One glimpse, and it's gone
Salted starsThis story will be ending soon, this will probably be the second last chapter? Really sorry for the long wait! (Pls get your heart ready)
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They return to Seoul after two weeks.
They return to their usual routine, with Hyukjae teaching from late morning to evening and Donghae knocking on his door at night. Soon, Hyukjae just gives him the key to his apartment. And not long after, they're famously known in their apartment, with the young kids and ahjummas smiling warmly at them whenever they go on their dates.
Time passes.
Sometimes, Hyukjae returns home to find Donghae staring into space. Other times, Donghae will go missing and Hyukjae will find him sitting at the balcony, looking up at the sky. Hyukjae sits down beside Donghae, and he looks up. It is a starless sky.
Some days, Donghae will smile. Donghae will laugh. They will watch movies and Donghae will laugh till tears spill out from his eyes. Hyukjae only watches quietly and hugs Donghae even more tightly. When they go on dates to the park, where the sky is filled with stars, Hyukjae finds that Donghae's smile is the brightest.
Time passes.
And soon, the sadness is forgotten.
-
"Donghae!"
"Hmm?"
"I'm on my way," Hyukjae murmurs, smiling to himself as he swings the bags of chocolate ice cream happily. "Can't wait to see you. What's for dinner?"
"You'll see when you get back." Donghae replies, and Hyukjae can almost imagine the cheeky look on his face.
"All right. Love you, okay?"
"Love you too, Hyukjae."
Hyukjae arrives home, only for the tubs of chocolate ice cream to fall to the ground.
Hae!
He picks up the unconscious Donghae from the living room floor, and runs.
Their dinner lies untouched on the table.
-
Every step is heavy, painful to take. His head pounds and his heart clenches painfully. Hyukjae walks down the pavement, words echoing inside his mind. He hears the pain, the sadness and most of all, the promises made.
One month...
Hyukjae had never really believed in miracles.
But that night, as he went back to his apartment, he stood at the balcony and gazed at the stars.
"Hyukjae, those stars..." Donghae trailed off.
"What about stars?" Hyukjae looked at Donghae who had a smile radiating so bright Hyukjae had to bite back a smile.
"Appa used to say, each and every star has hope in it. And when you wish upon a star, it doesn't have to be a falling one. When you wish upon a star, it gives you hope and that hope brings you a miracle."
And as Hyukjae looked up, into the eyes of the man opposite him, the man who spoke of stars and hopes and dreams, he saw the tears in his eyes and all he wanted to do right there and then was to embrace him and tell him, "It's okay, you don't need any of those stars, you have me."
And that night, as Hyukjae stood on the balcony alone, he prayed and wished upon all the stars that he could see and all the stars that he couldn't.
Three years ago, Hyukjae wouldn't be wishing on stars and hoping so bad.
Now, all Hyukjae wanted was for any of those stars to hear him and all he did that night was to fall on his knees and cry.
-
"Hae, you're awake." Hyukjae murmurs softly, gently brushing Donghae's fringe away from his pale forehead. Donghae manages a weak smile, his hand coming up to hold Hyukjae's.
"Is it bad?"
Hyukjae looks up at the question, his heart pounding so painfully as he looks into those beautiful eyes.
"You'll be fine, Hae... I'm sure..."
Donghae smiles, his eyes watery.
"It's okay, Hyukjae. I've long accepted it..." Hyukjae only shakes his head furiously, burrowing his face against Donghae's shoulder. Donghae gently threads his fingers against the fluffy brown locks, feeling the wetness seeping through his shirt.
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"We'll be sitting by the bench watching the sunrise, then the sunset. And then we'll head back into the house, and we'll make hot chocolate. With extra marshmallows. You'll kiss me, and I'll kiss you back. Then we'll both have marshmallow mustaches. And we'll head to our room. And you'll fall asleep right by my side, in my arms....."
"Our love... It was always meant to have an expiry date, right?"
Hyukjae silently thumbs the tears that are trickling down the pale face, shaking his head.
"No, Hae. My love for you will never expire. It'll last forever, and forever..."
Donghae holds onto Hyukjae's hand, stopping it from wiping away the tears.
"Promise me," Donghae mumbles into the comforting chest. "Promise me that you'll find someone better to love, someone who won't make your heart break like I-"
Donghae is silenced by the lips against his, and he feels fresh teardrops on his face.
"No, Donghae. I won't." Hyukjae mumbles. "I won't."
-
Thank you, Hyukjae.
What for?
Thank you for making my heart stronger through the love you gave me.
There is nothing to thank me for, Hae.
My heart is weak, Hyukjae. But you made me feel really strong while loving you. So thank you.
No, thank you... Hae
Donghae, you opened up my world again.... you made me believe in miracles.... you were my miracle.
Hyukjae thinks about possibilities, hopes and dreams. He realises how those dreams are slowly dissipating, and he reaches out for it-it's right in front of him- and it's gone. Just like that.
Days... become weeks.
"Hyukjae... Hyukjae am I dreaming? Y-You're here..."
"Yes. Yes I'm here, Donghae." Hyukjae murmurs, eyes b with tears.
"Hyukjae... I-I see stars. They're so beautiful... Hyukjae."
"Donghae, stay with me,"
Hyukjae tightens his hold around Donghae's hand.
"Please..."
He feels donghae slowly slipping away.
-
Some days, everything is clear, not a blurry mess.
"Hae, I brought you your favourite chicken soup."
Donghae struggles to sit up, and Hyukjae quickly reaches over to support his waist.
"Say ah!"
Donghae weakly opens his mouth, and Hyukjae smiles, wiping away the soup that trickles down the side of Donghae's chin.
"Great job!" Hyukjae ruffles Donghae's hair, showing him the empty bowl.
Donghae smiles, and Hyukjae brushes his fingers against the thinning wrist gently.
-
Hyukjae enters the room, only to see Donghae gasping for breath, thrashing against his bed.
"Hae!"
He only gets screams of pain in response, and he feels the clammy hands wrapping around his hand so tightly. He presses the red button by the side, quickly bringing the trembling man into his arms.
"I haven't brought you to see the stars for one last time.. You can't leave me, Donghae. You can't leave me now."
Appa... it's getting difficult... it's getting harder to hold on...
The man comes out from the room and Hyukjae stands up anxiously. A shake of the head is all it takes for Hyukjae to collapse to the floor.
-
A hand tightly held.
Two people, so different. But yet, the same...
Hyukjae leans down to kiss the forehead, feeling a small movement in response. He gently presses the frail man down, preventing him from moving around too much.
"It's okay, Hae. Don't force yourself."
"I....I....l..o.."
The weak whispers pain his heart.
"It's okay, I know. I know..."
"H-H..Ho-me...."
Hyukjae shakes his head, rubbing the pale neck comfortingly.
"Soon," Hyukjae smiles the best he can. "Soon we will."
-
"Look, Hae! They're so beautiful!"
Hyukjae watches silently as the frail man reaches his hand out, and he gently grabs onto it, guiding it towards the vast sheet of black and yellow.
"There's one there, and another one there, and there......"
Soon, he feels a gentle thud against his chest. He looks down and smiles at the beautiful sight. He wraps his arms tightly around the small male. He leans back against the wooden bench, finally allowing the moistness to cover his cheeks.
"S..a..l......"
"Hmm?" Hyukjae leans down, patiently waiting.
"Hyukjae-ssi, I need salt..." Donghae mumbles. Hyukjae tries his best not to cry.
-
Pain, darkness, sadness. If only the world could be free from these. If only...
Hyukjae... I'm going home... Back to the stars....
Hyukjae holds on, he barely holds on, and he feels the hand in his slowly slipping away.
"Just one more step! One more step, my son!"
The man smiles as he watches his son take wobbly steps towards him. As the tiny foot moves forward, again, and again.
"Just one more step till you reach me!"
The small boy finally reaches the man, falling into his embrace.
"Good job my son... You've done well."
Appa...
Just one more step, my son...
Appa...
You've done well...
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