In Another Lifetime

Today, a bright and sunny Friday morning of February 14, I saw her again, Jasmine Lee. She's here, sitting again at one of the front pews of the serenely quiet and calm atmosphere of this small chapel in this prestigious hospital.

She was wearing an overall white attire; and when I say the word overall, it includes her 1 inch wedge white shoes too. Her hair was neatly tied into a bun, secured with a hair net and a couple of black pins attached to keep it in place.

Oh, just how pure and delicate she looks - a certified angelic creature that emits the "saving people's lives" aura throughout her being.

The last time I saw her, she was also in this overall white attire. Well, the truth is, I never saw her in any other attire except for this one.

But that was almost a year ago, when this beautiful lady still has that cheerful aura and greets me with an alluring bright smile plastered on her face.

That time, I remembered she was there to take care of me. She became my bestfriend and eventually turned out to be the unexpected love that I never thought I'll ever find in my sad and slowly drifting life.

Now, I'm standing here, just a few feet away from her. I tried to flash her a bright smile, the one I usually give whenever she's around.

But there's not even a glimpse of recognition from her, and she didn't even bother to smile in return.

It hurts me so much now. It's as if it was just yesterday when we were best of friends. Now, she doesn't even recognize me.

I hate to admit it, but it's as if we became total strangers to each other.

It was a busy and hectic monday morning. I can faintly hear the busy struttering steps of nurses, moving around as they prepare to endorse every important information of each of their patients to the next shift nurse. I deeply sighed as I layed my head comfortably on the fluffy white pillow again. I guess it will be another boring day for me.

As far as I remember, my life wasn't confined within this four cornered white walls surrounding me. Back then, I was a busy person. Too busy to even care that I was actually feeling sick those pass few days.

That day, I was running like a mad man, as I try to run across the streets, causing some ruckus among the motorists who are angrily shouting and yelling at me if I was trying to kill myself early in the morning.

I didn't mind all their yelling and shouting, because for me, if I'll not be able to meet my paper's deadline, it will be the end of me. The end of all my dreams and aspirations in life.

But then, I wasn't really lucky that day, because a few blocks away from the editorial company I was working, my unfortunate fate had snatched away my chance to finally debut as an author and publish my own first book.

I was hit by a speeding car right there and was immediately rushed to this hospital. I suffered from major bone fractures yet I still managed to survive. But then, there is still another deep unsettling reason why I'm still confined here and is undergoing a long term series of treatment.

It was apparently the caused of why I was feeling terribly sick the pass weeks and I'm still here for the same exact reason.

So much for that cliche. I opted to close my eyes and relax my mind, trying to decipher an idea for another story to write. Yes, I turned into a frustrated writer/author. I didn't became a novelist and I never even had a best selling book to take pride of.

But all of my imaginable ideas that I put into writing is being posted into a website which I just happen to tumble upon while surfing the net. It was also all thanks to my sister who is the one encoding it down if ever my hands would sometimes end up too weak to even press a letter onto my iPad - the only thing that keeps me company if I'm all alone in this sickening room.

My peaceful thoughts had escaped my mind when I heard a knock on the door, followed by the squeaking of its hinges, telling that it was being opened. I continued my relax state with my eyes closed, not even bothering to see who it was when I heard the door being closed again.

To my wild guess, it must have been Brian again, the nurse assigned to take care of me in the morning shift.

I heard his steps moving closer to my bed, then it was followed by a complete silence. It was quiet unusual for him to be acting this way when I'm already used to his loud voice in the morning.

Oh, maybe he thinks I'm still asleep and it stirs in his conscience to not disturb me in my peaceful slumber. I hate to break the ice into him, but I'm not actually asleep. Not for now, though.

"It's okay. Go on with your morning assessment. I'm not asleep" I softly muttered.

Instead of a baritone male voice, I heard an unusual shriek followed by a couple sound of crumpling papers that I guess is from the patient's chart that might had threatened to fall when I startled him.

I'm not even sure now if my nurse is a he or a she from the shriek I just heard.

"Goodmorning sir, I'll be your attending nurse from now on. I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm here to take your vital signs"

That instant, I even began to doubt my ears if I'm actually hearing it right. I never heard Brian speaking too girly before. Is he perhaps trying to humor me early in the morning?

I opened my eyes to try and mocked him with my smirk but suddenly, that smirk had drifted and flew out of the window when I saw that it wasn't him. Right infront of me is a beautiful lady, dressed in all white.

That moment, I even start to doubt my existence, whether I'm still alive or dead. I mean, why is there an angel in my room? Is she going to me to heaven?

I squinted my eyes to see if she was actually, by any chance, hiding her wings behind her back. It was ridiculous of me, I know.

Then, my insanity ended when my eyes drifted towards her head. I exhaled deeply, when instead of a glowing angel's halo, I saw a white and crisp nurse's cap pinned on her head.

"Mr. Lu Han, are you alright?" she worriedly asked while waving her right hand infront of my face. That's when I noticed I wasn't responding to any of her questions when I began to spaced out.

"Ahm.... y-yeah, I'm perfectly fine" I said, still fumbling for words, trying so hard not to blush from embarassment.

"I'm going to take your vital signs now, alright?" she finally smiled at me, looking quiet relieved.

"As I've said earlier, Jasmine, it's okay. Go on~" I replied, trying to sound cool and unaffected by the radiance of her beauty and sweet smile.

"Hey, how did you know my name?" she asked. Her face was full of disbelief as she raised an eyebrow at me.

I slowly lifted my body to sit and inched my face closer to her, then my eyes travelled to her chest. That instant, I knew that my dumb carelessness towards respect for ladies had almost earned me a slap from her. But before she could get my actions wrong, I immediately saved my face from an instant morning slap and said.

"You're wearing your nameplate Ms. Jasmine Lee" I pointed to her left chest where her nameplate was pinned. "And to your amazement, I happen to learn how to read"

I saw how she blushed and chuckled at my humored sarcasm. Then, it was the start of a comfortable conversation between two strangers. The start of building up rapport between a nurse and her patient.

I don't know what possessed me that time, but my always silent mouth had chosen to be talkative that day.

I can never recollect on how it all started that even her simple gestures began to affect me. All I'm certain is that, from our first encounter, I knew she will have an account of significance in my life.

Her every smile would unconsciously create a riot to the butterflies in my stomach. I would always have that fleeting feeling everytime she holds my hand to keep me calm and relax in every painful treatment I have to undergo. Her simple gestures of concern would make my heart skip a beat.

That's when I realized that, I'm not just falling for her charms, but I'm falling into a more delicate and sensitive path that I never dared to cross before.

Every week, I noticed that her schedule kept on changing. It was during one of our conversations in her graveyard shift that we found out we have something in common.

It was a usual routine when she'll come to my room and we'll talk for hours until my body is calling for sleep. She will sit on a chair beside my bed as she momentarily sip on her cup of coffee. I bet she does it to keep her senses fully awake throughout the shift.

Afterall, I've heard that nurses hate the graveyard shift because, when everyone else is peacefully asleep without worries, they, on the other hand, needs to be fully awake to keep track of the doctor's orders from time to time.

"Hey~" I softly muttered, trying to get her attention. "I've noticed that you like spending time with me during this shift"

"Well, I just enjoy talking with you. I'm sorry if I disturbed your privacy with this" she disappointedly replied. "I can leave now if you want to"

"Oh, no. I didn't mean it that way. It's just that, won't your other patients feel neglected because you're spending more time with me?"

"Don't worry, they won't. Besides I was permanently assigned only to you"

"Why is that so?" I purposely tried to ask.

Well, I already knew exactly why. I would not be transferred to the Oncology Ward for no reason. I just want to know how she'll answer it.

From all the other previous nurses that handled me, they would always answer it with, "because you're under strict observation". They always make me feel like I'm in a critical condition and any minute now, I would see heaven's gate opening and welcoming me in.

"Why? Well, maybe because.............. you're special" she answered with a smile. A feeling of uncertainty crept to her face, wondering whether she should have answered it that way.

I couldn't helped but blushed at how she sugarcoated my condition and make it sound pleasing to my ears for the very first time. I actually liked the sound of it.

I'm SPECIAL, according to her. I was snapped from my thoughts when I saw her moving closer to me as she laid her cup of coffee on the bedside table.

"I didn't mean to pry, but I'm just curious. What are you actually doing?" she asked, trying to peek at the thing I'm doing with my iPad.

"I'm trying to come up with an idea for a story to write" I spontaneously replied and turned the screen to make her see. Actually, at that moment, I still haven't got the brightest idea to begin with.

"Oh, you're writing a story on that website? I have an account there too and I also write some stories from time to time" she cheerfully said, sounding eager to know more about our common passion.

Right from there, we started to talk about our own experiences about that certain website, even to the point of commenting about some stories we happen to read. It may sound funny and weird for others, but for us, it serves as a gateway to express our ideas and share it with others.

"And you know what, someone even asked for my help in editing a story. He/she sait it was for a sister's assignment in English Literature" she suddenly confessed.

"Really?!" I asked both in amazement and curiosity. "And by any chance, was it about something related to The Tree of Life?"

"Well yeah~ How did you know that?" she raised a brow at me.

"Believe it or not, that was actually me" I said to her and I chuckled at her immediate surprised reaction.

And just like that, our common passion for writing had sparked our growing friendship to bloom. From that day onwards, we became bestfriends. We started to talk and share about a lot of things, from happy to sad experiences in life. Without second thoughts, we even start to share our secrets to each other.

But honestly speaking, not ALL secrets were shared. There's this one big secret that I can't relay for her to know, not for now though. It's a secret that lies deep within my heart.

The truth is, I'm secretly in love with her.

Our close ties in friendship continued on in each passing day. She had even met and known my family when they come to visit a bit more frequently. In a short span of time, they even considered her to be part of our family.

Throughout all that, inspite of being my bestfriend, she still doesn't forget that her primary reason to be with me was to be my nurse, who caters for all my health needs. I even felt that she was starting to be engrossed in taking care of me, even to the point of giving me encouraging words and promised to take me to the park once I'll be discharged.

But I wasn't putting so much hope in that because I don't want to fool myself. My fighting spirit is ready and willing to do anything to recover, but it was unknown to me that my body is actually continuing to deteriorate.

Her schedule had been constantly rotating, and her every off-duty will always make me long for her presence. It was during one of her morning shifts again when I asked her if it was okay to bring me out of my room.

I was desperate to get out of that sickening room to see the blue skies and breath some fresh air. She hesitated for a couple of times but still agreed right after consulting the situation from my attending physician.

"Alright, where do you want to go?" she breathlessly smiled at me, causing the butterflies in my stomach to start a riot again.

I secretly scoffed at our situation now. I totally hate the reality of being a burden to someone so special to me. I'd really love to be normally walking beside her, instead of being pushed around with a wheelchair by her.

It's not that I can't walk. Infact, I can, in a slow pace maybe. But I couldn't argue about it because that was the hospital's protocol, and I wouldn't want her to be in trouble just because of me. Me, who's trying to act normal when in reality, I'm totally not.

"Let's go to the Botanical Garden" I replied, and then we started moving.

There's this botanical garden situated at the southern part of the hospital premises, as what once my sister had told me. I wanted to go and see it for myself way before, but my previous nurses won't allow me.

Maybe because they're just too tired to get a go signal from my doctor, and more when they need to wheeled me around on this annoying wheelchair. I finally felt more refreshed and relaxed when I inhaled the fresh air from there.

The vibrant colors of the plants had made my soul revitalised, making me realized that there's more to life than just how I feel. And right now with her beside me, everything seems to be more blissful. Definitely.

"Jas~" I started when we stopped at a bench right infront of the garden. "I'm already nearing the end of the story that I'm writing"

"Really?!" her sweet voice was full of excitement as she sat on the bench beside the wheelchair that I'm on. "Will you let me read it?" her eyes was full of anticipation as she held my left hand in hers.

"O-ofcourse~" I somehow stuttered and blushed at the sudden feel of her touch on me. "But only after I finish writing it"

"Alright!" she pumped a fist into the air. "I'll be anticipating for that" she said and clapped her hands together. Oh, how endearingly cute of her.

"By the way, thanks for the gift of sweater you gave me for Christmas" I continued on. "I hope it might not be too late. Here's yours, I hope you'll like it" I said.

I extended a slim white box to her, with a neatly tied silvery ribbon attached on top of it. It was a gift that I had intensively collaborated with my sister. I had made sure that she got all my instructions right on how I wanted it to look like.

Afterall, I personally designed it with my own weak and pale hands. And together with it now, I'm giving my heart away to her, for safe keeping.

"This is beautiful" she gasped when she saw what it was. "But Luhan, isn't this too much. I think I can't accept this"

"Come on Jas, it's nothing compared to the gift of friendship you've given me. I'll be mad at you if you'll reject that" I pretended to be upset.

"Alright then, if you insist. Thank you!" she smiled at me.

"You're welcome!" I brightly smiled back at her. "Come closer, let me put it on you" I said as I made her turn around and securely locked the necklace on her nape.

"Ahm.... I'm just curious" she suddenly said. " Why is it designed as wings?" she asked as her fingers trailed on the shiny golden pendant.

"It's not just any ordinary wings" I told her. "Those are angel's wings"

"And why is that?" she crooked a questioning eyebrow at me.

"Well, simply because.......... you're my angel" I smiled at her. And when I realized what I just said, I immediately shifted my face towards the botanical garden, trying to hide my blushing face from her.

Day by day, I'm totally engrossed in the state of perfect happiness. Her mere presence tells me that, afterall, it wasn't that much of a bad thing to spend my everyday life in this hospital.

Moreover, I wasn't quiet sure if until when will I see the sun rise again and tomorrow will come for me. Whether I like it or not, I actually have no choice but to accept it. I was destined to face that unfortunate fate.

Everyday, I make myself ready to face whatever it is that life has to offer me with no hesitation and regrets. I just want to live my life to the fullest until when it permits me to.

But then, deep in my heart, I know I will live in regrets if I'll not tell Jasmine about the secret that I've been keeping all this time. I've finally made up my mind and decided to tell her one of these days.

It was the 13th of February of the new calendar year. Her schedule had changed into the afternoon shift once again. It only means that I can't have her company till dawn's wee hours. She has to sign out at 11pm that evening before her duty ends that day.

I checked the ticking wall clock in my room and saw that there's only one hour left before she has to bid me goodbye and go home. So then, I requested her to bring me to the botanical garden, again.

"Jas, are you still busy right now?" I asked when she checked on the dextrose line that's securely infusing in the vein of my hand.

"No, I just finished my charting and I've just given you your last medication for this shift. Why?"

"Can you bring me to the botanical garden again?"

"I'd love too, but I think it's time for you to rest and sleep. You must have been exhausted from the treatment awhile ago"

"It will be alright. Just for a while, please~?" I pleaded with a sad puppy-look plastered on my face. I saw her deeply sighed but nodded in the end.

The once naturely green botanical garden was now darken under the shadows of the night sky. The only radiance that illuminates the place comes from a couple of light bulbs along the pathway. The place was quiet and had been isolated from people, who are now either busy inside the hospital halls or are already in dreamland.

We stayed there for a couple of minutes in complete silence as I continued to listen to a song in my mp3 that I brought along. I turned to my side and I saw how she deeply sighed in every passing minute while just staring blankly into space. I removed one of my earphones and placed it in her right ear. She turned to smile at me and started to hum in the tune of the song.

"May I have this dance with you?" I nervously asked as I lifted myself off the wheelchair with my weak knees.

"Wait! Luhan, don't strain yourself. Your knees might give way and you'll collapse" she worriedly said as she tries to make me sit again, but I insisted and remained standing.

"Jas, I may have leukemia, but I'm not crippled. I can still remain standing for as long as I want" I half-lied to her just to make her worried expression at peace.

"Fine, but not for too long, okay?" she said and I nodded to her with a smile.

It was actually not really what you can call a dance, but a mere swaying of our bodies from side to side as I hold her close to me. It didn't bother me if my knees are already tired, just as long as she's here with me, wrapped in my arms.

Truth be told, if this could be a dream, I wouldn't want to wake up from it. But then, I have to face the reality that it wasn't intended to be as simple as that.

"By the way Jas, I want to tell you something" I started.

She suddenly stopped from our swaying and looked at me with those beautiful, brown sparkling eyes. Right that instant, every word that I've rehearsed the previous days got blocked at the back of my throat.

I should have known and heed the warning, that everytime I look straight into her eyes, my mind would always go blank and I suddenly end up eating all my words.

"Ahm..... nevermind. Maybe I'll tell you tomorrow" I retreated as I feel all the pressure burning up in every nerve and microscopic cell in my body. Maybe it would be best to tell her tomorrow to match with the ocassion.

Afterall, tomorrow is the most anticipated Valentines' Day.

We came back to my room and she bid me goodbye right after making sure I'm comfortable again on my hospital bed. I layed my head on the white fluffy pillow with a heavy heart. If only I had the courage and had been brave enough that night.

I realized that I should have known better to confess to her right then and there. Thirty minutes after laying on bed, I suddenly felt a throbbing and shooting pain throughout my body.

I tightened the grip on my chest, like my life depended on it, literally. My lungs seemed to squeeze all the oxygen out of my system and I find myself grasping for air to breath. The pain is so unbearable that my vision is becoming hazzy in every second. I reached for the emergency button and managed to immediately pressed on it.

Seconds later, I saw people dressed in white, barging through the door with medical instruments in tow. Before they could reach my bed, I already fainted and everything went black.

Then, the next morning, I never woke up again. I never knew that I was already counting on my remaining hours that night.

I died on the night I passed on the chance to reveal my true feelings for Jasmine. I died with regrets lurking deep down in my heart. I died without telling her how special she is to me, and how much I love her with all my heart.

I died cheating to my heart because of the cowardness that built up in me.

I died on the very eve of Valentine's Day.

Now, I stand here, looking at Jasmine, not merely being noticed by her. Why? Well how could she notice me again? How could she return back my smile if she can't even see me? I'm now a lonely ghost. Barely being heard nor noticed, for I'm dead for exactly one year now.

I know I can never touch or talk to her again, but I'll keep a promise. I'll always be here, just a few meters away, looking after and watching her from a distance.

I'll always be her bestfriend who is secretly in love with her.

Oh my Jasmine, if only I could bring the bright and cheerful smile she used to have.

Then, from that instant, I saw her getting something from her bag. It was a book. From the book-bind cover alone, I knew it was mine.

It's the book that I've written during my hospital stay. I had actually completed it at the first week of February that year. My manuscript had been found by my sister among my other things just a few days after I died. She sent it to a publishing company and had it released a month later.

And miraculously, it became one among the top charts of the best selling books of the year. It was the book that contained mine and Jasmine's time-bounded story. The book that became the realization of my life's aspirations and dreams.

I walked and went near her. I saw her reading the front page of it. It was the page I personally dedicated for her, hoping that the words would find its way to her heart. It contained a lyrical note that I quoted from a song that best describes how I felt about our unfortunate ending.

I could hold on for a hundred years

When all else is gone, I would still be here

In a memory of things yet unseen

I'd remember all that weve never been

I cannot wait to see

What life has in store for me

I'd stay as strong & I'd stay as true

And you'll have forever to think it through

Coz' I believe what wasn't meant to be,

Wasn't meant for now, but someday you'll see

In a place and time we never know

I'd be standing there waiting for you

In another lifetime, it would be forever

In another world where you & I could be together

In another set of second chances

I'd take the one's I missed and make you mine

If only for a time, my life would matter

But until that time, I'd be holding on to forever

My angel, perhaps you could be mine, in another lifetime.....

I saw how painfully she tried to read in between the lines amidst the tears that rolls down her beautiful brown eyes. Though I knew she couldn't feel me, I hugged her tight. I felt her in my embrace and that was trully miraculous.

After a year of my departure from the mortal world, I had once again felt love in a timeless dimension.

To my bestfriend and to the unexpected love that I had never thought I'll find, Jasmine Lee, thank you.

Thank you for coming into my life and for showing me that there's more to life than what we could see. Thank you for being the beacon of light when I'm in my darkess hours. Thank you for showing me the meaning of true love and happiness. Thank you for being a blessing till the last few days of my life.

I may not be physically present for you anymore. But I'll always be there for you in spirit, even through the other line we call heaven. And from there, I send my love to you with all my heart.

Jasmine, I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL, that's one thing that will never change.

I am Luhan - a bestfriend and a man in love trapped in time - and this is my story.

Thank you for all of you who subscribed and upvoted this oneshot story. I really appreciated it a lot, most especially those who also took their time to comment such heartfelt words about it. Thank you so much!

And to my silent readers, thank you also for the time that you devoted to read my story.

To my fellow AFF users, lets continue to write and read wonderful stories together. Let us be the inspirations for others to unleash their inner sanctum and be free to dwell in the world of wonderful fantasy once in a while.

Thank you!

KIS layouts