse apartment, drenched from head to toe. I panicked the moment I saw her looking like that, dripping wet, broken and vulnerable. That was the second time I heard her cry, nevertheless the first time she cried before my eyes. I held her close against my chest and uttered my apologies, she hit me softly on my chest, scolding me for being such a jerk, for being so ignorant, for being such a fool and ignore my pills and treatments. What hurt me the most was she never said a word about me having ignored her words, that what I made a countless number of apologies for, She didn’t say a single word about it, I assumed, maybe it was because she solemnly believed that people make mistakes. Once she was done crying I sat her on my bed and dried her with clean dry towels. All through that, I remember, she was staring at my chest. I asked her why.

“I can’t believe it Sung Gyu oppa….I can’t believe that there’s something so deadly growing in your chest…”

I might have smiled at her statement, because it was really rarely that she’d make such child-like remarks, and whenever she did, even now, I’d smile and say something soft in return.

“It’s my fate…Eunji, and if it kills me, that can’t be helped, that would be my fate too”

She pouted her lips. I still remember it because she very rarely did that, she pouted and said; “God can be very cruel at times”

I laughed at her reaction and carried on with drying her wet hair. “God can sure be very cruel….but he can be so wonderful too…somewhere in our fate, it’s written there for us to meet too…”

But she didn’t believe it so, she was a free thinker, and never believed it that god had anything to do with our lives.

“I can’t say anything about God or such moral elements though” She told me that night as I dried her hair. “I’m in no position to do so. I’m just an ordinary person….but to what happens in our lives, only we are responsible, nobody else is”

I kept silent afterwards, for I was certain that she was referring to me and my ignorance at my sickness. Eunji was like that. Some sensitive measures, she never took them directly but slyly with her words. Her word play was always remarkable, intriguing, and even with our conversations, it was her who gave them a casual flow.

Once I was done drying her hair, however, she turned to me with a different light shining in her eyes. I didn’t know what it really meant though, Eunji held so many complex dispositions that I kept my face straight, staring right into her eyes. But before even I could register what was happening, she lunged towards me and sealed my lips with hers.

She kissed me right then, she kissed me sweet and long that I didn’t hesitate for a second to return it with more force on her, going the furthest I could go. Ever since the last Christmas, kissing became a frequent act between us although we were both careful to not go any further, skin hip was limited to that, we had both agreed, but on that particular night, her kisses were more intense, with an additional power which I could barely control, and soon I was lying beneath her, staggered and breathless. However by hook or by crook, I caught her hand before it could have reached where it never should and glared right into her eyes. I begged her to stop and tried to move her away from me, but instead she pulled away her hand and cupped my face with both of them, looking deep into my eyes.

“Marry me…Sung Gyu oppa…ask me to marry you…”

And that was the biggest surprise of my life. I remember how I lied still in my spot, eyes widened, staring into her eyes to see if she was lying, but her eyes were sincere, and Eunji respected honesty, she would never lie. All I could manage to say afterwards was her name.

The truth is, back then, I had never given any thoughts on marriage and family. I had never had a steady relationship before, and once I did have one, then only I gave thought on marriage, even that was once in a while but after I was diagnosed of cancer, I simply gave up on even thinking about it, Eunji was not bound to marry a dying man.

I pulled her off me and yelled at her that night, I yelled at her for being unreasonable, I yelled at her being so stupid despite the smart person that she really was. I was in boiling rage that very moment that I couldn’t exactly recall what really happened, however, I can say that my anger wasn’t easy, I was rather short tempered and the thought of her marrying me and wasting half of her wonderful life on a practical corpse like me killed me inside, it still does, to be frank, for life is unpredictable. I could never be certain when I would leave her, I was a sick man, I had cancer, and marrying her, or marrying anyone in general was an entirely irrational matter. I was afraid to leave a woman grieving for the loss of me.

And that particular night in the spring where the rain crashed ceaselessly and where one couldn’t decipher day apart from night, marked the very first time I raised my voice at Jung Eunji; because it’s unjust, because it’s unfair, because it’s ridiculous and completely irrational to marry a sick person like me.  She didn’t raise her voice back though, even now if I raised my voice, she would never raise her voice in return. This trait of her always surprises me, and the first time she did, I was even more surprised. Flabbergasted by her silence, I couldn’t raise my voice at her anymore, I couldn’t utter a single word afterwards. Instead I held her tightly in my embrace, my face buried in the crook of her neck and begged for forgiveness. She slowly caressed my back and assured me that everything was fine, she told me that my anger was reasonable and she said that she knew how she’d feel if she were in my shoes, she kissed me long again, but didn’t go any further than that. Just a sweet, soft, mellow kiss; and afterwards, just before she left, she cupped my face between hers and told me that she had more to say. I was surprised. I asked what it was.

“Sung Gyu oppa….I…I understand what you’re trying to tell me, I know how exactly you feel about it, but I want you to think through, because it might help you more to escape this, oppa, I’m telling you because we haven’t lost this fight yet, and you can’t fight it alone….” There was moisture in her eyes that moment, although she wasn’t exactly crying when she said the rest. “But if you really don’t want to marry me…you don’t have to…but I want you to be safe, so please move into your old house and live with your mother, Oppa. It’s not the company that matters the most. Now it’s you…”

The conversation ended there for that night, and she left without even accepting my offer for dinner, which left me pondering on what she had told me. The truth is, I guess, at that time, somewhere deep within me, I had had an eccentric feeling of wanting to marry her as well. I was twenty eight at that time, I had a steady job and a steady income, I had a home big enough to fit an entire family, I owned a company and then I needed to make a child to take up the company after me. I was the only heir to the Kim Pharmaceuticals Co. and my father and my entire family had put so much effort to bring up the company for decades so I could not die without leaving a heir for it, so I might as well get married and make a child before I lose my battle, and also, although I was dying I still had time, I had years to go, my last tests explained that my cancer hadn’t gone that far, thus I saw no reason to not marry. Conversely, though, I couldn’t be certain of how long I would live. How could I give Eunji a child and leave? The very thought killed me million times inside. Eunji might be tough in every possible way, but being a single mother wasn’t at all a walk in the park. Besides she would never remarry if I left her even without a child. She’d hold back for my sake, and so would her entire life be gone, and I would never want that to happen.

Next she had asked to move into my family home. The truth is, I moved out from my family home on my own accord. I wasn’t the kind to tolerate certain things for too long, and well, my nephew, my sister’s son suffered in autism, and that wasn’t very pleasant for me. I couldn’t tolerate his presence, I would easily lose the grip on my patience and verbally hurt the child. True, that was very wrong of me. I should have learned to tolerate, I should have learned to contain my anger, but I never could. And one time, I swore that he was never born. I regret it, I still do, because seeing now, I can understand exactly how my sister could have felt that moment. She heard me that time, and she was crying. None of the apologies could work out to ease her pain, I could never make it up to her. I was ashamed. Thus I decided to move out and live on my own.

And of course my mother never knew of my sickness. Therefore moving back in never was an option for me.

Besides Eunji’s offer, just as expected of her, made so much of eloquent sense. Living alone in this lonely house did nothing good to my raging sickness, and no matter how many times I promised myself to fight this, I would still be lazy, I would still be ignorant, I would never make it on my own. I was generally forgetful, and forgetting my hospital appointments and medication was normal, keeping them written down on my journal was futile. What I needed was someone to direct me right, and who would doubtlessly direct me exactly how and where I should be is Eunji, and marrying her would only do me good.

Although it was a selfish offer.

However, I never had the courage to ask her to marry me. Every time that I’d gather my courage, the truth hits me rough, it told me that I was dying, and I was only being a selfish bastard by marrying her to serve only myself. Eunji was so selfless, she’d always put me, the society, the world ahead of herself. Of course, she was a diplomat who would always speak up for the world’s goodness, and as expected, that’s what she’d constantly do, putting everybody else ahead of herself. Therefore I decided to never ask her, to never marry her, I decided to fight this battle on my own.

Nonetheless, on one Friday night in that very same spring, everything happened to take a drastic topsy turve in our lives. Was it the right thing to do? Was it me? Or was it her? These questions still, even after three years, remains unanswered. Nor am I taking any measures to find answers myself.

It was right after another one of my weekly appointments at the local hospital, and I had returned home after dropping Eunji off at her place, and was barely undressing myself when she happened to suddenly barge into my house.  It was drizzling outside and was colder than any other day of the spring. The moon had barely set, it was right around seven or so, and she was there, standing in my doorway, her hair dishevelled, cheeks flushed pink, and then there was the strange shine in her eyes. I could hardly utter a word when she approached me in small steps, time, I remember, seemed to have lost its place. Everything dematerialized around me until all I could feel, see, sense was her. And she clutched me by the collars of my shirt, still I didn’t utter a word in denial. I was weak, my senses were weak, I could hardly register what was happening when she pulled me into an aggressive, intimate lock of lips. By the end of it, however, I had given into it completely, this, I was certain for I didn’t budge once when she began to undress me herself. I didn’t hesitate once when I undressed her myself, and everything seemed to be so perfect, so well when we lied among the covers that night, everything perfect, beautiful, phenomenal even when we lied in each other’s arms in that cold spring night, stark in the grim darkness as though nothing in the world mattered, as though the sole elements living and breathing on this realm were only us, and all was good, all was well.

 We made love, Jung Eunji and I as though it was the most natural thing on earth. Each touch, each move, each whimper gentle and soft, like a touch of a butterfly on an untainted flower, that very first time, for the both of us, was in impeccable experience. On that spring night, where it rained cats and dogs, where the entire realm was scented of the damp earth and flowers, where the slowest hum of raindrops tapping on the windowpanes overpowered all the sounds around, Jung Eunji and I marked our pure, innocent love infinite, reciprocal and eternal.

Later that night, we lied back, staring at the canopy above as though our lives depended on it. Eunji had her palm pressed against the warm skin of my bare chest, she was claiming that she could feel the beating of my heart, she said that I wasn’t at all meaty but so skinny, even more, I was beautiful, like a sculpture made in marble. I told her she was as beautiful as an angel made in heaven. Eunji only laughed in response. As the darkness engulfed the entire realm, ripping through the utter silence, Eunji spoke to me once more.

“We broke the pact, Oppa…we went further than we should have…” She said, she was still in my arms, and I was holding her so close to my heart.

“Yes, we did…Jung Eunji…”

“What should we do now?”

I stared up at the canopy above, the silk swayed slowly above our heads like it always does. “I don’t know…Eunji” I told her in return. “I really don’t know”

There was silence once more, and writing this at this very moment, I wonder how I have come to remember even these tiny details when I should have really overlooked them. Maybe its how change has come upon me. Only now I see how much of a different person I am now from then.

“I made a vow to myself one time…” She told me after the long, comfortable silence between us.

“What was it about?” I asked her, I had probably massaged her scalp with my fingertips at that time, my memory on this was quite vague and unclear.

“I vowed to myself that…that the first person whom I make love with…will be the same person who’d marry me, and be the father of my children…”

And that was the moment where I realized, Eunji, in order to help save my life had sacrificed something so precious to her, devoting her entire life for me, giving up on something so so precious as her very first time and had brought up the audacity to convince me through my male instincts, taking drastic measures, and I had no turning back.

“Eunji…”

“I’m sorry that I took a drastic measure...but-,”

“Why?” I asked her, turning to look into her sincere eyes. “Why, Eunji?”

She took my hand in hers then, and kissed each of my knuckles before looking into my eyes, deep and stark clear.

“Because I love, you, because I want to save you, because you are now the meaning of my life, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, because I want to be the mother to your children…oppa, would you still say no? After all I did, would you still say no now?”

I couldn’t, I just never could.

And that was how marriage came upon Jung Eunji and me.

Hi everyone!

I'm sorry for the late update but I had a project at college so had to finish it off (WW1, you big time)

I hope i did well with this chapter! This story doesn't have to go long. I hope you'd bare with me.

Reading, commenting, subscribing is all up to you.

And muchlovegyuji, your comment made my day. THANK YOU LOADS!!! *Strawberry hearts to you!*

And lots of love to everyone who commented, upvoted and subscribed this story, you made me happy!!

Love.

Achini.

Ps: Next time, on the authors note, I'll tell you a secret!^^