Beep!Beep! The sound of honking cars snaps me back to attention. The light was green and I still wasn't moving. A few cars swerve around me while the more patient ones just honked continuously. What the heck is wrong with me? I've been this way since seeing that kid Jisoo that day...I know I've never forgiven myself for what I did to him and I had hoped he'd never forgive me either. I've been guilty, but this feeling was an entirely different "guilty". Was it because I was living normally even though I have no right? I wasn't quite sure. Initially, I was on my way to Busan...but I don't think I'm ready to return there yet. I'd only feel worse, but maybe I deserved it. I press down on the gas pedal and finally get out of these people's way, passing under a sign with "Chonju 1/2 mile" written on it. I wasn't going all the way to Busan, I already knew it and I mustered up all this courage for absolutely nothing, but I wasn't ready to return to Seoul either. I decided to just stay in Chonju for a while because, well, I was already there and I needed to clear my head. I needed time to get myself together, Miyoung would be absolutely fine without me. She's an adult, but I still found myself worrying about her.

 

"Ahjumma, how much for a week?" I ask a healthy looking older woman, who was picking tomatoes in her garden in front of her share-house. "For a week?" she repeats, not even looking up from her garden. "Mmmm...170000 won maybe?" she says. She was cheaper than most others. "Upfront or..." "Child, if you can pay upfront I won't stop you." She chuckles. I smile at her. "I'll take a room then." I tell her. She stands up, dusting her hands on her apron and leads me through her share-house. It was pretty nice for the price she was charging. "Right now there's only 3 more people here, but you'll probably never see them. They come, eat, sleep and leave, and I don't complain because they're never late with their payments." She laughs again. I nod, relieved that I wouldn't have to interact with more people. "Have you eaten yet? Are you hungry?" She asks me. I shake my head. "I ate already, but thank you." I tell her politely. "That's good. That's good. I wish that you'll call me halmoni and not ahjumma, araso?" She says, patting me on the shoulder.  Halmoni? She was nowhere near the age of a grandmother! At least she didn't look it...but I just smile and nod, "Ne, arasoyo." She smiles and opens a tall mahogany door at the end of the hall and hands me a key. I reach out to take it and she takes my hand between hers. "This is the only one so don't lose it, alright?" She insists, patting my hand. I nod again, "Ne." She just looks at me for a while and then leaves me to settle down into the room. She says she'll talk to me about house guidelines and such later, but right now she wanted me to rest. Instead I find myself exploring the place. It was beautiful. Famous paintings hung on the wall, the daisy wallpaper looked fresh and new, it was simple, but for some reason it made me feel serene. 

 

When I find myself back at the entrance I hear a shockingly familiar voice. "Do you take cards? Or would I have to pay with cash?" The voice asks. I tiptoe up to the gate where Halmoni greeted her customers. "If you absolutely must I can postpone your payment until..." "Oh anieyo! I can pay you. I just didn't know how you preferred it." The voice laughs. She and halmoni continued their conversation while I tried to decipher her voice. It was definitely a girl, but I didn't know anyone from Chonju, so why'd she sound so familiar? I almost decide to stand on my tiptoes to peak over the gate when it opens. When halmoni sees me she looks shocked. "Oh! I thought you were resting!" She says. "Actually I wasn't tired, so I just looked around a bit." I tell her, ruffling my hair. "Ah...then while the tour I just gave you is still fresh in your mind, can you show your new housemate around as well?" Halmoni asks. New housemate? Just as I'm about to question her, the housemate steps in. She had extremely curly hair pulled up into a bun, huge brown eyes, and her typical anxious smile. "Rachel??" I ask in disbelief. When she sees me her eyes widen even more. "Doyoung?" She asks. "So you two already know each other?" Halmoni asks. "All the more easier for me." She chuckles before walking off. "What are you doing here?" I ask Rachel. "Trying to figure out what I want to do next..." She says. I wanted to ask her what she meant but I decided not to. Instead I pull her into a hug. "It's been so long! I tried to contact you..." I tell her. Then I remember. "...and you wouldn't pick up. Why weren't you answering my calls?"  I ask, pulling away from the hug. "Well...it's a lot. I'm in a bit of a mess right now.." She tells me without looking me in my eyes. "Is it Joon?" I ask her? She exhales, but doesn't respond, so I just nod. I don't see the point in asking too many questions right now. I mean, we're pretty much here for the same reasons. Refuge, peace of mind, time to get ourselves back together and I wasn't going to deprive her of that chance by asking too many personal questions."C'mon, let me show you around. The place is pretty nice." I tell her, throwing my arm around her shoulder to lighten the mood. She crosses her arms. "How long have you been here?" She asks, genuinely wanting to know. "About an hour." I answer, honestly. Rachel just laughs as I lead her through the house.