❖Days in L♥ VE - Review and Prompt Shop

Review #2 | maviseu

Disclosed

My Reviewing Critiques _{(read it if you haven't)}

Title: 7 points out of 15

Your title "Disclosed" is not bad itself. But somehow, it couldn't be considered as not bad either. 

Disclosed? What was being disclosed? Was it dangerous? Was it painful? Was it really bad?

Your title "Disclosed" doesn't give enough information to attract readers though it sounds interesting.

I know title shouldn't give off a lot about how the story will progress. But a title that hints how the plot will be about is not bad, right?

A good title shouldn't give a lot about the story yet it should be able to give a message to readers whether the plot will be angsty, mysterious or fluffy .

"Disclosed" is not a bad choice nor it is a good one. You need more nouns to emphasis your title. Like, "A Disclosed Secret", it seems alright.

Description & Foreword: 17 points out of 20

Wow! wow wow! Everyone please give maviseu a standing ovation!

Throw confetti in the air! Congratulation, your description is one of the best I have ever read! ^^

It hints how the plots will be about and exactly, this is what I was trying to say to you about improving your title!

You should have paid more attentions to your title the way you did to your foreword!

I love your description! I freaking love it!

However, there is something missing. It felt empty. Your description is good but I found it rather .... hmm what to says? Like it is lacking in something? A dialouge? ...

One of the best description I've ever read has a dialouge or maybe it is rather a reflect on characters' feeling but it is a really good one.

Here it is,

The writer added it after the foreword. I found it rather interesting. So I thought maybe you adding a converse is not a bad idea. Like, after your foreword, there should be,

'I'm sorry for not telling you the truth!'

'I'm ways too dangerous! Please stay away from me!'

'If possible, I want this secret of mine to be buried forever!'

'But sorry dear, It is just too delicious not to share!'

Maybe it is more interesting this way, I guess?

About the pictures above, It is from My One and Only fanfics! I suggest you check out their description and foreword! Who knows maybe you would be able to improve your fanfic to a better degree?

Flow and Plots: 12 points out of 20

Well, your fanfic flow well. The events are all in order. It is not confusing.

But.... 8 points deduction for your plots!

You know why? When I just first read the desciptions of yours, I got all excited!

What could be the secrets? What is going to happen? How will the story progress?

So many questions were on my minds but once I started the next chapters,

I didn't know whether it was a disappointment I felt or it was just my mood swing but ... Your story doesn't seem to fullfill my expectation. :(

I have no ideas on this... But where did all the mystery in your fanfic go to?

I really have no ideas what you were pointing out.... Wasn't the story supposed to be all secretive? How come there is no scene that grows reader's curiousity to higher level?

Well... I admit there is one particular scene which is quite mysterious.  Was it chapter 1 or 2 ? I don't remember! but It was the scene where a kicking sound was heard and nothing was seen except for a bag beside Hana. It was a bit addicting though. At first, I thought it was ghost! lol... You trick me!

Nevertheless, I found the plots not really interesting as of now.

In my opinions, if you start the first chapter with the main character full of sadness with what she had done would be a bit better. Like she reflected back to those memories in her school with woohyun and Kai, wondering why she hid her secret back then and how she should have known secrets were not meant to be kept. She regretted her doings which now caused her to dift apart from her friend.

Something like that? Just what I thought though ^^

Originality: 15 points out of 20

Your fanfic haven't started to the main point yet. So I don't really know whether this is really different from other stories out there yet.

Nevertheless, Judging by the way you wrote, I don't think it is going to be similar to things out there!

So 15 points for you! ^^

Grammar & Spelling Errors: 15 points out of 15

I didn't see any mistakes.

One question, are you a native English speaker?

lol... if so,.... /slap/ I'm not a native speaker, who am I to judge your grammar?

Enjoyment: 7 points out of 10

Nothing much to say... Just because that's how I liked it. ^^

Total: 73 points out of 100

*** Did I sound like a nagging grandmother? Sorry! I'm really picky! ^^