a/n: This is my very first fully developed angst/supernatural fic! It is, of course, krisho. I will warn you now, there is mention of character death. and hopefully the twist ending will surprise you all!

Please let me know how you liked it and what you think I can do better, since this is my first attempt at angst. Enjoy~

Ghosts

Not good enough.

Junmyeon stared at his reflection in the mirror.

Not good enough.

He watched an opaque tear hang off the edge of his chin in detached fascination.

Not good enough.

He raised his hand and wiped the tear away, his eyes still boring holes into the reflection in the mirror.

Not good enough.

His knees collapsed beneath him and he fell to the ground, his head falling into his arms.

Not good enough.

Not good enough.

Not good enough…

“SHUT UP!”

Junmyeon flinched as his voice bounced off of the walls of the room. “Shut up,” he muttered again, quieter this time. “Shut the up.”

“Junmyeon?”

“What.”

“Are you talking to yourself again?” A young woman stood before him now, her eyes empty and full of disappointment. “You know that isn’t good for you.”

“Go away noona. You’re dead. You can’t talk to me.”

“Can’t I?” The woman knelt down in front of Junmyeon and reached forward to touch his face. “Junmyeon, I love you.”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” Junmyeon flinched backwards and fell on to his elbows. “Stay away!”

The woman vanished, and Junmyeon was alone again.

“Noona?”

Silence.

“…Noona?”

Junmyeon let his arms fall out from under him as warm tears dripped out of his eyes.

XXX

“You saw her again?”

Junmyeon nodded mutely, and his therapist scribbled something on to her notepad. “What did she look like?”

Junmyeon sighed quietly. “The same, as she always does. Dressed the way she was the day of the accident. Her eyes are sad and full of disappointment. She tells me she loves me, and then she vanishes.”

“Junmyeon.” The therapist pulls her glasses off and wipes the lenses clean on the edge of her skirt. “You haven’t had a hallucination of your older sister in two years. Did something happen?”

Junmyeon stared out the window in silence for a few minutes.

“…No.” A silent tear trailed down his cheek, but Junmyeon didn’t move his hand to wipe it away. “Nothing happened.”

His therapist sighs in disappointment. He hears her pen scratch out closing himself off on her precious notepad. Sometimes, he wonders what she would do if he just ripped it out of her hands and dropped it into the fire in the hearth of the office. But then he remembers, no, he mustn’t do that. He isn’t good enough, true, but he doesn’t think he’s fallen that low.

To make someone as miserable as he is.

XXX

Six months later, and Junmyeon finally opens up.

“Junmyeon, something is wrong. Your sister visits you every night now. What happened, six months ago?”

Again, Junmyeon sits in silence for several minutes. He turns away from the therapist and stares at the window. He can see his sister on the other side of the glass, staring at him with empty eyes.

“…Yifan broke up with me.”

His sister gives him a small smile and nods. Is this the right thing to do, noona?

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s alright.”

“…Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Whenever you’re ready, Junmyeon. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.”

But Yifan won’t be. And that’s the only thing that mattered.

XXX

His noona still comes to visit him most nights. She lingers at the edge of his vision; he sees her everywhere, from the shadows of the streetlamps to the straight frame of the filing cabinets beside his desk at work. She is a comforting presence, but she also makes him feel immensely lonely, and his longing for Yifan and for his noona to come back to life curdle into a spoiled mess of pain and loneliness in his heart.

“Yifan…”

“Junmyeon.”

It can’t be.

Noona drifts out of the shadows and lays her invisible hand on his shoulder. The mess inside of Junmyeon’s heart twists and tangles tighter. “Yifan.”

“I heard you’ve been ill.”

“Who told you that?”

“Your therapist called me.”

“You left me because of her.”

“I left because I thought I wasn’t good for your health.”

“Liar.”

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“You’re lying. You knew what you meant to me.”

“I was scared.”

“Liar.”

“Junmyeon…”

“You knew. You knew everything.”

“I was frightened that you didn’t love me.”

“You think I’m crazy.”

Yifan’s silence is more than enough answer.

At last, Junmyeon turns away from his desk and faces Yifan. “Why are you back? You still don’t trust me.”

“I had to see you. You’re having hallucinations again, aren’t you?”

Junmyeon’s eyes crinkle upwards into a beautiful smile. “Noona is standing beside me. Her hand is on my shoulder.” Junmyeon’s hand rests over an invisible obstruction hovering over his left shoulder. “Can’t you see her?”

“There’s nothing there, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon’s eyes sadden, and his smile vanishes. “You used to be able to see her.”

“And then I let her go.” Yifan kneels down and takes Junmyeon’s smaller hands in his own. “Junmyeon, Noona won’t be here forever. You have to let her rest in peace.”

“She’s the only one that loves me now. Why should I let her go?” Junmyeon tilts his head to the side, and for a second, Yifan just sees the eleven-year old boy who lost his sister in a car crash.

“She’s not the only one who loves you. I love you.”

“Liar.” Junmyeon takes his hands back and stares over the top of Yifan’s head. “You never loved me. You just said you did. You never saw Noona. You just agreed with whatever I said so that I wouldn’t be scared.”

“I was trying to make you happy.”

“Lies don’t make anyone happy.”

“I know that now.”

Junmyeon shakes his head and turns away. “Do you have any more lies to leave with me, Yifan? Or are we done?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll help you let Noona rest her spirit in peace.”

Junmyeon scoffed. “You can’t even see her.”

Yifan smiled sadly at the ghost of a young woman who hovered by Junmyeon’s shoulder, a protective hand on his shoulder as she stares emptily at Yifan. “Can’t I?”

XXX

“Noona left me again.”

The therapist pauses and then writes something down on her notepad. “How do you feel about it?”

“Confused.” Junmyeon sighs and lets his head fall onto his hands. “I thought Yifan couldn’t see Noona. But he could. And then he told me that I had to let her go.”

“And? Did you let her go?”

“I did.”

“How did she look when you let her go?”

“She looked happy.” Junmyeon sighs heavily. “I want Noona to be happy.”

“Good.”

“Yifan makes me feel happy. I wanted Noona to feel happy too, so I let her go. Yifan says we’ll meet again, in the afterlife. So I wasn’t worried. Even though it might take a long time, we’ll still be reunited. And I can make her happy.

When Yifan broke up with me, I thought it was because I wasn’t good enough. But now…” Junmyeon trails off.

The therapist gently nudges him back to the conversation. “But now?”

Junmyeon smiles slowly. “He makes me feel complete.”

“Did Yifan come with you to your session today?”

“Oh yes.” Junmyeon smiles happily and then turns to face his therapist, his eyes slowly clouding with confusion. “Can’t you see him?” He turns again to smile up at Yifan, who stands beside him with a soothing hand on his head.

The therapist stares at the empty space that Junmyeon is smiling so fondly at.

“Yes,” she nods slowly, her voice wavering slightly through her lie. “Yes, I can see him.”

XXX

Junmyeon goes to visit the graveyard that night. He lights a stick of incense for his Noona, and then heads further in.

He stops in front of a gravestone.

Wu Yifan

-The wings of your love carried us all.

November 6, 1990-May 7, 2010

He puts down a bouquet of white roses and then leans back on his heels.

And he smiles.

Fin

a/n: What did I just write?  Even I don't know. But it was a weird experience, the words were literally flying from my fingers as I wrote this.

I hope you guys liked it, even though it was sad. Please comment and upvote with your reactions and if you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading, and go heal yourself with all of my fluffy krisho works~ Thanks for reading!