Part Two (Finale)

 

     Practice, practice, practice, that’s all I did these past few days. Although I still feel like something is lacking on the choreography I created myself. I guess I was just too pre-occupied thinking about Jung Yunho, that I wasn’t able to give my all on my original routine.

 

Win or lose I’m just all about the experience I would gain from the contest.

     After 5 hours of practice, I decided to take a break. I jumped on my bed opened my computer and started to browse the internet. While I was occupied by random stuff in the net, a window on my messenger suddenly popped out. It read, “yYunho: Hey :)” 

 

     Honestly I felt like my heart stopped for a moment there. I mean, first time I ever experienced that, I was about to get that mini heart attack, just because he messaged me. Oh gosh what is happening to me?

 

I gathered all my sanity back and typed a short reply, “hey… :D”

‘yYunho’ soon answered a, “What’s up?”

 

I, ‘superJeonjeon’ said, “Just chillin’ from practice.”

Yunho responded, “Wow, superJeonjeon is still practicing? This late?”

“Hey it’s only 1am.”

 

“That is late.” He insisted.

“Well to me it ain’t.” I answered. Followed by this emoticon, ‘>:D’

     He replied to me a, “Why don’t you get some sleep and stop tiring yourself to death, the competition is in a few days. You need to be in good shape, ‘ya know.”

 

Oh dear my heart just skipped a beat. He’s such a caring friend. Friend… friend… Only a friend.

 

‘He is just your friend Jeonhee nothing more.’ I thought.

 

Every time that dawns to me, I get hurt. It’s reality again hitting me right at my face.  

 

 Before I could type down what I was about to say he ended the conversation, “Alright superjeonjeon gotta go and rest. You sleep too ayt? Goodnight! >:D<” and then he signed off.

 

     Everything happened so fast that I just stared at the computer screen. I didn’t even get the chance to ask him how he was or even say goodnight back.

 

Sigh. I don’t know if I could keep acting like this forever. I, Jeonhee will be stuck in the friend zone.

 

~*~*~*~*~

“Hurry up Jeonhee! You don’t want to be late.” My mom shouted across the hall.

“Wait a minute!” I yelled back, as I hurriedly put on my dancing shoes that was hidden in the closet.

After tying my shoe laces I stood up and grabbed my bag on the floor. I ran to my mom who was impatiently standing before the main door.

“Sorry mom I was just putting on my shoes.” I bowed my head.

She opened the door, “Alright, alright let’s just leave now.”

     I hopped out our house first then she came after and locked the door. I skipped towards the open gate and noticed a cab waiting for us. Wow, my mom rented a taxi? I thought we were just gonna take the train to get there.

 

I can’t help but stare at the vehicle when my mom forced me inside, “What are you doing Jeonhee, get in!”

 

Is it me or is my mom more nervous than I am today?

 

     I tried to make myself comfortable inside the cab but I just couldn’t. I was very restless, it still hasn’t occurred to me that today, is the day of the competition.

 

     It took us about 2 hours before we arrived at the destination because of traffic. The contest is held at the Makuhari Event Hall in Chiba, around the Tokyo Bay area.

 

I guess that was enough time for me to contemplate.

 

     After my mom paid the fare we alighted from the cab.  The venue was filled with bright neon lights accompanied by loud music and a big tarpaulin that says the title of the competition.

 

I felt my heart beat faster. This is really it. I took in a deep breath and proceeded inside alongside my mom.

 

“Jeohnee this place is really huge.” My mom stated so amazed by the area.

“Yeah mom and I thought the place was not this grand. Now I feel like I should have prepared more.” I confessed.

 

My mom’s hand suddenly slapped my right arm, “You mean you haven’t prepared for this?”

I flinched a little bit and then replied, “Well, I did prepare but I don’t think it will match up to the other dancers here.”

     My eyes roamed around the place, seeing a lot of dancers with fantastic costumes, and then I looked at mine… No way could I win this thing. I mentally punched myself, oh why didn’t I foresee this?

 

“Aigoo. Jeonhee.” My mom uttered having that disappointed look on her face. I bit my lips and glanced away.

 

“Jeonhee!” a familiar voice called my name.

 

My breathing suddenly stopped. Could it be? Could it be…?

 

As soon as I turned around my smiling face shifted into a frown, “Oh, Eunhyuk oppa.” I bowed my head in front of him.

 

“Hello Mrs. Park.” Eunhyuk acknowledged my mom first before giving his attention to me.

“So Jeonhee are you ready?” he pursued.

 

“Yeah I am totally ready!” I lied trying to sound very eager, but in fact I am slowly dying inside. I don’t think I am ready. Everything is just so overwhelming I could not handle it.

 

“Good,” oppa’s grin reached up to his ears, “I am expecting a lot from you.” he stated patting my back.

I had nothing else in mind to say so I just beamed at him.

“I’ll see you later then.” He ended the conversation and excused himself.

 

I gazed at my mom and gave me the he’s-counting-on-you-look. I, in return hung my head low in shame. 

 

While there was awkward silence between me and my mother, a voice coming from a megaphone sounded off the walls of the event hall.

 

“Those contestants not yet registered, please proceed at the main door and encode your name.” the Japanese lady reminded.

 

“You go register Jeonhee.” My mom ordered.

I nodded and slowly walked towards the table where we would register. A few people came first before I was able to sign up.

 

I dropped the pen and the middle-aged man handed me a number, “Here you go. You are contestant number 75.”

I bowed my head and thanked him. Before I left, the list of contestants caught my attention.

 

“Is there a problem ma’am?” he queried.

“Oh,” I gulped, “Is, uhm, is… Jung Yunho here already?” I questioned.

 

     The man did not mind the paper on the table which would be more tasking, instead he checked through his laptop. He typed in Yunho’s name in Japanese and then turned to me, “I guess that is a no. He didn’t register yet.” and then gave me a smile.

 

“Arigato gozaimasu. (Thank you very much)” I uttered and then walked away.

 

I wonder where he is…

 

I saw my mother calling my attention so I took bigger steps to get to her.

“The lady with the megaphone said you can wait at the holding area since the competition would start in an hour.” She said showing me where the place was located.

 

“You go prepare and fix yourself up, I’ll find myself a place to sit on.” She continued, “Go do your best dear. Fighting!” my mom ended with encouragement.

“Thank you mom.” I hugged her tight and dragged myself towards the holding area.

 

 

I was greeted by a sea of dancers all over Japan. I am just realizing now that this is a big competition. Sigh. I really should have prepared more.

 

My face brightened when I noticed a familiar face amongst the crowd.

 

“Jeonhee!!!” It was Asano waving at me.

I ran towards her and we both embraced each other.

“I missed you Asano.” I blurted out happily.

 

“Me too! It’s like I haven’t seen you for years.” She joked.

I laughed at her statement and released her from my grip. “We have been really busy with this dance contest huh?”

“You said it. I had no social life for two weeks.” She agreed.

 

     I was about to reply when Yunho entered my peripheral vision. My head suddenly faced his direction and found him intimately talking to a girl. My heart got shattered, I don’t know what their relation is but I became so jealous. When I finally get to see him, it had to be conversing with a girl I am not accustomed with.

 

“Hey Jeonhee?” Asano snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Oh, what were you saying?” I asked still pre-occupied with what I saw.

 

She tried to look at the place my eyes landed on and saw Yunho. She crossed her arms at me, “I am guessing you did not dare confess to him.”

I plastered a sly smile, “You got it right.’ I stated as I gave her a thumbs up.

I received a stinging glare from my friend that I had to focus my attention somewhere else.

 

Asano poked me a few times on my shoulder, “Asano I did not have the courage--” I spun around, and was put to a halt and realized that it was Yunho, “Oh, hi, I-I thought you were A-asano.” I stuttered.

 

     He smirked at me and we just gaped at each other for a few seconds. The best I could say was an awkward hi and that I thought he was Asano. It wasn’t a great statement to start with. Aish.

 

Yunho’s smirk formed into a beam, “Come here!!!” he exclaimed grabbing my hands and securing me in a tight hug.

     My heart fluttered, I-I missed his warm embrace. “I missed you.” He added as he messed up my styled hair. I did not mind though, I yearned for this moment. Those seconds in his arms felt longer than ever.

 

“Hey Yunho.” I heeded Asano greeting him.

 

He soon released me and attended to Asano.

“Hey, how are you?” he stated giving my gal pal a high five.

 

“I’m a bit nervous.” She confessed.

“Don’t worry, everyone is.” He reassured.

“Oh, Jeonhee was wondering, who was that girl you were talking to a while ago?” she asked in my behalf, although I opposed of it.

 

Yunho glanced at me and chuckled, “That was my cousin.” He answered followed by a, “Why?”

“Jeonhee was--” I instantly covered my friend’s lips and continued for her, “I have never seen her before so I was just curious.”

 

“Well, I coincidentally just saw her here, I had no idea she was joining this contest.” He shared.

Asano and I replied a simple nod.

 

“Contestants, the competition will start in thirty minutes.” The lady with a megaphone announced.

 

The three of us exchanged glances.

“I better put on my costume.” Yunho pursued, “Fighting to us!”

“Fighting!” I replied while Asano just smiled back.

 

Yunho soon left us. My friend pinched me on my cheeks, “Oh you should have told him already.”

 

“I did not have the courage alright?” I frowned.

“That’s not the real reason, you’re just very stubborn.” She rebutted.  

 

I soughed, “You don’t understand the possible consequences Asano.”

“Which is better? You, confessing and afterwards feel like you have let go of a huge boulder on your shoulders or not doing it but you feel like you are about to explode any moment, when you see him with another girl?” she weighed things down.

 

“None?” I hesitantly answered.

“You better straighten up Jeonhee.” My friend advised, “Well, I have to go. I still need to internalize.” She ended.

Before she left she hugged me and wished me luck. I hugged her back and said the same and then we parted ways.

 

     I did some stretching at one corner of the holding area while executing my moves in my mind. This is it! If I can’t wow the judges with my costume at least they should love my routine. Besides that is the whole point of this contest anyway.

 

     A loud bell sounded off the four walls signaling the start of the competition. It added to the tension I was currently feeling. I saw the first ten contestants lined up and soon walked out of the premises towards the back stage.

 

     Music boomed all over and lights played at the stage. Cheers of the audiences were very evident as well. A couple of hours later, the holding area became almost empty. Only about 30 people were staying here. Asano also performed within those hours if waiting, she did a hip-hop ballet kind of dance. She was really good especially at the ballet part, it was just her expertise. She looked really stunning, like those women I see in movies. Oh, I almost forgot to mention Eunhyuk oppa. He did some kind of robotic, hip-hop, routine with his specialty popping. I can’t quite explain it though; all I can say is that, the whole performance was simply overwhelming. He could actually win this thing.

 

The 7th batch of dancers was nearly done and next is the batch I belong to. Oh, please I hope things go well.

When we were lining up, Yunho came up to me.

 

“Aja!” he stated, giving me encouragement.

“Thank you.” I continued, “So aren’t you dancing yet?” I wondered.

Yunho need not say anything and showed me his number, he was the 95th contestant.  

 

“Wow, you were very late.” I reacted, my eyes wide open.

He laughed at my expression, “Well, this is what I get for choosing to ride the train.”

My brows met, “Wouldn’t that be way faster?”

“I got a little lost along the way.” He confessed ending with his charming smile.

 

Oh, Yunho…

 

“Five minutes batch eight!” one of the organizers reminded.

 

     I diverted my attention back to the smiling Yunho, “Uhm, hey… I-I need to tell you something… S-s-something impo-portant.” I can’t help but stutter. I recklessly decided I should tell him now, five minutes before we go to the back of the stage.

 

     Dancing off that feeling I would get after I confess to him would be a great advantage to me, I would show my routine better. Let all that frustration out. It’s a plus to my moves that requires a lot of power. Also I could run away towards the stage before he could even say a word.

 

“Sure.” He stated ready to listen attentively.

     I took a deep breath and collected all the courage I have in me, “You see… I have been keeping this a secret for a very long time now…” I paused for a minute and then pursued, “I-I wasn’t brave enough to do so…”

 

But before I could carry on the organizer called my attention and pointed at the other contestants already proceeding towards the stage.

I had one last good look at his calm face.

“Tell me later. Fighting!” Yunho mouthed.

 

All I was able to do is grin at him, a fake grin to be exact. I guess it was not meant to be said here…

But I love you Jung Yunho…

 

     I gradually made my way to the area near the stairs of the huge stage. I solemnly prayed as the first dancers in my batch performed. My eyes traced back at the spot where I was about to spill the truth. Yunho was still standing there, beaming at me as he pointed at the television set, where you could watch the dancers performing as of this moment. Great, he’s watching me… The thought of him seeing me dance just made me more nervous.

 

Finally it was my turn… Here we go.

 

I stepped on stage and scanned the vicinity. I soon positioned myself and cued the technical team to start my music and I danced away…

Time flew by fast and I realized the song I was dancing to, was already over and I found myself panting heavily while in my last pose.

     I bowed my head and heeded the loud screams of my mother; yes I know those screams were from her, followed by applauses from the viewers. I smiled and walked out the spotlight, and leaped off the stage.

 

On my way back to the holding area to gather my things I saw Yunho with a bottle of water and a towel on hand.

“Great job Jeonhee.” He praised as he handed the bottle and the towel to me. I heartily took them from him and thanked him afterwards. I was still busy catching my breath so he continued, “Your combination of hip-hop, jazz and popping was just amazing.”

“Thanks.”

 

“Oh, come here you!” he couldn’t contain himself and gave me another tight embrace.

“I am so proud of you. I’m also proud to be your friend.” He added.

Yunho was unconsciously squeezing me, but I did not care, this does not happen a lot.

 

“Hey, hey I can’t breathe.” I told him the moment I couldn’t tolerate it.

He relieved me from the constriction.

 

“Shouldn’t you be preparing?” I questioned after drinking from the bottle.

“I am ready.” He stated.

“But you are wearing sweats.”

“Yes I am.” He nodded.

“So that’s your costume?” I wondered.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Well, I gotta go. The organizer is making us line up.” He ended.

“Fighting!” I exclaimed as he gradually left.

 

Sigh.

 

“Jeonhee!” I heard Asano’s voice echoing.

I faced the direction of her voice and found her smiling.

“Great job!!!” she yelled as she gave me a hug.

“Thank you, you did awesome too.” I replied.

 

We both let go of each other and I continued, “Your ballet with hip-hop routine was just pure genius.” I praised.

“Thanks. Jazz, hip-hop and popping was an incredible combination.” She complimented.

“Thank you.”

 

A few seconds after, we both laughed,

“I have never said ‘thank you’ continuously until now.” I stated.

“We have been praising ourselves too much.” Asano added.

“Well, our performances were worth commending anyway.” I said.

 

     Before I was completely engulfed in our conversation I reminded myself to watch out for Yunho’s performance. I gaped at the back stage area and saw him standing there. I can’t miss him!

“Asano come with me.” I grabbed her and dragged her all the way to the television screen.

“What? Why?” she queried.

“Yunho is almost up.”

 

Just after my statement we saw Yunho coming up the stage with his game face on. I predict this to be a very breathtaking piece.

 

I can’t help but notice his costume which was under his sweats, a tuxedo. One word, wow… The outfit really suited him. I really have to see this.

 

     Yunho cued the technical team and hung his head low. First beat, he makes a pose and afterwards he begins dancing. He is a huge fan of Michael Jackson and his routine seemed to reflect that. He also added modern dances like hip-hop, poppin’ and a bit of b-boy and krumping. I never knew he could do b-boy; it was like he was a whole new person to me on stage. I was just left in awe. The only thing I could hear myself say was, “Whoa.” while Asano just stared at the screen.

 

     Minutes after his performance came to an end, as the audience applauded vigorously, oh they got the Yuhno fever. As he went down, people were still shouting and clapping. He created an immense impact like Eunhyuk oppa did. I could see clearly who will be this year’s winners. No doubt.

 

I noticed Yunho has entered the holding area, so Asano and I rushed to him and handed him bottle of water.

 

“You were amazing Yunho.” I praised. Asano just bobbed her head up and down.

“Thank you.” He smiled after drinking.

 

I really can’t ‘fan girl’ much since I might slip and accidentally say something I don’t want him to hear.

 

Yunho pointed at the towel around my neck and asked, “May I?”

“But it’s still damp, and I used it already.” I refused.

“I don’t mind.” He said taking it from me anyway.

 

Asano gave me that ‘go for it’ look in her eyes and suddenly bid good-bye to me and Yunho.

She merrily skipped out the room, trying to irritate me. Thanks a lot Asano.

 

“Hey Jeonhee, weren’t you gonna say something to me earlier?” he questioned as we both headed to where his belongings were.

“Oh… yeah I was going to say, break a leg.” I lied. A very lame lie, I say.

“Really?” he laughed, “You said it was very important, you sounded serious.”

 

“Yeah, that was it. It’s important to me.” I blurted out without much thought.

“Alright, I won’t force you to say what you really wanted to say.” He winked as he was fixing his bag.

 

He knew I lied, great. Well he was nice enough to not force me to say it.

 

     I just have to say, the whole ‘winking’ was put in to slow motion. It repeated a few times in my head. He actually did that? I mean, it wasn’t the first time he did that but today he did it in a very lovely and cute way. He seldom acts cute.

 

     While watching him, I instinctively sat down on the wooden floor and just observed him. Yunho took off his bow tie, blazer and loosened his polo afterwards. He also ed the cuffs of his sleeves, folding it half way on his arms and gulped on his bottle. Yes, I was looking at him intently.

 

He turned his attention to me after tidying himself, “Where’s your bag?”

“It’s over there.” I directed his view to where my things lay.

“Aren’t you going to get it?” he wondered.

“Nah, I won’t. Besides I have my valuables safe here in my pocket.” I stated, but he ignored me and said, “I’ll go get it for you.” He instantly stood up and ran towards it. I wasn’t even able to stop him…

Tsk, tsk. Yunho, Yunho…

 

“Here you go.” He handed over my bag while panting lightly.

“Thank you.” I sheepishly said.

 

Yunho sat right beside me and mentioned, “You look lovely today.”

 

I gulped. Why are you doing this to me Jung Yunho? Why are you making me melt inside? 

“Oh…” was all that I could say.

 

“Today only…” he emphasized.

That is when I realized he was just kidding. So I softly slapped his arm, “What do you mean today only?!”

“Ouch. Why? I am just saying the truth that you look better right now.”

 

“It means that I look unattractive on normal days?” I got insulted.

“Yes.” He answered shortly.

 

I slapped him hard this time, “Well you look very horrible today!” I tried to rebut.

“I was just joking Jeonhee, don’t take it too seriously.” He laughed.

 

His cute laugh actually saved him from getting hurt even more. He should be grateful.

 

“But really, you looked so charming on that stage.” He continued.

I just gazed at him, not knowing what to reply.

“It’s like you were grown up.” Yunho shot me a smile.

Still had nothing to say…

“You’re so childish, but today you were a lady.” He complimented.

 

“Yeah right.” I uttered.

“I’m not kidding this time.” He reassured.

     I sighed, “Don’t forget me when you become famous, okay Jung Yunho?” I changed the subject, because his praises were already constricting me. I am slowly dying here, twitterpated by his words.   

 

“Hey… what do you mean?” he was puzzled by my sudden thought.

 

“Just don’t forget me.” I beamed at him.

 

Before he could say a word some organizer came up to us, “It’s time for the announcement of winners, please proceed to the stage.”

 

The both of us nodded and the organizer left.

 

Yunho stood up and stretched his hand, “Come on.”

“You go ahead.” I stated.

He clicked his tongue, “Come on Jeonhee, I am not leaving you here.”

 

“You go ahead Yunho, I’ll catch up. I’m just going to fix my make-up.” I looked for a reason to stay.

He pouted his lips, “Alright.” He gave up and ran towards the stage.

As he ran, Eunhyuk oppa saw him and tagged along. I noticed him look back for a second but got distracted because Eunhyuk oppa was talking to him.

 

I am truly sorry Yunho, I am weak, and I don’t have the guts to tell you. Forgive me.

 

I gradually stood up and fixed my clothing. I gaped straight at the stage and began walking.

 

     The 100 contestants gather on and around the stage for the announcement. Only five will be chosen among all the competitors. They would receive a trophy and cash prize depending on the place.

 

I met up with Asano and we stood in front of it.  

 

“Minasan, konbanwa! (Everyone, good evening!)” the emcee shouted, full of energy.

 

“Did all of you enjoy the perfromances of the contestants?” she questioned.

“Hai.” The audience yelled back.

“That’s wonderful! Now, we are going to announce the top five winners.”

 

The lights suddenly dimmed and suspense music played in the background adding to the tension.

My gal friend and I held hands as the person holding the envelope walked up the stage.

 

The emcee opened the envelope and the music boomed louder.

 

“For fifth place, Mizuni Takashima,” she declared followed by the applause of the audience, “Please proceed here in front.” She pursued.

 

She then announced the fourth and third placer, another girl and then a guy. I crossed my fingers…

 

“Second place goes to Jung Yunho!”

 

I could not help but shriek. He won! My friend won! I knew it!

 

“The first placer and the best among the 100 contestants is…  Lee ‘Eunhyuk’ Hyukjae!” The crowd went wild. They really liked Eunhyuk oppa.

 

     I am so proud to know these people. I am happy for Yunho too, this has been his long-time dream. Both of them went up the stage side by side and joined the other winners.

 

Yunho’s smile was definitely plastered on his face. ‘Great job, you deserve it…’ I whispered to myself.

 

Asano looked at me and gave me a warm hug.

 

“Let’s just do better next time Jeonhee.” She stated.

“Yes, we should do better.” I agreed.

 

     My eyes traced Yunho, who was bombarded with a lot of people as the event ended. Despite the sea of people he still saw me and shot me a lovely smile. I just stared at him and after a few seconds, I gazed away.

 

“Jeonhee!” my mom called out.

“You were great dear, even if you didn’t win. I am still so proud of you. Asano you too, both of you did so well.” She uttered trying to lift our spirits as she locked us in an embrace.

 

Well, as I have said I am all about the experience, so the results weren’t that depressing for me. Asano is also a good sport, she will be alright.

 

“Let’s get home mom.” I suggested.

“Aren’t you going to congratulate Yunho?” she asked.

 

“No, need.”

“We need to leave.” I bid good-bye to her, “Say hi to your mom for me.”

 

“Sure. I’ll see you in dance practice.” She giggled.

 

“Of course, dance practice…” I chuckled. 

“Take care.” Asano stated as she waved her hand.

 

We exchanged bows, “Ja matane! (See you soon)” I ended and then we walked away.

 

     As we exited the hall, I could still hear jolly laughter. I wanted to look back but I stopped myself… I can no longer make myself fall harder for a man that sees me only as his friend.

 

Congratulations anyway Yunho… Omedetou gozaimasu. Chuk ha hae.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

     Falling in love with my best friend… How stupid of me. I have been hiding this from him, for the simple reason that I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I know it sounds very much cliché but I’m not that person who is risky enough to actually tell him the truth. Yunho and I have been friends since elementary, all those years of companionship might shatter with just three famous words, ‘I love you’.

     I lay still on the soft green grass, the gentle breeze brushing my face and the rays of the sun stinging my exposed skin. The rustling of the leaves sounded in the air, as well as the chirping of the birds, cheerful laughs of the passersby and the loud horns of the cars from afar. Another summer day…

 

     I never heard from Yunho after the contest. I wonder what happened. Although, I am just trying to look at the Brightside, at least it will take my mind off him for a while. Think about other things, like uh… I don’t know what exactly but I’ll come up with something. A new hobby perhaps?

 

I gradually opened my eyes just to find out it was dusk. I need to get home.

 

     I stood up and hopped off the grass area and began striding out the park. Out of the blue my phone started vibrating in my jean’s left pocket. I fetched it out, “Maybe it is my mom.” I assumed.

 

     I glanced at the small screen and saw Yunho calling. I actually flinched for a moment there. Days have passed and he decides to call me just now, I mean… he is not obliged to but he should at least let me know he is still breathing. Right?

 

I took in a deep breath and answered his call, “Yobasaeyo? (Hello)”

“Jeonhee… it’s me Yunho.” He sounded gloomy, “Are you at the park right now?” he asked.

 

“Well, kinda. I’m walking out the park actually.” I answered.

“Please stay where you are, I’ll find you. I need to tell you something.” He hurriedly stated.

 

     Before I could reply he hung up. I wonder what’s wrong. My heart started pounding hard. What if he already found out about my true feelings? If so, that’s not good.

 

     I scratched my head in confusion and looked for a vacant park bench to sit on. A few seconds of wandering about, I finally was able to settle on a seat. I know he told me to stay where I was but this seat was just a few steps away.

Minutes had passed and I became restless so began scanning the area. People were leaving the place.

 

Where is Yunho?

 

I glanced up the sky to see darkness overcoming it as the moon shyly showed itself from behind the dusky clouds.

     The lamp posts glowed and the city lights came to life. It was getting a little cold too… I clasped my hands and rubbed it together to produce heat and slapped it on my cheeks.

 

I soughed.

 

To amuse myself I murmured the lyrics of Utada Hikaru’s ‘First Love’. It’s not that I couldn’t relate, yes I do but it’s just a very nice song.

 

I was almost done with the first verse when I realized Yunho was already standing in front of me.

 

“Hey, Yunho.” I greeted him and stood up but he stopped me, “No, please sit down.”

 

After catching his breath he sat beside me and said, “Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?” he gave me choices.

 

“Uh the good news?” I wasn’t sure of my answer.

     I saw him force a smile, “Well, remember I won second place? You see, a Korean entertainment agency named SM scouted me and Eunhyuk to become trainees there.” He explained.

 

“That’s awesome!” I exclaimed with glee.

 

“But… here’s the bad news.” He sighed and continued, “We would have to go to Korea, alone…”

 

My smile faded into a slight frown, “That’s great.” My tone sounded flat.

“You see, we would train there for a couple of years… and probably have our debut there. We…I might never come back.” He stated pausing at every word.

“Never?” I was the one who forced a smirk this time and looked away.

“Never.” Yunho repeated.

 

     I took in a deep breath and realized I was already crying a few tears. He is leaving… for good. As a good friend I should accept this, as someone who loves him I should let him go to where he will be happy. I would probably endure it and live if I did not confess but him not being by my side… not seeing him at least every other day… I might not survive.

 

“Jeonhee…” I heeded his soft, melancholy voice.

I subtly wiped my tears with my long sleeves and faced him wearing a grin.

“I wish you the best Jung Yunho.” I could barely release those words from my trembling mouth.

“Jeonhee.” He said my name the second time, his eyes stared at me worriedly.

“Come on Yunho, isn’t that your dream? It is finally coming true.” I patted his shoulder.

 

“What about you?” he questioned.

I laughed at the query, “What? Don’t mind me I’ll be fine.” I reassured.

“You don’t look okay to me now.” He tried to reach out to me but I smacked his hand away as I retrieved my hand from his shoulder.

 

I bit my lips, controlling my tears, “What are you talking about? I’m fine. I am very happy for you.”

His brows met, “Jeonhee I am not that stupid.”

I gulped, “Nan jeongmal gwenchanh-ayo (I’m really okay.)” I insisted.

“I will miss you though.” I stated with much honesty.

Jung Yunho did not say a word after and the atmosphere became silent. I could still feel the tension even if the conversation halted.

 

A question I forgot to ask popped out of my mind, “When are you leaving?” I questioned distracting myself from the passers-by.

“Tomorrow…” he soughed, “…night.”

 

Why so sudden? Why is he telling this to me only now? My tears began building up again.

“You know I could refuse the offe--” I cut him off, “No! Don’t even think about declining their offer. It’s a once in a life time opportunity, don’t let me get in the way.” I unintentionally yelled at him because of this strong burst of emotions.

 

“You should go. I know you can make it. You will be very famous one day. I can’t wait to see you on stage. Besides we could still communicate through internet.” I continued, my voice sounding very meek.

 

“Iroiro to arigato gozaimasu, Yunho. (Yunho, thank you for everything)” I said in Japanese.

“Jeonhee.” was all he could state.

“I have to go Yunho. Congratulations. See you--” I could no longer finish my sentence and fled from him.

 

     I can’t let him see me cry, it would definitely stop him from leaving. I don’t want that. I want him to be happy right? I should support him. I will push myself to live every day without thinking of him all the time. I’ll find hobbies that will take my mind off him. It’s not the end of the world Park Jeonhee.

 

My tears fell continuously as I exited the big park. I slipped my way through the large crowds on the sidewalk.

 

     I guess I grew too attached to Yunho, that’s why I am so depressed to hear him leave… My shattered heart should put up with all this pain and move on someday; forget that I ever loved him in the first place and just constantly remind myself that he is my best friend. My dear best friend…

 

Good luck Jung Yunho. I know you will be successful. I just know it.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

I lack sleep…

I wasn’t able to rest the whole night. I just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. My mind was blank, my heart, emotionally hurt.

 

I received a long text message from Yunho when I got home last night. It read:

 

     Jeonhee, you are my best friend, don’t forget that. I am sorry if I have to leave all of a sudden. I am also sorry for not telling you earlier. I had a hard time pushing myself to inform you. I remember saying to you how much I wanted to become a singer; I was so enthusiastic about it. Now that it is about to come true… I hope you support me all the way. Well, I know you would. I can always count on you. You never let me down.

 

I will miss you too, Park Jeonhee.

 

     I will miss that childish friend of mine. I will miss messing up her hair every time I see her. I will miss bringing back the gifts she gives me and tell her I don’t need such things, and that a simple greeting would do. I will miss racing with her on our way to dance practice. I will miss everything I do with her.

 

I promise to do my best and debut in Korea as soon as I could. I wish to see you when I become famous… Good-bye for now.

 

I’ll be leaving at 8p.m. tomorrow night. Narita airport terminal two. :)

 

-Jung Yunho

 

That message made me cry for hours until I had no more tears to shed. It added to my overflowing depression.

 

     I want him to fulfill his dreams… but I don’t want him to leave me. I am imposing myself to let him go, but half of me says no. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to really feel. I am so puzzled.

 

     I was rummaging through my things when I saw an old photo album. I flipped it open and saw me and Yunho together side by side with big smiles on our faces. It was our elementary pictures. I glanced at the images with a beam pasted on my face. Those were the days… As I continued, I came across more photo albums and more pictures of me hanging out with him. I began tearing up again.

 

I am so weak… so stubborn… so afraid of the possible consequences…

 

My head flew up and I looked at the time. Its 4 hours before Yunho flies to Korea and I wasn’t even able to say a formal farewell to him.

 

What kind of friend are you Jeonhee? I mentally slapped myself.

 

     I stared at the ticking clock. Without much thought I stood up, took my scrunchy and tied my hair in a ponytail. I snatched my phone and wallet. I put on my cardigan and slung my bag on my shoulder.

 

I rushed out my room and my mom noticed I was such in a hurry.

 

“Jeonhee, where are you heading off to?” she asked while I was wearing my shoes at the front door.

“Narita airport.” I hastily uttered.

“Narita airport? Why?” she asked another question.

“I need to tell Yunho something important.” I stated and then stood up the second I finished putting my shoes on.

“You have money?” she wondered as she fetched her wallet in her bag that was hanged on the coat rack.

“I think it is enough to get there. I am just taking the train.” I told her.

“The round-trip ticket is very expensive… here take this.” She handed over to me 5,000 yen.

“Go ahead take it.” She insisted as she took my hand and placed the money on my palm.

My mom shot me a genuine smile, “Next time, don’t make rushed decisions dear.”

     I think she knows what I am going to do at the airport. It is true, I decided to tell him when he is already leaving a few hours from now and it is going to cost me a lot of money. Aish.

 

“Thank you mom.” I said and gave her a tight hug.

“You better get going.” She uttered.

 

I smiled at her and made my way out of our house.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

     I boarded the Narita Express to Narita airport from Shibuya station, it made a few stops, boarding new passengers from different stations. It took me about an hour to arrive at the airport.

 

     The train doors opened and I was first in line. I ran out the vehicle and made my way to the departure area. I flipped my phone and tried calling Yunho. I hope he did not turn off his phone yet.

 

I had a few more attempts before he finally answered, “Jeonhee…” he sounded surprised.

“Yah, Yunho, please wait for me.” I begged him.

“Where are you?” he wondered.

 

“I just came out of the train I am on my way to the departure area.” I stated trying to catch my breath.

I was running so fast like I was competing in a marathon.   

 

The worst happened and my phone call got disrupted. I kept on dialing his number but my phone could not accomplish it.

Aish. Why now?

 

Whatever, I’ll have to find him the hard way.

 

     I reached the exterior of the departure area flooded by so many people. Great, how am I supposed to look for him now?

There were so many faces; I couldn’t distinguish which was Yunho’s. I used to find him easily in a very large crowd, how come I can’t recognize even his hair?

 

I calmed myself down so I could trace him better.

Yunho I need to see you one last time, before you go.

 

     When I was in the verge of giving up, I noticed a familiar figure a few feet away. My eyes widened, “Yunho!” I shouted triggering strangers to turn their attention to me.

 

I bowed my head instantly for being ill-mannered, “Sumimasen. (I’m sorry)”

 

I then saw my best friend wave at me.

 

I ignored those people who were still looking at me and came up to him.

 

We were both catching our breath causing us to laugh at each other.

 “I am happy you came.” Yunho stated with a bright smile on his face. That same smile he does which charms me.

“I wasn’t able to say good-bye to you properly.” I uttered as I hesitated to make eye contact.

 

“Well… Good-bye Yunho.” I continued.

“Good-bye Jeonhee.”

Then awkward air surrounded us.

I felt Yunho’s eyes looking at me the whole time. I wonder why.

 

When I had the courage to glance back at him I found him shedding a few tears.

“Good-bye… Is that the only thing you are going to say to me? That is the only reason why you came all the way here?” he questioned.

I-I never ever saw him cry in front of me before. It was so overwhelming.

It almost slipped my mind that I was going to tell him the truth. I soughed. Here goes nothing…

 

“Well Yunho--” he cut me off.

“Aren’t you going to tell me something else?” he sobbed.

“I-I…” I began stuttering.

“Something like…” he kept me from saying my true feelings.

“What? Something like what?” I asked kind of irritated at myself because I couldn’t tell him at one go.

 

I saw him still crying influencing me to become teary-eyed. Please Yunho don’t cry… You’re making it difficult for me.

 

“Something like--” he was not able to continue his statement.

“What Yunho? Tell me.” My voice started cracking.

 

“Something like… I love you.” He stated as he looked straight in my eyes.

 

My heart skipped a beat. Did I, did I hear him right? Am I hallucinating? Was that really Jung Yunho?

“Wha-what did you say?” I reassured.

 

“I love you Park Jeonhee, I love you…” he uttered as he attempted to stop his tears from falling further.

I froze. I cannot believe those words will come out of his lips. It was so surreal.

 

     He went closer and locked me in an embrace, “I know it was stupid of me to hide this from you. I can’t keep it a secret anymore…” I feel his tears rolling gently down my neck and his warm breath tickling me.

 

I chuckled, “Babo. (Fool)” I continued, “Nadobaboga. (I am a fool too) because I am also in love with you Jung Yunho.” I confessed.

I heeded him laughing, “We are so pathetic… us hiding our feelings for each other…”

“Yes we are pathetic.” I agreed.

 

     He then held me closer, so close I could hear his heart beating. This hug was not just any hug… His hug was full of love and affection. It was very evident… was I too caught up with my own feelings that I did not realize that his embrace has been like this the whole time?

 

It was a huge relief telling him the truth.

 

“I am sorry Jeonhee, if only I confessed to you earlier.” He stated with so much regret.

 “If only…” he kept on repeating.

 

Although I feel so miserable because this happened when he is about to leave me behind…

If only we both had the courage to tell each other what we felt.

If only we could turn back time.

If only it was not too late…

 

~*~*~*~*~