ENTRY 3

                 —He listened thoughtfully, swiping his cloth over the counter lazily, with his chin resting on his other palm.—

            I haven’t written for about a week or so… I haven’t really had the time nor been in the mood to write. Should I blame it on school? On my peers? No… I shouldn’t. But I figure… pouring out my frustration onto the pages of this book are better than venting on the actual people in my life that give me such trouble and anger.

            Should I start from last week? Or perhaps just from yesterday? I think yesterday is enough… enough of a recap for me.

            I never thought that college students here in Korea would be just as immature as high school students in America. The gossiping, the teasing, the pranks… all of it has come to taunt me in college. As a high school student, I was always the wallflower. I hated it, because I hated being cast aside, ignored, and never seen. Even at my previous university, I was often ignored, for I was too much of an introvert. But now I realize, it was far better than I had known. Because being bullied, being given attention is far worse. And not only was I the victim of my peers, but my professor had decided to only increase the awful intensity of my day yesterday.

            One assignment that was as easy as the alphabet was thrown in my face and given the meager grade of a C. And what did I do to deserve that? I had apparently forgotten to use the correct formatting and took on a few positions in my paper that my professor did not agree with and thought were completely incorrect. I didn’t know personal opinion of teacher’s could affect a grade so drastically. Of course there is partiality, but I had no idea it was to such an extent.

            And so, I thought that this morning, I could finally go to the diner for the first time in a week and talk to Minseok. I had only met him twice so far… but it seemed as if he was a nice person to hold a conversation with. Maybe he would even have some advice for me.

            I walked to the diner again this morning, too distracted by my thoughts to think about how the neighborhood environment already felt so comfortable to me. The charming bell welcomed me again as I slowly entered and took a seat where I had the past two times. This time, Minseok wasn’t half asleep at the counter. Instead, I heard a couple of clangs in the kitchen before he appeared, hastily wiping his hands on his apron, allowing the few droplets on his hands to transfer onto his white apron, darkening it with water.

            “You’re here!” he exclaimed, smiling brightly. “It’s been a little while, hasn’t it?” Walking over to me, Minseok calmly recited the usual greeting. “Welcome to the Morning Glory Diner! What can I get for you this lovely morning?”

            “A cup of—“ He interrupted me almost immediately.

            “Besides the black coffee.” He smiled charmingly, flicking a strand of light brown hair away from his face.

            I replied that I needed at least a cup every morning, to which he replied that he’d get it for me, but I’d also need to order a breakfast dish. Like last time, I ordered a slice of toast, and he was gone within a second, already brewing the coffee and toasting the bread.

            Whirling around to face me, Minseok asked, “Have you found another diner that beats this place? Because if so, I’d like to see it. I think it’s rather hard to find a diner better than the Morning Glory.”

            I laughed quietly and said that wasn’t it.

            He asked me to hold on for a second before he spun around, grabbed a mug from the shelf, and filled it with coffee from the machine. Sliding it over to me, he then asked for me to continue as he pulled out a rag from his back pocket.

            I said it wasn’t anything and that he probably didn’t need to waste his time listening to me. And I knew it was true, that my problems had nothing to do with him. I asked myself what I was thinking, coming here in the first place in hopes of speaking with him. I thought I should’ve just stuck with simple conversation.

            Much to my surprise, he shook his head and smiled. As he was about to say something, there was a ring in the kitchen and he took off without a word before returning with a crispy piece of toast with jam on the side.

            “Now, college student,” Minseok started. “What seems to be the problem?”

            I sighed and slowly began to relate to him what had happened the past week, and why I decided to just stay on my own.

            As I spoke, he listened thoughtfully, swiping his cloth over the counter lazily, with his chin resting on his other palm.

            And when I finished, I waited for his response. What was his response?

            He simply smiled his crooked smile and said quietly, “A lot of Seoul kids are like that these days… I say to ignore them, because it would really work. The more you show reactions, the more they’ll want to taunt you… It will pass, you know.”

            That was certainly not what I expected from him. Not that I was thinking childishly, but it seemed as if he’d taken their side instead of mine. So, for a second shot, I told him about my professor.

            “Ah, those professors always exist in universities. Their classes are the hardest to pass if you’re keen on expressing your own opinions over theirs. But, I think if you’re persistent, you can positively influence your own professor, and over time, the grading will ease up. Perhaps your professor will see what he did wrong.”

            I couldn’t help the frown from replacing my smile and sighed.

            Minseok easily noticed and told me not to worry, as all students go through such phases at times of their lives.

            I asked if he had, and he said he did, but said no more. I didn’t know him well enough to push for more answers.

            For the rest of breakfast, I finished it in silence while Minseok continued to tidy up the already spotless diner. I could feel his eyes flicker toward me every few minutes, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him. All of those memories of torment were still fresh in my mind, and his words didn’t help erase any of them.

            Perhaps going to the diner this morning was a bad idea… It seemed to put me in a bitter mood, though I know I shouldn’t have been. Minseok gave sound advice… but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. And yes, I admit to being childish. But in the mood I was in, childishness got the best of me, allowing me to wonder if he even understood me truly or not. So I left the diner having finished my breakfast, and looked back for a second only to see Minseok’s smile falter slightly as he cleaned the dishes. He noticed me looking and waved. I gave a small nod before making my way to school.

            I regret having left on such an immaturely bitter note. Minseok probably thinks I’m just like all of those other college “kids” now. But, should I even care about the opinion of some diner waiter I met three times?

            For the rest of my day, I should assume that my mood took an effect on the events. I became an easier target for my peers, allowed every little, negative aspect take an even more dramatic spin, and the voice inside my head decided to give me a bit pain as well, targeting my inner most insecurities just as my peers nearly did. With little nicks and tears here and there, I can imagine myself slowly falling apart if I don’t try to fix things for myself. And that’s when Minseok’s advice should come in… Am I even willing to take his comments and make something positive out of them? If my childishness doesn’t get the best of me, I might be able to act rationally and maturely. If it does get ahead of me, I guess I’m just another Seoul kid, stuck up, childish, and irrational. 

 author's note Hi guys :/ I know it's been a while. If you're subscribed to "Can He Love Again?" you'll know that I haven't been able to update lately because of a lack of inspiration. And while that's true, I also forgot to mention the amount of stress I'm under as a Junior in high school. Basically, I've got little to no time to write anything. And while I know it's a half assed excuse that almost everyone uses, it's one that I have to make use of for the time being. I'm really sorry to inform you guys that I'll be updating less and less (at least until the end of the school year). There's no way I'm discontinuing any of my stories, but just know that the updates will come with very large gaps of time in between. I'll do my best to get these out faster, but I'm sorry I have to be such an awful author and delay the chapters :( For all I know, the next chapter might not be out for another month, but I hope that's not the case. Anyway, I'm so grateful to those of you who stuck with this story or who have recently subscribed. Thanks so much, and I'll see you guys next time <3

~DespisedSecret

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