Melody of Love
Melody of Love
Spring.
It was Jongdae's favourite season of all.
The smell of spring was so soothing and calming. The scent of fresh, wet earth after a rain shower, the scent of newly sprouted daffodils and daisies and buttercups, the scent of nature in its full bloom.
The sound of birdsong every morning, varying in pitch and frequency, the sound of the leaves rustling and the grass crunching under his footsteps, the sound of Jongin humming brightly as he prepares breakfast downstairs.
The taste of fresh spring cherries, the taste of Jongin's perfected spring vegetable salad and his special pasta that he cooks only for Jongdae.
Best of all, Jongdae loves spring because he can go to his favourite spot at the edge of the forest, where little animals hung out and birds sang their songs and leaves of large trees form a comfortable canopy over.
It was the start of Jongdae's second spring here. And he was glad that it was finally here.
***
"Morning Jongdae!" A cheerful voice awoke Jongdae from his slumber, and he was aware of a slight dip in the bed where Jongin was sitting.
"You are going to be late, Jongdae ah, your tuition starts in half an hour! Get up, lazy bums." Jongin smacked his , and he rolled over, making a strangled sound and rubbing his eyes sleepily.
Jongdae made a living teaching Math tuition. He only had 4 students, but then again, he didn't really spend much money so he was never needing a lot of income. Jongin had a more secure job of a banker in the country town, and he was pretty good at it, despite the fact his maths still and he was only year one of high school when he left school.
***
Half an hour later, Jongdae was seated in the porch table, waiting for his student. A few minutes of waiting later, happy footsteps padded towards him and a small girl climbed onto his lap.
"Hello Jongdae seonsaeng-nim!!" She gave him a peck on his cheek and wrapped her little arms around him, and he chuckled.
"Yes, cutie? Where is your brother? Why is he late for tuition again?"
The little girl, Seyeon, tousled his hair playfully. "There was a new neighbour today, Sehun oppa was greeting them."
"Oh?" Jongdae raised an eyebrow. "And you?"
"I didn't like them" she replied nonchalantly. "The oppa was weird. I like YOU." And she hugged him happily again.
Jongdae leaned into her embrace with a warm smile. He had a soft spot for children and somehow, most children liked him immediately.
Except for Sehun. (It took him half a year to get used to him.)
A few minutes later, a very grumpy snort signalled that Sehun was here. Jongdae set Seyeon on her feet and he heard her do something to Sehun (Pull his hair? Pinch his arm?) that elicited a snarl from him. She ran away quickly, giggling.
"Hi Sehun."
"Good morning seonsaeng-nim" The 9-year old drawled, and he flipped open his book.
"I'm stuck at this question." Sehun jabbed a page.
"Sehun, you've got to read out the question."
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
***
After tuition, Jongdae took a slow stroll to his favourite spot near the forest. No one really went there, so he had claimed it unofficially as his very own spot. The area was a small clearing with a small wooden bench that Jongdae was sure it had been placed there for people to sit, but no one goes there, so if not for him, the bench would be useless.
Jongdae sometimes think the bench was meant for him.
Fingers wrapped around a long white cane, Jongdae made his way quietly to the clearing, careful not to make any deliberate noises and frighten away the small wild animals that frequented the area. Jongdae liked animals.
The cane swooshed silently on smooth soil. Jongdae felt a little more, and he hit the wooden bench leg.
And another leg, that didn't feel wooden.
Jongdae gasped and withdrew the cane suddenly, bowing at the apparent thing he had hit, just in case it really was a real leg.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you." He remained at a bowed position, and there was perfect silence.
Jongdae wet his lips nervously, and slowly straightened. Maybe it really was nothing, he thought after waiting for a while.
He carefully felt his way to the bench using his hands, and sat down on it.
***
It felt different today.
The air felt stiller, warmer, and Jongdae had this constant feeling he wasn't very much alone as he usually was.
And his intuition was proved right when a soft mellow voice suddenly spoke from beside him.
"Nice day today."
Jongdae jumped up in shock at the sudden voice talking, and he stumbled, grabbing onto his stick and pushing himself back up onto the bench, heart pumping hard.
"You... You scared me."
"I'm sorry."
Jongdae calmed his racing heart down, and then after a short while of silence on both sides, Jongdae twisted his body slightly to face the other person.
"Who are you? You don't sound familiar."
The man laughed, the sound warm and comforting to Jongdae's ears.
"You won't know me. I'm new here. My name is Yixing."
"...Yixing?"
Then it clicked.
"The new neighbour of Sehun?"
"Yes." The voice was slightly louder, and Jongdae could tell the man was facing him as he said that.
There was a short silence again.
"What's your name?"
"I'm Kim Jongdae. I live about 10 minutes away from Sehun. That means from you too."
"I see..." Yixing said quietly. It irked Jongdae that this guy was such a quiet person, and he badly wanted to find out what he was thinking about.
"How did you find this place, Yixing?"
The man chuckled. "I have no idea. I was just strolling, and my legs suddenly took me here?"
Jongdae nodded with a small smile. "I come here everyday. It's my little sanctuary here."
"Oh. I'm sorry if I trespassed today!" The man sounded a little worried.
Something made Jongdae say to him, something he wouldn't have said to anyone else, except perhaps Jongin.
"You can come here if you want. I won't stop you."
"Really?" There was a smile in the other's voice.
"Yeah."
"Thank you, Kim Jongdae!!"
"Just call me Jongdae."
"Ah, okay." The man brushed his fingers lightly over Jongdae's hand gripping the cane.
"I'm going now, Jongdae. See you... I mean, um, we'll meet again."
The fingers left his hand, and he heard Yixing walk away.
Somehow the footsteps Yixing made didn't seem very usual. It sounded kind of like a limp and one side sounded heavier. But Jongdae didn't really dwell on it.
***
The next day, as Jongdae relaxed in his usual spot, he heard the familiar odd footsteps coming towards him.
"Yixing...?"
"Hello." The man sat down beside him, a hint of cheeriness in his voice.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine..." Jongdae leaned back slowly and took a deep breath. "I'm always fine when I am here. No matter how angry or sad I am before I come here, every time I do come, I feel instantly relaxed."
He heard a soft chuckle from the other man, and he shifted in his seat uneasily. This man was still very dubious to him.
"Tell me about yourself." Jongdae ventured, out of pure curiosity.
***
Yixing was actually a hyung- he was a year older than Jongdae. Yixing came from a place called China, where people spoke Mandarin. He spoke some of the language to Jongdae, who found it really strange with all the weird intonation.
Yixing had come to Korea to dance. Dancing was his dream, and he took his brother along with him. But why exactly did he come to the countryside instead of the wonderful dancing school he talked about was a mystery to Jongdae.
But Jongdae didn't ask. He knew better not to ask, because he didn't want Yixing to ask him back the same question.
Yixing liked to sing, like Jongdae. He found solace in singing when times were bad, and he liked to sing ballads. Jongdae also likes ballads.
He found out, that day, that he had many similarities with this mysterious man. They talked for hours that day, just relaxing in each other's presence.
And never once did Yixing bring up Jongdae's disability.
Jongdae was kind of waiting for Yixing to at least mention it, ask one or two curious questions. But none came.
So when they was a break in their conversation, Jongdae plucked up his courage and turned to face the other man.
"Aren't you curious?"
"About?"
"Me."
"I was, and I've asked you all the things I wanted to know about you, so I'm not curious anymore."
"Then..." Jongdae bit his lip. Suddenly it felt kind of foolish to be asking it, but he still went on.
"Aren't you curious about my disability?"
There was a long silence on the other end.
Jongdae knew the other man was still there beside him- he could hear the steady breathing, he could feel the warmth of the other person's aura.
Finally Yixing spoke.
"I'm not curious. But you can tell me if you want."
Jongdae took a deep breath. He could almost feel Yixing's eyes on him.
"I... Uh..." Something was lodged in his throat as he tried to speak.
"It's okay, Jongdae. I won't force you." The other man patted his hand softly, and stood up.
"I'm going, wanna walk together?"
***
They walked back in silence, Jongdae's stick motionless beside him as Yixing guided him back instead. It felt nice to have a soft hand on his arm, for nobody usually guides him along like this, besides Jongin, and Jongdae found himself enjoying Yixing's company.
And it was even more obvious, when they walked together, the strange swag in Yixing's walking. Like a limp but not really a limp.
All too soon, they reached Jongdae's house. Yixing gave Jongdae's arm a friendly squeeze before he left for his own house. Jongdae stood at the front door, listening until the uneven gait was far away in the distance.
***
Yixing came the next day too. And the next, and the next.
He came every single day, sometimes before Jongdae, sometimes after, sometimes even coming together with him, and they would sit on the bench and talk about life, joke among themselves, tell stories, or sometimes just bask in comfortable silence.
There would be long periods of silence sometimes, and when Jongdae ask what Yixing is doing, he would reply, "looking at something."
Or sometimes when Jongdae dozed off on the bench, he would wake up some time later to find his head nestled on Yixing's shoulder.
Or sometimes Yixing would gently brush his fingers against Jongdae's, as if to say, don't worry I'm still here, during moments of silence.
One day, somewhere near the end of spring, Jongdae and Yixing were at their comfortable spots on the bench, when Yixing began to sing very softly,
Love came to me like spring rain
Completely soaking me wet
Without a sound, it melts my frozen heart and awakens me
It’s sweet
This vague feeling, this fluttering heart
I guess I haven’t known love till now
Jongdae smiled. Yixing had a wonderful sweet and mellow voice, and the sound of his lovely voice complemented his current mood.
Yixing had stopped singing.
"Continue," Jongdae murmured, reaching over to brush the fingers of the other man like he always did to Jongdae.
Yixing took a deep breath.
Love makes me be born again
Like the very first time
Rain falls again today and tomorrow
Rain that resembles you is falling
It’s sweet
This vague feeling, this hidden heart
Because I can know and feel love
I really thank you
Jongdae opened his sightless eyes slowly.
"That was so beautiful," he breathed, a gentle smile shaping his lips.
Yixing sighed.
"Why?" Jongdae asked.
"... Nothing." Yixing answered abruptly, shifting in his seat.
"Sing me another song."
"Why not you sing?"
Jongdae hesitated. "Sing what?"
"Your favourite spring song."
The sweet morning breeze in my mouth
With the sun shining over the white blanket
Comes a ring that makes my heart flutter, could that be you?
With the sound of a spoon of sugar, hello, hello
Spring comes, into this street
Spring comes, into my heart
Don’t know why I am so excited, oh
Petals like popcorn fly high
If you tell me that you love me, I really melt
When the wind blows like today
I go crazy all day
Because I constantly think of you
Jongdae's lips curved into a smile, as he leant back and tilted his face towards the gentle sun rays.
"That... That was beautiful." Yixing whispered.
"I know. That song is one of my favourites."
"I don't mean the song. I mean your voice."
Jongdae tried to hide the blush creeping on his cheeks with a nervous cough. "Thank you."
Yixing laughed, like bells tinkling in Jongdae's ears.
***
Spring slowly turned into summer. The air grew warmer, the days grew longer. Jongdae had gotten 2 more students, so he was considerably busier. Jongin got promoted, so he stayed at his job a little longer. Yixing worked as a relief teacher at the local school.
But Jongdae never failed to head over to his spot, their spot, every day at 4PM, to meet his special friend.
And every day, Yixing never failed to come.
The hours they spent eating, talking, laughing together was the only thing that Jongdae remembered so vividly every day, and he often told Jongin about the other man.
"He's fun, and great, and really kind," Jongdae would gush, chewing at his spaghetti with a peaceful smile.
Jongin sighed softly, but not softly enough for Jongdae to miss it.
"What's wrong?" He asked, automatically stretching out towards Jongin.
"Yixing... " Jongin began. Then he shook his head. "Uh, he's a great guy, I met him before too."
"I know right?!" The glowing smile was back on Jongdae's face, and he continued to down his dinner with ravenous appetite.
***
One sunny day at the end of summer, Jongdae made his way casually to their usually spot, anticipating his daily meeting with Yixing. The other man has really grown onto him, and he likes his company very much.
As he walked along, white cane sweeping across the ground, he suddenly heard a whoops! and somebody leapt out of his way. Jongdae chuckled. "Sorry Yixing."
The man laughed and grabbed his hand, trying to steady himself. "You're more and more like a ninja. I didn't hear you coming at all."
Jongdae smiled. "I've been practicing it. I don't like always being the one who gets Boo-ed at, just because I can't see you coming."
"Hmm..." Yixing hummed, and then Jongdae realised the other man was lagging behind. "Yixing hyung?"
"Coming coming!!" The other man hurried to catch up with him.
A few minutes later, he was behind again.
"What's wrong, hyung?" Jongdae asked with a tinge of concern in his voice, when Yixing lagged behind for the fourth time.
"... Nothing, I'm just tired."
"Okay." Jongdae slowed his pace to match his friend's, and they continued to walk in silence.
***
Autumn arrived in full glory. Red, brown, orange leaves fell from the trees, coating the ground like a rich earthy carpet. The air was cooler, there were apples to eat everyday, and Jongdae could finally start wearing his favourite warm mufflers and wooly jackets.
The first official day of autumn was the day his life took a turn.
Jongdae was seated at his usual spot, waiting for his friend, who was considerably later that day. About 15 minutes has passed, before Jongdae heard someone approaching. But it wasn't the usual gait that Yixing carried, no, it was a different sound altogether.
The sound of wheels.
The person stopped before Jongdae, with a small sigh.
"Yixing hyung?"
"Hi Jongdae. How are you?" Yixing chirped happily.
"Hyung..."
"I fell down yesterday, rather bad. The doctor says I have to sit on this dang wheelchair until my legs heal." There was a slight catch in Yixing's voice that Jongdae didn't miss.
Jongdae knew that Yixing was hiding something from him.
But he didn't press on, and he felt the bench rock slightly as Yixing climbed out of his wheelchair clumsily and sat down beside him with a plop.
It felt different that day, the silences were more meaningful that ever, and Jongdae constantly felt watched. An unspoken question hung in the air. Jongdae could almost hear Yixing's brain humming as it processed many chunks of information in his head.
Finally, Jongdae decided that his curiosity was killing him. He opened his mouth slowly.
"Yixing hyung... "
"Jongdae, can I ask you something?"
"Yes!" He responded a little too eagerly, glad that Yixing had finally decided to voice out that unspoken thought that he had been harbouring for the past hour.
"Jongdae... Have you ever felt like you wanted something so bad? Like, so so so bad." Yixing's voice trembled slightly.
Jongdae hesitated. "Yes." He replied, twisting his hands together.
"My eyesight."
"... If you had it, what is the first thing you wanted to see?"
Jongdae didn't hesitate this time. His reply was immediate.
"You."
Then there was a long silence.
"There is something I want so badly, I think I might cry." Yixing's voice was quiet and emotionless.
"Don't cry hyung, tell me." Jongdae started to get worried.
Suddenly Jongdae felt Yixing's soft warm fingers intertwine with his own. His breath hitched at the intimate contact, and his fingers automatically tightened around Yixing's.
Then he felt a cool breath fan across his face, and a pair of really soft lips pressed against his, trembling, shy, but full of emotion.
Jongdae was stunned beyond movement. He couldn't believe what was happening. Blood rushed to his cheeks and his heart pounded madly.
Yixing pulled away slowly, breathing raggedly, his sweet breath brushing against Jongdae's skin as the other man leaned his forehead against his.
"I want you."
Jongdae was frozen with shock, his mouth opened but he couldn't speak, he could hear his blood roaring in his ears, and his heart was in a frenzy.
"Y-Yixing..."
The other man pulled away abruptly, untangling Jongdae's fingers with his and scooting away, with a silly laugh.
"I'm sorry..."
"No..."
"I got to go."
"Wait!!" Jongdae reached out in an attempt to grab the other man's arm, and he succeeded in catching hold of his shirt.
"Don't go." Jongdae rasped, a sense of urgency creeping into his voice. "Don't go, hyung." He reached out further and grabbed the man's wrist.
Yixing stilled, and Jongdae could feel his pulse racing from his hold on the other man's hand.
Very carefully he slid his body close to the older man, and he gently reached up to cup his cheeks. He brushed his thumbs over the man's face, feeling smooth, tear-streaked skin, the gentle contours of his face, the little indentation on his right cheek, his soft plump lips.
Yixing's breath whooshed out through his mouth as Jongdae brushed his fingers over them, and Jongdae found himself wanting to kiss them again. He gently brushed the newly formed tears away from the other man's eyes.
"How many times have you been crying like this without me knowing?" Jongdae asked with a gentle tone. Yixing didn't respond, and his eyelashes fluttered against Jongdae's fingers, making him swallow.
"You don't cry without my permission, understand?"
"...Jongdae..."
"Hush." Jongdae placed a finger over Yixing's lips, and, acting on instinct, he leaned over to capture them between his own.
When they broke apart, Jongdae was smiling softly.
"Who said I didn't want you too?"
***
Being in love completely changed Jongdae's perspective in life. Not only did the flowers smell nicer, and the wind felt cooler, and the sun felt warmer, and the air tasted sweeter, his heart was always skipping happily inside of him.
He figured it could be because his heart had finally found a reason to beat happily. And that reason was Zhang Yixing.
They still met daily, Jongdae with his cane and Yixing with his wheelchair, and they would sit hand in hand on the bench, talking, poking fun at each other, kissing, or just snuggling next to each other, enjoying the beautiful autumn scenery.
Yixing was his eyes. The older man would idly trace little patterns on his palm while describing what he saw.
"There's a bird up on the tree. It's a big white one, with long legs. Like a flamingo, but shorter. Hmm, it's alone but it looks like its calling for his mate. Do you hear? And it's flapping its wings rather vigorously now. I wonder what is it trying to do?"
"Hmm..." Jongdae smiled happily, basking in Yixing's sweet voice and gentle touches, not really completely focusing on what he was saying.
Yixing shivered suddenly, a violent spasm that rocked his body, and it made Jongdae sit up in surprise.
"I'm sorry Jongdae, I was... I was cold. Come back here."
Yixing pressed Jongdae's head back on his shoulder, and hugged him warmly.
Jongdae opened his mouth to say something. "Yixing..."
"Jongdae, the bird's mate has come!" Yixing cried, squeezing his hand a little too hard. "They are so cute together... Just like me and you."
Jongdae chuckled. "Me... How do I look like, Yixing?"
Yixing laughed softly. "You?" There was a short silence, and Jongdae imagined the other man must have been studying his face.
"How do you think you look like?"
"Well..." Jongdae chewed his lip. "What I remember is a plump 5-year old face with messy hair and thick eyebrows and large wondering eyes. Do I still look like that?"
Yixing his cheek.
"Nope, you don't."
"Then what do I look like, hyung?"
"An angel." Yixing breathed, his lips in Jongdae's hair. "That's what you look like, an angel."
"Angel..." Jongdae rolled the word around in his mouth. "What does an angel look like?"
"Like something out of a fairy tale. Like someone who can revive dead flowers with just a brush of his fingertips. Like someone who can chase away thunderclouds and make the sun shine, just by using his smile."
Jongdae tried to imagine what a person would be like, with those qualities.
"Wow, that's amazing, like a god."
Yixing's body shook with laughter. "Gosh you are so cute." He tilted Jongdae's head towards him and kissed his lips with fervour, making the younger man shudder and moan and grab Yixing's coat clumsily.
Those moments are the best.
Jongdae loved every inch of Yixing, his soft strong hands, his smooth delicate skin, the ticklish spot at the nape of his neck, his long lashes that framed his eyes, the adorable little dimple that would deepen when he smiled, the moist tender lips that opened to a hot, welcoming mouth that was delighfully warm against his own skin.
Jongdae was often told by Yixing that he was beautiful. But Jongdae thinks that Yixing is hundred times more beautiful than him.
The older man has chided him, saying, "you can't call me more beautiful when you don't even know how I look like."
But Jongdae knew perfectly how Yixing looked like. His hands told him, his lips told him, his heart told him.
He loved the Yixing so much, that he couldn't find any words to describe what he felt towards the older man.
***
Yixing didn't come today.
Jongdae waited for 5 hours. Time didn't matter to him, the darkness didn't matter to him, for he can't differentiate between day and night.
He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, but all of a sudden Jongin was shaking him awake with anxious shouts.
"Jongdae hyung!! Hyung! Wake up!"
Jongdae's eyes flew open. "Wha-"
"You've been sitting out here for ages!! It's 9pm for heaven's sake!! Do you not know how cold it is?! You'd catch your death!"
Jongdae his numb lips and struggled to stand, fumbling around for his cane.
"Hyung..." Jongin sighed and picked up his older cousin, cradling him close to his chest. Jongdae curled up in the taller man's arms and rested his head on his shoulder, face as dark as the sky above him.
As they headed back to the house, Jongin felt many needles stab his heart as he watched his hyung shed silent tears, unbeknownst to Jongin if he didn't turn Jongdae's head once in a while to check on his hyung.
"Hyung, Yixing he..."
"Don't say anything."
"..."
Jongin bit his lip so hard, it nearly bled. He wanted so much to tell his hyung something he needed to know, but he was afraid. Afraid of hurting his hyung. Afraid that his hyung might not be able to cope with the news.
Jongin didn't know what to do.
***
"Jongdae!!"
Before the younger man reached their usual spot the next day, Jongdae heard Yixing's voice, loud and clear, ringing in his ears. Ecstatic, he started to run, ignoring his white cane as he flung it to the ground, stumbling towards the bench.
Before he could reach it, he tripped over a stick on the ground and hurtled forward, but instead of landed face-first on the hard ground, he found himself tumbling onto the older man's lap.
Yixing chuckled as Jongdae landed on him, gasping and panting with a big bright smile.
"You're back!!" He panted, face flushed.
"Yes..." Yixing's voice was like dripping honey and melted ice cream.
Jongdae pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "Where did you go?!"
Yixing hesitated, drawing his hands through Jongdae's hair a few times before answering.
"I was at a... Check up."
"Check up?" Jongdae pulled away slightly, confused.
"It was... Kind of last minute. I wasn't well yesterday so I went to the hospital, and I had to wait for a really long time."
"Oh... Are you okay now, Yixing hyung?"
Another short silence, before "yeah, I'm better."
"And the wheelchair."
Another silence. "I still need it."
"Oh... Okay hyung."
Yixing nudged Jongdae softly. "Sit on my lap, will you?"
Jongdae obliged, crawling onto Yixing's lap on the wheelchair and snuggling into his arms.
"What did the doctor say?"
"He... He said a lot of things... But they aren't important, really, Jongdae."
"Anything about you is important to me, hyung." He nuzzled the older man's neck, making him gasp.
"I...I will tell you one day, Jongdae."
"Okay, I'll wait."
"Jongdae."
"Yes hyung?"
"Are you angry at me for not coming yesterday?"
"... No I wasn't, it's just that it was the first time yesterday, and you've never did it before, so I was worried."
"If I did it again, will you hate me?"
"No." Jongdae replied immediately, then slowly lifted his head towards the other man.
"But why would you?"
"Nothing, just saying."
"Hyung..."
"Really, I won't do it." He brushed back Jongdae's soft hair and tucked some behind his ear.
"Promise me."
There was a silence, as Yixing's hand froze in mid-motion.
"Jongdae, I..." He stopped again, twirling Jongdae's hair with his finger.
"...promise."
***
He did it again.
Jongdae waited for 4 hours this time, and Jongin came yet again to collect him from his seat with a collected sigh.
This would happen several times. Then Yixing would appear again, wheelchair-ridden, with his mellow voice and soft ghost-like caresses. Then he would disappear again, for a few days in a row.
After a while, Jongdae just stayed for 2 hours, before he headed back on his own. Just like before.
Like before the older man came into his life.
Jongdae felt bitter, he was angry with himself, but he couldn't bear to be angry with Yixing. Somehow, Jongdae knew that Yixing couldn't help it.
Deep down, he knew that something was changing. Something wasn't right.
Yixing came once every few days, muttering apologies and various excuses each time. Jongdae loved Yixing too much to care about them, and he simply hugged him close, not letting go until they had to part to go home, cherishing every moment they had together.
"Jongdae I'm sorry..." Yixing murmured once, his head resting on Jongdae's shoulder.
"Why?"
"It's just... I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what, hyung?"
"Afraid that I'll lose you."
"You won't, hyung. I'll always be with you."
"Really?" Yixing's voice sounded weary and sleepy.
"Yeah. Hyung you're tired, let's go back."
"Okay."
***
It was the second last day of autumn when it happened.
Jongdae sat on the bench, waiting for Yixing to come.
Suddenly he heard a set of footsteps approaching him. A set of heavy, trudging footsteps. Heavy, trudging, and even footsteps.
It wasn't Yixing.
The unknown person came up to Jongdae, hesitated in front of him, and then went over to sit beside him.
"Jongdae, I believe we haven't really spoke before."
"Who is this?" Jongdae felt a dubious feeling rise in his throat.
"I'm Luhan."
Luhan. Jongdae knew who Luhan was, the kind, pretty and smiley older brother of Yixing. The older man loved to talk about Luhan, going on and on about his good looking smart brother that was his absolute role model.
But why is Luhan here?
There was a nerve-wrecking silence, and finally Luhan spoke again.
"I'm... Here on behalf of Yixing." He voice suddenly choked, and Jongdae knew that he was crying. Panic rose in his throat.
"Why? Where is Yixing? What happened to him?!!"
Luhan struggled to hold back his tears, and he took several deep breaths.
"He never told you this, but Yixing... He was very sick."
"Sick...?" The word rolled off his tongue like a ball of fire, stinging and burning.
Yixing was very sick?!
"Yixing, he... He had muscular dystrophy. It... It's a disease that... Affects the muscles and... Renders him unable... To walk."
"Yixing didn't used to be like that. He was a fit guy, full of ambitions and spunk. Hell, he was going to be a dancer, for christ's sake." Luhan slammed a fist on the bench angrily.
Jongdae flinched.
"Then... He got meningitis. It's an inflammation of the spinal cord, and that took away one of his legs and heavily damaged his muscles, leading to his dystrophy."
Jongdae didn't know when he passed out. But right before he did, Luhan had handed him a small plastic bag, saying "Yixing wanted you to have this."
***
When he awoke, he was back home, lying on his bed.
It was a dream, he reasoned, I'm still in bed. It was a dream.
Then he heard a rustle as he tossed in his bed. His fingers reached under the sheets. It was the bag.
It wasn't a dream.
Reality hit him hard, like a car slamming into a wall, and he clutched at his aching heart. Yixing...
Without wasting a moment, Jongdae swung his legs off the bed and emptied out the contents of the bag. He felt them with his fingers. It was a little metal case, containing an mp3.
Jongdae stumbled to his dresser, yanking it open and rummaging messily until he found his old dusty earpiece. He plugged it in hurriedly and pressed the triangular play button.
And he leaned his head on the player after that, crying and crying until the tears ran out, and even after that, he remained on his bed, dry and heaving sobs shaking his body, and for the first time in his life, he heard a very loud and painful crack.
The crack of his heart shattering.
Yixing hyung...
***
Jongdae? It's me Yixing.
I'm at the hospital now, and I just felt like leaving you this message
Things... aren't so good for me now.
I can't lift my right arm at all, and my spasms are worsening.
I... I'm sorry Jongdae, I lied to you.
I'm an idiotic . I know I ought to be condemned.
Maybe this is God's way of punishing me, I don't know.
...
Jongdae, I'm not a normal healthy person.
I have muscular dystrophy. I have a prosthetic leg.
I... I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier.
I should have, but... I was selfish.
I was afraid that if you found out about me, you would leave.
...
I'm so foolish.
...
The doctor said I have weakening muscle tone, that's why I can't move very well.
And my spasms are muscular contractions that have gone out of control due to my damaged nerves.
I had meningitis, Jongdae. My right leg is amputated.
That killed me. It completely killed every part of me except my freaking miserable life.
I didn't understand how it could wreck me like that, yet kept me alive through all this.
I couldn't dance anymore. I couldn't even walk properly. I couldn't face anyone, my dance teacher, my dance classmates. So I ran away.
I hated my life, Jongdae.
...
But that changed after I met you.
You were like a diamond that stepped into my life, your smile is so blinding... No pun intended... Your voice is so angelic, so heavenly. Your touches and your kisses are the most beautiful things in the world.
I was attracted to you from the very moment we met...
Because unlike everyone else, you didn't judge me.
You couldn't see how I looked like, my prosthetic leg, the dullness in my eyes that made other people label me as 'cold'.
You just bounced into my life like an adorable bunny, filling up the holes in my heart with love and care and warmth and cuteness.
You were my dream come true.
...
Just in case I don't make it back...
I just want to tell you how much you mean to me.
How important you are in my heart.
I appreciate you, so much, I don't even know what I'd be without you.
I want to dedicate this song to you.
This song... It's called the Melody of Love.
And I want you to hear it.
I composed it myself yesterday, with you and only you in my mind.
...
The soft leaves are rustling
The gentle trees are swaying
I sit on the bench
And wait for my love
You come to my arms
I hold you close to my heart
You respond to my hugs
You respond to my kisses
I love you so much
My heart aches with longing
I want to be with you forever
But fate wouldn't let us
With you in my mind
I sing the melody of love
Spring comes in full bloom
Summer passes with warm sunshine
Autumn arrives in rich colours
And there is you beside me
I hold onto your hand
I tuck you under my chin
I hold you close to my chest
I never want to let go
I love you so much
My heart aches with longing
I want to be with you forever
But fate wouldn't let us
With you in my mind
I sing the melody of love
...
I love you, Kim Jongdae
My little bundle of sunshine.
***
Jongin found Jongdae lying face-first, clutching the MP3 player tightly in his hand, motionless on the bed, breathing steadily in his sleep.
He tucked his hyung gently back into the blankets, trying to fight back the bout of fresh tears in his eyes, but failing. He sobbed hard, burying his face into Jongdae's neck.
"I'm sorry hyung... I couldn't do anything hyung... I'm sorry."
He laid there, beside his hyung, until sleep finally claimed him.
-TO BE CONTINUED-
A/N: okay so I'm a er of angsty endings, do I have prepared a special chapter (its really special, stay tuned to find out why), so please subscribe! And I hope you enjoyed the story :)
Songs:
- spring rain by baek ji young
- love blossom by k.will
- melody of love by... Me? Haha that song doesn't really exist
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