❖Days in L♥ VE - Review and Prompt Shop

Review #2 | Katakatica

Scarred Stars

My Reviewing Critiques (read it if you haven't)

          (sorry for taking abit too long.... I was kinda busy with playing -_-" ! well, what do you expect? It's new year time and I've got to have to have some fun! ^^ )

Title: 12 points out of 15

Your title "Scarred Stars"..... hmm... Truth be told, I don't really understand what it means! -_-"

Okay... I know I'm supposed to advise you on how to come up with a catchy title but I guess I'm not acting my role this time.

Well, as a reviewer and as a reader myself, your title "Scarred Stars" from first glance seems like something religious, sacred, something god-related.... ya ya dah and so on. Well, no offense intended, I confused your title as sacred stars at first. Your title sounds somewhat confusing to me. 

Hmm... I was not able to grasp the meanings of this title until I finished reading your 2 chapters. Well... I haven't fully understood it as of yet but if I'm not wrong, does your title refers to Kibum who is like a star to Jonghyun but since Kibum had died once (or maybe disappeared? ), it made jonghun so devastated because the star which had been once his only happiness, became an unbearable pain to him. That star does nothing but only gave heartaches and scars. That is why you named your story "scarred stars" because it means a special person who is like a star bring nothing but pains and harms to others, I guess?

Well... "Scarred Stars" from first glance sounds pretty angsty, full with sadness.

 Your title sounds cool yet not so cool either. I can't advise you much on this but mark my words, make it sounds less confusing! I don't know how to make it less confusing too. You will just have to come up with it yourself! ^^

Nevertheless, it is one of the best title I have come across though It's rather hard to understand its meaning at first.

Description & Foreword: 12 points out of 20

I understand well what you were trying to say here. But your ways of expressing it doesn't seem to impress me. Your ideas are good but... hmmm what to say? It is good but how you wrote is not something that left a big impression?

I found your foreword alright. It is acceptable though it doesn't interest me that much.

For me, the problem lies in your description. Not that the content is boring but it is your ways of writing this. I think writing your description in passive form will be much better. Here it is,

Losing something you have taken for granted, a feeling of loneliness is surely what you've got to witness .

A feeling of suddenly losing your mate is surely worse than being in hell.

All those touch of his tender fingers shall never be exchanged by cold glass nor does his gentle gigles should have changed into cries for your own sanity.

Sometimes, things happen in the most unexpected ways and never before had Jonghyun been caught up in such a huge whirlwind of sorrow and despair.

He dreamt. He wished. Maybe, just maybe in decades or centuries to come, he would be able to find a star which will illuminate the darkness in his heart and find himself a home, a home sweet home.

However, nothing is as easy as it ever seems.

Fate doesn't wait nor does it complies to his wish.

From now on, everything depends on him be it good or bad.

Maybe it is better this way?

Flow and Plots: 15 points out of 20

This fiction flows well. The events are all in order.

About the plots, since it has just started, I can't give much ideas on this either :(

One question! What was actually happening in your story? Wasn't Kibum, jonghyun's mate supposed to be dead? Nevertheless, wasn't the meeting between between jonghyun and that red hair man supposed to be the first time? How come they kissed at their first encounter? Wasn't Jonghyun supposed to be devastated with his mate death centuries ago?

Well... sorry for the questions ^^

I wanted to comment more and give you my feedbacks on your fanfic but it is still a bit too short for me to identify or feel attached to the plots..... ^^

And last, writing this story in first person point of view is okay. It is alright. It's well-written. I didn't find anything weird about this at all.

Originality: 15 points out of 20

I haven't read a lot of angst stories so I can't really tell whether your story is different to those out there or not.

But nevertheless, since it is well-written, 15 points for you. ^^

Grammar & Spelling Errors: 15 points out of 15

I don't really care much about grammar mistakes and such things. Because people always make mistake every now and then. I don't really care much about this unless a story is so freaking bad and full with grammar mistakes. Only then will I take serious measures and curse.

Nevertheless, I didn't see any mistakes in your story.

Enjoyment: 7 points out of 10

Well.... Nothing much to say, that is just how I liked it. ^^

But in my opinions, your entire story gives off a really dark feeling...   

May you make it a bit lighter? Like make the plots not so sad?

You don't understand?

/slap/ I don't know what I was trying to say either....

Total: 78 points out of 100

Well... sorry for being so late!

and sorry for not being so helpful with this note...

I guess I am running out of ideas