A few months after Jongdae's death, Minseok had been wandering around the too empty apartment when there was a knock at the door. He went to open it and found himself staring at a rather short, wide-eyed young man who had introduced himself as Do Kyungsoo. His dark hair swept low over his forehead neatly, and his face was smooth and flawless. If Minseok did not know better, he would have had no idea that he must have had his hair styled and makeup carefully applied by professionals before coming.

"Jongdae used to talk about you all the time," the person on his doorstep had said with a tentative smile. "All about his perfect Minseok, dearest Minseokkie, Mini Minseok. He really did love you." After a brief pause, he went on to say, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but things have been wild since, you know..." He had reached into his pocket and produced a sealed envelope.

"Anyways, he told me if something happened to give you this." He handed the stock-still Minseok the envelope. Minseok took it with shaking hands, his eyes wide and blank. "Um... Yeah." Kyungsoo backed out of the doorway, bobbing anxiously, his own eyes wide with nervousness. "Goodbye, then." Then, he turned and was gone.

Minseok inhaled deeply and closed the door. He turned around to face the apartment. His breath caught suddenly in his throat. "Jongdae."

The blurry figure of Kim Jongdae smiled widely. "Mini Minseok," he said softly. "I miss you."

"Jongdae, you—I—what-" Minseok stumbled forward, one hand reaching for his lover. Jongdae stepped back quickly, tut-tutting.

"Read the letter first," he directed, pointing at the envelope in Minseok's lowered hand. "I don't have much time right now—the letter will talk for me. I love you, Minseok-" He flickered out of sight, rematerialized looking more solid than before, than disappeared. 

"Jongdae-!" Minseok gasped, lunging for him, but was a split second too late. His fingers closed on nothing. Then again, he may have not been able to grab anything anyways. "Jongdae...?"

He blinked and sat down heavily on the dirty carpet, subconsciously tearing the envelope open. "Jongdae." It was the only thing he could say. "Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae." Maybe if he said it enough, he could bring him back, even for just a moment. He could hold him one more time in his arms, hear his beautiful, strong voice hum sweet words into his ears—but it wouldn't happen. Never again would it happen.

He unfolded the neatly creased paper, recognizing the scrawling, messy handwriting. There were places where things were scribbled out and rewritten, and one corner was slightly torn. He swallowed and began to read.




Dear Minseok,

I love you.

I hope you don't have to read this. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to wake up every morning to your beautiful little face.

But if you're reading this, then obviously that's not the case.

And I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Whatever happened, whether it was my fault or not, I'm so, so sorry. 

I gave this to Kyungsoo and told him to get it you ASAP if something happens—you remember him, right? He sings too, in fact, I'd say he's better than me. If it turns out he wins the competition, I won't be surprised.

Anyways. Minseok. I love you. Never forget that. But don't feel like you have to pull away from everyone else. There are lots of plenty great people out there, not just me, even though I am pretty great. (Nah, I'm kidding. Sort of.) 

I love you.

Minseokkie. Mini Minseok. Dear, sweet, baby Minseok. I, Kim Jongdae, love you. I will always love you. I am so glad I decided to sit down next to you in the theater that day. You looked so lonely, I thought you might want some company. Guess I didn't realize I wanted some too.

I love you, Minseok.

Forever yours,

Jongdae

Author's Note: ok maybe not that much shorter but still
BLUH

So this is S T I L L a thing

This is all I've got written so far, so don't expect more for a while
[tired zombie sounds]

anyways, author out-