Ninjari_BonBon
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:Ninjari_BonBon:
:A Silent, Blind Love/ Deaf Boy, Blind Girl: (click title to view story)
Characters: Kai, Kris, You
Title 3/5:The title is long. I would stick to, 'A Silent, Blind Love'.
Foreword 7/10: Short but intriguing. From the foreword, I want to continue reading and see how the two find one another.
Plot 23/25: Most people would say not to have characters kiss in the first few chapters, but with this story its acceptable. Since the characters and accident already met and happened before you started to write the chapter, the soft kisses that Kris plants on Hyori is perfect. The way you returned back to the accident flows amazingly.
Characters 15/25: There wasn't a visual for the characters. Since there was no display for characters, all I knew of each role was Kai: is deaf. Hyori: is blind. Kris: seems to be guilty for Hyori's vision loss. The personality of each role is imaginative. Having a deaf and blind party as the love intrests is refreshing.
Grammar and Spelling 20/20: I'm not sure if you were trying to write 'Ahjussi' or you meant to write 'Agasshi'. Your grammar is perfect. The descriptive language you used paints a visual in my head. I liked how (for example) when Hyori was getting out of bed and into the bathroom, I had an image of her surroundings. Most people would just say 'she got out of bed and walked to the bathroom' which is boring and not vivid. I found no spelling errors, other than 'ahjussi.'
Flow 14/15: The story flows very well. You didn't jump from one place to another right after introducing. You finished explaining the current topic before moving onto a new focal point.
Over All Rate and Review 82/100: I was very impressed. From most of the stories and fanfics, I've read here, english seems to be the second language. This story is something I haven't read before. Though it is based on a movie, the way you incorporated EXO members and made new lives for them is original. Kai is deaf and Hyori is blind, it's interesting how the two communicate. I reccommend this story to people with english as a fluent language. The expressive grammar may be hard for certain people to read, this isn't a bag thing, it's something a lot of writers lack and you should be proud you have this extreme writing ability. This story portrays two characters that find love the hard way. For readers looking for an original and creative new story to read, I would, without a doubt, direct you to this amazing and intriguing storyline.
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