Dec. 15, 2015

"Why did everyone say things like that?"

A/N: Reasons this is the best day: a) I read the best interview Ryeowook's ever given (We Can Do Anything) and it involves b) honest and thoughtful answers to remind us all why he's such a beautiful, stan-worthy person and c) mention of a solo album. Add that's it's a snow day here and you have a happy author! 

            “I just feel, if I can do this, then I can do anything. And if I can do anything, then I can make my solo. But, I don’t think I can do this because…I can’t do anything. Not really. You know?”

            The plush giraffe stared back at him with lifeless, plastic eyes.

            Ryeowook sighed and threw himself onto bed. What a mess he was, pouring out his worries to stuffed dolls. Of course, it wasn’t like he had anywhere else to turn.

            Hesitantly, he picked up the script he’d thrown aside. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. Even the name was hard to remember. His fingers brushed through the lengthy script, at least 75 percent of which were his lines. Or at least they were supposed to be.

            Ryeowook had nearly gone into shock the first time he looked through it. ‘“Only a few lines,’ my . You’re a liar Kim Sooro!” he yelled to an empty room.

Maybe he should have caught on sooner, given that the novel the play was based on was written from Christopher’s perspective. Maybe then he wouldn’t have taken the part, and received a script, only to learn that everyone thought he shouldn’t do it.  

“Ryeowook, you don’t have to do this if it’s too hard.”

            “You earn enough for a living.”

            “You’re too busy right now.”

            Why did everyone say things like that?

Was it because he wasn’t good?

And if he wasn’t good, was it so awful for him to want to hear otherwise?

            As he flipped through the play, his eyes skimmed through the lines. Christopher was smart, brilliant even, yet still chatty and pure and childlike. Despite having autism, he had the courage to do so much in the world. How would Christopher feel stuck in an actor like him?

            The first act was packed with complex words that seemed to jump out and fill his lungs until he didn’t have any more room for air. Needless to say, Ryeowook didn’t make it far into the second act. He needed some air.

He left the script in his drawer and left the house quietly. The chilling October air washed away an impending headache. At one in the morning, he was the only one in their Incheon neighborhood.

His parents often complained that if he was going to get home at midnight so often, there was really no point in him staying with them. But really, where else could he stay?

He wandered around a bit, letting the air numb his cheeks and his mind. Eventually he found himself out of the glow of the streetlights and in the nearby park. It was a half-moon tonight. Those were Ryeowook’s favorites. The stars always shined brighter when the moon was duller. Sitting on a park bench, he simply watched them twinkle in the night.

Then, his phone buzzed.

Kyu: Ryeongu…I know you’re up. Want to get a drink?

Ryeowook tried not to sigh.

Ryeong: Sorry I’m at my parent’s tonight.

Ryeong: Plus I’m busy looking over a script.

Kyu: Tsk, tsk, it’s not respectful to bring work into the home. What play is it?

Ryeong: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night

Kyu: You mean nighttime?

Ryeong: It’s a long title.

Kyu: kekeke…I liked that book. I’ll be sure to get tickets early this time. Don’t want the schedules to become un-coordinate-able. Plan ahead, right?

Ryeowook rolled his eyes at the obvious hint for him to go to Kyuhyun’s solo concert. His fingers were poised ready to send out a snarky response about not going until the last concert when something stopped him. Kyuhyun did have a solo, didn't he. Two of them. And a musical. Kyuhyun…he was doing well for himself.

The phone buzzed in his hand.

Kyu: Congratulations on the play though. Have fun with your script ;)

Ryeowook let a half-laugh, half-sob. The first member to congratulate him on a play and he wasn’t sure he would even do it. He quickly brushed away the tears which sprung up.

For so long he had stepped aside, waited in the shadows, and let the other members have their time in the spotlight. But now the other members didn’t need to share one spotlight anymore. Sungmin, Shingdong were in the army. Donghae and Eunhyuk had their subunit. Siwon acting. The top hyungs had their varieties. Kyuhyun, Henry, and ZhouMi had solos. And he, Ryeowook, was getting opportunities like he had never had before. Nothing was left to stop him, if only…Could he do it?

Ryeowook hurried home. The script was still on his bed, waiting for him to return. Beneath the window, he read through every line, voicing them in his head, drawing out the characters. The story unfolded like a movie before his eyes: the London streets, the equations, the lights of the stars. By the end, it was as if Ryeowook knew Christopher and Christopher knew him back. He was a genius, yes but with scars in his soul and a shaken confidence, a feeling Ryeowook knew all too well. And so he read the play again, and again, slowly memorizing each line as they echoed in his mind and in his heart.

“Does that mean I can do anything?” Christopher asks.

“Yes,” Ryeowook whispered. “I can do it. You can do it. We can do anything.”

Thanks for reading and make sure to read Wookie's interview too!