{ •조금 - a little }

The weekend passed by quickly in a blur of flying aprons and music score configurations.

I managed to cram in my part of the project, tweaking my solo-composed piece while I stood behind Star Kareoke's counter, and during my ride on the night bus.

The sleepover with Heejung on Friday went better than imagined, my tired state surprisingly not being a boring factor.
Heejung managed to find my old stash of sad movies I watched every Valentine's, a tradition of the 'forever alone's, so we ended up crying and eating popcorn and bits of tissue through the night.

And-

I told Heejung everything.

It all went down like -

~ Flashback ~ 

"I don't know why he doesn't like you." 
I reasoned when Heejung told me about her crush at school.

"My friends aren't even helping."
She huffed, complaning about her popular friends who were blind to her feelings, since they were usually wrapped around their own boy-crazy minds.

I met her crush during a MT (field trip), since one of my friends wanted to hang out with the cute hoobaes- 
At least that's what she said.
She had a thing for 'yeonha's* (yeon- year, ha-low : lower ages. Yeonsang is the opposite- higher ages.) 

He was the quiet type, never spoke without thought and appreciated the quietness.
Heejung had been a mess in that trip, since her crush of 3-4 years started dating one of her friends for the first time.
Heejung cried- 
A lot.
But I saw how her current crush, who's also her close friend, stayed by her and stuck together even when she was sulking around.
He wasn't comforting her with empty words or anything-
He was just there.
And I knew he was a good guy.

"Ryu Ganghan, right?"
I confirmed, not wanting to board on the wrong train of thoughts.

"Yep."
Heejung pouted-
His name only gave her false hope.

"Better than your last one."
I laughed, thinking about how much she cried.

"Yeah. Can't believe I didn't realize Ganghan was there the whole time for me."
A small smile formed on Heejung as she talked about her crush.

I don't really know what came over me, but I blurted out-
"At least your crushes look at you."

"What do you mean?" Heejung asked.

"All my crushes.. They look at other people. My friends, people close to me..."
I trailed on.

"I know how you feel unnie. Ganghan is kinda the same."
Heejung sighed.

*But there's a difference*
I thought.
"For me, it happened twice, almost in the same way. Remeber Baro?"
A tired grin fell on my face.
The group of girls that used to be, or still might be smitten with Baro included Heejung's little sister, so it was practically unforgettable.
Heejung's little sister, Heeyoon, was definitely more hurt about the Hanbi incident than I was.

"Ohhh yeah. He was such a jerk back then."
Heejung nodded.
"But Hanbi Unnie was your best friend." 
She added, the remebered hatred for the incident slowly resurfacing.

"And you're like my little sister."
I continued, an itch beginning to form inside of my throat.
I had to tell her.
Jinyoung's hurt face didn't even cross my mind.
This is me, speaking for my emotions.

"Kinda when he likes the dongsaeng."
I spoke softly.

"What?"
Heejung's eyes widened.

"Jinyoung likes you."
I yawned, as if I had practiced to all so naturally tell her the pent-up secret over and over again.

Heejung took a moment to take it all in. It was as if she got slapped by a gorilla holding a frying pan.

"Oh.. I'm sorry Unnie- How does that even make sense? How long has he known me?" 
she had her confused face on, and I laughed.

"Yeah. I asked that question too. But it's been a while, I'm over it after like, two days of depression."
I stretched, feeling both my stiff muscles and heart become warm and flexible again.

After all that time I spent trying to keep my side of him, even his feelings, I realized now that it doesn't matter anymore what I say or do for him. When he asked Baro about his side of the story based on my feelings, he already trampled and muddied my honor and respect for him.
It's just that now, I know that keeping his reputation pure to me and others doesn't mean anything.

Nothing at all.

Not even the mere presence of keeping a small part of him affected me.

~ End of Flashback ~

After that, I remebered sleeping like  baby and feeling warm comfort inside me for what seemed like the first time.

Heejung asked me things here and there about it, and the more I answered them, the more I knew the answers to what once were confused emotions.

And now here I am, feeling like a crisp sheet of white paper after being a crumpled mess of graphite shavings and pencil punctures.

I continued walking instead of taking the bus for some reason, pacing myself away from Sunwoo as a habit.
Not that it mattered anyways.
Sometimes Heejung came and walked with me.

School was the same, and academy flowed smoothly.
It was until Wednesday that nothing interesting happened.

"Students. We are proud to introduce to you our new project of Act It Academy, the Letter project.
Each of you will be assigned a penpal from Gwachun's Root Academy!"
{ Fact - Root academy does exist. Wonder who went there ;) }
Lee ssem sounded so happy.
"This is the first time that any of our academy company branches decided to come together, so let's welcome this activity with a round of applause!"

We all clapped, half in excitement and half in curious spirits.

"We have matched all the skill levels of both academies' students, and each of you are paired with someone with similar skills but different techniques and personalities, so you'll have fun trying to get to know each other for a while. Remeber- the point of this is to write a letter. Reading the written lines help you see the true meaning behind words, and it helps your speech skills too. Now here's a rule. You and your partner from Gwachun can NOT exchange phone numbers, e-mail addresses, kakaotalk IDs, or any other form of excess communication other than this letter until the project is over. It would ruin the results of every student. To help with that, we tried best to pair you up with the same gender. I know, I know, it's a bummer, but for you hopefuls, their girl-boy population isn't proprtional with ours, so some of you might have a different gender partner. I expect you to be moral and mannered- no funny business - and talk to them like normal people."
Lee ssem smiled, and we all answered with a loud "Neh!"

I wondered who I was going to get.
This is actually a really good idea.
I hoped to get a girl, a person I could talk to without the excessive text-clinginess or have a y attitude with.
Someone like Jaehee, minus the sometimes too much outward personality.

Lee ssem was passing out the names and the self-introductions they wrote, the same one as what we wrote from two weeks ago.
Oh- so that's what it's for.

When Lee seonsaengnim crouched down next to me as she handed me my partner's information, I inwardly groaned at the understanding.

"I trust you'll handle this with ease. He's a lot like you in many ways."
Lee ssem slid me the papers with a small smile, and my head started swimming.
The last thing I wanted to deal with was guys.

I stared at the paper with his picture paper-clipped to the front.
When I saw his face, I kind of wanted to slap myself for sending in such an ugly selfie for my intro.

He.. He's-
Drop-dead gorgeous.

I blinked hard, making sure I wasn't hallucinating.
I didn't even know guys that look like that existed.

His birthday was December 4th, 1992- 
A year older than me.
An Oppa.

I slapped myself at the thought.

"Who'd you get?"
Hanbi looked over my shoulder with a gentle smile.

"This guy."
I couldn't surpress a confident smile when I showed her the papers.

"Oh my god..he's really good-looking!"
Hanbi's eyes twinkled at the sight, and I inwardly laughed.

"Surprising that they exist."
I added, thinking about how the heck I would write a normal letter to him without accidentally adding : Dude you're ing hot.

The class ended with a brief recap on the instructions, and we were to find things in common with our partners with the exception of our interest in acting.

"Unnie! Who do you have?"
Heejung bursted out of her class, her papers in her hands.

I grinned, flipping the paper over.

"Woah."
She whistled, definitely finding my partner's facial features to be more than just pleasing to the eye.
"Is he real?"
She asked, blinking in disbelief.

"I hope he is."
I shrugged-
I wonder what his friends would be talking about right now.
Due to my efforts of trying to be a new me, I tried something new and clipped a selca I usually would never show anyone.

It was a selca of me wearing a loose cropped tee, my position slightly bent down to get my legs in the picture. 

I regretted it now.
Why couldn't I be more conservative.

"Kim Seokjin."
I recited his name, a small smile curving up the corners of my lips.

~ Meanwhile in Root Academy~ 

{ Fact - Kim Seokjin, or better knwon as Jin of Bangtan Boys, did attend Root dance/act academy. I ran across a picture confirming it, as they congratulated him in getting a part in a play. Other students of the academy as purely fictional, since I couldn't find any other ties to Jin and the academy. T^T }

"Hyung- she's cute."
Minkang blinked, grabbing on to Kim Seokjin's partner paper.

Seokjin still didn't look at it.

"Woah woah- danggg."
A random kid did a double-take, whistling at Seokjin's papers.

"Alright Kang. Give it back now."
*Annoying hoobaes*
He thought.

"But Hyungah~ Wait wait."
Minkang whined, quickly taking a snapshot of the girl's profile.

"Aish Kang-ah."
Seokjin snatched the papers from him, skimmimg over the info in annoyance.

When he observed her features, he slowly leaned back in his chair, a small smile gracing his lips.

A simple cropped tee, skinny legs- 
None of it stood out to him.
He wasn't a shallow jerk like some of his friends.
Only her face-
Her bright smile captured his attention.

She shined of happiness.

"So Hyung, what do you think?"
Minkang slightly nudged him, a bit surprised at seeing his hyung smile at a picture of a girl he has never met before.

Jin only shrugged.
"She looks happy."
He answered.

Minkang didn't have to ask for more. 
The Seokjin hyung he knew never talked modestly about girls with loose cropped tees on.

"So if I slap on a girl shirt and smile, you'd fall for me?" Minkang asked dubiously.

"No. Never said she looks like anything in that tee."
Seokjin clarified.

Now there was the girl-skeptical hyung he knew.
"You're not going to tell her that she doesn't look like anything, right?"
Minkang asked nervously-
Seokjin was more than capable of telling a girl that she looked downright ugly if he wanted to.

"She's smiling already. why should I?"
Seokjin replied in a soft chuckle, going back into his impassive posture of closing his eyes and filling his ears with his headphones.

Minkang was confused whether to take that as a form or sarcasm or not, but all the while tried best to leave his hyung to his own devices for this project.
His hyung already had a lot on his plate, and him tagging along and pleading him to be nicer to his hyung's own penpal wasn't going to help.

"Alright then. See you later Hyung."
Minkang gave a nod to his hyung and went his way.
Seokjin was probably going to stay late in the academy as usual.

+_*_+_*_+_*_+_*_+_*_+_*_+_*_+

"Right. A letter. To this hottie."
Jaehee recapped the whole project speech I gave her.

"Mhmm."
I nodded, desperation in my eyes.

"Try not to sound so desperate."
Jaehee in a breath through her teeth.

"What? I'm not desperate."
I defended, not even realizing that I was sqeezing my fingers white.

"Righhht. You thirsty hoe."
Jaehee laughed, then sensitively glanced at my fidgety position.
"You sound like you met Jinyoung all over again. Watch this guy be a jerk."
Jaehee scoffed, now looking distastefully at the profile picture of my penpal.

"He doesn't seem like one."
I smiled- 
Then paused, realizing I had the same symptoms when I started liking Jinyoung.
But then, I may never know what kind of guy he is.

I finally picked up the pencil,and started jotting down word after word on the final draft letter paper.

"W..what are you doing?"
Jaehee looked at me like I was totally doing something unacceptable.

"Writing a letter. Let's get this over with, hm?"
I softly answered, making sure my emotions weren't going haywire already.

I don't even know the guy.

=....=.....=

Ahnnyeong. ㅎㅎ
You know that feeling you get when you go up on the center of the stage, all by yourself, imagining a crowd cheering your name?
You'd have such a confident poise about you that once small movement can control the volume of the crowd to a frenzy of your name being cried out from all corners of the place.
But then deep inside, you're cheering yourself with them, and the spotlight showers you with attention.
You'd show all you've got and still realize you can show even more.
And on and on you'll go, singing, acting, dancing, or even rapping until the curtains close.
Only then you'll let out that shaky breath you've been holding in for so long.
Well that's my small picture of why I'm here, the reason I'm apparently assigned to you. 
If you couldn't picture that-
Either you think I'm a hopeless daydreamer or just plain weird.
But I either way is cool with me. 
I'm just not fabulous with self-intros.
They're just too cheesy. 
But if you really need one, My name's Baek Ahnah, I'm the same age as you, my parents aren't very supportive of me being here right now, so I work for my keep. 
To me, acting's my escape hatch for when reality decides to play its cards, and music gives life to everything. Kind of like how you're trying to read this in my voice, but you don't know how it even sounds like.
I'll probably hide myself in shame and embarassment when you do find out what I sound like from the group video my academy is sending to each of you over there.
I never though my voice was attracive or anything. I just really wany to write music rather than perform it. 
I'd rather act that stand on a spotlight stage.
But some would ask, "what's the difference?"
The difference is that performing music and acting have two completely different values to me.
Pretending to be a character was my comfort and shelter while performing music tended to pry open into the real me.
So I say - they are completely opposite.

This letter was supposed to be short. 
Oops.
Sorry.
Hope I get an A on this.

- Baek Ahn Ah ★

=...=....=

Now to wait two weeks for his response.

"So Jaehe-yah. Wanna go to that café you love on Saturday? My treat."
I asked, folding up the letter in my bag. 

I didn't have to see Yongnam until six in the afternoon, so my day was pretty flexible.

"I have a dongahri* (afterschool extra-curricular class) trip that day. My schedule's filled. Miahn~"
Jaehee apologized as she started to pack. 
"And I have an early dongahri meeting today. Bye!"
Jaehee left in one big motion, and I was left blinking into the empty air.

After minutes of wondering if I was truly lonely or not, I found myself at the bus stop, the familiar bus rolling around the corner.

I didn't see Heejung anywhere, so I texted her as soon as I boarded the bus.

To : Heejung 

Where are you! Are you sick?

And a reply

From : Heejung 

My Mom's looking for another academy for me. She got into a fight with the principal and Ms.Lee.
I'm sorry unnie :( 
I don't know if I can go back.

I read the words in shock- 
The academy was a family to her, a second home.

To leave it just like that, it was truly shocking.

I blankly stared at the white board, the black dry-erase trails of today's lesson losing its educaitonal value in my disturbed mind. 

I plugged my ears up with my earphones, trying to deafen the noises both inside and outside of me.

It suddenly seemed so cold, so empty, so meaningless.

The classes went in a blur and I slipped my letter into the penpal mailbox for it to be sent.

I didn't even spend my time practicing- 
I went straight home.

Now that I remember, I don't even remember either Jinyoung or Baro today. 
I'm sure they were there- 
I just didn't notice them.

I couldn't bring myself to come out of my room when Umma called me out for dinner.

I pretended to be asleep when she came into my room. 

"Aigoo~ this girl. She's passed out already"
Umma said. 

Maybe. 
Maybe I was starting to get tired from everything I was feeling.
From being used, mistreated, and misjudged-

Senseless emotions whirled inside of me, and I stared blankly into the night until sleep finally crept over my senses.

• - Saturday - •

The day went by too blankly. 

The sun was shining so beautifully through my window curtains- 
As if they were mocking me.

I read a few pages of a book I randomly pulled out, and drew in my sketchbook. 
I scrolled through my news feed, which was filled with pictures of my friends and Jaehee hanging out in their dongahri meeting, other people doing other things. 

Here I sat in my room, curled up in a corner, just a useless body taking up precious space.

My parents were working, and I laid down in my bed, wondering what's wrong with me.

After lying down for endless hours, I rolled my head to the side and saw the clock tick to five in the afternoon.

I dressed myself in a simple-classy cream colored bow dress, stockings, golden heels, and threw on a brown jacket.

I headed out of my house, not expecting Yongnam to be waiting in his car in my driveway.

I could see that my expecations were met.

I called him to tell him I'd be there in a few minutes, but none of my calls were answered- 
Neither were my texts.

I took the taxi, half immersed in a careless dream and half in annoyed reality. 

When I arrived at the Italian Restaurant Yongnam pleaded me to come to, it was 5:45 pm.
I sat down, waiting endlessly. 
I didn't even touch the water, only staring at the strange and foreign smiles and laughters of people around me.

Why are they smiling?
Why are they laughing? 
How can they shine so effortlessly? 

People after people came and left, and I sat there like an invisible weight 
The waiter came by.
"Ma'am. It's been three hours. Are you sure you're waiting?"
His gaze fidgeted to the waiting line of reservations by the door.

"No. I'll be going. Jwesonghapneeda."
I apologized, and left into the cold night air, hearing the fancy bell of the restaurant door twinkle like a mocking laughter behind me.

"Hey! Looking for someone?"

A voice called out, and I turned around in annoyance, only for it to be replaced with apologetic shyness.

_____ Jinyoung's POV ______

My parents decided to eat out tonight at that fancy Italian restaurant tonight.

No matter how many times I tell them, I can make better Aliolio* than the restaurant chefs.

{FACT - aliolio - olive pasta. Jinyoung's famous for his mastery in the recipe, approved by all of B1A4 members. }

I huffed carelessly as my parents stood in the long line of reserved people, who were waiting for seats to be opened.

Then, I see a figure rush out from the door, her familiar figure donned in elegant clothes yet her posture was too rough.
As if she'd been thrown out in shame.

I watched carefully as she turned around, and I couldn't help but gawk at the sight.

Ahnah?! 

Then, I saw her turn around sharply to face this strange guy.
Instead of her gasping and running away, she greeted the man with a bright smile I haven't seen in weeks.

____ Your POV ____

Ahnah turned around, annoyed at the familiar voice.
It sounded different though.

When she saw his face, his gummy grin gave it all away.

"Yongguk Oppa!"
Ahnah gasped, a helpless smile blooming on my face.

"Yongnam called and asked to take you home. He had a quick gig opportunity and he had to take it. I'm sorry for that jerk of a brother."
Yongguk laughed, uneasily biting his lips afterwards.

"It's okay. Not like I expected much."
Ahnah shrugged simply, and followed Yongguk as he walked toward his car.
At least she could thank him and and say goodnight for coming out here, on behalf of his brother, to notify her of his inconsiderate whereabouts.

"Well, thank you for telling me what happened to Yongnam. I might've stayed in the restaurant until midnight. Have a safe drive home- unless you have a gig to go to too."
Ahnah smiled politely, trying to avoid any pity from being given to her.

"What are you talking about Ahnah? I'm driving you home!"
His grin never faded as he opened the passenger door for her, and he motioned her to get in.

"It's really okay-"

She tried to protest.
She could just walk. 
Honestly, walking would make her feel better.

Ahnah politely turned down his offer, her internal thoughts chewing at her nervous embarassment.

"Ahnah, you're wearing heels and a beautiful dress that any sane man would like you take you into their arms."
Yongguk stubbornly argued back, and she couldn't talk back against his deep, rumbling voice.

"Are you trying to compliment me into getting into your car?"
Ahnah sheepishly mumbled as she sat down in the car and buckled herself while Yongguk happily opened the driver's door.

He twisted the keys smoothly and slammed the only opening in the space shut, confirming their entrapped positions.

Yongguk respected the girl's need for comfort and privacy in a man's car, so he tried to make some comfortable small talk.
"Yongnam wouldn't have passed this chance up in a lifetime. Must have been something important."
Yongguk started.

"He just wanted to play with me, that's all."
Ahnah monotonously replied, playing with the flimsy ends of her dress.

"No, no, he wouldn't miss a date with the Baek Ahnah. Surprisingly, he really cares about you. I haven't seen him talk about someone like that since his first girlfriend."
Yongguk clarified, hoping to put some hope back into his brother's new interest.

"He's just so bothersome."
Ahnah blandly laughed, looking out into the dark sky.

"Maybe give him another chance. Then you might know."
Yongguk sighed, hating his brother for making innocent Ahnah feel so unworthy.

After talking about Yongguk's new doings in his newfound passion and career, time flew by easily and the two were in front of Ahnah's apartment complex.

"Thank you, Yongguk Oppa. I hope this won't have to happen again."
Ahnah apologetically thanked, the tiredness in Yongguk's smiling eyes only making her feel worse.

"Nah- I had fun. I almost hope you'll get stood up by that idiot again. Goodnight Ahnah!"
Yongguk's gums made their kind appearance again, and Ahnah smiled  in return. 

"Bye Oppa!"
Ahnah returned the farewell and closed the car door, and watched Yongguk drive out of the parking lot before heading up.

The cold air still felt empty, but Yongguk's gummy smile was a reassuring image she could hold on to for a tiny piece of warmth.

Meanwhile, a certain guy watched the girl slowly climb up the stairs with her head hanging down in defeat, the hidden sadness all too easy for him to see.

"Babo."
Jinyoung muttered, his hands in his empty pocket, since he used the leftover money he had to pay the taxi driver to follow the car Ahnah was in. 

He felt a piece of him deflate in relief, yet a tiny strand was tugging at his mind. 
Who was that guy? 
He certaintly seemed older.
What did he have to do with Ahnah? 

Jinyoung watched Ahnah's small feet ascend the tops of the stairs before she disappeared out of his sight completely.

"Why are you so sad?...idiot."
He whispered, and turned around to head home. 
He told his parents that he had a lot of school work to finish as an excuse to follow Ahnah and the guy. 

It didn't seem like it was worth that much anymore, now that he knew she was moving on after all.

• - Next Friday  - •

"Hey- did you seriously send that letter?"
Jaehee looked at me in disbelief.

"Yeah. Why?"
I carelessly wrote down the notes from the powerpoint, trying to focus on studying.

"I.. I don't know. I thought it was really cheesy."
Jaehee hesitantly shrugged, and turned around to talk to another classmate.

Recently, I suddenly fell into this whole limbo of emotional thoughts. 
Of course I was slowly rolling into it from the day I got stood up by Yongnam, but it officially started with Jaehee's confession.

Jaehee told me one day, that I complain too much about the birthday gifts she gave me.
She spent a lot of time picking each gift, putting it in the personally chosen bag to make one big present.
Last week, she blew up her pent-up discomfort about the subject-

I didn't even get her anything for her birthday. 

I apologized for being so careless and selfish, since when I did complain about the presents, it was meant as meaningless jokes.
Better not to make them in the first place.

Then I became more sensitively aware of my friends and the life around me as if I was invisible.

I realized that I actually am, really invisible.
The worst part is that I prefer being invisible.

Jaehee is the type who can't help but make friends with her crazy personality, and sometimes I'd wish that she'd come looking for me instead of me going to her.

I got tired of making small talk.

Everything was pointless except for studying and writing music.

Even at the academy, Jinyoung's existence didn't bother me at all.

A headache kept bothering me this whole week, and I couldn't wait to go home and rest. 

And that's all I did. 

I'd look through my friends' timelines and kakaotalk profiles of their smiling faces, their status changing every five minutes of their hangout while I sat cornered in my room, doing nothing. 

My hair was always thrown up into a careless bun and I was always curled up with my headphones, wasting time away. 

In a span of two weeks, nothing was going right, at least by my rules.

Everything I did was selfish. 
I couldn't keep a single thing to myself, yet everything I did was selfish.

The self-pity party I threw myself was selfish.

I don't know which way is up, or whether to open my mouth at all.

The only thing that kept me going was the thought of curling into a ball with the useless headphones around my ears.

Just what is wrong with me? 

The class ended, and it was a Friday. 
I didn't feel like seeing Sandeul and Sinwoo Oppa, or even Chanshik.

Maybe I'll call in sick for today.

I grabbed my things and walked out the school.
The hard cement beneate my feet greeted me roughly, and I kept walking blankly into the vacant space that kept draining and leaking out of my heart.

When I stopped walking, my eyes were in line with Jinyoung's.

I blinked.

"Ahn-"
His voice was so far away, it seemed like he was talking through multiple pillows.

"AHNAH."

His voice registered into my consciousness clearly, and he was waving his hand in front of me.

I was at the bus stop.

"The bus is here. Are you getting in or not?"
He asked with a sharp tone of annoyance, gesturing to the concerned bus passengers and the driver.

I blinked twice, and stepped aboard the bus.

I took a seat, and Jinyoung took one next to me.

Even with Jinyoung, who always used to make all my senses revert to him, right next to me, I didn't feel a single breeze of feelings or emotions.

He kept his distance the whole entire ride, casually asking me of Heejung's current doings.

I told him about the personal situation Heejung was going through, and didn't even care enough to slip in a snide joke about how he moved to this academy because of her.

He seemed shocked and ready to shake me to find some answers, but seeing how depressed I was, he didn't bother.

I didn't either.

The bus silently rolled to a stop, and we walked together to our classes.

I sat down in my seat, and didn't even think to say a happy Friday greeting to my classmates.

I just.. sat there.

Mrs.Lee announced that the reply letters were here, and she was handing them out.

As I expected, I pondered over whether to open the letter or not.

When I glimpsed around, I felt even more out of place than I already was with the awkwardly unopened envelope, so I decided to read the contents.

=...=...=

To Ahnah.

Hey. 
I'm Kim Seokjin, one year older than you, hoping to get out of detention by getting an A with this letter project.

I kind of get what you're saying about singing and acting.
But they both use microphones, which helps our voice reach others.

Acting and singing is kind of like plugging yourself into a microphone, of a speaker, and it lets them see a louder, clearer view of who you are.

Yeah sure acting does require you to be a character, but it's how you, as yourself, shine in the frame of the character that makes everyone turn heads.

Just be you. 
Isn't that why we're stuck here? 
Because we want to be ourselves more than others? 
So others can be themselves too? 

Cool writing to to you. 
Don't write back too long.
I don't have much time to read it.
Miahnhae.

//Seokjin//

=...=...=

For the first time in what seemed like forever, a smile made its way across my face.

It's like someone opened a closed, curtained window, and a shy line of sunlight seeped in quietly.

Just be you. 

I felt like someone gave me the answer I've been blindly looking for in the dark.

I forgot how to be me.

I fell down a couple steps, but I can only go up now.
I folded the letter into my bag with a newfound confidence, and paid attention to the rest of class.

I even took time to stay after lessons and practice my rusted piano skills.

When I came home later than usual, my parents seemed more relieved than worried.

___Your POV____

"Your food's the best in the world, Umma."
Ahnah smiled as she scooped another piece of fried tofu, spreading the seasoned soy sauce over it.

"You know you won't get these flavors anywhere else. Appreciate the little things sweetie."
The Mother laughed in satisfaction, thrilled to see her daughter eating normally.

Even her father let out a hearty laugh at the smallest jokes made.

Baek Ahnah was slowly coming out of the dark and back into the light, where she belonged.

That Friday night, she had indeed called her work boss and told her she wasn't feeling well.
She wanted to catch up on all the family times she missed out on.
Regain her light back.

Of course Mrs.Lee understood, so Ahnah was excused from her usual work shift.

She stood out by the apartment playgound, staring into the stars as they twinkled so brightly midst the velvet darkness.
How could they shine so brilliantly? 
Does a star's luster never become deterred by all the darkness that it's engulfed in? 

Another figure came and took the swing next to hers.

"You're not sick?"
Jinyoung asked, in a jocular manner.

Ahnah shook her head in reply.

"So much for ditching my friends to check up on you."
Jinyoung added, his tone light and chuckling.
"Hey Ahnah. About my actions last time... Miahnhae."
Jinyoung apologized.

Ahnah shrugged.
"It's okay."
She picked up the stranded pieces of strength to smile sincerely before his eyes.
"As long as you're being you, it's okay."
She repeated.

Jinyoung was confused.
"As long as I'm being me? How does that concern you?"
He asked out of curiosity.

"I don't know- are you the guy who used to text me cute emoticons? Are you the jerk who acted so cold to a friend? Or are you the person who walked me to work and stayed and made me feel safe?"
Ahnah asked, staring into the night sky.

"As long as you're being yourself when you text me, ignore me, blow up at me, or walk with me. It's all okay. I guess because then, I can trust you enough to be real to me."
She concluded, watching the late gray shades of clouds cover up the stars ever so lazily.

Jinyoung watched her tired face, her eyes filled with the old sparkle she used to shine so bright with.

Little by little, Ahnah was starting to realize and forgive everything that's happened to,for, and against her.

Little by little, Jinyoung realized how much brightness a single girl can hold.
And how much darkness can be given to her.

Little by little, they began to melt down from the ice they created from each other.

They were both starting to learn how to forgive and forget the darkness that blinded them from the true shine of the sparkle.

"The real me?"
Jinyoung asked.

Ahnah's glossy night eyes looked into Jinyoung's as his answer began to form in his thickened throat.

"The only time I was truly myself was when I was walking with you to your work."
Jinyoung grinned, as if he had learned the truth just now himself.

"So you pretended to ignore me?"
Ahnah softly laughed, the crisp early-spring breeze picking up her loose locks.

"I pretended to ignore you."
Jinyound admitted, watching how her eyes shined brighter when the ends of her lips curved upwards into a smile.

"At least you're being yourself now, hm?"
She responded as she stood up to go back. 
"Sorry about Heejung. She'll come back though. I can't see her leaving the academy for good."
She added, brushing the playground sand residue of the swing seat from her pants.

"I guess I've already let her go. It doesn't bother me as much."
Jinyoung shrugged.
He didn't feel the usual rush and excitement when he saw her pretty face nearby.

"As long as you're you."
Ahnah smiled again and waved as she walked toward her building, now with the background of stars surrounding her as if they were twin look-alikes.

"As long as I'm me. Goodnight Ahnah."
He replied back, watching her skip up the stairs lightly.

Little by little, they started to find their true selves and began to show it to each other.

Little by little.