Chapter One: "Of All People"

It is hard to differentiate reality and what the heart wants to believe. Reality is a battle for everyone, and everyone fights a different war. Kim Jongin fought for a love that was already dead and far gone, a love so out of reach that his fingertips couldn’t even scrape the base of it all. This was his reality, continuing to water an already dead flower and yearning for someone who would no longer love him back. His unrequited feelings went to Krystal Jung, who returned his feelings for quite a while, but not long enough.

At one point in time, they thought they might have gotten married in a few years, but that was what their hearts wanted to believe, not reality. Reality is painful, you see. It is all the ups and downs in life and the amount of tears the sea holds. Kim Jongin didn’t like his reality, he didn’t like having his heart torn to pieces after being tended to after several years. So, he did what everyone else did. He got a haircut, flipped his ex-girlfriend off and told her that he didn’t care about her, that he didn’t need her in his life anyways. People always coat the truth in lies to make themselves seem stronger, but in truth, they know they’re dying. They just don’t have enough pride to admit it.

Two people sat in a clean and tidy apartment kitchen. The walls freshly painted white and the floors just sweeped, they sat at the opposite sides of a small, square table in the middle on a small, square kitchen,

“She was obnoxious, selfish and annoying. I don’t know why I dated her in the first place.” Jongin scoffed, leaning back in his chair and angrily staring at his cup of coffee in front of him. His hair fell forward on his face messily and his face looked like he hasn’t slept for a few days. “I was so stupid.”

“I don’t know why you’re lying to yourself.” The girl across from him sighed, tapping her fingers against the white table that separated the two of them. His brown eyes flickered with interest in her statement and she stared back at him without any fluttering of her quivering heart and without any falter in her stoic expression. The girl that sat across from Jongin was a childhood friend, someone so dear and yet so distance all at once.

“Lying to myself? You sound insane, Yoonmi.” He smirked teasingly before taking a gulp of his coffee. Yoonmi hated Jongin for being so stubborn and oblivious at most times, but in those small gaps of other times, she loved him so heartbreakingly that she wondered why she had to grow up with someone like Jongin. Someone so out of reach that her fingertips couldn’t even scrape his skin. She hated the fact that she had to always break him out of his fantasies of “forever” and “always” because people will always leave, and people will forget to tell you that they have changed. Jongin just didn’t seem to get that.

“Okay, let’s say that I am insane..” Yoonmi clicked her tongue thoughtfully, “But then, even an insane person could see that you’re lying.” She examined Jongin’s face, who seemed to be deep in thought. Kim Jongin, who was high and mighty all throughout their childhood was now drowning in his own sorrow due to one beautiful Krystal Jung. It was pathetic, as well as understandable.

“How am I lying to myself then?”Jongin finally spoke after a long pause of thinking. His brows were scrunched together, afraid that he may just still be in love with someone who no longer returned his feelings.

“Well,” Yoonmi decided that she wouldn’t hold back on any words, Jongin didn’t like things sugarcoated even though he would be enraged either way. “You loved her. Wait, no, you still love her. You don’t regret her, you’re only saying she’s all of these things because you have too much pride after she dumped you.” Yoonmi felt her own heart beating quickly. She didn’t know if she was telling Jongin that he still loved Krystal, or if she was telling herself, like a warning to hold herself back from any affection, from any emotion.

“You don’t know that.” Jongin grasped the handle of the coffee mug tightly, attempting to deny Yoonmi of her accusations.

“Yeah, I don’t know that.” She placed her hands in her lap slowly, just in case he got hot headed and decided to knock his coffee over on the table. Jongin was dramatic like that. “But can’t you see? Even after a month of being broken up, all you talk about is her, whether it be good or bad. Nothing has changed from two months ago when you said you loved her every day.”

“Just be quiet, Yoonmi. I hate her, end of story.” He muttered, now clenching the black mug in his hand so hard that his knuckles began to turn white.

“Jongin, I know you. And you don’t hate her.  It hurts to see you like thi-”

“Just shut up, Yoonmi.” She flinched as he abruptly stood up from his seat and knocked over the mug of coffee, spilling the liquid all over and off the table, just like he always did when he felt threatened. “You don’t know my feelings, only I do.” he said bitterly. She stayed seated while he made several frustrated noises before leaving her apartment without another word and slamming the door. Yoonmi would be lying if she said she didn’t feel like melting into a puddle and just staying like that, but this situation has happened too many times for her to be caught up in what would happen when she next saw Jongin.

The twenty two year old picked herself up and grabbed a couple of paper towels before wiping up the liquid from her table and wood flooring as well as picking up the piecey remains of her black, ceramic coffee mug with rubber, dishwashing gloves.That wasn’t the first time Jongin had gotten so defensive over the subject of Krystal that he had stormed out of Yoonmi’s household. Jongin had done so even when they were in highschool, he had been head over heels for Krystal all along. You couldn’t be in love and be wise at the same time after all, Yoonmi should have known that best.

*gifs do not belong to me

I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to write and was slow in terms of story progression but I will try much more harder the next chapter to get things up to speed and a little more interesting :)