When I woke up the next day, I had a devastating headache. All night I kept thinking that Byunghee was probably right, that I wasn't a woman for Benjamin. It was hard for me to accept, but after what happened last night, I think that he is still unable to see me as a woman. Byunghee told me that I was only good for a one-night stand with him. At that thought, I started crying again. What did I do to this guy for him to hate me so much. I must have broken his heart in a past life or something for him to want to bring me down so badly. I don't know, but I really didn't want to stay in Korea anymore.
I opened my eyes to meet Seojin inquiring ones. I tried to smile, but only a grimace came out, she look really worried as she asked, "Ana what happened to you last night? I was looking for you like crazy. It wasn't until Mir told me that he saw you leaving with Ben that I knew you were gone. Why didn't you tell me? We're you two really in a rush to hook up that you didn't feel the need to tell me that you were leaving?
I looked her with a questioning look, and then followed, "It's not what you think okay. You know I don’t ‘hook up’, not even with Ben. I was feeling bad and Ben offered to take me home. Anyway, the way I saw you hooked on Seungho last night, would you have liked it if I told you that I wanted to go home?" She thought about a little and a radiating smile painted on her face, “No, I wouldn't have liked it. Because we danced all night and I think that he really is into me."

"Yah think! Anyway, I am happy for you. By the way, I didn't know that the other brothers were there last night. I only saw Byunghee. So did you know that Ben is friends with them?" "Really!? I didn't know that. If I knew I would have asked him to introduce me to my future husband a long time ago." She was all smiles making that statement. I didn't want to bring her down from her cloud, but I told her "Aren't you putting the carriage before the horse, Unni. You haven't even been on a date with him yet. "She just looked at me and smiled for the better "That's where you are wrong dongseng, we are actually going on a date tonight."
I sat up and forgot all about my headache, and I shrieked, "Really, I am so happy for you Unni, you know."  "Yes! You are right" she exclaimed, but after a little while she looked at me concerned again, "Are you sure that you are okay with it?" I looked at her in confusion, "What do you mean?" I know that you don't really like Byunghee, but you were very close with Seungho, are you sure you did have any intentions with him. He seemed to like you a lot too?" I took her in my arms hugging her, "I never thought of him that way. It's true that we are comfortable around each other, even though I can't say the same for his brother. I always thought that he was perfect for you."

“Awww! Did you really think so?”  “Yes I did, so you don’t have to worry about me, okay. I love you.” “I love you more,” she replied. I really loved her, she was just like his brother, always putting others first, even before their own happiness. I was blessed in having these kinds of people in my life, and for her I would do anything. She kissed me on the cheek and we hugged for a little bit. After a while, we let go of each other and she looked at me with affection for a while, then her concerned look came back again. “So, what did really happen yesterday? Mir also told me that he saw Byunghee come out of the VIP room right after you did. Did something happen between the two of you? He said that you looked like you were about to cry.” Damn that Mir boy, why was he so annoying? She was scrutinizing my face for a hint, so I turned away from her trying to escape her gaze “What are you hiding from me Ana? Is there really something going on between the two of you?” she was still waiting for me to answer, and she looked like she wasn’t about to give up until I confessed. I felt bad hiding my feelings to her, so I decided to come clean. The thing was that until last night I never put too much thought in those feelings. I thought that Byunhee was indeed very good looking and that I was a little bit attracted to him, but he has been so hostile and a total with me that I didn’t want to worry about him much.

I took a deep breath and started “Yes, something did happened…” I paused trying to gather myself together, but Seojin was getting impatient “Chincha, something happened with Byunghee? Were you crying because of him, or because of my brother…?” I didn’t let her finished and I continued “It wasn’t because of Ben. It’s just that something weird happened and, and… I don’t know how to talk about it.”  “Come on spill the beans. Why are you being so mysterious? It’s me, why are you hiding me things? You were like that when you first realized that you were in love with Jinsoo.” She paused for a moment and then gasped, “Are you in love with Byunhee?” “A-Anni-ya!  What makes you think so? That guy is a pig and he hates me. Why would I fall in love with him? I have known him for just a week. Who falls in love that easily?” “Okay, so you are not in love with him, but you do have feelings for him right?” “I-I don’t know Unni. I seriously don’t. I am so confused about what is happening to me. He insulted me, and then kissed me so he could prove his point…” “Woah! woah! woah! You kissed him last night?’’ “No, he kissed me and I kissed him back. Now, I am at a complete loss that I don’t know what to do.” “Because you think that he hates you?” “I don’t think so, I know so. I basically called me a e, telling me that I was only after money, that I was a gold digger.” Seojin jumped up, and I see her becoming red with rage “A e! He said that. What would make him think that you were a gold-digger? I will give that guy a piece of my mind. Who the hell does he think he is?”

I knew what she was capable of when she was mad and I didn’t want her to make a scene and have problems with Seungho or his family, particularly since she was finally getting with him. That would be a disaster, especially at this stage of their relationship, so I tried to calm her down and explained to her “He  didn’t really say it, but it felt like that’s what he meant, I am sure that it was all a misunderstanding and I probably overreacted. Anyway, I only have a few days left until my vacations end, so don’t jeopardize your relationship because of me okay?”

She calmed down and sat next to me “Are you sure about that?” she asked softly.

“Yes, totally. I am just passing by anyway.”  I smiled at her to let her see that everything was fine. This is one of the reasons that I didn’t want to tell her about what was going on between Byunghee and I, but like I told her I will be leaving soon, so there was no need to sweat it.

===================

I haven’t heard or seen Byunghee since that that night. I was still in contact with Seungho, but between his company and Seojin, he didn’t have time for nothing much and truthfully, I wanted them to have their space and didn’t want to be the third wheel. Last three days, I have been going out with Ben, and frankly, he was great company.

I was getting ready to go out with him when my phone rang. It was Benjamin “Baby, are you ready yet? I am on my way but I might be a little bit late.”  “That’s ok, Ben. Did you really call me because of that?”  “No, I just wanted to hear your voice.”  I giggled at the other end of the line; it was interesting that he was wooing me now, when ten years ago I was the one after him. It felt really great, but something has changed, the way I felt about him was not as intense anymore and the more time I spent with him, the less I was moved as I was before by him. I shook those ideas out of my mind. Benjamin was great with me and if I understood it well, it looked like he wanted to take things slow. I don’t really know where this will end, but I was willing to give it a try with him.

He told me to dress elegantly tonight, so I wore a long, blue sleeveless dress with crystals all around the front. Truthfully, this wasn’t my style but I couldn’t deny that Seojin has great taste and was right, this dress looked like it was tailored especially for me. I did my make up like she thought me and decided to let my hair flow and when I looked in the mirror, I felt really proud that I didn’t look half bad, I could even admit that I looked y.

The doorbell rang, so I picked up my purse and head out. When I opened the door, I heard an exclamation of admiration, and I was very pleased to see that look in his eyes. For the first time in the years that I have known him, I saw desire in Ben’s eyes; it wasn’t for someone else but for me, and he didn’t even try to hide it. I turned red of embarassement, but I was happy and I couldn’t deny it.

We pulled in front of the hotel that we went the first time Seungho invited us. This time, the receptionist just bowed with an embarrassing smile to us and I ignored her. After we were assigned our table, he ordered a bottle of wine. After we gave our order to the waiter, Ben took my hand in his, “Did I tell you how great you look tonight? If you had ever dressed like that when we were younger, I would have never moved away.”  “Aww, stop it. You’re making me blush oppa!” I said with a giggle. “It’s just too bad that we can’t turn back time, right?” He looked at me a gave me a sad smile, this time I took his hand in mine, “But, we can only look to the future.” I gave him an encouraging smile. He reached across the table to caress my cheek and I put my hand over his, locking our eyes for an instant. At this precise moment, anyone who saw us would think that we were a couple deeply in love, though we weren’t, but I couldn’t deny that there was affection in the air. He was still my first love after all.

We were in deep conversation while waiting for our food when I felt a strange sensation, a chill ran down my spine, it felt as if a million little bugs was crawling all over me. I have felt this before and already knew, this sensation wasn’t because of Ben, but because of that person. Even though I knew, I still turned my head and our eyes met. He had a girl hooked on his arm; she had a bob cut and was very attractive.
I literally felt like my heart dropped. I turned my eyes quickly and pretend that I didn't see them, but Ben noticed my reaction and turned his head to where I was looking before. I was glad that we had a table for two only so he will not be able to invite him over. Benjamin straightened himself as Byunghee and his approached our table. It was a weird feeling, my heart was beating at an inhumanly rate, and Ben stood to greet him. They made the formalities, he presented his date to Ben, and Ben did the same presenting me to her. Her name was Park Miyong; she was wearing a sparkly hot pink mini dress, and the shoes that go with it. Even though she was very beautiful, she was wearing heavy makeup, false eyelashes and nails, the whole nine yard, she was what I guess they call plastic.
She didn't look very interested in me but I tried nonetheless to be courteous. I reached my hand over to her, "Nice to meet you!" She looked at me from head to toe and just touched the tips of my fingers with hers, then turned right around to tell Byunghee "Oppa, we need privacy, okay. Let’s get us a private table." Then she turned toward Ben "It was nice to meet you Baek Jinsoo-ssi." She paused an instant and turned toward me "And you too..." she looked like she was scratching her head to find my name, so Ben intervened "Han Jinju..." "Oh! Right, that" she let out a fake sigh and pulled Byunghee toward a table across the room. 'What an impertinent bimbo’ I thought, then I turned my attention to Ben, "Really, did she just pretend to forget my name?" He smiled and added, "She's and actress and you know that those people can be fastidious sometimes." "An actress!? Really, does she have any fans? Because from what I see, that is not personality.  I have worked with many actresses before, and none of them are that stupid, fake and despicable, she's..."  I was about to continue, when he took both my hands in his again "Let’s stop talking about her and anyone else for that matter, do not let this ruin our dinner, ok?" I smiled back "Ok." He was right, I couldn't let that ruin our dinner, but the problem wasn't her, but the person she was with.

 So this is the kind of woman he liked, all fake and rude? I don't care if she was popular, she was just a b.i.t.c.h. Even though I tried to fight the urge, I still couldn't resist the urge of turning my head over to their table, she was fluttering her fake eyelashes at him. He seemed to be enjoying it too. Urgh! I they are perfect for one another.

I don't know why, but I kept obsessing about the couple, I tried to focus on my plate, but I couldn't. I couldn't even follow the train of conversation with Ben either, so much that he had to asked if I was feeling well. I replied to him with an embarrassing smile while stuffing my face to hide my trouble. They didn't spend much time at the table, it looked like they picked at their food like birds and then headed toward the elevator to the hotel. I felt something tighten in the pit of my stomach; it was a weird feeling, as if I was going to pass out, but I tried to ignore it.
Throughout the rest of the night, I tried to keep them out of my mind and enjoyed our time together as much as I could, but I was unable to do so, my mind kept going back to the image of his arm wrapped around her waist and her swaying her hips, while heading to the hotel. I was angry with myself that I even felt like this. Why would I care about what this pig was doing and with whom? I felt so guilty towards Ben, it was supposed to be a great night but I ruined for us.

We drove quietly back to the apartment, I didn’t know if Ben had figured who was the cause of the change in my mood, but when we stopped in front of the door, he couldn’t help but ask me “What happened to you tonight? Did I do something wrong? You were so excited at first, and then you changed all of the sudden. Is there something on your mind that made you so preoccupied?” “No, no Oppa, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I am not preoccupied by anything really. I guess I am homesick, that’s all.”  He didn’t looked convinced, so he mentioned “It looked to me that your attitude changed after Byunghee showed up.” “Really, where did you come up with that? I hardly noticed that he was around.” I was lying, but I didn’t want him to suspect anything. He stared me down for a few seconds, and then turned his back to me and ruffled his hair. He looked very agitated and it looked like he wasn’t buying what I was telling him, “What is going on between the two of you? Is there something that I should know?”  I looked at him surprised. What an odd question, why was he being this way? “Oppa, there is nothing going on between the two of us, you can witness for yourself that we don’t like each other. Why do you even ask?”, and this time I wasn’t lying. He looked troubled, and I had never seen him that way before, he was acting as if he was jealous. But without warning, he hugged me “Ok baby, I am sorry about everything.” I was so surprised that I stayed frozen; I really wasn’t expecting this gesture, so he was jealous after all. He pulled away and kissed me on my forehead again. Urgh! This was frustrating; he is interested why was he still not making a move? When is he going to stop acting like I am his little sister? If so, I don’t really see a reason to feel guilty anymore. I looked at him with a questioning look, but he just mumbled a good night before leaving me standing at the door. After I got inside, I leaned my back against the closed door and let out a deep sigh, he was charming and flirty earlier and now he is back to the big brother mode. So I guess I was delusional after all, it doesn’t look like he is interested me as a woman. However, I will not let history repeat itself, not this time around.