It was the cool breeze of autumn that i feel on my cheek as I am walking across the streets. Finally, I'm about to meet you again after 5 years. A lot of things are going on my mind right now. It's mostly of how I will talk to you and how our meeting would be. Specially how to explain how I wasn't able to be with you for the past years. Slowly, I am filled with memories of the past. Our past.

We were childhood friends. We've grown together since we moved in our village. When I introduced myself on class, you were the first person who smiled at me and asked to make friends. That smile gave me hope that I would have a great school life as long as I am with you. And I was right. 

We had to move from Busan to Seoul because dad was reassigned there for his work. It was a sad thing I thought. I had to start all over again. I would miss my friends. And my crush Mina. I was teary-eyed while our car was moving away from our old place. The first week was a nightmare. The fact that I moved to a new place finally sinked in after a while. 

The first day of school was one of the most unforgettable moments of us together because it's how I first noticed you and your smile. I can still remember how bored our classmates are when I introduced myself. 

"Hi everyone, I am Zhang Yi Xing I moved in because of dad's job and I hope we get along well."

It wasnt really a hostile reaction I got after I said that. Though it wasn't friendly either. Some just yawned. Most didnt care. Anyone could notice you from this view. After all, you were the only smiling and waving at me. I'm lucky that the seat next to you is empty. 

Many years has passed. We're already 16 years old, and are as close as ever. Those were moments I would cherish. Slowly I became aware of my feelings. I am falling for you. No, I already fell for you 10 years ago. But I couldnt say it. I can say I never had the courage to say it before. But there is also one more reason why. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. They say I wont last five years. I couldnt see you sad so I decided to keep all these on my heart. I also never told you about my condition. Instead I asked my family to hide it. I will start treatment after graduation. I was dreading that day would come. But it did anyway. 

All I could see are happy faces of people. But I didnt care. All I did was look for you and be with you that whole day and talk and talk and talk. My heart was filled with mixed feelings. For the first time in my life, seeing your face slowly breaks my heart, but I also dont want this day and this moment to end. When it was about time to go home, that was when I told you that I'll be away for a while and we agreed to send letters to each other. 

My treatment started. I was confined in the hospital for the rest of the treatment time. I feel weaker helpless. But everytime that happens, that's when your letters help me. I endured 7 years of treatment because of these letters. I feel happy whenever they deliver your letters. I also gladly reply to them. You wrote things about your schooling, and It feels like you're telling all these in front of me whenever I read these letters. You send them to me once every week. Slowly you started to be busy. I can tell with the frequency of the letters I receive from you. They went from once a week to once a month, once every 2 months, and now this last letter I brought with me that was dated a year ago, when you started university. 

My condition is worsening. The doctors did all they could. But I might not live until to reach the age of 23. And it's a wonder how i was able to endure it all these years. After long debates, my parents finally allowed me to meet you when it's almost October. 

These memories have been on my mind for too long. I just realized I'm already on the university gate. Now I'm starting to get nervous.

I am seeing a lot of people my age as I walk inside the gates. It made me start wondering how it would be like if I never had this condition and went to college instead of the useless treatment I've had for the past years. I want my youth back. Most of all, I wonder how things would be like with you and me if I was by your side instead. Things would be fun, and full of wonderful memories. You would be my one and only girlfriend, my lover, fiance and finally my wife. We would live on a house near the sea and have kids to play with everyday. They would have reflect your beauty, especially their eyes. Ah, how I wish I would live that long. 

I started asking the students around for you. They helped me with directions to the library where they see you often. And on the way as the sun begins to fall, I see a familiar face. You are standing right in front of me.

Face to face, eye to eye. You were standing a few meters away. Your face is glowing along with the color of the setting sun. You have grown to be more beautiful. And I could see your face starting to smile as you walk towards me. You are still glowing as ever. I could feel my heart beating so fast that I'm starting to feel dizzy. 

I can smell your perfume scent getting stronger as you approach me. This moment seems to good to be true. I wish time would stop but it wont. You are finally a 3 feet away. My face started an awkward smile as I look at you.

And there you pass by me.

So you were smiling at the guy behind me, and not to me.  What's the meaning of this? What is going on? I went on my way to come see you even if it almost seemed that you forgotten about me for the past seven months! This is unacceptable. I look like a fool who wasted all my life! I want to know how and why things turned out to be this way. I turned to my back and it made me understand everything. This is weird. I feel like crying but no tears are coming out. The smile you had turned to mourning and tears as you hug someone laying on the floor---my dead body.