More Than The Air I Breathe

Chapter 4

Kyungsoo wakes up the same moment his mother gets back from her night shift, both of them entering the kitchen at the same time and finding Luhan humming to a song while making breakfast with a deep frown on their faces.

"Luhan?" Hyeri immediately calls, amused by the way the man's quickly turns around and his face drops at the unexpected guests he has. Kyungsoo sees him gesturing to the breakfast he has tried to make, a big, embarrassed smile on his face.

Hyeri takes a sit around the table with a tired but thankful smile and sends a look to a still Kyungsoo to invite him to do the same. 

"Hopefully, it will taste as good as the ones Kyungsoo usually makes." Luhan exclaims while serving the food to mother and son, and Kyungsoo blushes at the mentioned fact. 

Hyeri enjoys the food eventually, weary though, and quickly asks Luhan what's the reason behind his thoughtfulness with a knowing smile. Luhan only shrugs, offended, and Kyungsoo observes the scene kind of amusedly.

"You remember we have a few apartment to see today, right?" Luhan asks Hyeri, making the woman's relaxed expression fall in a matter of seconds.

After a long silence, in which Luhan is already shaking his head and Hyeri is already sending him an apologetic smile, she confesses. "Look, I'm tired Luhan, seriously tired. Tonight at work was horrible."

"Okay, okay. It doesn't matter." Luhan waves her off, knowing. Hyeri has always been the lazy type, after all.

"No, I'm sorry. It does matter, just.. I wouldn't even be able to keep my eyes open if I came."

Hyeri apologizes, really sorry, before she gets enlightened by a supposedly great idea and flashes Luhan a bright smile.

"Take Kyungsoo with you." she exclaims, bringing both the others to snap their heads up "Are you free today, Kyungsoo?"

"Hyeri, please." Luhan quickly says, apologetic towards the poor young boy who is staring at his mother with wide eyes.

"What? It's just about taking baby male Do instead of grown-up female Do." Hyeri says with innocence "Both of us are uninterested in the matter anyway." 

Luhan face-palms, defeated and unwilling to believe he could forget how much of a freak Do Hyeri could be sometimes.

"It's okay for me." Kyungsoo intervenes, out of the blue, eyes always big but tone calm. 

Luhan looks at him in shock while Hyeri immediately claps her hands, winking thankfully to her lovely son. 

Kyungsoo takes a little look of Luhan's concerned expression and blushes, hurrying back to finish his breakfast without other words, hopeful Luhan won't protest. Luhan doesn't, and Kyungsoo goes getting ready to head out in a house immersed into silence a few later.

He doesn't even know what has gotten into his mind.

When Luhan and him later find themselves at the doorframe, ready to leave, Hyeri has already long fallen asleep in her bedroom. Luhan opens the door, posing a soft hand on Kyungsoo's back and letting him out first, and Kyungsoo thanks him with just a an imperceptible tilt of his head. 

After showing Kyungsoo the address of the first apartment, Luhan starts silently following the quiet young boy around the neighborhood. 

"Hey, Kyungsoo." he calls at one point, unable to go on anymore "If you want, I can accompany you to Baekhyun's place, or wherever. You don't have to come to make up for your mom only, really."

Kyungsoo stops his walking but doesn't turn around, almost like he was expecting this sentence to come out anytime. "I never do things I don't want to do, especially when they have to make up for my mom's carefreeness."

Taken aback by the firmness in the younger boy's words, Luhan falls silent. Kyungsoo sends him a little look, hurried but supportive, before starting walking with big eyes fixed on the streets again and forcing Luhan to quietly follow. 

They share the most minimal words, for instance, Luhan noticing how much things have changed since his old days in Seoul and Kyungsoo nodding, Luhan making endless questions to the staff from the agencies about the apartments he is seeing and their neighborhoods, Luhan asking for Kyungsoo's advices about almost everything and only receiving one-word answers and flushed look in return.

"People these days are so unprofessional." Luhan declares as soon as they sit down in a quiet restaurant at lunch time, three apartments all far away from each other already discarded from Luhan's list "Also, I think I need a car, as soon as possible."

Kyungsoo only covers half of his face with the restaurant's menu, wondering if Luhan is referring to the woman who had previously asked them if they were looking for an apartment together, or rather the waitress of the restaurant who has practically squealed in excitement at Luhan's sight before jumping away to gossip with her colleagues.

After they have ordered their things, the annoyed expression on Luhan's face already disappeared, Kyungsoo looks for the man's eyes with innocent concern.

"You need a car more than you need an apartment, hyung. You can always stay home."

Luhan looks up and loses himself into Kyungsoo's big eyes as he finds them, easily getting the unspoken question in the boy's kind words. 

He takes a moment to reason over his answer. "I want to let you go back to your lives before me. Also, I expect my home here to be what I've always dreamt of, because I don't intend to go away ever again."

Kyungsoo smiles a little smile, only curving the corner of his lips as Luhan shrugs, embarrassed. "I feel home, here."

"Because of my mom?"

"Because of my past. China reminds me of my gone parents and England.. England has never been my place. I had the best time of my life here, and even if I've made mistakes, there's no other place I ever felt home."

Luhan pauses as the thought of Jongin flashes in his mind, looking up to meet Kyungsoo's attentive eyes on him and laughing embarrassedly at the sight. Kyungsoo smiles, shy but understanding, and doesn't ask more. 

Luhan is beautiful the way Kyungsoo has met him, Kyungsoo thinks, shy yet bright, gentle yet outstanding. He doesn't really care about Luhan's past.

"Tell me about your perfect home, then." he offers, gently. Luhan blinks, slightly taken aback, and quickly finds himself chuckling. 

"Does this mean you'll stop saying just 'ehm, yes' and 'ah, no' for the next two apartments?" Luhan teases, making Kyungsoo glare at him embarrassedly from the other side of the table. 

They consume the rest of their lunch in a comfortable atmosphere. 

Only one hour and half later they are already visiting the last apartment of the day, and Kyungsoo's defeated self immediately lighten up in hopefulness at the sight of a little something positive in Luhan's eyes as he explore the empty space. Kyungsoo looks at Luhan and then at the apartment once again, raising two big confused eyebrows immediately after.

It's the ugliest place they have visited today, he notices after a more careful look, and it's also literally falling apart. Walls are ruined and dirty, not to mention the horrible conditions of the almost inexistent floor, and the general sight is so ugly Kyungsoo barely believes Luhan is showing signs of interest after visiting at least five beautiful apartments in Gangnam.

"This is it." Luhan finally announces, shocking even the woman who is hopelessly accompanying them "This is my apartment."

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows more in the background.

"Kyungsoo, what do you think?"

Oblivious to his almost amused self, Luhan turns around to look at Kyungsoo with expectant eyes.

"Seriously?" Kyungsoo can't help asking. Luhan ignores his mocking tone and goes back looking at the apartment in delight, starting smiling joyfully and Kyungsoo catches glimpse of the adoring expression making its way on the agency staff's face. 

"I can see it already. The kitchen is going to be here." Luhan begins, moving around the empty space with focused eyes as he lets his imagination run "With the dining room. Look at the park view from this window, it's the most beautiful thing ever."

"It's a bit ruined, but.." at this, Luhan trails off, smile slowly disappearing from the beautiful face. Kyungsoo would laugh at the man's slowness if the defeated look on his face wouldn't make his most serious self come to the surface. 

He walks over the other, posing a hesitant hand on his shoulder and that quickly leads Luhan to voice his thoughts.

"His position is halfway your neighborhood and the campus, it's perfect. Besides, I look at it and I think this is the place."

"So, what's the problem? Except for the obvious ones, of course." Kyungsoo incites, getting a supportive look from the silent woman in the corner of the big room. 

Luhan turns his head to look at Kyungsoo, half-way between a defeated look and an amused one on his face .

"I don't have much money to spend in restructures." he explains "I need a car."

Kyungsoo observes as a saddened pout makes its way on Luhan's face, the sight hitting a spot somewhere his chest that brings him to instinctively tighten the hold on Luhan's shoulder. He curses at himself for such feelings.

"Who said you have to spend money?" he throws there, not fully convinced himself but still supportive. Luhan quickly turns around to send him a questioning look and Kyungsoo moves away, closing in his shoulders. "I mean, Baekhyun-hyung and me could help you. And Chanyeol-hyung and Sehun, all together. Besides, Chanyeol's family owns a carpentry. If you want, we can ask them to help, too, they will be glad to."

Shrugging embarrassedly, Kyungsoo finishes. "We will all help you."

The young boy doesn't manage to look into Luhan's eyes despite him trying to be the supportive one, and Luhan smiles a beautiful, grateful smiles he misses because of this.

"That's a sweet thought, but I doubt your friends would waste their time like this, Kyungsoo. Don't worry."

"No, you said this is the place." Kyungsoo insists and looks up "If this really is.. My friends will be glad to help, believe me. They adore you."

Luhan falls silent for a while, studying Kyungsoo's strong expression and how it contrasts with the flush on the chubby cheeks. Eventually he has to look away, smiling a hesitant smile. He carefully looks at the place surrounding him a last time.

"Are you sure?"

Kyungsoo nods.

He has no doubts his friends will be willing to help. They really adore Luhan, somehow.

Somehow, he really adores Luhan, too.

-

Luhan buys a car. It's not the newest and coolest model but it's a nice car, affordable yet trendy, and Luhan already loves it, her, to death. 

Bambi is his first Korean car, after all, and will always hold a special spot in his heart. 

He is now driving to Hyeri and Kyungsoo's apartment to pick the young boy up and, together with him, pick up the rest of the 'Let's restructure Luhan-hyung's apartment' squad. They are one week into their work already and, as Chanyeol's father has told him after helping installing the new parquet, not much is left to do until he can move inside. 

With everyone's help, things moved extremely fast. 

He calls Kyungsoo as soon as he parks outside the now familiar building, frowning when the boy tells him to come up because of a sudden problem in a slightly hurried voice.

Luhan obeys, confused. He is more than surprise to have a little girl opening the door for him as soon as he knocks.

"Kyungsoo-oppa! Who is this woman?" the little girls literally screams in Luhan's unprepared ears, making him cringe. He then hears of the woman thing and his face drops.

"You should have asked before opening the door, Yeonsu, how many times do I have to tell you?" Luhan hears Kyungsoo screaming back from the kitchen "Also, it's a man, actually."

"No way." 

Luhan's face drops even more, and he has not even entered the apartment. Right then Kyungsoo gets out from the kitchen and looks for Luhan's lost eyes, shrugging helplessly. Two other kids, apparently twins not much older than four years-old, come out of the kitchen with Kyungsoo and immediately run to the new guest, lifting big, curious eyes up at him. 

"Sorry. Their parents had a little problem and left them to me." Kyungsoo explains "Don't worry, though. Mom is coming back from work in a few."

Luhan nods and smiles at the distressed boy, closing the door behind him and then going down to his knees to greet the three children.

"Hello, kids. I'm Luhan."

"I am Yeonsu." the little girl introduces herself confidently before doing the same with the younger, cute little boys "They are my brothers, Jonghyun and Jongmin."

Luhan smiles affectionately, ruffling the two twins' hair and then leaving a little pinch on the beautiful little girl's cheek, who chuckles.

"Are you sure you're a man?" she asks then, closing the distance between Luhan and her and practically studying every detail of his face from close, making Luhan snap back in surprise.

"Yeonsu!" Kyungsoo scolds then, but the kid ignores him. The two twins are laughing when Yeonsu widens her eyes and her face gets printed with surprise.

"I know you!" she exclaims, making Luhan frown. 

"What?" 

"I know you." the kid exclaims again "You're the guy of that photo!"

"What photo?" one of the two twins asks then, Luhan can't tell who, and Yeonsu sends him an obvious look.

"That photo in dad's wallet, Jongmin."

Luhan laughs softly at the statement, shaking his head in the kids direction. He is so amused he doesn't notice Kyungsoo is not laughing. 

Just as he is about to point out that it's rather impossible that what's Yeonsu has said is true, he gets stuck into really observing the three children for the first time. 

The two twins have really fair skin and soft features, with big dark eyes and little noises framed by straight, dark hair. Yeonsu, though, has stronger features on the chubby face, with full lips and a very round nose, and her skin is far more tanned than her brothers. She also looks somehow familiar.

Suddenly, Luhan feels his heart jumping in his throat. He snaps his head up to look for Kyungsoo's eyes, which are already fixed on him, pale.

"Who is their father?"

Before Kyungsoo can answer, Yeonsu speaks up again.

"Kim Jongin." 

Luhan shivers, instinctively backing up from his position. Kyungsoo moves a step forward in reflex, but immediately stops as Luhan gets quickly back on his feet and, without looking up once, sends the three children a little smile and then hurries to reach the kitchen. 

Kyungsoo keeps worried eyes on him even after he disappears into the other room, concerned at the sight of that paleness on Luhan's face.

"Did I say something wrong?" Yeonsu's worried voice takes him back to earth and Kyungsoo immediately looks back at the confused kids. He hurries to hug them affectionately, smiling, and then shakes his head.

"Luhan-hyung probably got really hungry all of sudden."

The kids all make a little 'O' shaped mouth, nodding altogether. Kyungsoo bites his lips at a sudden thought.

"Yeonsu, can I ask you something?"

The little girl nods, smiling brightly again. 

"Can you please say nothing to your mom about Luhan-hyung and the photo in your dad's wallet?"

"Why?" 

Kyungsoo gasps. "Because.. your father would really like you to say nothing about it." 

Yeonsu ponders on the boy's words for a moment, careful. "Can I have something in return?" 

With a loud sigh, Kyungsoo ignores the two twins' chuckles and nods in defeat. "I will buy you all three chocolate bars. And I promise you an entire afternoon with Baekhyun-hyung."

"Deal." Yeonsu immediately accepts at the mention of Baekhyun's name, shaking Kyungsoo's hand happily. 

Kyungsoo feels a smile forming on his lips despite everything and Yeonsu's hair affectionately. He goes back entertaining the three kids in tranquillity but still keeps on glancing at the kitchen, worried, until Luhan comes out with four glasses of orange juice for them all with a smile on his face that, to Kyungsoo's eyes, seems to be forced.

He catches Luhan's eyes for a brief moment only, and it's enough to prove his thought right.

They don't share a single word for long.

-

Luhan does his best not to think about what Jongin's daughter has innocently revealed and, in Kyungsoo's friends company, it seems easier to.

They are all cleaning up the main room of his apartment, kitchen and dining room, while Luhan is painting over the bathroom's walls for the last finishes, helped by Chanyeol now and then. The tall boy suddenly appears again, scaring him to death, and asks him in a slightly panicked voice if he may need his help "Because Sehun has once again claimed I will be useless once we'll have our own home, hyung. It's not my fault I don't know how to clean up the floor!"

Luhan just laughs and lets him in, shaking his head sweetly. "Help hyung cleaning up the fallen paint and prove him wrong, Chanyeol. You can always learn."

Chanyeol nods with his big puppy eyes and immediately obliges, focusing on his job carefully and making Luhan smile as he observes his childish, adorable movements. The most adorable thing he has ever seen.

Luhan finds Chanyeol and Sehun's relationship a source of inspiration and, every time he thinks about how different they are and still how deeply in love they are, he feels a smile forming on his lips. 

Chanyeol resembles a puppy in everything he does, from the way he keeps his eyes wide open as he observes things around him to the way he speaks and pouts, being naturally happy and bright and making it impossible for people not to love him. Sehun, on the other hand, is a very reserved and cute boy yet he has a strong personality, always knowing what he wants and how to get it, never letting anyone step on him the slightest. 

They are so different from each other it just comes natural to constantly argue and get on the other's nerves, but they also love each other unconditionally, everyone can see it. Chanyeol and Sehun love each other intensely, yet discretely, never worrying about smile their love to the world.

They are an unbreakable couple, uncaring towards anything and anyone outside themselves. Luhan always see them holding hands, hitting each other, mocking each other yet quietly following everything the other does with eyes so in love without them even noticing. Their perfection shows in little details. Chanyeol always keeps his eyes on Sehun, fixing his clothes, his hair, and Sehun usually acts like nothing happens but he still takes a few pens in his bag at mornings because he knows Chanyeol always forgets his own, he still blushes when Chanyeol tells him how gorgeous he is everyday before flipping his hair and claiming he already knows.

Even now, as Sehun enters the bathroom quietly and a little smile forms on his lips at the sight of Chanyeol working on his 'clean-up-the-floor' skill, the younger boy greets Luhan before hugging Chanyeol from behind and using a napkin to clean up his sweat.

Chanyeol turns around, smiling brightly at his sight. "I'm doing great, love, look."

Sehun blushes and smiles, drying the last sweat from his boyfriend's forehead before leaving a soft kiss on his lips. "You are." 

Chanyeol observes him leaving after that, bright, and goes back to his work giggling like a happy kid.

Luhan smiles bitterly.

They are brave guys and, probably because of this, they are lucky too.

Shaking his head to remove unwanted thoughts, he goes back to work as well, letting Baekhyun's singing voice from the other room relax his mind. Everything goes smoothly until, once done with his painting, he hurries to clean his hands and spots Kyungsoo entering the bathroom to do the same. Their eyes meet for a brief second and Luhan feels his stomach writhing at the sight of the other's big, distant eyes. 

He realizes they haven't shared a word since the photo's incident, he realizes Kyungsoo hasn't voiced any of his thoughts because he never dares interfering in Luhan's life. Yet, Luhan still sees the concern painted over Kyungsoo's chubby face, even if the boy maturely tires to keep it for himself.  

"We've never been together." 

Luhan wouldn't like to speak up on the matter, but he feels like he owns Kyungsoo something, some kind of recognition for being such an understanding person despite the strangest incidents happening in front of his eyes. 

"But we've loved each other."

Kyungsoo only then looks up to meet Luhan's sorrowful eyes, feeling a shiver down his spine. He doesn't understand why Luhan is telling him this, but he is sure he doesn't deserve it.

Luhan doesn't let him say anything though, poses a gentle hand on his cheek for a moment before hinting to a smile, and leaving.

Kyungsoo brings the matter up during his usual night call with Baekhyun, voicing his perplexity over the whole story, from Kim Jongin apparently having a photo of Luhan in his wallet to Luhan's telling him those words.

"He told you because he feels you close, Kyungsoo, but you keep yourself distant." Baekhyun explains after a moment of deep reasoning "Everyone would have at least asked him if he was okay, if you tell me he got pale and strange, but you.. you are not the type to interfere, but this doesn't mean you don't care. Luhan-hyung has understood you well enough."

Kyungsoo keeps silent, lost in his thoughts. Sometimes he wonders if it's okay to be himself, or if it would be better to be someone like Baekhyun, always having the right words to say, always understanding any situation effortlessly.

"'We've never been together but we've loved each other'." Baekhyun suddenly says, bringing him down to earth again "He told you this, right?"

"Yes." 

Kyungsoo has thought over those words the entire day, taken aback. He would have never imagined Kim Jongin, workaholic and reserved, husband and father Kim Jongin, to have a past related to Luhan in such a deep way. No one would have probably ever done.

"Well, this obviously means something forced them apart in the past." Baekhyun observes, voice saddened at the though. Kyungsoo wonders if the mistakes Luhan has talked him about weeks earlier were somehow related to this. 

Baekhyun continues. "Seems like their love has been quite strong, though. Kim Jongin-sshi still holds a photo of Luhan in his pocket.. a photo even his children know about. This is stupid and dramatic at the same time." 

More stupid than dramatic, in Kyungsoo's opinion, because the obvious impact Yeonsu's words had on Luhan that afternoon clearly showed how much Luhan himself had been affected.

"Seems like Kim Jongin-sshi may still feel something for Luhan-hyung, after all."

Kyungsoo stays silent, reasoning over Baekhyun's words as his best friend keeps on voicing his opinions in what arrives in nothing more than a muffled noise to him now. If Kim Jongin still has feelings for Luhan, Kyungsoo realizes he can understand after all.

He can't even imagine how it would be possible to fall in love with Luhan and then, somewhere along the way, letting him go.

-

A/N

So, anyone who has also read "Your Best Day Is Always Ahead" recognizes that Jongin's daughter's name is Yeonsu once again? I suppose I got used to the name XD

Anyway, I've posted the fourth chapter as well because it's Christmas Eve and I felt like publishing beforehand! Hope you will enjoy <3 Thanks for reading ^^