I long to spend Christmas with her. I yearn for her touch, her smiles, and everything in between. I find myself smiling at the thought of Hyeri, my love. Today, or should I say tomorrow is when we celebrate out second year anniversary as a couple. Needless to say,  as girly as it seems, I can't control the butterflies in my stomach as they flutter in there. 

A sigh slips past my lips and I prop my elbow up onto the black marble counter. I rest my head on my hand and stare out the foggy window. I savour the serenity I feel right now. So, I close my eyes. I remember the first time we went on a date, my hand wrapped around hers; fingers interlaced and all. Unconsciously, I bring my hand up to grab hers, only to grasp on empty space. 

I guess I just miss her too much. After all, I did say she couldn't come and stay since I said I had a surprise for her. Which reminds me…

I fish my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and dial a familiar number, one I know off by heart. Two rings is all it takes for her to answer the phone. I know this because she always answers on the second ring. 

"Hello, who's this?" Hyeri questions playfully, I can almost see her chewing down on her lower lip in an attempt to stifle her laughter. Cheeky munchkin. 

I decide to play along. "It's Santa. What does this beautiful girl want for Christmas?" 

There's a brief pause on the line, and I think I hear another male saying 'babe' but I dismiss the silly thought. I can faintly hear her say shut up, but I think nothing of it. Nothing at all. "Mm... I don't know. What do I want for Christmas? Maybe my boyfriend, Luhan?" 

I chuckle, "Well luckily, he's talking to your right now."

'Really?'

'Yes, really. I miss you, baby.'

'I miss... you too... babe.' I swear I can almost hear reluctance in her voice when she says that, but she must be tired.

'Go rest, you sound tired.' I say. 

'No, I'm fine. Just a little headache, that's all.'

'You sure?'

'I'm sure.'

'We'll meet by the fountain at twelve, right?' I ask. I'm eager to know her response, even though I know already.

'Of course! Wouldn't miss it for the world!' She exclaims, albeit a little too joyful.

'Great, see you then. Love you.'

'See you. Love you.'

Click. Our conversation ends, just like that.

A sigh of content slips past my lips as I stare at my lock screen for longer than necessary. It's a photo of us, smiling of course. After thirty seconds or so, I divert my gaze to the fog covered window once more and I feel a smile creep up onto my lips. Even though it's hard to make out the a few things, I can still make out the rough outline of the bustling city. Christmas lights adorn the high rise building and a light blanket of snow adds to Christmas-like atmosphere. All in all, I think it's a breathtaking sight to uphold.

Finally leaning off the counter, I wander towards my bedroom. I sashay over to the mahogany drawer by my bedside and pry open the top drawer. What lies in there is something special to me, hopefully to Hyeri too. Situated amongst the papers and odd little things in the wooden drawer is a small red velvet box filled with an item that's precious. Something that holds so much symbolism, something I spent hours on. An engagement ring is what it is. All day, I've been thinking about her. It's distracting, yet the thought of her makes me warm and fuzzy.

Carefully with my left hand, I pluck the red box out of my drawer. I treat it as if it's the most valuable thing in the word. I pop open the box with my thumb and stare intently at the object that's inside. I chew on my bottom lip to prevent the growing smile that's forming on my lips. After two years, I've mustered enough courage to propose to her, what's better is that it's Christmas. 

The ring itself is a 1.5 carat heart shaped diamond with pave cut diamonds on the sides. It's on a gold band and if I look closely enough, the heart seems to be a little off, but I really don't care. I know she'll love it. I turn the ring in my hands and I smile when I see the words 'L' and 'H' engraved on the inside. Oh, she'll definitely love this.

I shut the box and place it atop the wooden table. Finally, I allow myself to laugh. I laugh because I'm happy, because I feel great. I fal back onto the blue bed sheets with a light thud, and I end up bouncing up and down slightly when I do so. I stare at the ceiling for a few moments, thinking of how this is all going to go down. I lift my hand up to glance at my black wrist watch which reads 9:30 p.m. That means I have two hours to kill. I decide to sleep, so I slip under the warmth of my covers and close my eyes.

So, this is what they mean by being in the moment. Feeling it and living it. It feels great.

At exactly 11:30, I awake with a start. I don't bother to change my clothes, however, I don on a coat. Feeling more energized after a power nap, I grab the box and place it into the inside of the coat's pocket, along with my car keys. 

I climb into my Audi and check the clock for nth time that night. I'm afraid I'll be late, but I don't think that's the case. Maybe I'm just a tad bit paranoid. The roads are covered in snow, still crunchy with ice patches scattered across the pathways or the road. I make my way to the said destination with fifteen minutes to spare and park my car where it's available to do so. 

It's quite chilly when I step out, and I curse myself for being too lazy to put on another layer. Swiftly, I shut the door and press a button to lock my car and I'm out on foot towards the fountain.

I take a deep breath of the crisp night hair and sigh. I feel as if I'm on cloud nine right now. The lampposts light the path ahead of me, even though it isn't necessary as there is enough light that emits from the buildings. In less than ten steps, I stand before the fountain and await for Hyeri.

I gaze up at the night sky, and I take the time to admire the beauty of the light that emits from the millions of crystals that litter the dark heavens. It's eleven fifty right now, but it doesn't feel like it to me. I'm estatic.Funny enough, I have this gut feeling that something bad is going to happen. But, I shake off the feeling. It's odd for me to think this way.

I take my sweet ol' time glancing around the scenery. I see many couples walking hand in hand or sharing kisses under the mistletoe that are scattered on white strings from tree to tree; building to building. The stubborn snow clings to the bottoms of trees and buildings alike and I can't help but let a smile a creep up onto my lips. I've always loved December snow. It's beautiful, pure. Even though the weather is cold, the warmth and serenity I'm feeling wraps around me in a tight embrace that I savor the feeling of.

As my eyes flitter around the perimeter once again, I feel my heart palpitating in my chest as I witness the scene before me.

The brunette lady is wrapped in a cozy blue jumper and her hand is interlaced with another man's. I feel lost, angry. I bring my hand to where the ring is and feel for it in pocket. To think I was going to... propose. I see the man lean in and I swear, my heart stops beating. He presses his damn lips to hers and she seems as if she's enjoying it. I can't take it, yet I still stand there, unmoving.

I still can't believe what I'm seeing. It doesn't make any sense. Hyeri... she's mine. Mine only.  This is preposterous, absurd. I blink once, twice. DON'T BREATHE. I hold my breath and count to ten. Nothing. DON'T BLINK. I count to ten and keep my eyes open. Nothing. RIGHT, LEFT. I look both directions, the image of Hyeri kissing another man embedded into my head, forever.

LEFT. RIGHT. TURN. DON'T LOOK. LOOK. BLINK. DON'T BLINK. STARE. DON'T STARE. WALK. RUN. STAY PUT.

My head hurts, and needless to say, I'm confused. I can't move as I continue to stare at the couple before me like the dumb clueless idiot I am. I'm angry. I don't trust myself to move as I stand in the white rain for more than five minutes, I presume.

I'm not thinking straight any more, so I act out of my own accord. I storm up to the fine and dandy pair and make a reach for her shoulder. She flinches at my touch as I whirl her around, and the man she's with looks bewildered.

'Luhan, I-..' She starts off.

'You selfish .' The words slip out of my mouth and I instantly regret them. Pain flashes across her face, but she shouldn't be angry. It should be me. I don't care any more as I continue. 'Why? How long?' Tears brim my eyes and I'm on the verge of crying. I will myself not to do so.

'I, please... Just listen,' she manages to sputter out. I snort.

'Listen? I can't believe I fell for someone,' I eye her up and down and look into her eyes, 'You.' I finish off. 

That's it, I've done it. She bursts out crying and she turns to her other man for comfort. I didn't even get an apology, but I kept cutting her off. I guess that serves me right. I stare at the two for a while longer before storming off. My heart feels heavy and I don't want to do anything any more.

I question the heavens, why would this happen to me. Out of all people, me. I curse, blink back my tears furiously and curse some more. Suddenly, I don't feel so warm any more and the cold air embraces me and replaces of the warmth I was feeling beforehand.

I sigh and stare at the silhouettes of the couples strolling around happily as I trudge around the snow covered area. Tears constantly run down my cheeks and there's nothing I can do to stop them. I don't care. 

I feel really sick, like I'm about to puke. I feel my feet go numb and I listen to the squelching coming from inside my shoes as I trudge towards my vehicle. 

I sigh and rest my body onto the hood of the car, glaring at the dark heavens before me. "Merry damn Christmas to me."

When I arrive back at my place, I feel emptier  than ever. I feel terrible. Not bothering to strip myself of my clothes, I kick my shoes off and slide under the covers. At least the bed offers me some sort of warmth.

Bleh, merry early Christmas everyone! ♥