The buildings blur into each other as they race past and Jongdae lets his mind drift, looking out through the car window. They are on their way to yet another schedule and he should probably try and get some sleep, but the thoughts won't leave him alone. When did it start?He shifts slightly, careful not to wake Baekhyun resting on his shoulder.

He had bribed Sehun into riding with the other EXO-M members, hoping some time 'alone' to think would clear things up. It hasn't helped so far. His mind keeps turning in circles, never getting past the why. Why can't he act normally around Yixing anymore? They were never been the closest pair in EXO, but they used to be pretty okay. Up until recently, that is.

His thoughts are interrupted when a gentle hand touches his cheek. Turning his head he looks across Baekhyun's sleeping body and meets Joonmyun's gaze. "Everything okay?" he whispers. Jongdae blinks at him, puzzled.

"Yes?"

"You were frowning, and looking kind of sad," Joonmyun explains. His eyes are worried. Ah. "I'm fine," Jongdae whispers back. He looks around to make sure their exchange hasn't woken anyone. "Just ... thinking about something."

Joonmyun gives him a long look before he relaxes and goes back to napping, and Jongdae knows the leader isn't completely convinced but will leave him alone. For now. Another reason he really needs to figure this thing out. If if continues, it might soon change into an issue that will affect the whole group, and he can't allow that. And even though he is unsure of the cause, Jongdae is still sure it is something personal. The problem lies with him. But if he cannot figure out what is triggering it, he can't come up with a solution.

-> ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

"Now, let's ask another member. Chen-ssi, what was your first impression of Lay-ssi?" The MC, the audience, and his other eleven members are looking at him expectantly.

Jongdae is at a loss for words. He is sure he has answered this question before, months ago in a Chinese interview the M-members did somewhere, but right now, he cannot think of a single thing to say. All too aware of cameras recording everywhere around him, he opens his mouth but then closes it again without making a sound. His first impression of Yixing?

He remembers the first time he met Zhang Yixing. It hadn't been anything extraordinary. But also he remembers the first time he had seen Yixing dance, and how quickly his heart had been beating. The first time he caught a glimpse of Yixing's dimples. The first time he heard Yixing laugh. The first time Yixing smiled at him so his dimples showed. Suddenly, Jongdae's head is a jumbled mess of thoughts about the brown-haired dancer.

It isn't until Minseok subtly elbows him that he comes back to reality. Suho is already in damage-control-mode, making up some kind of explanation Jongdae cannot comprehend at the moment. Several members are looking at him curiously, with Yixing's wondering eyes being the worst, and Jongdae keeps his head down for the rest of the recording.

-

He fakes sleep in the car and disappears into his room as soon as they are back at the dorms. Ignoring all calls of concern and about food, Jongdae rolls himself into his comforter and tries to reasses everything that has happened over the past six months. How has he been feeling, how has he been acting, what has he been thinking? He wrecks his brain for anything, anything can can give him some sort of clue or new insight, but draws up blank. Annoyed and starting to feel a tiny bit desperate, he sighs loudly and ruffles his hair.

"Are you okay?"

For some reason, Luhan's quiet voice doesn't really startle him. Jongdae rolls over on his other side, and looks up at the Chinese vocal standing next to his bed. He can tell Luhan is concerned about him. He sighs again. "I don't know," he answers honestly. A slight frown forms between Luhan's eyebrows, and his eyes are serious and a bit worried as he makes a shooing-motion with his hand. The singer wordlessly moves further back on the bed, and keeps silent as Luhan slides down next to him, laying on his side so they are face to face. "Talk to me," Luhan half-whispers, half-demands.

"I don't know where to begin," Jongdae admits as he gives up on trying to figure it out alone. Maybe Luhan can help. "I have been feeling ... uncomfortable around Yixing-hyung lately," he confesses. Luhan's brows raise in surprise, but he doesn't say anything. "I'm guessing you guys haven't noticed, since I have been trying to hide it."

Jongdae pauses for a second. "It started some time ago. I get this kind of queasy feeling in my stomach whenever I'm around him, and I feel so self-conscious about every single I say and do. Sometimes my face feels really warm, and everything just makes me feel so awkward I can't even have a proper conversation with him anymore. I never know what to say."  There is a moment of silence. "I still think about him about a lot, and worry how he's doing and stuff. So it's not that I dislike or anything. But I feel ... anxious when I'm around him," Jongdae says, a bit surprised at the realization. They lapse into silence again, longer this time, but Jongdae feels strangely light and carefree.

"Can I ask a question?" Luhan asks after a while. Jongdae nods. "Let's say we've just finished x hours of dance-practice. If Yixing came over and hugged you, would you worry about being sweaty and smelling bad?"

"Yes?"

"And if Yixing was sweaty, would you mind?"

"No?"

"If it was Chanyeol or Minseok that came and hugged you, would you care about being sweaty at all?"

Jongdae hesitates for a moment. "... No?" he says, unsure of where this is going. Luhan exhales slowly. He looks a bit surprised and Jongdae feels worry make it's apperance, settling heavily in his stomach. "Well then." Looking straight into his eyes, Luhan takes a deep breath. "It sounds like you are in love with Yixing, Jongdae-yah."

In love? But there's- "No way." The whisper is almost involuntary, slipping out uncontrolled as Jongdae tries to comprehend the statement. He can't possibly be in love with Yixing. "I don't like guys," he denies, shaking his head. "I like girls."

"But doesn't it seem that way?" Luhan replies, still calm. "You feel weird around him because you are attracted to him. You are self-concious around him because you want to appear attractive to him. You are awkward and don't know what to say because you don't want to do anything stupid and make him dislike you. You are anxious because you want him to like you. You think about him a lot because you like him."

It does make sense. Even in Jongdae's chaotic brain, it makes a disturbing amount of sense. "But I'm not gay," he says weakly, the reply to an almost subconcious knowing that he's not supposed to like boys. It's wrong to like boys. "I like girls," he repeats, mostly to himself. A sad look appears on Luhan's face and he reaches out and pulls Jongdae into a hug. "There's nothing wrong about liking boys," he whispers. "There is never anything wrong about liking another person. Never." His voice is firm.

Smiling softly, he runs a hand through the younger's hair. "Besides," he continues easily, "you might like both girls and guys. That would mean you have twice as many people to crush on." He pokes Jongdae's cheek teasingly, and the singer makes a face at him in return before managing a small smile. "Or maybe you do like just girls, and Yixing alone is an exception. That happens too." That last bit is news to Jongdae. "Really?" He asks curiously. The elder vocalist nods, and they lie in silence for a few minutes.

"I guess I really might like Yixing-hyung then," Jongdae admits, voice a bit muffled against Luhan's chest. A weak laughter rumbles through him. "I can't believe you had to tell me before I realized it though." Luhan laughs too, looking down at the brunet in his arms. What he sees has him cocking a brow.

"Jongdae, are you blushing?" He asks slowly, a smile spreading on his face. The fist hitting him in the chest just makes him smile even wider. "I'm a little embarrassed about all this, leave me alone," Jongdae grumbles, cheeks still rosy-red. Deciding to take pity on him for once, Luhan just hugs him tighter and they lay there quietly for a long while until Jongdae fall asleep. Luhan extracts himself carefully from the singer's arms, managing not to wake him up, and leaves with one last fond look at the sleeping male.

Kris spots him heading towards the kitchen. "Everything okay?" He calls, aware that Luhan was going to have a talk with their young main vocal. A thumbs up and an easy smile is all the answer he needs and he relaxes back into the couch. In the kitchen Yixing looks up when Luhan suddenly appears next to him, slightly startled. "You have something to look forward to, Yixing," the older beams in Mandarin. Then he leaves again, and Yixing stares after him for a second before shrugging. He'll find out what Luhan means, eventually.

A/N: Hi ^-^/
Okay, so I got the idea for this fic several months ago, but was never able to write anything (good), and therefore I'd put it on hold until inspiration suddenly hit me yesterday. That was kinda cool. (The part where inspiration literally just slapped me in the face)
But. I was originally planning to finish this story before posting anything (because I'm lazy, sick a lot, write slowly, and feel bad about leaving people hanging, sorry about that), but there's two reasons why I'm not doing that.
1. I realized that it would end up being way too long for a one-shot (as I'd planned), so I would have to split it up anyway.
2. I can't really seem to 'move on' and continue the story unless I 'get rid of' the part that's already done.

And so this happened. I hope this isn't as bad as I fear, and please leave a comment if you liked it ~ <3 (Also sorry it's short ;;)

The next part will be out as soon as possible, but I honestly have no idea when that'll be >< (*cough*comments help the inspiration*cough*)

Take care and stay healthy ♥