Part One

 

     Falling in love with my best friend… How stupid of me. I have been hiding this from him, for the simple reason that I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I know it sounds very much cliché but I’m not that person who is risky enough to actually tell him the truth. Yunho and I have been friends since elementary, all those years of companionship might shatter with just three famous words, ‘I love you’.

 

 

     Sigh. I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. There were actual times I get my feelings hurt every time he’s with his type of girls…

 

 

 

“Jeonhee~” My ringtone sounded inside my bag but I ignored it and continued my interrupted relaxation time.

 

 

 

     I have the silliest yet unique ring tone ever. Him mentioning my name, ‘Jeonhee, ’ and this  heart-capturing line, ‘You’re my best-est friend ever’. People I know told me it was plain pathetic and downright weird. For me, it’s a sign of our friendship, besides when I’m depressed, just hearing this uplifts me. Yes, that’s how much I’m in love with him. Enough about that…

 

 

    I did not bother answering the call. No one, not even an object can ruin my rest.

 

     I lay merrily on the soft green grass, the gentle breeze brushing my face and the rays of the sun stinging my exposed skin. The rustling of the leaves sounded in the air, as well as the chirping of the birds, cheerful laughs of the passersby and the loud horns of the cars from afar.

 

This is such a nice summer day…

 

     As my stubborn self, rested on the ground, I sensed footsteps nearing me, “Park Jeonhee, the person who –I-tried-calling-on-her-phone-but-she-didn’t-answer, what on earth are you doing?”

 

“Dying…” I replied instinctively, of course I did not mean what I just said. It was just my substitute instead of answering it with a, ‘Nothing’. My tongue just says it on its own.

 

 

“You can’t die now...” a familiar voice replied.

 

     I slowly opened my eyes and as expected it was Yunho, Jung Yunho right in front of me. Then reality slapped me right at the face, I do have it bad for him, I could easily discern his beautiful voice. I am getting worse. I can’t risk myself to be so in love like this. I have to stop this soon.

 

“How did you find me Yunho?” after all that contemplating, I questioned him continuing the conversation, as I lay still on the grass.

 

“Jeonhee, you always hangout here at the park when you have nothing else to do. You’re not so difficult to find.” He answered, crouching down at my left side positioning his face right above mine, as he narrowed his black small eyes. Talk about sweet chills down my spine. I hope my face is not turning red.

 

     I stared at him for a few seconds and took a deep breath. His eyes were smiling at me; I could feel my heart melt. Oh Yunho, you really know how to charm a girl effortlessly. 

 

“Come on. Get up lazy pants.” He ordered swinging his head to the right.

“Leave me alone!” I whined scrunching up my nose and crossing my arms.

     He dropped his bag on the grass and showed me his hands, “Do you want this?” and threatened me. That could only mean one thing; he is about to… tickle me to death.

“Try me.” I stuck out my tongue at him, playing hard-to-get.

 

“Alright, you asked for it.” Then he strikes.

 I started laughing out loud as he tickled me on my stomach. I rolled all over the grass like a fool.

 

“St—op, ple-ase.” I begged him.

I couldn’t bare it anymore so I gave up, “Oka-y, ok-ay! I g-ive u-p!” I stuttered.

“Good.” He stopped instantly after hearing my surrender. I brushed off the leaves stuck on my jacket. Yunho lend me his hand and helped me stand up. I slung my backpack on my left shoulder and I gave out a sigh as he grinned.

 

I love seeing him smile, brightens up my day.

 

Let’s get going then, we still have dance practice!” Yunho uttered as he messed up my hair.

“Hey, not the hair please!” I reacted.

“You’re so cute!” He teased me and pinched my nose in amusement.

                                                       

          He began to stride away from me and leaped over the knee-high fence on to the paved part of the park where the benches were placed. He looked back at me and shouted my name, “Jeonhee!” and continued running again. I watched him, as I stood still, captivated by his presence. If only you knew Yunho, if only…

     I snapped back to reality and shouted “Wait for me Yunho!” before he was completely out of my sight.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

     After minutes of running around streets and narrow alleyways we both halted, “Why did we have to run?” I complained, catching my breath, trying to vacuum in all the oxygen around me.

“It is for warm up Jeonhee.” he answered me, as he stretched his body and not even showing any trace of exhaustion.

 

     The dance studio was located at a commercial building in Shibuya. It is well-hidden behind the other tall structures in the area but it is quite popular amongst the dance community in Tokyo. It’s managed by Koreans like us, but the dancers are a mix of Koreans and the locals.

     I waited for Yunho to finish his stretching-which is taking too long by the way- while I drank water from my bottle. I observed him discretely as I could and I saw his lips form a sweet smile at me, so much for being discrete.

He sighed loudly and stated, “Let’s go in.” and led the way.  We leisurely entered the building to the studio.

 

We saw our fellow dancers warming up as we came in. “Kon-nichiwa!” they all greeted us with enthusiasm.

 

We bowed our heads and said hello back. “Are we late?” I questioned them, placing my bag on the wooden floor along with the pile of other bags.

 

“No, you guys are right on time.” My girl friend, Asano, replied walking towards us.

Yunho beamed at my best gal friend, “Is everyone here already?” he asked, also throwing his bag onto the pile.

 

She answered with a simple nod.

“Okay, guys! Let’s get started!” our leader, Eunhyuk, yelled clapping his hands to get everyone’s attention.

 

     The boys were up first. Eunhyuk pressed play on the CD player and the guys started dancing their practiced routine. Us girls sat in one corner and observed them. Some of the girls were drooling at their crushes. They danced to the tune of Backstreet Boys' Everybody.

Asano started to poke my sides, “Look at Yunho, he’s so freakin’ hot!” she squealed softly. All of a sudden other girls near us began giggling. I think they agree on my friend’s statement.

 

     I stole a glance at Yunho, he is so attractive when he moves. I saw him look back at me through the large mirror and smirked, once again melting my fluttering heart. I am not so sure but every time he diverts his attention to me I feel so special.  I shot him a smile, and then looked away. I just couldn’t admire him for that long. I can’t bare this warmth building up inside me, when I know I have to hide it from him… I mentally slapped myself. Park Jeonhee, you’re just making it more difficult to stop falling deeply for him… I need to holdback these mix of emotions, because I don’t want it to be the reason for our friendship to evaporate.

 

“By the way Jeonhee,” Asano called out pulling me back to reality, “why aren’t you telling him the truth yet?” she questioned me, as the guys continued to perfect their routine.

“I don’t want to.” I frowned at her.

“Well at least ask him out.” she insisted.

“I do ask him out.”

“Really?!” she wore a surprised expression.

“You can’t call it a date, a romantic date to be exact… We just hang out, like normal friends do.” I clarified emphasizing normal.

“Stop being so stubborn Jeonhee. He’s a nice guy and a longtime friend. I’m pretty sure if ever you confess to him and he rejected you nothing will change between you.” Asano tried to convince me.

My brows met, “For him nothing would change, as for me, I will forever feel awkward.”

“Come on Jeonhee... or else I’ll take him.” One of the girls joked as Asano laughed in agreement.

 

     I kept quiet, what Asano said got me thinking. Maybe I should stop being stubborn and at least try. Ah! What am I saying? I just couldn’t dare to take that risk.

 

“Girls it’s your turn.” Eunhyuk informed us as he drank his bottle of water.

 

    I fetched Yunho’s face towel like I usually do and handed it over to him as the other girls stood up and flexed a few muscles. “Thanks.” He uttered flashing me that oh-so-captivating smile again. He should really stop doing that.

 

     I smiled back and went to my position. Eunhyuk made sure everyone was in their right places before pressing play on the iPod Nano. A few seconds later, music started playing; to be specific our dance routine was paired with Britney's 'Baby One Time'. Engulfed in dancing, I noticed Yunho through the mirror, and suddenly my world stopped. He’s just so adorable, even if he’s sitting at a corner doing nothing, he’s still mesmerizing.

 

     Back to reality was I when a colleague of mine bumped me. I realized that I literally stopped moving… The boys were already chuckling at me. How embarrassing. I beamed at our leader as an apology and hopped back to dancing. Way to go Jeonhee, you’re becoming too obvious.

 

     Hours went by and the whole team just kept on dancing, and learning new steps, honing their skills. The dance session finally came to an end and it was time to bid good-bye. Before everyone got out, Eunhyuk called our attention, “Everybody remember there is a dance competition next week. For those who are interested to join, make sure to prepare!” he announced as two of our members held the tarpaulin.

“Clear?” he questioned, and everyone nodded as a reply, “You may go!” Our leader continued allowing us to leave.

 

My colleagues dispersed within minutes, Asano, Yunho, Eunhyuk and I were left behind.

 

“Yunho-sshi I am expecting you to enter the competition because I’ll be present.” Eunhyuk stated as he gave my best guy friend a pat on his back.

 

He answered with confidence, “Of course I’m joining, and I have been waiting for it and I am eager to compete against you just like seonsaeng (teacher) versus hagsaeng (student).”

Our leader laughed, “That’s what I’m talking about, confidence! Make me proud.”

The two did their exclusive handshake accompanied with weird sounds they were making, to end their conversation.

 

 

 

     Asano gave me the I-don’t-know-what-they-just-said-look. I translated everything for her since their whole chat was in Korean. I was busy interpreting when our leader addressed us, “Asano, Jeonhee, are you tagging along with me and Yunho?”

 

“Sure, almost everyone in class are entering, why wouldn’t we.” Asano replied on my behalf.

“Alright show me what you girls can do!” Eunhyuk stated and both gave us a high five.

 

Yunho went towards me and stated, “Let’s get going guys.”

I nodded my head and the three of us bid goodbye to our leader.

 

As we stepped out of  the building, “Jeonhee, I’ll walk you home.” Yunho said as he came up to me.

Asano who was beside me whispered at my ear, “Go ask him if you could ‘hang out’.”

 

     I glared at her but she was not threatened. It feels much more difficult to ask him to hang out as ‘friends’ when in my context I see it as sort of a date. Oh well here goes nothing… I took a deep breath, gathered all my courage and spoke up, “Hey Yunho, I have nothing to do this afternoon and I think it’s too early if I go home, could we hang out for a while?” I questioned like it was my first time asking this to him.

     My heart began beating so fast, as I waited for his reply, every millisecond felt like an eternity.  I saw him show his heart-melting smile, “Sure! We haven’t hanged out for quite a while now.” He agreed with enthusiasm, while placing his arm around my shoulder and securing it.

 

Then suddenly Asano interrupted Yunho and I and uttered a, “Sayōnara” and left hurriedly. He glanced at me, confused why my best gal friend hastily left. 

 

“I think she has other errands to run.” I beamed at him.

“Well, let’s go then!” he said grabbing my wrist dragging me out the streets.

     Yunho loves to play video games, especially those boxing type of games so he brought me to an arcade station in Shibuya and drowned himself with virtual graphics. We actually stayed there for a few hours.

 

 After he wins every round in the fighting game he was playing, he hugs me tight with those arms of his.

Am I in heaven?

It was just so unreal. 

 

I didn’t bother stopping him, I liked that moment. Let us say I’m sort of taking advantage of it.  

 

     However I feel so restricted in showing my true feelings, when he kept hugging me, when he sweetly called my name, when he just looked at me so sincerely, I couldn’t react the way I wanted to. I badly want to squeal my heart out in happiness but I have to control myself.

 

“Hey Jeonhee, let’s go eat, my treat.” He uttered and held my arm.

     I couldn’t help but stare at his hand on my right arm. It felt so different this time, his touch was more meaningful than ever before.  I was so enchanted by his action that I did not notice him calling my attention. He had to snap his fingers at my face for me to realize I was staring at his hand.

 

My eyes were wide opened as it focused on him and he couldn’t help but ask, “Are you okay?”

 

“Ah, Hai. (Yes )” I nodded and tried looking away so I won’t further embarrass myself.

He gave my head a slight pat and then initiated to leave, “Ikuzo. (Let’s go)”

 

 

 

     He led me to a ramen place, since it’s his favorite. It reminds him of Korea, sort of. Anyway, as he chomped on at least 2 full bowls of ramen, I slowly ate 1 small bowl and watched the ‘vacuum machine’ as he swallowed the popular noodle dish. 

 

“Yah, Yunho slow down, you might choke.” I joked watching him intently.

He glanced at me and I felt his slight shame, he dropped his second bowl and wiped his face, “Sorry, I just got really hungry from practice.” He reasoned.

I giggled and handed him a glass of water, “Drink water first before you continue, so you can actually digest everything.”

 

My best friend followed and began eating again.

 

     He finished first before I did, I guess I was too busy observing him I wasn’t able to finish my food. The second he dropped his last bowl he focused on me. Of course that made me feel so awkward, I couldn’t eat well. Yunho rested his head on his hand and just looked at me, not daring to gaze away. I tried to find something to ease the tension I am experiencing; I immediately saw the small TV near the counter and distracted myself as I ate my way to the bottom of the bowl.

 

I was done after a few minutes and drank water. I saw him smirk, “You look so adorable when you eat. Like a little girl.” He stated.

 

I didn’t know what to think, was that a compliment or an insult? It sounded a little bit of both to me.

As a reflex I frowned at him, “Yah! What do you mean by that?” I said acting like I was offended.

 

“You were just so fun to watch alright nothing else.” He explained. I raised an eyebrow as a reply.

He lifted his hands off the table and held it high, “I was serious.”

“Yeah right.” I soughed, “You looked like you were a chubby kid while eating ramen!” I fought back.

Yunho laughed, “That’s your comeback?” he continued, “That’s so lame!” he kept on chuckling as he messed up my hair.

 

“Yah!!!” I rebelled.

He soon stopped and beamed at me, “If you’re planning to insult me do it properly.”

I softly let out a soft sigh, “Alright I will.”

 

     My best friend stood up and invited me to leave since it was getting a little late. I asked him to wait for me outside, since I needed to go to the restroom.

 

     I washed my hands and gazed at myself in the mirror. I can’t help but smile at myself as goose bumps covered me. I got out of the small washroom and saw Yunho waiting outside, his hands inside his jacket’s pockets. My huge smile suddenly faded. I can only admire him from a distance. Even if he’s so close, I can’t hold him like how I want to. I couldn’t care for him too much. I can’t love him as more than a friend. How long could I endure everything? It saddens me to realize every time I get mesmerized by him that I’m just his friend.

 

Yunho saw me and waved; I faked a smile and proceeded outside. I stepped right in front of him and looked down. He tapped my shoulder, “I’ll walk you home.” I still gazed down but I bobbed my head and we started walking.

 

     We leisurely marched our way home through the dynamic and lighted streets of Shibuya. My eyes were only focused on the ground the whole time. I didn’t dare glance at him, I have to control myself.

     Halfway to my home, I noticed Yunho halt, so I was curious and dragged my eyes at him. He gawked at me with concern. Without any conversation he went in front of me his back facing me and squatted meekly.

I was surprised, “Nani e iru no? (What are you doing)” I blurted out.

“You seem extra tired today, why don’t you hop on my back and I’ll carry you home.” He answered.

“No, thank you. I’m fine. I can still walk Yunho, no need to worry about me.” I refused his thoughtful offer.

 

He then faced me, “Come on. Why are you being shy right now? It’s not like I never did this to you before. ”

 

“I was injured from practice that day Yunho, it is different this time.” I strongly declined. He really should not bother; I can handle myself, besides being weary is not the only reason why I am acting like this. If he only knew…   

 

“I don’t mind. Now come on, hop on my back, it’s just a few more blocks away to your house.” He insisted, already positioning himself.

 

“Yunho~” I whispered.      

 

I couldn't help but to give in. So I carefully jumped on his back. He grabbed my legs, carried me and he started walking.  

 

“You’ve gotten heavier.” He mentioned.

“Of course I’ve been eating a lot.” I muttered but he managed to hear.

I heeded him gently chuckling, “Is that so?”

“Deh (Yes).”

 

     I cautiously rested my head on his back and closed my eyes. I wish this moment would never end. I can sense his warmth, the warmth I have been longing for, all this time. I conclude, right this instant that I have it bad for him. I have finally fallen deep. It might be a wrong choice that I have to live with, but this weird and cheerful sensation is so satisfying that I just couldn’t let it go.  I rather have him near me, than drive him away with my confession. It’s a decision I am willing to pursue because I love Jung Yunho.

 

Yunho’s sweet voice echoed through his back, “Jeonhee, we’re here.”

 

It took me a few seconds before I raised my head. I slowly stepped down and bowed my head, thanking him for carrying me all the way home.

 

“No problem.” He stated, smiling back at me. “I’ll see you in two weeks?” he pursued.

 

I faked a smirk, “Yeah, see you in two weeks.”

 

Yunho reached out his hand, “Let’s be professional, may the best dancer win,” wanting to shake on it.

“May the best dancer win.” I repeated, shaking his hand.

After letting go he stood still for a few seconds, just staring at me.

My heart suddenly skipped a beat. Is he gonna say something else? Something ‘important’?

 

I can’t help but ask him, “What?”

“I’m just waiting for you to get in.” he stated as he scratched his head.

I giggled, “Right. I am home. Stupid me.” I giggled again, “Well goodnight Yunho.”

     He shot me a sweet innocent look, “Night.” and messed up my hair. He is so fond of doing that.I smiled at him for the last time and then sluggishly carried myself in, while his eyes followed me.

 

     I hesitantly turned the knob but then I halted, I could not control myself so I had one last good look at him before opening the door. He cheerfully waved at me and I waved back. I turned away and slipped in our house.

 

 

I ran to the nearest window and hid myself behind the curtains and watched him leave. When my yearning eyes can no longer trace him, I mentally slapped myself.  This is not good…

 

 

~*~*~*~*~