Prologue

Circus, circle, cycle.

Donghae wiped the path of tears of his face using the back of his hand as he made his way down the stairs, with each step erasing his footprints. He remembered himself as merely a boy, walking, running and hiding, his blushing face and the beating of his heart.

The man he was that day could look back into the endless pits of the past and record every single step that led him to where he stood this day. He stood at the end of the staircase looking at the bewitching figure that laid in the floor.

“Brrrrum!” The pale, delicate, almost fragile hands moved across the air. “Psssssh! Brrrrum!” The same paper plane of all those years was dancing softly in those hands.

“Put on your seatbelts, we are going to crash!” The raven haired boy stood up, running towards a wall with the plane in his hand, with Donghae’s life hanging in his hands. Crashing.

“Jaejoong-ah!” The man tried using his voice, it floated through the air piercing and draining the life of the memories and pictures in the house. “It’s time to leave.”

Jaejoong turned around and picking up the plane from the floor, he offered Donghae one of those smiles that froze the soul. That smile was overflowing in innocence and eternity. Kim Jaejoong was the epitome of perfection.

He skipped towards Donghae and interlaced their fingers, the warmness in those cold hands was beautiful and Donghae couldn’t do much more than smile genuinely.

“Want to eat some ice-cream?” He asked amused when the boy’s eyes widened in excitement. “Would hyung take Jaejoong to eat some ice-cream?”

“Of course!” Donghae replied as he closed the door behind him. Love was sad, it spread through one’s heart, claimed one’s soul and buried its claws deep into one’s body.

  “But hyung, why isn’t Yunho hyung coming with us?” Jaejoong asked tilting his head to the right, confusion evident in his eyes. “When are we coming back?” He then asked looking at their suitcases and Donghae could only sigh. “Soon.”

There’s no returning from love and that’s sad, because once it breaks you, once it picks up all the tears left in you, it become a dull and bitter scar, always trying to fade, but never fading away. Love is the saddest thing in the world, but it’s also the most beautiful thing. It makes you feel alive.

“Circus, circle, cycle.” The boy said as Donghae started the engine of the black Mercedes he intended to return to Yunho. “You’re always saying that Jaejoong-ah, but you never tell me what it means. Can you tell me now?”