When Yunho arrives at school on Wednesday, he can’t find Jaejoong on the playground. He looks and looks — in the sandbox, in the tunnels, the tire-swing hanging under one of the platforms — but Jaejoong isn’t anywhere. Yoochun tries to get him to come sift for gold in the sandbox, and the twins are sneaking around with stick-guns being spies and it looks fun and Yunho wants to go play. But he wants to find Jaejoong more.

He tries asking the others, but Yoochun says he hasn’t seen him and Junho wouldn’t care and Junsu wouldn’t remember and when he asks Hyojin, who always seems to know what’s going on, she hasn’t seen him either.

“Maybe he isn’t here yet,” Boah suggests, and Yunho thinks that might be right. He walked fast to school today, even his umma said so, so maybe he’s just early and Jaejoong hasn’t gotten there yet.

Only when the teachers call them all to go inside for morning meeting, Jaejoong still isn’t there.

When he walks into the classroom and sees the other boy there, just there, sitting by himself at the desk in the corner again, it’s a relief. Yunho doesn’t know why he was worried, but he was. He smiles big and grabs paper and pencil and hurries over to sit.

“I thought maybe you weren’t here today,” he says.

Jaejoong, eyes wide again but mostly focused on Yunho now instead of all the other kids coming in to sit, looks confused. “Why?” he asks.

“You weren’t outside,” Yunho explains. “I looked and looked but you weren’t there.”

“Oh,” Jaejoong says.

Miss Seung starts taking attendance and everyone goes quiet as class begins.

“Why weren’t you outside?” Yunho asks. “Did the teachers send you in?” He can’t think why that would happen. The teachers have never sent anyone inside before unless they were sick, but Jaejoong can’t be sick since he’s still here.

Jaejoong shakes his head, but doesn’t say anything. Yunho picks up his pencil and doodles on his paper for a while, listening to Miss Seung call out names.

“Do you not like being outside?” he asks after a moment, looking curiously at Jaejoong. Jaejoong was inside yesterday too.

Jaejoong shrugs. Doesn’t look at him.

“It’s fun,” Yunho offers. “There’s lots of things to do.”

“Yunho,” Miss Seung says, “raise your hand if you have a question. Otherwise, please sit quietly during class.”

Yunho blinks and looks around, then ducks his head. “Sorry, teacher,” he says.

Miss Seung goes back to taking attendance. Yunho sits quietly for a minute, swinging his feet a little and doodling some more on his paper. Patience. It’s still hard, but he tries. He doesn’t want Miss Seung to be mad. Then he peeks sideways. Jaejoong is sitting so still and he’s staring at his hands in his lap but Yunho can still see his eyes are wide, wide again. His hands are curled into fists, fingers tugging at the edges of his sleeves.

Yunho glances quick at Miss Seung. She’s turned around to write the lesson for the morning on the board. He leans over a little.

“I’m glad you are here,” he whispers to Jaejoong. Wide eyes slide slowly over to look at him and Yunho smiles big. “We promised to play more, remember?”

“Yunho,” Miss Seung warns. “That’s a one.”

“Sorry, teacher,” Yunho says again. He sits back in his seat like he’s supposed to. One isn’t bad, but if he gets to three, he’ll get in trouble and he doesn’t want that.

Miss Seung starts their lesson and Yunho copies down numbers, careful to try to keep his writing neat. Beside him, Jaejoong says nothing, just works quietly. But every now and again, those eyes flick sideways again. And when Yunho smiles back, sometimes Jaejoong doesn’t look away.

When the lesson is over and they go to snack, Yunho looses Jaejoong in the crowd. He doesn’t mean to, but he does and when he can’t find him in the mass of their classmates, he hurries out of the crowd to the table and grabs some napkins and two seats again.

It’s easier to spot Jaejoong from here; shuffling along in the middle of the other kids. And it’s like but not like the day before. Because Jaejoong still doesn’t look happy, still looks kind of lost, but his eyes are darting all around in a way they weren’t last time. Like he’s looking for something. The crowd starts to disperse, kids going off to find seats or get trays or napkins, and Jaejoong is left standing there, eyes still searching. One fist hovers by his mouth while the fingers of his other hand twist into the hem of his shirt.

Yunho waves to get his attention. When Jaejoong hesitates, he says, “I saved you a seat,” and points to the chair beside him. Jaejoong hurries over.

As he slide onto his seat, Yunho reaches out for the snack tray. Today is string cheese and some crackers. String cheese is weird, but Yunho likes it, mostly because of the way he can pull it apart. He takes two and hands one to Jaejoong.

“Want crackers too?” he asks, grabbing a couple for himself. Jaejoong nods slowly. Yunho takes a few more and puts them on Jaejoong’s napkin. Jaejoong picks one up and nibbles a corner. Yunho opens his string cheese.

“I didn’t know where you went.”

“Huh?” Yunho says. Jaejoong is quiet and it’s kind of loud at the table.

“I—” Jaejoong picks at his cracker, snapping it in half, and doesn’t look at Yunho. “I didn’t know where you were.”

“Sorry,” Yunho says. “I thought you were right next to me, but then you weren’t, and I couldn’t find you. So I got us seats.”

“Oh,” Jaejoong says quietly.

“Sorry,” Yunho says again. He doesn’t think Jaejoong is mad, exactly, but he feels bad for losing him, even for just a little bit.

Jaejoong looks quick at him, then shrugs. “It’s okay, I guess,” he says. His eyes find the string cheese, still in his hand. “What is it?” he asks.

“Cheese,” Yunho says happily. “It doesn’t taste like much, but watch.” He takes his own string cheese and splits the bottom into two pieces, then turns it right-side up again and makes two more thinner pieces come away from the top.

“See?” he says, holding it out so Jaejoong can look. “It’s a person.”

Jaejoong stares, then opens his own cheese and pulls a sting away from it. “How come it doesn’t break?”

Yunho shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “But it’s fun.”

Jaejoong frowns and starts peeling away strips from the top of his string cheese, his tongue poking out in concentration. Then he turns it upside down so the peeled bits dangle together.

“Octopus,” he says.

Yunho blinks, then giggles. “Seamonster,” he says, thinking of the underwater city.

Jaejoong looks at him for a moment, then nods and turns, moving to face Yunho more and tucking one foot up underneath himself.

“Uh-huh,” he says. “Or…” he turns the cheese around again so the peeled bits are at the top, flopping over. “Or it could be a tree.”

Yunho nods, then grins and peels a bit more off of his person, trying to give him some hair. It doesn’t work very well; mostly he just ends up with bits on his fingers to eat. (So actually, maybe it works just fine.) Then he moves his cheese person over by Jaejoong’s tree.

“There,” he says. “Now he’s in the shade to keep him from melting.”

“Melty cheese is better,” Jaejoong decides and takes his tree and bites the top off.

Yunho nods, peeling pieces off his cheese person and eating them. Melty cheese is pretty good. Jaejoong frowns and eyes the string cheese suspiciously.

“It tastes like nothing,” he says.

Yunho nods. “I know,” he says.

Jaejoong pops a cracker into his mouth. “Is there spicy sauce?” he asks. “We could maybe put some on.”

Yunho shakes his head. As far as he knows the teachers don’t keep sauces around unless they brought them in specifically for a snack.

“You like spicy?” he asks. His umma makes some spicy kimchi sometimes, and Yunho likes that, but he doesn’t think he’s ever had anything really spicy.

Jaejoong nods. “It tastes more,” he says. “So I like it.”

Yunho supposes that makes sense. The spicy kimchi sometimes makes his mouth feel tingly, but more taste is good. He pulls some more strips off of his cheese.

“Wanna make the city again?” he asks.

Jaejoong hesitates.

“Or we could color more,” Yunho offers. “Or there’s cars. We could make a race track.”

“Race track?” Jaejoong echoes, looking up.

Yunho nods. “It’s actually trains, not cars,” he says. “But you can still race them.”

“Where?” Jaejoong asks.

Yunho points. The trains and their tracks are kept in a big bucket in the main play area by the snack table.

“Oh.” Jaejoong sits back down in his seat and looks at his hands.

“We can ask to take it to the classroom,” Yunho says. “The teachers might let us. Wanna?”

Jaejoong bites his lip, then nods. Yunho grins and stuffs the rest of his cheese in his mouth. Then he stands up.

“Come on.” He holds out a hand. And, after a moment, Jaejoong takes it, and follows him away from the table.

By the time they’ve finished practicing their letters and listening to Miss Seung tell them the day’s history lesson, Yunho is sleepy. And it’s strange because when he’s at home, he never wants to take a nap, but being at school makes him tired for some reason and so when naptime comes around each day, he’s always glad. He yawns and goes with his classmates to stand in line to get blankets and mats from Miss Seung.

Yesterday when it was naptime, Yunho lost track of Jaejoong. Heechul and him haven’t been in the same class for a long time, so Yunho’s not used to paying attention to who’s sleeping where. Usually he just puts his mat wherever there’s room; it doesn’t matter who he’s next to anymore. Only now maybe there’s Jaejoong, and Yunho meant to sleep by him, only he forgot and then Miss Seung turned out the lights and he didn’t want to step on anyone trying to find him. Or get in trouble for being up and moving when he was supposed to be sleeping. So today, once he has his mat and blanket, instead of picking a spot, he waits.

Jaejoong takes a mat and a blanket, then looks around the room, his face blank and the fist with the blanket up by his mouth.

“There’s room over there,” Yunho says, pointing to an open spot in between the twins and Yoochun, but Jaejoong shakes his head. He hoists the blanket up a little higher, then starts to carefully navigate his way across the room, past the twins and then around Hyojin and Boah.

Yunho follows curiously. The classroom isn’t huge, but it’s pretty big and there’s definitely plenty of room, but Jaejoong seems to be looking for something in particular.

He stops by the bookshelves, which run all along the back wall under the windows. The rug for playing doesn’t reach this far so mostly no one sleeps here, even though they get mats for laying on. It’s also a little cramped; the play-house is really close, pushed up against the sidewall and sometimes the easel is tucked away over here too. Yunho his head, watching.

Jaejoong considers for a moment, then drops his blanket and pushes his mat right into the corner. Then he picks the blanket back up and crawls onto the mat and curls up under the blanket.

Yunho stares and doesn’t understand why. But then he thinks how Jaejoong said it was so big here and how he doesn’t know anyone. How he stares with those wide, wide eyes every time when the other kids come in at the start of the day, or when they line up to turn in their worksheets. How he always watches the crowd and it’s so hard to get him to stop. And maybe…maybe Yunho does understand after all.

So he takes his own mat and lays it down diagonally across the corner, putting himself between Jaejoong and the rest of the room. Jaejoong watches him the whole time, still with that strange, blank look. Yunho just crawls in under his own blanket, smiles at him, and then closes his eyes. A moment later, he hears movement. He opens his eyes to see Jaejoong sitting up. His eyes flick to Yunho and then away again and he fidgets, twisting one hand into the blanket. Then, without looking up, he turns around and lays down again with his head on the other end of his mat. The end closest to Yunho’s head. He tugs the blanket back up, his hand around the edge and pulling it up to his mouth. Then his eyes flick again, peeking at Yunho around the blanket.

Yunho makes his smile even bigger and Jaejoong puts his head down. Closes his eyes. Opens them again to peek at Yunho again. When he closes them again, Yunho shuts his own eyes. And Jaejoong still doesn’t smile any, or talk that much, but he turned to face Yunho and when Yunho wakes up from his nap, Jaejoong is still there and his eyes don’t go wide when Yunho calls his name to wake him up. And Yunho thinks maybe that means something.

“Why do you think grass is green?”

Preschool is mostly over for the day. There are no more lessons and all the kids have been let outside to play while they wait for the parents or older siblings to come get them. Most of the kids are on the playground, building in the sandbox or swinging on the swings. There’s a good game of tag going on, too; Yunho can hear the twins and some of the older kids shouting.

He and Jaejoong are on the hill towards the back of the outdoor play area. Yunho is stretched out on his front picking at the grass, trying to see how small a piece he can peel it into. He sort of wishes he were down on the playground playing tag, too, but then Jaejoong would be sitting here all by himself again and Yunho doesn’t want that even more.

Beside him, Jaejoong shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. Jaejoong’s been really quiet for a while now. Since right after class started again after lunch and recess, Yunho thinks.

“I think it’s because it’s happy,” Yunho says, kicking his feet up behind him and twisting his pieces of grass together. “Green is a happy color. And then it turns brown when people walk on it too much or when it gets cold. Because it’s sad.”

 Yunho doesn’t know why Jaejoong is being so quiet, but it’s making him feel weird, almost like he’s sad except he’s not, and he doesn’t know what to do or what’s wrong and he thinks maybe that’s part of it. Part of the weird feeling. Because he wants to make it better. But he doesn’t know how.

Jaejoong doesn’t say anything.

“Wanna go play?” Yunho asks. “We could go play tag.”

Jaejoong shakes his head.

“What’s wrong?” Yunho asks. “Are you mad?”

Jaejoong shakes his head.

Yunho sighs and looks up at him. Jaejoong is sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees. One fist is curled by his mouth and though his eyes aren’t wide, they don’t look like they’re really looking at anything either. Yunho rolls onto his side, twisting his head funny so he can see Jaejoong’s face better.

“What’s wrong?” he asks again. “Jaejoong, what’s wrong?”

Jaejoong doesn’t answer for so long that Yunho thinks maybe he just won’t say anything, but then, “I don’t want to go back,” he says quietly.

“Oh,” Yunho says, remembering what Jaejoong said before about moving. “Is your new house scary?” Yunho remembers when Yoochun moved here, he said his new apartment had shadows in strange places. And Heechul’s family got a house one year. Heechul said he liked the house but it made scary noises at night.

Jaejoong shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “It’s not home.”

And even though he knows what’s wrong now, Yunho still doesn’t know what to do. Still doesn’t know how to help. He hates that feeling.

“I’m sorry,” he says, not knowing what else to say. “Maybe you’ll get used to it?”

“I don’t want to get used to it,” Jaejoong says, and his voice is louder now, upset or angry or maybe both. “I don’t want to get used to it, I want home.”

Yunho stares up at him and almost wants to cry. He wanted to help, but he just made it worse.

“Sorry,” he says, reaching out and closing his fingers on the edge of Jaejoong’s pant leg. “Jaejoong, sorry. Don’t be mad.”

Jaejoong sniffs and pushes his chin into his knees. “I want home,” he says again, much more quietly this time.

“I know,” says Yunho, and he really, really hates not knowing how to help. He tries to think what grownups say. “I’m sorry. It’s okay.”

Jaejoong sighs, big and heavy somehow, and doesn’t say anything. Below them, on the playground, Junsu shrieks, laughing as he runs or chases. Yunho curls his fingers tighter in the material of Jaejoong’s pants and hopes that maybe, somehow, Jaejoong will feel it and understand.

“Yunho!” a voice calls him name a while later. Yunho sits up and looks around. Miss Seung is calling him. His mother stands beside her, waving at him.

“My umma is here,” he says to Jaejoong.

Jaejoong looks. “Oh,” he says.

“I have to go.” It feels wrong, leaving Jaejoong alone here. He’s not happy. He shouldn’t be alone. But he has to go home. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promises, standing up. “Okay?”

Jaejoong looks up at him.

“Okay?” Yunho says again when Jaejoong just keeps staring blankly at him.

Jaejoong nods. “Okay,” he says.

It still feels wrong to leave but his umma is calling him again and he doesn’t want her to be mad. He waves to Jaejoong and trots down the hill to his mother.

“Yunho,” she scolds him mildly, “you have grass all over you.” She shifts Jihye to one arm and crouches down, brushing him off quickly.

“I’m not that dirty,” Yunho says. He’s really not. It’s only grass.

His mother sighs and keeps brushing. “Did you have a good day?”

Yunho nods. “We practiced writing and then we made a train race,” he tell her.

“Sounds like fun,” she says, smiling and standing up. She takes his hand. “Come on. You can tell me and Jihye all about it on the walk home.”

He follows his mother to gate, but on the way he looks back. Jaejoong is still sitting on the hill, all by himself. Yunho waves goodbye to him, but Jaejoong doesn’t wave back so Yunho’s not sure if he sees. He sighs and turns back to his mother.

Yunho is playing with Jihye while their mother makes dinner, trying to teach her how to crawl, when their father gets home.

“Appa!” Yunho scrambles to his feet. He makes it halfway to the door before he remembers Jihye. He runs back to the livingroom and picks her up, carefully putting her back in her bouncy chair so she won’t get hurt. Then he races to the door.

His father is in the main hall of their apartment, putting his coat and shoes away. His briefcase is tucked against the wall. Yunho likes the briefcase. It’s leather and dark brown and it smells good. A little like his father and also a lot like something that just makes Yunho think of being a grownup — all neat and clean and with paper. Sometimes, when Yunho doesn’t have school, he goes with his umma to bring lunch to his father for a treat. His father’s office smells a lot like paper too, and sometimes his father lets him type on the typewriter. Yunho likes that. The buttons make cool noises and then it goes ‘ding’ every time he reaches the end of a line.

“Appa!” Yunho says again, running over. His father looks up and smiles, bending down to catch Yunho up as he gets close, picking him up and swinging him around.

“Oh,” he says. “Ah, this can’t be my son, Yunho. This boy is much too big.”

“Appa,” Yunho giggles. “Appa, it’s me.”

His father squints, looking closely at him. “Are you sure?” he asks.

Yunho laughs some more. “Yes.”

“Ah, what are they feeding you at that school to make you so big?” his father demands, shifting Yunho onto one hip and bending down again for his briefcase. Yunho giggles and grips his shoulder. “Where’s your mother?”

“Making dinner,” Yunho tells him.

“Good, and your sister?”

“In there,” Yunho says, pointing to the other room. “I’m teaching her to crawl.”

“Are you?” his father asks, walking into his at-home office and putting his briefcase on the desk before heading out to the kitchen.

“Yeah,” says Yunho. “But she keeps not getting it.”

His father smiles. “She’s still little,” he says. “She’ll learn when she’s ready. But it’s good of you to help.”

Yunho lifts his head a little higher. He loves making his father happy.

They reach the kitchen and Yunho’s father lets him back down again.

“Why don’t you help your mother set the table,” he says, “and I’ll get washed up and get your sister for dinner.”

“Okay,” Yunho says. He doesn’t get to help in the kitchen much, his mother says he doesn’t listen enough to instructions, but he can help carry the food and the dishes. He skips over to the cabinet to get the cups.

“There’s a new boy at school,” Yunho announces later at the table. He didn’t talk much for the first part of dinner; he was hungry and he wanted to listen to his father talk about work. He doesn’t always understand, but his father tries to make bad guys pay for when they hurt other people and that’s an important job. Also, his father’s voice is low and nice and Yunho loves to listen, no matter what he’s talking about. But now all he has left is some soup.

“Oh?” says his mother. “What’s his name?”

“Jaejoong,” Yunho says. “He just moved here.”

“And what’s he like? Do you play together?”

“Uh-huh,” Yunho says happily, swinging his feet under the table. “He’s quiet. And he writes better than me, all neat. We made train races.”

“Train races?” his father echoes with a smile. “And who won?”

Yunho shrugs. “We both did, I guess,” he says. “Mostly we tied. Or the trains crashed.” He stops swinging his feet, concentrating on picking a piece of kimchi out of his soup with his chopsticks. “I don’t think Jaejoong likes moving,” he says.

“Ah, moving can be hard,” his mother says sympathetically. “It’s lonely in a new place. I hope you’re being nice to him.”

“I am,” Yunho says. “But sometimes he just looks not happy, and I don’t know what to do.”

His mother puts down the spoon she’s been feeding Jihye with and reaches out, smoothing Yunho’s hair back and smiling the way she does sometimes.

“Sometimes,” she says, “no matter what you do, someone is going to be unhappy. It’s sad, to watch a friend hurt and not be able to make them feel better, but it happens.”

Yunho thinks about that for a moment. “So what do I do?” he wants to know.

“Just be kind to him,” his mother says. “Being sad with a friend is better than being sad by yourself.”

Yunho nods. He thinks so too — he hates being sad and alone, because then there are two things to be sad about. But he still wishes he could make Jaejoong be happy.

“Do you want to go play with Junho and Junsu this weekend?” his mothers asks.

Yunho looks up. “Do you have to work?”

She shakes her head. “No, but you haven’t been over to play with them in a while. And their mother keeps telling me how much fun the twins have with you. I could call and see if they would like to have you over.”

Yunho thinks about that. The twins are loud but a lot of fun. And he hasn’t really played with them in a while. And their mother always lets them have fun snacks, too.

“Okay,” he says. He carefully picks another piece of kimchi out of his bowl. Then he has another thought. “Can Jaejoong come too?”

“Ah, if his family just moved here, they’re probably very busy,” his mother says. “We should give them some time to settle into their new home.”

“Oh,” Yunho says, disappointed. He thinks for a minute. “Well, can he come next week?”

Yunho’s mother sighs and smiles. “Maybe,” she says. “Why don’t you introduce us tomorrow after school?”

“Okay,” Yunho says. “Can I show him Jihye?” Yunho loves showing people his baby sister. He thought at first maybe he wouldn’t like having a sister, and sometimes the way people fuss over her makes him a little mad, because then they only pay attention to her. But he likes being the big brother and taking care of her, and he likes showing her to people and telling them about her.

“I’ll bring her,” his mother says. “But if she’s asleep you have to be quiet.”

“Because if she wakes up she’ll cry,” Yunho says. Jihye always fusses when she’s woken up. “I promise. How come she sleeps so much?”

“All babies sleep a lot,” his mother explains. “It helps them grow. It helps you grow, too,” she adds. “Finish eating and maybe appa will read with you before bed.”

Yunho looks at his father, who smiles and nods. “One book for you, and one song for Jihye,” he promises.

“Okay.” Yunho grins and turns back to his soup, swinging his feet under the table again. He gets to read with his appa and maybe go play with the twins and tomorrow he can show Jihye to Jaejoong. He can’t wait for tomorrow.

--

A/N: again, characters may not be consistently acting their age. like, at all. we're trying but it's hard. sorry. also, our appologies for the delay with this; we've been having some health issues (mouse elbow (it's like carpal tunnel in your elbows) and a dislocated rib (very uncomfortable)) so this took a little longer than we thought it would.