Chapter Two: "Halted Recovery"

 

It was December when Jongin had his first heartbreak, and he sobbed in his room while the radio sang Christmas carols and when the children squealed at the shop windows. He laid on his bed, staring at the walls that used to hold pictures of Krystal and him, smiling at the camera that has now been wiped clean of any memories it used to hold. Kim Jongin is at most times, a passionate person. He is either droopy or ecstatic, furious or serene, there is no “in between” with him. But at the same time, he is unaware of this, running away from Yoonmi so dramatically was something he did frequently. Even as children, little disputes would cause him to either push her or to flee the scene, so the situation at hand didn't faze him. Being in love clouded priorities, and the “fight” between him and Yoonmi didn’t appear to be significant at all when Krystal was no longer in his life.

 

“Jongin, are you going to come out of your room anytime soon?” He heard Kyungsoo’s voice from the other side of his bedroom door gently calling him. “We’re all going to go watch that new movie, do you want to come?”

 

Jongin didn’t answer and only continued to stare at the blank, dark grey walls of his room, too tired to answer and too tired to pick himself up. But Kyungsoo opened the door slowly anyways, leaning on the doorframe with a look of pity on his face. “You know, if you lay there all day, you’re only going to get sadder and sadder.”

 

“And how do you know that? I’m perfectly fine on this bed.” Jongin closed his eyes slowly but he could hear his roommate scoff and he could feel eyes being rolled at him.

 

“You’ve been on your bed moping around for two weeks already. I think it’s time to get out and breath some fresh air.” Kyungsoo made his way over to Jongin, grabbing the latter’s wrists and attempting to drag him out of bed. Jongin flailed around recklessly, slapping away Kyungsoo’s hands and Kyungsoo holding onto them with a bruising grip. “Oh will you stop it! You’re not a five year old anymore Jongin, going outside might get you to forget about Krystal.”

 

Jongin immediately stopped thrashing about when Krystal’s name was said and he flinched as if it burned to simply hear it. His heartbeat throbbed against his chest at the thought of forgetting Krystal. After talking to Yoonmi, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to let her go just yet. And at that moment, Kyungsoo took the opportunity  to seize Jongin’s arms and began to drag him to the living room, but only because Jongin allowed him to this time.

 

---

 

Jongin was forced to wait in line for snacks after brutally losing a rock, paper scissors tournament with the boys. The interior of the movie theater lobby smelled like popcorn and butter and contained chattering people, excited about new movie releases, but Kai stood with an unemotional expression while tapping his foot impatiently. He leaned over to his side to see the person at the front of the line struggling to find her wallet inside her fairly large purse. He groaned impatiently, causing a few people to look at him, but he didn’t notice. He couldn’t stand still in such a boring environment, and when he  turned around to see Chanyeol and Baekhyun eagerly inserting coins into arcade games, he groaned again and slumped his shoulders in the disappointment of having to wait in line while everyone else enjoyed themselves.

 

The black haired male was about to step out of line and have someone else get snacks out of irritation, but he froze on the spot as a familiar laugh surrounded and closed in on him suffocatingly. He turned his head a little to the right, enough to see cascading black hair, a giant smile and an arm looped through another’s, Jongin felt like puking.

 

Did she seriously move on already? Jongin felt his breath catch in his throat in a mixture of disappointment and anger. All hopes of maybe getting Krystal back into his arms quickly dispersed and any positive feeling fled as well. It felt as if the walls were closing in on him and like his eyes were going to burn. It felt like the world was spinning and it was hard to keep balance while he began to become nauseated.

 

He cursed the stars for bestowing the current situation upon him, ending up at the same theater with his ex-girlfriend out with some other guy! But, it wasn't seeing Krystal that aggravated him, it was upon seeing her arm draped around someone Jongin has never laid eyes on before that had him so riled up. It had only been two weeks since she broke things off, but now Jongin knew she had probably forgotten him a long time ago. He wasn’t going to stay around while his pride was hurt or while he wanted to scream into pillows.

 

Jongin quietly stepped out of the line of people to avoid the chance of Krystal noticing him and after he slipped away from that general entrance he sped-walked as fast as he could towards the entrance.

 

“Jongin! Hey! Where do you think you’re going?!” Kyungsoo swiftly grabbed Jongin by his hood and tugged him backwards, causing Jongin’s balance to waver here and there.

 

“I just saw Krystal here, I’m going home.” Jongin tried to pry off Kyungsoo’s grip on his jacket but failed hopelessly.

 

“Seriously? Jongin, are you going to let Krystal ruin your life so much that you can’t even hang out with your friends?” Kyungsoo asked, genuinely worried about his friend’s emotional and physical well-being. With tired eyes, Jongin’s stare at Kyungsoo wavered towards to snack line and he could still make out Krystal’s figure leaned up against her newfound love.

 

“I just want to get away from here, Kyungsoo.” Jongin sighed and Kyungsoo let go reluctantly, seeing the bags under Jongin’s tired gaze.

 

“Alright, do you want me to drive you-”

 

“I’ll take the bus. Just have fun with the guys, and tell them I’m sorry.” and with that, Jongin left with a stoic face although his heart threatened  to spill out of his chest.

 

---

 

“Hey Yoonmi!” A soft yet cheery voice came through the other end of Yoonmi’s cellphone.

 

“Hey, Krystal. How are things?” Yoonmi asked, putting her phone on speaker before placing it on her vanity and making her way to her closet to get ready for her dance club meeting.

 

“Things are great, actually. But I’m afraid I can’t make it to the meeting today.” Yoonmi heard Krystal take a deep breath before quickly talking, “I think I’m on a date right now so I can’t be your dance partner today. I’m in the theater right now and the movie is going to start but he’s in the bath-”

 

“Wait, you’re already on another date?” Yoonmi raised her eyebrows, thinking that it was all a prank. Could she have really found someone new already?

 

“Look, I know that it’s really sudden and weird but-” The line went quiet with Krystal’s slow breathing as her words trailed off because she couldn’t exactly find a reason to justify her actions.

 

“You know what, it’s fine. Go have a good time with your date, okay?” Yoonmi sighed after Krystal squealed a “thanks” into the phone and hung up. The raven haired girl set her phone down on her dresser and peered into the mirror attached to her vanity, and in her reflection she made out a face of desperation so deep that she couldn’t help but heave a huge sigh. The thing about love and friendship is that it is instinctual to throw away your own needs and put others first, even though you might end up in a bad spot. Yoonmi could only think of how to break it to Jongin, or if she should even tell him about Krystal at all.

 

After getting ready with a heavy burden and a clouded mind, she opened the door to exit her apartment, duffel bag draped heavily over her shoulder. The moment she stepped out of her apartment a hand clasped around her shoulder and she tensed up in shock until she turned her head to see Jongin leaned up against the wall next to her door with tightened fists and bangs hung over his eyes.

 

“Jongin, what the hell are you doing here right now?” Yoonmi narrowed her eyes, seeing that Jongin wasn’t dressed appropriately for any dancing or exercising for dancy club but rather in jeans and a fitted t-shirt,

 

“Can I talk to you?” He croaked, tightening his grip on Yoonmi’s shoulder unknowingly.

 

“You know we’re supposed to be at the club meeting, rig-”

 

“Yoonmi this is important and I don’t know what to do and I need your help so please-” He exhaled deeply, lifting his face with swollen eyes that Yoonmi hasn’t seen for a while. “Just please help me out right now. I’m sorry that we’ll miss the meeting but I can’t talk about this with the guys and-” Jongin drew in a breath here and didn’t bother finishing his sentence.

 

Yoonmi looked into Jongin’s eyes that were half lidded due to the stinging of the tears that ceased to be shed, and she felt the bruising grip on her shoulder slowly kill her inside because she hoped that Jongin didn’t know about Krystal moving on. And while some people might say that she should be glad that now nothing was in her way, Jongin stood before her with those stinging eyes and the mussed up hair, and she just had to put herself last and Jongin first.

“It’s okay, Jongin.” Yoonmi placed her hand on Jongin’s, taking his hand off her shoulder and heading back into her apartment quietly while Jongin followed, oblivious to how it wasn’t okay.