Review by Designing Fantasies Review Shop

Here's a link directly to the Review shop that muziklady98 runs! Do check it out if you need a review of your stories!

And if you're too lazy to surf to the original review post, below is what hellokpop the reviewer had to say:

Title: 4/5

 Your title was nice. (: It was a stereotypical title, which catches your reader’s eye. Since humans are very stereotypical, they’ll definitely get dragged into the story. However, I will not go that deep into how the human mind works, so Good Job.(:

Description: 3/5

You mentioned you didn’t want to give much away, which is fine. But do give a little bit of background for the characters, but not a character profile.

Foreword: 3/5

It was more like a mini-chapter or a teaser. That is a wonderful idea for readers to hit the ‘Subscribe’ button. I recommend you to get a Fanfic Trailer or Character Chart to boost the reader’s excitement. :)

Chapter Titles: -/-

No chapter titles, so I will not deduct points from this section. However, chapter titles might help you get more subscribers.

Graphics: -/-

No graphic or background, so like the chapter titles, I will not deduct points. But just like the chapter titles, it will help catch reader’s eyes so I recommend you to request for one at the many graphic shops here at AFF.

Spelling/Grammar: 10/15

Like I said in my Staff Info section, grammar is the one I check most. Your grammar is pretty good, just some comma splices and awkward sentences. Other than that, it’s okay.
Some corrections I would just like to make so you know to avoid it.

A mess of angry world spilled forth until Chiao’s tears all but choked them silent.
A trail of angry words came out of Chiao’s mouth, until her tears silenced them all.

The sentence confused me so if I got it wrong , I’m sorry. Your spelling is pretty good.

Character Development: 7/10

Milk and Chiao developed pretty well in the story. I haven’t read a lot of Yuri stories so I wasn’t very familiar with it. But it was pretty well written. Good job.

Story Flow: 8/10

It was VERY good. It was just perfect, not written too fast or too slow. Good job! Just had some parts that went too fast.

Details: 12/15

Just have some better vocabulary to enhance the reader’s image in their mind. The character’s personality was nice and you didn’t give a profile on each of them, which I love, because, I personally, like to find out their personality by reading the story.

Warning Updates: 3/5

You didn’t really warn your readers for updates. Nor was I there to witness the time period between each update so I will not deduct points. So I’ll assume you’ve been updating frequently. But since there are no warning updates , I have to deduct points.

Uniqueness/Originality: 6/10

It was a typical love story, except these are women. The love and the ‘cuteness’ were cliché  but since it was C-Pop story, it is rare to find these in that category.

Layout : 5/5

It was a plain layout, black and white. The paragraphs were separated into nice spaces and linings.  I recommend you to find a nice background to fit your story’s concept plus request for graphics. :)

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

 It was very interesting since it was my second Yuri/GirlxGirl story. It was definitely a new experience but it was nice story. Good job!

Bonus Points: 1 bonus point for well-written Yuri. 1 point for being the first C-Pop story that kept me reading. ( Althought I'm Chinese , I don't really listen to C-Pop (x )

Grade: 63 /90 + 2 = 65 / 90  = 72.2 /100

Well done! A Grade B, good job! Like I've said , I have never read C-pop story. It was a nice story and I will definitely read more in the future. Thank you for choosing this shop for your review, and sorry for taking so long for the review. (: - hellokpop

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A/N: When you review the Graphics part - do you not count inset chapter images? Beause I did have those. If you are only reviewing specifically for 'poster' and 'background', okay, I understand. This was my very first fic on AFF, and I hadn't learned much of the interface yet. I didn't even know until much after, that we could attach images. But in time, perhaps I will go back and add at least a background, and maybe make a poster if I have time (I make my own).

Re: the sentence you used as an example. Let me see if I can clarify it for you. There WAS an error, but I think it wasn't the one you tried to correct lol:

A mess of angry world spilled forth until Chiao’s tears all but choked them silent.
A trail of angry words came out of Chiao’s mouth, until her tears silenced them all.

I should have written:

A mess of angry words spilled forth, until Chiao's tears all-but choked them silent. I think I could have also gotten away with: A mess of angry words spilled forth. But Chiao's tears all-but choked them silent.

I kind of wanted to use the 'choking' part to show, like sometimes when you're really angry or really crying hard, your voice 'chokes', so I wouldn't opt for using your suggestion of "silenced them all". BUT that's just my personal preference.

A litte question! What exactly are you looking for in the "Warning Updates"? I *thought* it was about when some authors yick yack yackety yack before, after or during their chapters to apologize for late posts, having exams, being stressed out, etc other reasons why the story has not been frequently updated, thus sometimes interrupting the story's flow.

As you guessed, I posted the whole story one chap after the next in close succession, only over a period of a few days. So I didn't need to warn anybody about hiatus or whatnot. The way I'd interpreted this part of the Rubric, I figured I'd be judged as you did with things like Graphics etc where when I didn't have any, you didn't deduct points. I'm not entirely clear what the deducted points were for. >o< <--- confused face :)