{ •걸음 - Walking • }

"I can't believe after what I said, you wear that to work."
Jinyoung laughed as we walked on to the bus stop.

"What? I wear these kinds of outfits to work every week."
I explained, not understanding what was so wrong about my opened blouse with a cami underneathe, matched with black jeans and lace up leather ankle boots.

"I don't know what goes on in your head, but in a man's point of view, you look very alluring."
He nonchalantly commented, and I paused with a grin.

"Oh so I'm alluring now? Or is it a nice way of saying I look like a ?"
I defended, a grin masking my innermost self consciousness.

"I said it was from a man's point of view, not mine."
He laughed, throwing his hands up as a sign of surrender.
"But men shouldn't be looking at you in the first place."
He huffed, slightly in a protective tone.

The sky was a murky mix of navy and red, kind of how I feel inside right now. 
Aren't I mad at him? 
Didn't I try to keep my distance from him? 
Why do I want to get closer to him, knowing well that I'll be hurt in the end? 

And why do I not care for how hurt I might be later, and all that matters is him being happy?

It was like hiding in shadows again.
There, but not able to reach out.
Here, but he can't hear me.

And I'm fine with just seeing him beside me, even when I know I can't be the one to make those smiles.

I think I like him a lot, even when I know I can't.
I'm a selfish person, but at least I know he's not mine.
But I'm going to be selfish for the week that I have with him-
At least I can treasure these moments by myself.

We reached the bus stop, and sat in the bench as I waited for my bus to arrive. 
There was an old man and a college student, for this night bus wasn't a busy one.

"I was thinking we could come back from that F minor with a G major chord-"
Jinyoung talked on, but stopped when his eyes landed on the two passengers waiting for the same bus.
"We should finish the line on the bus ride. I'm riding with you."
Jinyoung stated firmly.

"Eh-? Why? I thought you were just walking with me up to here-"
I fumbled, confused about his sudden extension in accompanying me.
Did he really think that I was going to be pounced upon or something? 

"I need to visit my friends at Star Kareoke. Haven't seen him in a while."
Jinyoung explained.

But I know everyone who works there-
"Who's your friend? Deullie Oppa? Chanshikie? Or Dongwoo Oppa?"
I asked, wondering if Jinyoung knew them. 
They have a popular reputation in their school and community, especially with older unnies since they come off as the "cute" workers at Star Bar.

"Junghwan goes to the same school as me, Chanshik's my hoobae, you already know about Baro, and I knew Dongwoo hyung for a long time. "
Jinyoung further explained, taking me by surprise.

I did not expect him to be the party type.

"How come you're not crazily popular?"
I laughed, and my bus rolled to a stop in front of us.

Jinyoung casually stepped in, and I followed as he sat in one of the many empty seats.

"I'm transferred, remeber? So how would you know if I wasn't well known?"
He quipped back, leaving me speechless.

In fact, I don't know anything about him and his past.

"I just.. assumed again. Whoops."
I mentally pinched myself, knowing well that Jinyoung hates my assumptions.

"Well if it clarifies anything, I have a red Northface jacket."
He grinned playfully.

"Seriously?!"
I gasped, not seeing him in that way at all.

{ FACT - in the South Korean teenage culture, a (red) Northface jacket for, especially a student, means that they advocate rebellious violence in school environment, not focusing on their studies but rather fooling around with other boys/girls, for they are "required" to have an attractive look. They are called illjins. Jinyoung had gained a nickname of illjinyoung, the combination of illjin and his name, after fans ran across a picture of him with a red northface jacket, taken at a photobooth with other friends. This picture :

"What? I really like the color red."

{ FACT - Jinyoung's favorite color is red, as stated in a magazine interview ( I believe, but I forgot so I looked it up on Naver LOL) }

I surpressed a snicker at his response, the vision of Jinyoung as a player running through my head.
"How many?"
I asked, mimicking his tone.

"How many what?"
He smirked.

"How many girls have you been with?"
I laughed, the casual question easily breezing through us without any awkwardness.

"I've been with a few. Do you want specifics? Because there's three girls from my school, two in middle school, elementary school doesn't count, and since I've been transferred here.. There's one, then two, and there was the third one-"
He trailed off, counting off the multiple numbers.

"Enough! That's enough!"
I sqealed, surprised at the huge quantity.
"I didn't want a list of it!"
I laughed, slapping his counting fingers.

"What? You asked!"
He tried to keep a straight face, but he broke off into that goofy smile that I liked so much.
"I'm kidding by the way. I've been with about, five girls? And then it's just Heejung."
He spoke casually, but I was reminded that he liked Heejung.
I tried not to be guilty.

"Uhh..I'll remember not to tease about your popularity again."
I shook my head in disbelief, half amused and half bewildered.

Jung Jinyoung is definitely not the guy I was supposed to be meeting casually and talking with.

But the fact only drew me in closer, feeding my starving curiosity.

"Good. Because I don't lie, especially when it comes to popularity."
He snickered, giving me a mischievous grin.

"Sheesh- okay Mr.Famous. I'm gonna go ahead and check in with Mrs.Lee."
I noted as the bus came to a stop, and I was ready to get off this empty transportation contraption.
"Thank you ahjusshi! Hwaiting!"
I cheered the bus driver before stepping out, and he smiled kindly in return.

Jinyoung followed quickly behind, nodding at the bus driver as a mannered gesture. His return smile remained the same.

"Time to work!"
I chirped as we stepped up to the brightly lit neon building, and Jinyoung still didn't shake off his dubious look about my enthusiasm for work.

"Excited much?"
Jinyoung cynically let out a dry laugh as he went inside the tinted glass doors.
I followed with a scowl, not understanding why he was taking my work like some kind of a joke, as if he was judging me on my choice of location for earning academy funds.

"Oppa! I'm here!"
I called out as I closed the door, and when I looked up, I saw Sandeul oppa grinning widely as he saw Jinyoung.
Gongchan and Dongwoo oppa came out from the back and welcomed their friend.

While they were having their bro-talks, I slipped to the back and checked into my shift by greeting Mrs.Lee, my Umma's close friend and Sandeul oppa's mother.

"I'm here Immo* (Auntie). I'm assigned to a project with Jinyoung oppa as my partner, and he's chatting with Junghwan oppa and the others at the counter."
I spoke as I pulled on my apron around my waist, since I have to serve nighttime food also.

"Jinyoung's here? That's odd. His Umma should be worried."
Mrs.Lee poked her head out of the kitchen door with a quizzical expression.

"What do you mean? He insisted on coming here."
I asked, knowing well that Jinyoung wouldn't be the one to violate and disrespect rules from adults.

"He takes care of his mother an awful lot, and rarely can manage the time to come by and see Junghwan after school. He must've used you as an excuse, or he genuinely cares about you."
Mrs.Lee gave me a motherly smile.

"I make a heck of an excuse, don't I?"
I playfully laughed, tying my hair up in a neat ponytail.
I went out to the counter to fulfill my shift when I saw Jinyoung still there, talking with Junghwan, Chanshik, and Dongwoo.
And look-
Baro joined the party too.

Oh yay.

"Move over Oppas- I need to work."
I nudged over Dongwoo and Deullie oppa, trying to attend to the customer in line.

"Workaholic Ahnah, what will you do without a cash register?"
Chanshik grinned, and I threw him a scowl.

"Whatever Chanshik. Just go set up the room for the customer."
I laughed and nudged him out the crowded counter area.

"How do you have a job in an almost all-boys club?"
Jinyoung questioned, his arms crossed.

"It's not a club, Jinyoung."
I huffed for the last time.

"Hey pretty girl, get me a room. Any room's fine as long as you're there."
A sleazy customer came up the counter.

Oh it's him.

I kept silent as I punched in a room for 60 minutes.
"Room number 14."
I monotonously said, being used to his pick-up lines and attempts to hit on me.

"I got this."
Dongwoo oppa chuckled, and led the customer in, who didn't forget to wink at me before disappearing into the neon-spotted darkness of the hallway.

"If that's not raging hormones, I don't know what is."
Jinyoung blinked, having witnessed the annoying scene.

"Not like they can get me anyways~"
I sung in a jocular manner, but Jinyoung gave me one of his recently frequent did-you-just-really-say-that look.

"Doesn't seem really hard for him to."
Jinyoung scoffed, and I hid my pain.
It was a joke.
Why can't he take jokes like he used to?

"Ahnah! I'll cover- you go serve food."
Sandeul oppa jumped in, and I nodded silently.
Like always, I just wanted to get away where he couldn't see me.
Away from both Baro and Jinyoung.

I picked up the delicious tray of beer snacks and side dishes and headed for room number 14, where the guy was waiting for his friends-
Usually his friends always crowd the place, so he must be waiting for them.

I knocked on the door, and entered.

"Here's your food order-"
I halted as he walked behind me, and locked the door.

"I said any room's fine as long as you're there."
He winked, walking over towards me.

I didn't panic, but rather proceeded to set the food on the table.

"I come here almost every month, and you're all dolled-up everytime baby. Don't you wanna hook up with this Oppa?"
He pouted, and I swear that was the most ugly- pout I've ever laid eyes on.

"Ew no."
I scrunched up my face in disgust.

"Cold girl. I like that."
He smirked, trying to hold my hand.

"I'll be going now."
I spoke mechanically, trying not to show my panicked mind.
If I couldn't unlock the door before he blocked me, the only way is for it to be opened from the outside.
Unless he backed away.

Everybody thinks I'm on kitchen duty, so they won't be looking for me.
The look on this pursuer's face was a face I wad unfortunately aquainted with.
He was covered with the look of lust.

"Look, ahjusshi, I don't want to do anything with you. Just wait for your to come around. Mkay?"
I snapped, rolling my eyes.

"Oh come on, Ahnah. I'm only a few years older than you. It's not like I'm trying actual funny business. You're a high-schooler for all I care."
He grinned, placing his hands in his baggy pants pocket.

"Whatever, I didn't ask for you to care, Yongnam-ssi."
I huffed, breaking my work-etiquette and unveiling my personal attitude due to the burning impatience.

"Oh you can tell us apart now?"
His grin remained the same, the distinguishable dimples confirming my assumptions of his identity-
It was one of the miniscule ways I used to tell the twins apart

"Yongguk's not an like you."
I scoffed-
The Bang twins were the talk of the campus, especially among college girls, especially since Yongguk- who is now an underground rapper performing frequently at Hongdae clubs, had recently released a new track belittling G-Dragon.
{ Fact - Bang Yongguk released the track 'Blackout' in 2009 as a duo called 'Blackout', his partner being Maslo from their bigger crew named Soul Connection. Bang Yongguk made himself known to Bigbang fans due to the track being a potential diss track, judging G-Dragon's mainstream hip-hop ways. The lyrics don't directly point out that it's a GD diss song, but the track sounds like Heartbreaker, almost as if it was made like that on purpose.}
"Whatever, that's just him. Come on- play with me."
Yongnam continued, closing the distance between us.

"You're not a kid, Yongnam-ssi. Just wait for your friends to come."
I huffed, undeterred by his attempts to, apparently, seduce me.
I turned around, trying to unlock the door.

"Wait- Ahnah, do me a favor and I won't bother you again."
He blocked the doorway once again.
He seriously wasn't going to take a 'no' for an answer.

I glared at him.
"Fine. As long as it's not stupid."
I hissed, hating that smug, conceited grin. I've seen it way too many times.

"Date. Italian restaurant. Next Saturday."
He made it short and precise.

I rolled my eyes.
He was legitimately asking a kid to a freaking date.
"Now why would I want to go on a date with you, at an Italian restaurant?"
I asked, half in some sort of sarcastic enthusiasm.

"You went to a ramen restaurant for Yongguk."
He shrugged, fire in his eyes.

"He was going to walk me home from work, but he was starving. How am I just going to walk home with his stomach groaning all the way? "
I defended, knowing I'll never win with Yongnam.

"You're coming."
He stated firmly, opened the door, then slammed it shut as soon as I was on the other side.

Stubborn.
But the Bang twins would be nothing without their stubborn attitudes.

"Juhgiyo* (hey you-excuse me)."
A different voice came in, and I immediately got back into my work-mode.

"Yes?" 
I sighed inwardly as the wasted food Yongnam used as an excuse to call me in sat on the table so deliciously.
I was too busy trying to gather the tray in my arms to focus on the person's formalities.

"Need help with that?"

It was Baro, wearing his stupid grin.

I blinked back.
"Ani, it's fine."
An offer of help won't benefit my forced plans for Saturday.

"This- this is a true waste of food. Hand it to me. We can eat it. The guy already paid for it."
Sunwoo kept nuding me, as if trying to make me break my rule-
No eating while working.

"I'm on my shift, Sunwoo."
I rolled my eyes, balancing the tray between my tight grasp and hipbone.

"There's like, three guys working here."
Sunwoo frantically gestured toward the counter, where Sandeul, Dongwoo and Jinyoung were casually talking behind the counter.
"Take a break or something!"
He argued.

I shoved the tray into his arms.
"Sheesh just go eat it by yourself. Kitchen's that way."
I nudged my head towards the direction of the kitchen, and roughly brushed past him in annoyance.

Soon, the Friday night wave came through like a high-tide, and by the end of my shift, I still had a bucketful of customers I still had to attend to.

Surprisingly enough, Jinyoung stayed and helped by the register counter, even when the time was well past anyone's curfew.
I thought he had house rules-
Everytime I walked past him while whoosing in and out of the hallways and kitchen, he just stayed there, tiredness nowhere to be seen.

Time ticked on, and Dongwoo Oppa and Chanshik left due to their upcoming tests and auditions.
I was half surprised and half annoyed when I saw Baro still hanging around, helping Jinyoung and Junghwan oppa.

When the last group left, I leaned against the front counter, breathing as if I just ran a 5k.
"Phew! That's the last of 'em!"
I exhaled in relief, untying my apron with noodle fingers.
"Please don't tell me you're still thinking of working on the project."
I sighed tiredly, eyes pleadingly whining at Jinyoung.

"It's nighttime stupid. I'm going home after this."
Jinyoung chuckled, and the weariness I couldn't detect from him seeped blatantly through his thickened voice.

I nodded in reply and grabbed my personal belongings, ready to go home. 
I went to the kitchen to say goodbye to Mrs.Lee, and Jinyoung followed suit.

"Bye Deullie Oppa!"
I cheered Sandeul oppa on, since he's the only one working after Dongwoo oppa and Chanshik left when their shift ended.
Something about an upcoming test or audition.

Jinyoung and I headed out into the crisp night air, the stars twinkling bright into the dark depths of midnight.

"Guys!"
The door flung open behind us.

Oh yeah- 
Sunwoo still hasn't left.

"Hey Hyung, you need a place to crash? I can tell your mom that we have a project comin' up."
Baro giddily offered, and while they set their deal, I walked on.

"Unnie!"
A voice called out.

What the hell? 

"Yah Lim Heejung! Are you out of your mind?! What are you freaking doing outside at this hour around here?!"
I scolded, grabbing on to the cold, sniffling girl.

She only grinned, her icy cheeks rosing up.
"I was over at my friends, but her parents were having guests over. I told my parents it was a sleepover, and I didn't want to greet Dad's business guests at home, so I came looking for you!"
She laughed.

She must be dying to be berated.

"I'm not on good terms with my parents after working late, so it's a slim chance of squeezing you in. We got company by the way."
I motioned behind me, where the two guys were eyeing Heejung like a piece of a rainbow.

"Oh. Hi oppas"
Heejung nonchalantly waved to the two secretely grinning boys behind me, and I sighed.
She has no idea-

My tiredness got the best of me.
I couldn't even have the power to fight for my place between them.
 In fact, I never did.

"Let's go, Heejung-ah."
I smiled, sleepiness written across me.

"Yay!" 
Heejung chirped, and I glimpsed around briefly to see the guys watching Heejung chirp happily.

Then I knew- 
I don't even belong with them in the first place.

A tired grin formed on my face, and I trudged on into the night with the giddy Heejung next to me.

I walked on, feeling the heaviness in my heart slowly slip out smoothly.
It left a bruising trail of loneliness, yet I felt lighter and better. 
Kind of like how an old trail ends, and a new one starts.

"Hey Heejung-ah. It must be fun being pretty."
I laughed, slingling an arm around her, exhaling and watching the huff of breath swirl into the sky in a white puff.

Heejung looked at me weird, squirming under my arm weight.
"What are you talking about, unnie? Me? Pretty?"
Heejung grumbled obliviously.

I smiled with the leaving of my memories into the night sky.
Baro and Jinyoung were no longer going to drag me down.
I'll start caring for my own emotions from now on.

No more bad memories, no more good feelings.
Like Jinyoung said, it doesn't help to sit around, waiting for something to happen when I'm the one neglecting all the chances.

My feet walked in front of the other, and they felt lighter.

"Nevermind, Heejung-ah."
I smiled, and she nodded as we walked towards my home.