Yunho hated hospitals. He hated the sterile, cold, antiseptic cleaners that tried to cover the lingering scent of sickness. And most of all he hated seeing the people he loved sitting in hospital beds. He rubbed Jaejoong’s arm lightly.
    Jaejoong was thoroughly ignoring Yunho as he sat for his treatment. He texted Yoochun and Junsu. He felt miserable. His hatred of his treatments knew no bounds. He already felt nauseated and he had a headache. All he wanted to do was go home and go to sleep. He rested his head on Yunho’s shoulder and sighed sadly. He was restless and couldn’t sit still. And every movement caused pain in his arms and legs.
    Yunho moved slowly to wrap his arm around Jaejoong’s waist and kissed to top of his head. He traced Jaejoong’s jaw with his fingers, hoping the slight touches would help calm Jaejoong.
    “Your treatment is almost done. Are you hungry?” Yunho spoke into Jaejoong’s hair.
    “Not really. But I’ll make dinner when we get home. What do you want?” Jaejoong’s voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
    “You aren’t going to cook when we get home. You’re going to rest. We’ll just order out.” Yunho tucked a lock of hair behind Jaejoong’s ear. “You need to eat, keep up your strength.”
    “I know. I don’t want to eat. I’ll just cook for you,” Jaejoong shrugged.
    “No, Jaejoong. You need to rest after these treatments. You need to eat and relax. I’ll cook or we could order something, but please, just rest when we get home.”
    Jaejoong merely shrugged again. He knew it would be better to choke down half a plate of whatever Yunho wanted to feed him than to fight. He shut his eyes and waited for the treatment to be over. He concentrated on the feeling of Yunho’s hands on his skin, rather than the ach in head and limbs.
    “I’m tired.”
    “I know,” Yunho whispered softly. He turned to the sound of the door opening.
    “Hello, Mr. Kim,” a pretty nurse with short brown hair pulled a chair next to the bed. “I’m just going to take your vitals and take out the IV, then you’re free to go home.”
    Jaejoong winced as the nurse pulled the needle out of his arm and taped down a bandage. His vitals were exactly as she expected them to be; blood pressure a little low, temperature a little high.
    Jaejoong was sent home with a list of things to do to make himself feel better and to ease the sickness he might experience. He just wanted sleep.
    He let Yunho carry him to bed once they reached home. He drank his tea and let Yunho fuss all he wanted. It was easier than fighting or insisting that he could take care of himself.
    “Are you sure you’re not hungry?” Yunho asked for the fifth time.
    “I’m not. Order what ever you want and I’ll eat later.”
    Yunho ordered Jaejoong’s favorite dishes and ate in the bedroom with Jaejoong. He smirked happily as Jaejoong picked off his plate.
    They washed up and Yunho turned down the bed. Jaejoong changed into sweatpants and one of Yunho’s old t shirts and climbed into bed. His muscles were still sore and his back felt tight.
    Yunho stretched out on the bed next to Jaejoong, careful not to touch him. Jaejoong’s muscle pain was getting worse and sometimes even the covers caused him discomfort.
    “I have to work tomorrow. Are you gonna be okay here on your own?” Yunho asked.
    “I want to go to work with you. I could help out. It’s a kids’ class right?”
    “Yeah. 10-13 year olds. Jae, are you sure? I don’t want you to get over tired.”
    “I’ll be fine. It can’t be that hard to teach kids to dance.”
    Yunho chuckled and pulled Jaejoong close. “It’ll be easy.” He kissed Jaejoong’s forehead softly.
    Jaejoong settled down against Yunho’s chest. He was exhausted and it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. Yunho stayed awake for as long as he could just watching Jaejoong sleep.

    Dance class was the highlights of Yunho’s day. His favorite class was the 10-13 year olds. They were all so eager to dance.
    Jaejoong sat on the desk that was pushed into one corner of the studio. Yunho was amazingly patient with the children.
    “Mr. Jaejoong?” a girl approached Jaejoong cautiously. Yunho had given the children a short break.
    “Yes?” Jaejoong turned to the small voice and smiled.
    “Are you going to dance with us today?”
    “Not today. I’m not feeling well.” Jaejoong patted the girl on the head. “You should get back in line.”
    “Can I sit with you? I’m not a good dancer and I don’t want Mr. Yunho to be mad at me. He shouldn’t waste his time with me.” The girl’s voice dropped with sadness.
    “I’ve been watching you. You’re a good dancer. And you’re still learning. How old are you?”
    “12. I don’t think I’m going to dance next year.”
    “Why not?” Jaejoong recognized her as one of Yunho’s favorite students. She was a little clumsy, but he always praised her ability and hard work.
    “I’m not good. I always mess up. I don’t want to waste my parents’ money anymore.”
    “What’s your name?”
    “Hwaran.”
    “Ask Yunho for private lessons. You’re good, you just get nervous. I was the same way.”
    “My parents can’t afford private lessons. They can barely pay for the lessons now.”
    “Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to Yunho. I’m sure we can work something out.”
    Hwaran hung her head. She hated charity. “I’m not a good enough dancer.”
    Jaejoong tilted her head up to look her in the eyes. “Yes you are. You just get nervous. Call your parents and ask them if you can stay late for a private lesson tonight. Don’t worry about the cost.”
    Hwaran nodded and excused herself. Jaejoong watched her stand in the corner and call her parents. He hoped they would let her stay.
    Yunho worked hard to make the studio a place where all kids could come and learn to dance, regardless of finances.
    “You’re not too bored are you?” Yunho asked and passed Jaejoong a bottle of water.
    “Not at all. I want to sponsor Hwaran. Her family needs help paying for her lessons and I want to help. I know she’s one of your favorites and she thinks she , so I want to help her.”
    “Okay,” Yunho was a little shocked by Jaejoong’s sudden decision. “What brought this on?”
    “She reminds me of me. I used to think I at dancing. I was never as good as you or Junsu. But you took extra time with me and I got better. Hwaran is already really good. She just needs the confidence.” Jaejoong took Yunho’s hands in his. “Let me help this girl. I need some kind of legacy to leave behind.”
    “Don’t talk like that.” Yunho knew what Jaejoong meant. There was a part of Jaejoong that was convinced he wasn’t going to survive this time.
    “I’m just being realistic. I think your students are getting antsy.”
    Hwaran stayed for extra lessons under Jaejoong’s watchful eye. She had very distinct style and once Yunho helped her find her rhythm she improved quickly. Jaejoong couldn’t stop smiling. He swelled with a sense of pride in the young girl. Even though she was shy and meek when speaking, she glowed when she when she danced.

***

    Jaejoong stood in front of the stove, stirring the soup mindlessly. He wasn’t feeling any worse, but he wasn’t feeling better either. He was tired all the time. He would never admit it aloud, but he was ready to die. He was ready to give up and just fall asleep and never wake up again.
    And yet, he insisted on continuing to everything he did before. Jaejoong wanted to be as normal as possible.
    “Jae? Are you okay?” Yunho hugged Jaejoong tightly. He kissed Jaejoong’s shoulders and neck. “I’ve been calling your name. Didn’t you hear me?”
    “Sorry. I guess I have a lot on my mind.”
    “You’re going to beat this, Baby. I know you will.”
    “Dinner’s ready. I hope you like it.”
    “Come here.” Yunho pulled Jaejoong’s chair closer and fed Jaejoong slowly. He wanted to shower Jaejoong with love and care.
    “Hwaran is a great dancer,” Jaejoong said.
    “She really is. She gets too nervous. With practice, and a good sponsor, she’ll do well.”
    “I know she will.” Jaejoong smiled sadly. “I’m not really hungry. I’m going to bed now.”
    Jaejoong washed and changed, once again into some of Yunho’s old clothes. He knelt at the side of bed to say he prayers. He didn’t know what he was praying for. He couldn’t concentrate on anything.
    Jaejoong asked God for his death. He was ready for the pain to end. He was ready to set Yunho free, once and for all.
    Crossing himself, Jaejoong crawled in to bed and clutched Yunho’s pillow close to his body. As much as he wanted to cry, no tears fell. It was as if he had no tears left to cry.

    Yunho stood in the kitchen, cleaning. Each day he watched helplessly as Jaejoong became weaker and paler. He just wanted his Jaejoongie healthy again.
    Jaejoong was fast asleep when Yunho finally entered the bedroom. “Jaejoong,” he whispered to the darkness. “What can I do to help you? How can I make you better?” He kissed Jaejoong’s cheek and settled into bed. He held Jaejoong tightly and prayed for him to get better.

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So, the first chapter or so of this is going to be really angst-tastic. But I promise this will have a happy ending. I pinkie-promise.