TeddyBearx3
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:TeddyBearx3:
(click title to view story)
Characters: Kai, Baekhyun
Title 4/5: The title is definitely associated with . When I look at Baekhyun, I think of an innocent, pure boy. The oneshot is going beyond what we see on a regular basis. This is 'beyond' the innocent two EXO members, showing a totally different side.
Foreword 7/10: The foreword makes me inticipate a lot. From where it says "it's Baekhyun's turn to give something back" you are aware it will be a story.
Plot 23/25: This was my first story I've read. From the comments I've read, it seems like you have an original storyline because Baekhyun was on top. I would imagine Kai being the more dominate partner in bed and Baekhyun being the one to take the punishment. This was fresh and it placed a new perspective on how the two act behind closed doors.
Characters 19/25: Switching the roles of the two well-known Korean heart-throbs was refreshing. You didn't do the obvious, dominate Kai on top and Baekhyun being on the bottom. This transformation of what happens in bed shows that Baekhyun isn't has pure and sweet as we all thought.
Grammar and Spelling 15/20: The grammar was a little more advanced than the usual basic language used in fanfics. People who aren't very good in English will find reading this easy and maybe with a little bit of difficulty. That is great since a lot of fanfic readers aren't fluent in English. You should work on using more descriptive writing.
Flow 15/15: Since this is a oneshot, the story flowed without a problem. This all happened within a matter of a few hours. The way yuo used playing a game of chess to transition the story into y, adult time was clever. It wasn't "they stopped eating and Baekhyun took Kai into the bedroom" you used another element to smoothly move the scene into the bedroom.
Over All Rate and Review 83/100: Since this was my first I've read, my facial expression was O_O most of the time. That is great because you explained every detail of pain, but pleasure Kai was feeling. For those of you who want a different type of KaiBaek oneshot, I would reccommend this to you. Easy to read but, not boring and too easy for advanced readers.
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