Chapter 7: Truth Spills Out

“Nicole was my first love. And she died because of me. My reason for coming to Korea was partly to escape my grief.”

KRYSTAL POV

I was shocked speechless at Amber’s brave confession. I was frozen and could not think of anything to retort to something like that.

Amber was quiet for a few moments before she finally continued.

“We were best friends, you know? Before I fell head over heels for her. She was my rock, the only one who knew me inside and out. Not even my sister knew me as deeply as did Nicole.” She was looking at her hands, clasped tightly on her lap.

“I was bullied as a kid. I was bullied at primary school. Physically and verbally. No one wants to be the friend of the weird girl dressed up in boys’ clothes. She was the first person who stood up for me and fought for me. She was so tiny then, I could not believe that she…even had the guts to stand up to those boys…” she trailed off.

I saw the grief in her eyes as she mustered up the strength to continue her story. She was in pain, I could sense it. I want to comfort her, hug her, and tell her that everything’s okay now. But I cannot do it. The need to know her even more, overpowered me at that moment. So I just sat there, staring at her delicate profile, waiting for her to spill her heart out.

A few deep breathes later, she turned to face me and said, “I’ve never told this to anyone, not even my parents, my sister or my therapist back in LA. Promise me that you’ll never tell anyone about this. Promise me, Krystal.”

Before answering, I took her clasped hands and held it in between mind. Rubbing small circles on her soft skin, I softly said, “Yes, Amber. I promise I won’t tell this to anyone. And please do not force yourself to retell everything. I see that it hurts you. So much. We can take this one step at a time, okay?”

“Okay,” she lifted her gaze to my eyes. Tears b at the edges and I felt a pang of pain in my heart.

How could she have experienced such pain and loss so early in her life? I want nothing more than to take some of her pain and make her feel a little bit better. I know little to nothing about her and Nicole but I tried comforting her.

“Amber, you know… ummm…you can borrow my shoulder if you want?” I offered shyly.

As if on cue, Amber slumped forward on my proffered shoulder and bawled her eyes out. The first thing I noticed was that Amber was a silent crier. She just makes little sniffs here and there but overall, it was just a flow of seemingly endless tears. The second thing was that my shirt was getting more and more soaked by the second.

I did not dare comment on those things and just let her cry. I rubbed her back and soothed her, whispering ‘it’s okay’ and ‘you’re fine now’.

AMBER POV

I can’t believe I opened up like that to Krystal. No one has ever one through my defenses as fast as she did. She really is something. She did not only make me spill my heart out, she even made me cry. I never cry, in front of people that is. Not at Nicole’s funeral, nor at my high school graduation when she was given special recognition, nor at the wake of my grandparents. Never. Never in front of anyone.

But I was crying now, in front of Krystal. Someone I’ve known for just over a month. What was wrong with me?

After long minutes, when I seem to have cried all of my tears, I got up from her shoulder and sat back in front of her. Her expression then was unreadable, her eyes downcast, as if she was so affected by my crying.

“Krystal…sorry, I soaked your shirt…” I apologized.

“It’s okay…at least you’ve released some of your burden…” she said.

“Ummm...I think I can’t share any more than that for today. It hurts too much to remember. Maybe some other day…?” I really can’t take it if I told her another memory I had of Nicole. It will break me.

She nodded solemnly, saying that she understands and that she’ll always be here for me whenever I need to relieve stress or pain, or anything else.

I was relieved and more than thankful to Krystal’s company and understanding.

1 MONTH LATER

AMBER POV

“Okay guys, one more round and we’ll go for a 15 minute break.” Joon oppa said in Korean.

“Ne!” We all answered back in Korean.

Over the course of a few weeks, Song Qian eomma, who we have singularly called now as eomma, and myself, have improved in our Korean. We can now speak in conversational Korean.

Of course, Jinri, who loves celebrations could not let this milestone go uncelebrated. Last night, we had a small ‘party’ in the dorm. We invited our manager and some of our mentors who were available, and feasted on Korean take-outs, pizzas, and soda. We were all minors so the usual soju was replaced by liters of soda. The ‘party’ ended quite late and we all went to bed sated but tired.

I guess that was the reason for our sluggish movements this morning. We dragged our feet to rehearsals and danced lousily throughout the first hour that our manager, who never gets mad, raised his voice and told us to get our head in the game.

So here we are, getting our head in the game, and dancing our asses out to the complicated choreography for a song we don’t know. My energy’s hanging by a thread and it was only 11:30 in the morning. I need to get a grip, lunch’s only a few minutes away.

“…Okay! That’s better. We’ll rehearse again after lunch then you will all go have a meeting with the SM executives,” Joon oppa dismissed us all to have our well awaited lunch break.

“Omo! That was a hard dance!” Sun-young exclaimed in Korean as she flopped down the chair.

“Yeah! But we are slowly getting better. Let’s just keep pushing!” eomma replied.

“Ummm…guys. Sorry we kept repeating some of the parts a while ago. It’s just that I can’t pick up dance steps as fast as you guys…so…cheongmal, mianhe.” Jinri said.

“Oh, we perfectly understand.” Eomma comforted her.

“Just tell us which parts you don’t get and we’ll help you with it,” Krystal piped in.

I smiled at the growing friendship between the 5 of us. We were closer and not at all awkward with each other now. Conversations came out naturally and we try to open up about our problems even more.

‘Communication in the key to a good relationship’ I remember eomma saying one night when we were all silent over dinner. Starting that night, we always made time for a small get together in the living room to talk about the day.

Lunch was a brief affair and we are all ushered back to the rehearse for another 2 hours before Manager Kim told us that we need to change and get ready to meet with the executives.

My heart almost leapt out of my chest. Meeting with the executives sounds so serious and scary. I wonder what this could be about.

Maybe they’ll tell you that you did not make it and they will ask you to quit, a small voice in my mind said.

I chose not to dwell on that thought and just focus on getting ready.

Walking in the shower and changing rooms still bugs me a little bit, but I’ve managed to not look awkward while freshening up. I have body issues like everybody, but the girls always assure me that I have a body to die for. I don’t believe them one bit, they only say that to boost my confidence.

10 minutes before 4pm, Krystal, Song Qian, Sun-young, Jinri, and I sat at the other side of a long conference table, waiting for the ‘executives’ to come. Exactly 4pm, three men and one woman entered and sat across us. They all wore the same serious expression as they eyed the five of us.

My heart beating loudly against my chest, I tried to look as nice as possible and look them straight in the eye. Eye contact is important, Manager Kim told us.

The man in the middle cleared his throat and started speaking in Korean.

“Good afternoon ladies of Team C. I am Ah Min Woo, the Talent HR for SM. From the feedback I was getting from your manager and instructors, you were the best group of the batch.”

“We have seen so much potential in you five that we have decided to put you all to one girl group. The concept is still under approval, so is your group name.” The only lady added.

“But…” the other man said, “we have all chosen your screen names.”

He flipped the whiteboard behind him. I did not even notice it was there before. On the board were our names with the corresponding screen names.

Song Qian – Victoria

Park Sun-young – Luna
Choi Jinri – Sulli

Jung Soo Jung – Krystal

Amber Liu – Amber

“Congratulations, girls! Keep up the good work and we will be seeing you again,” said Ah Min Woo sshi.

They all stood up after that, leaving us staring at the board with our mouths hanging open. I couldn’t believe it. We are officially a group now. And we have screen names. 

This is it. My dreams are finally coming true.